Blog 80530

building_a_new_temple · January 1, 2010

Well, I have been on this forum for about a month now, and decided I really want to keep a running commentary on how things got started, and continue with how things progress.

And so it begins....

I was born a very sickly child. Sickly as in multiple colds, ear infections, and cases of bronchitis. Because I was so sickly, I was pretty small. Until I turned 5. At that point, my tonsils were beyond bad - they were literally rotting in my throat. The doctor chose to remove them, and my adnoids, and put tubes in my ears. It was a miracle solution to a recurring problem, and I responded almost immediately - gaining weight when I previously could not.

So, approximately from the age of 5 I have struggled to keep my weight under control. And when you are going to school and have required Phys Ed classes, it isn't as difficult as when you are out on your own. But by the time I graduated high school I was 5'0.5" tall and 165lbs - a weight I now look back on with desire, but an unacceptably high weight none-the-less.

I "tried" every diet out there that didn't require spending excess amounts of money, since I didn't have any extra laying around. I finally found some success with Atkins and lost about 30lbs (down to 180), but I was living at home and mom was paying the food bill, so when I moved out on my own and tried to pay for it...well...once again, it's cheaper to feed a fat person than to maintain weight loss (at least, that's the way it felt in the checkout lane).

I was in the pool 3-5 days a week doing laps and learning SCUBA, but it wasn't keeping the weight off, and I slowly regained 20 of the 30lbs I had lost.

Three and a half years ago, I met a man and fell in love, and he seemed to love me as I was, so I stopped trying so hard to be "acceptable", and the sh*t really hit the fan in the weight department. I regained ALL of the lost weight, and added about 20 more. I was MISERABLE, but couldn't seem to break the cycle. Every time I went to my closet I wanted to cry - it was full of clothes, but they were progressively getting smaller and smaller. I realized I was spending a fortune - in food, in clothes - to make myself miserable. My back was getting bad - I'd throw it out of whack sleeping funny. My legs were looking liked stuffed sausages in my jeans. And I work with the public, so it's REALLY evident how bad you've gotten when your customers look at you in shock when you can move a heavy item - like, "oh my - how did she just manage to lift that?! She's so fat!"

So, a coworker of mine, who was much larger than me, made the decision to have gastric bypass. Around the same time, another coworker much closer to my size had the lap band surgery. I began to get interested.

Both women have been highly successful over the past 9 months - improved mobility, improved attitude, and improved appearance. I started asking questions in early November about the lap band (I wasn't interested in rerouting my internal organs, if avoidable), and was really happy with what I heard back - it's reversible, it's minimally invasive, low downtime...etc. I called my mom and asked her what her thoughts were and she started to cry, telling me she'd been waiting for me to make a decision. I talked to my boyfriend and he was totally supportive - he says he loves me no matter what I look like, but that if it means I have a longer, healthier life, I should do it. We want to have kids soon, and I know this will also increase my chances at getting pregnant.

There are some people I haven't told - my father, for one - because I am not ready to face their reactions, or because I don't need negative feedback at this time. Others that have found out have been supportive, for the most part.

So, at 33, with my loved-ones' support, I have joined the banded bandwagon. On December 30th, 2009, I began my life again.

I am sorry if this is a ramble and difficult to follow - it's 345 in the morning and I am still slightly drugged I appreciate if you have taken the time to read this. And if you haven't, well, that's ok too - this was more about me laying it out there and being honest with myself than anything else. I think by saying it out where others can read/hear, I am making myself accountable to me.