I am fed up..

I am gaining weight cuz my fill isnt tight (and I dont follow a diet consistantly)........ I need a fill, but even with one, I HAVE to restrict myself in calories, carbs ect.. OR i wont lose much more..

I am NOT happy about a approximate 75 pound loss in 18 months...

I lost pre-op and I lost during a few winter months, ever since I have been gaining and loosing the same 10-15 pounds... but I dont see anymore loosing of those pounds, only more gain.

I struggle with extra tightness.. often enough and I respect it.. ..

but its inconsistantcy is really annoying, cant plan my diet....have ups and downs with emotions with eating food.. all cuz I just dont know whats ok.

I hate that.

When I am well restricted and I know basically how restricted I am, I accept it and I dont have all the concerns about food. I dont crave what I know I cant have. (its great)

But there are enough times when I am not so tight to allow in too many calories....... and I need a fill... for those times..

I dont want to deal with the times I will be extra tight.. twice as much.

I fear I may send myself into a too tight situation like I did a few months ago... and have to accept that my restricition level now is where I have to be.. and where the weight is coming back on.

I will get a fill as soon as I have the money.. I wish I could do it now!

IF I JUST DIDNT HAVE a SENSITIVE BAND.. IF I was just more consistant..

EVERYTHING would be perfect.

If this is it..

I have been left with a smaller scale weight, a flabby nasty body that cannot be contained and maked me look fatter everywhere but the shoulders back and face.. I deal with skin infections now, and lower self body image. The changes, the flab is sooooo different and soooo ugly and sooooo bothersome and so apparent that my weight loss does not seem worth it.

My sciatica is worse,..

ewww

one day, I feel a rash between my legs, on my inner thighs and buttocks near the gina... it just showed up that big, nothing gradual at all..

I have never in my life had a rash down there... !!

I have been 400 pounds and I have been laid up and unshowered and it never ever happened...

I have got small rashes of 1/4 the size.. under my belly many times, I soak in a tub and wash those and they go away by the next day..

This rash was NOT like those ones.. this rash was like a burn, raised and leather like, and hurt.

Truth is I know about how fat people get rashes.. once I was browsing through a web site of gross pictures and saw two naked ladies about 250 to 300 pounds bending over to show their asses and there huge infected rashes that seemed to me to be untaken care of.. (real bad)

I didnt understand it at all.... I felt that anyone could control such a thing if they tried hard enough. I knew that I would never be able to live with such a problem.

soooo.... I dont freak out.. I soak in the tub and wash and wash it and assume it will go away after a few soaks... and then I guess I have to take extra steps to keep my new massive flabs clean and tidy. (like I dont have enough to do to keep it all clean down there, I use about 5 wet wipes everytime I pee, and need to..)

The next time I soak..... My rash is peeling off in brown skin chunks...

I peel and peel and it never ends.... the skin underneath is raw and not healed.

I begin to cry my head off.

(never had a yeast infection or anything happen down there.. plus my odor has always been faint)

I am scraping off skin from that area... unreal.

I worry that there will be lasting effects (like i wasnt ugly enough down there)... its like sinking a level of obesity I didnt count on everr....

Especially didnt think of it as an affect of weight loss..

NOW its happened obviously cuz of all the excess flab from my weight loss. I cant keep my thighs from touching in the tub, they float together... and out of the water I have to spread my legs real far before they dont touch.. I would guess the flab added about 6 inches to the size of my inner thighs..

I get up the nerve to take some pictures.. I have to ask my daughter to do it.. and she is nice of course... but after wards I cry for like an hour..

I dont cry alot.. It was really humiliating..

I have took pics of every rash i got so far, but this isnt something I want to tell anyone happened to me.. and how gross to have photographed..

BUT.... I have to think of my future and do all I can if and when I have to fight for my skin cut off as a medical nessesity.

My worst fear is that who ever I am talking to about that issue, tells me or implies that I am not really doing all I possibly can to keep clean, or I am lying about never having had any rashes when I was over 400 pounds.

and that

those are regular rashes that are trypical of obese and nothing extrodinary .. bath more, wear cotton undies.. etc... Deal with it.

My flab is so horrible.. I HATE IT.. I dont see why it changed sooo much at so little loss.. GRRRR

IF I knew i was going to lose another 150 pounds, and most likey get it all cut off, I wouldnt be so upset over it..

but all I see is.. I am not going to lose enough weight to cut flab off and I now have this deformed body that I hate more than my 400 pound body.

Plus if I gain weight and I get to 400 again... OMG, I cant imagine how bad that would look..

Why isnt all of this an incentive to DO WHAT I NEED TO DO...

I truly believe you have lost so many INCHES (vs pounds) that you are indeed in medically necessary need for some plastic surgery.....I know it is expensive - but 'maybe' insurance will cover it if it is a medical necessity? Hold your head high - you have lost weight - unfortunately after weight loss sometimes PS is needed --

edit: when you mentioned getting a rash due to extra skin due to weight loss it made sense to me that you need it removed via PS -- you will also lose more weight (or it will show up as a loss) whereas right now the skin has weight to it -- so even though it appears you have lost MORE your scale doesn't show it........

I dont ever think about it in inches.. but I think i have gained inches.. lol

I still weigh 340 pounds so they wont even consider it yet..

But I have no qualms about having PS, I'm just leery of seeking insurance to pay for it..

Thanks for telling me your think I am in need.. I dont know How it works..

I think my tummy should get done cuz I have incontinece.. I hope.

((hugs))