You don't have to read this. Just some thoughts.

Will my surgery day ever come? It feels like christmas when I was a kid. It is taking forever to get here. I have 3 weeks left without the band.Four days till my next appt. I know my Doc is gonna expect to see some weight loss. Honestly I do too. I gave up soda and have been limiting my carbs and have been working out but the weight just doesn't want to drop. This is the struggle I have been in for years and this is why I am getting the lapband in the first place. Diets don't work. Even the low carb diet the Doc wants me on. I get stuck in the vicous cycle of restriction and binging. I will do great on a diet for a week then I feel so restricted I give up and binge. I am ok with giving up soda. I guess I wasn't as into it as I thought I was but carbs is another story. Every day without carbs the desire for them grows. Then something will happen (like my dinner won't thaw in time or someone will eat all my eggs) and I use it as an excuse to eat carbs. Once I get started I can't stop.

I finally told my MIL today that I am on a diet. She gave me no reaction which is good. I was expecting a lecture about my eatting habits. The thing is she isn't telling me anything I don't already know. Just as much as food haunts me so do the negative comments. "It is my fault I am fat.""If I was a better person I wouldn't be in this situation". Honestly, the fat people I know are kinder, gentler, more undertanding than the skinny people I know. So how can it be that fat people are bad. We're not! When will the guilt go away. When can I put my thoughts into things that are more valuable to me?

My MIL brought home a chocolate cake with chocolate buttercream icing and raspberry filling, I am trying to study but all I can think about is that cake. Maybe I should throw it away. Tell her it went bad. JK I don't usually lie. I am still trying to think of a way to tell her I am having this surgery. I really would rather lie to her and not tell her at all but I don't want to be a liar. I don't think there is anyway to soften the blow from her. Probably a bandaid situation. It's gonna hurt so you gotta pull it off as fast as possible and get it over with.

oh well thats just my ranting today.

Put the cake in the freezer! That's what I did to the one Hubs got from a party. If anyone wants it, they can thaw a piece and you won't have to worry about it going to waste. If you do get weak, it takes a couple of hours to thaw out and you won't want it by then

And you know what? Skinny people eat bad food all the time. It's not your fault. We are different. Food means something different to us and our bodies are set to fat mode. That is not our fault. You are taking steps to make a change and that is awesome.

That's the one big thing that comforts me now. I am not anxious and hating on myself all the time. I did something. I am doing something. And even if it takes years to get the weight off, it will come off and then those mouthy bastards can kiss my thin ass. :crying: Tell your MIL that! ha ha :ohmy: HUGS!!!!!!

I love that you wrote "You don't have to read this. Just some thoughts." at the beginning of your entry. That's what I think about every single one of my entries. Ha! The truth is though that everything you write down means something to you and I'm guessing will benefit someone out here.

We are all out here for a reason. We are in this together! Good luck, chica!!