I know at some point I must tell my in laws that I am having this surgery. We live with them and this is not something that I can hide. I wish I could. The more I get to know my MIL the more I realize how closed minded and judgemental she is. She judges everyone and for some reason I guess it didn't hit me till the past few months that,YES, she judges me too. So I talked to my husband last night to decide when and how we are going to break the news. Come to find out my husband thinks I am selfish for wanting this surgery. He feels I haven't considered his feelings at all about this. WTH? He feels like I am spending his money all on my self. (now who is selfish) He was so mad because in order to save up for the surgery I have been taking money out of the account and stashing it in the house. That way I know it won't be spent. Wed he was home all day. He had to work the night shift. On his way to work he wanted to grab a burger. (instead of cooking himself dinner with all the free time he had wed). I told him there was no money left in the account he had already spent it all. (on fast food) So because I took the money out for surgery and he couldn't have a burger I am selfish. My surgery should in no way interfer with his life. He shouldn't have to sacrifice like me and my son do because he is "working his butt off". He deserves to spend his money whenever and however he wants and me and our son should just go without?

Needless to say, we got in a huge fight. He did apologize this morning. I am still taking the money out and hiding it because I don't want it thrown away on fast and convenient foods. I still plan on going through with this surgery.

At some point I still need to tell my inlaws. I am not sure how to handle my MIL because I know she is going to flip out and I don't know what to say. I mentioned it to her before to kinda get a feel of how she feels about it. She told me if I would stop eatting white food I would lose weight. Personally I have never heard of the white food diet. I have never found a diet that people consistently lost 150 like I need. Only WLS can do that consistently.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but they have no right what so ever to ram it down your throat. You can only tell mil, keep the basic facts excactly the same and your reasons for the choices you are making simple and try not to get emotional, everytime it comes up use the same facts and reasons. Some people will never accept it, that is their decision and you have to respect that just as they must respect yours.

good luck Chooky

girlfriend... let me let you in on a secret... I was banded on Nov 17th.... YES I did ask my husband and pretended to be meek and unsure of the surgery. BUT i knew I wanted it and I was going to get it no matter what he said. I just had to make him feel included in the decision... after all we are married :thumbup:.. try this method.. it might work. He might feel left out of a huge decision.. so make him feel important :sleep2:... and your MIL- screw her and all her opinions.... "white" diet so outlandish and stupid!!!!!!!!!!! Good luck

Personally, I wouldn't tell the MIL at all. You don't have to tell her why you are in the hospital or why your diet is changing even if you do live with her. Just say "abdominal surgery" and "strict diet" if she asks.

I think that if they want to be so involved in what you do with your body that you should use that to your advantage. Every time they bring it up, you can suggest that they continue to show their "support" by doing the pre- and post-op diet along with you. They will shut up pretty quick.

And speaking of selfish! Remind your husband that if he values your contribution to the family as a wife and mother so little that he would jeopardize your health for a hamburger, he certainly won't miss you when you are out doing what you want to do while he stays home and takes care of the kids and deals with his Momma.

i have parents who judge me, and i've decided that i'm going to live my life for me, and me only. i dont seek no ones approval...because we as ppl can never live up to other ppls standards..

you do what you need to do FOR YOU and tell everyone else to take a leap ..

I have a mother in law like you do only she lives 1200 miles away from me - yay!!! Anything I didn't tell her either until 2 months after and I haven't seen her yet. I will in a couple of weeks, I know she has been talking about me and will continue to do so after she sees me. Well, she talks about everyone all the time and it is never anything good. Don't let people like that get to you, it is their flaw not anything to do with you. As far as the selfish thing, my husband and family were and are very supportive of me and yet I felt kind of selfish. But, I felt selfish in a proud way. I was doing something for myself, something necessary that would not directly benefit anyone but myself. I felt it was deserved and it was about time. Selfishness is not always a bad thing! Hang in there and do what you have to for yourself.

Good luck. I did not have to deal with to much family..but i made sure to tell them about my surgery. i did not ask for opinions, but some still came my way. Ofcourse most came from family memebers that have never been 10lbs over weight . All i really care about is what my husband and kids feel about it. Your husband sounds typical...they can be such "brats". I suggest you clear the air with him so that you are both on the same page cuz once you have the surgery it is not going to get any easier. My husband still has a hard time remembering that i cannot eat what i used to specialy when we are out...in more that one occasion he was stopped at a fast food place and after ordering for himself has asked me if i care for something....HELLO! Since you live with you MIL you will have to deal with her...one way to go about it is telling her that you are going to have "surgery" and are going to try that "white diet"... it is somewhat true since bread, pasta, rice will be out for a while.