I am a jolly old soul. Love to eat, cook, and did I mention eat? I long for that full feeling. It comforts me.

I have lost weight off and on over 12 years. Most successfully by starving myself. Once lost 70lbs eating one meal a day.

Weight Watchers and Adkins worked for 20-40lbs. I gained it all back a few months later.

I always thought bariatric surgery was too extreme and that no matter how bad things were, there was always the possibility that some day I could lose the weight and be healthy by exercising and eating well on my own.

Years later and heavier than ever, I realize that I am going to die on this path of gluttony. I cannot pretend to be a better person than those who take the surgical road, because in truth, it is an illness of willpower. I am sick. Those who have pursued surgery have done something. I have done nothing.

Too often I speak with people I respect in my life and they view bariatric surgery a failure, because one could not diet effectively. It's a stigma that is just wrong. Why attack a person for doing what they can to survive?

At the end of the day, no one can save you but yourself. These same people who will look down upon you are not going to work out with you at the gym, take time to ask how you are doing losing weight, or try to motivate you. They will say nothing until you fail, and then they happily take the opportunity to point out your lack of result.

I think LAP-BAND® is a gift from God. The concept, and staff in the medical field using this option are saving lives. I only hope the insurance games are eventually prohibited. I am pursuing this surgery and will have a few more months before my insurance will consider paying for 50%.

My wife is not supportive. She loves me, but with a Christian Science background in her family, she is quick to judge the medical field as a monster to be avoided.

I recently explained to her I was doing this without her. I will take the money from my 401k if necessary, because I deserve to live and must do anything possible to defeat my obesity and lack of willpower. She thinks I am selfish. I think dying would be selfish, and with two kids I have to do this for them also.

I am walking a lot right now. I have a 5K on Thanksgiving morning to kick off my endeavor. Small goals...one day at a time. Hoping to lose some weight on my own while I wait.

I would like to think in a year it becomes easier. I would like to think the naysayers will look how happy I am, healthier and thinner, and admit they were wrong about my decision.

I would envy a day in which my spouse would thank me for not giving up on this when we fought so hard over it early on.

However, at the end of the day, I have to do this for me. No one else will. I am not a victim. No one else is to blame.

I am just a guy with life choices, and I cannot pretend that what I have been doing will prevent more weight gain. I cannot assume a day will come where I will magically have the willpower and strength to change on my own and never abuse food again.

I cannot pretend I am exempt from diabetes and heart disease. Already my health is starting to slide, and I am only 33 years old.

I cannot pretend that when I do succomb to an early death on this path of denial, the people who did not believe in bariatric surgery will obstain from making aloud comments at my funeral...that I made the choices that led to my demise.

So...this is a choice I make for me. A choice to live. A goal of survival and no one will bring me down or stop me. I will be happy. I will lose this weight...I will live...and this is the choice I make.

I pray God will help me and make LAP-BAND® available to my life. Without this, I don't think I can change or prevent what is coming. With it I have a good shot to lose the weight and keep it off.

Wish me luck!

-Christopher

Chris- First, WELCOME to LBT! Great blog, and so well said! You'll find lots of support and people who have been through the same things here (I'm a former yo-yo queen myself). Keep blogging, it helps. -BG

Bravo! You've put into words my own thoughts about LapBand but more more eloquently than I ever could. You are right - they will come around when they see the healthier, happier you.

Congratulations on your Decision to get Healthy, and Save your life. Looking forward to going on this Journey with you.

Hopefully, your wife will be supportive of you. Good Luck!

Welcome Chris. People just annoy me today (PMS). Nobody would think a crack addict or an alcoholic a failure if they could do something like this to basically save thier lives, noooo it would all be yahoo well done. Well we can and thank god for that and no matter what religion you are god wants us to live and love and support eachother on whatever the journey brings.

Good Luck

Chooky

Good luck and thank you for posting! I read on one of the forum posts that lap-band surgery IS cheating---cheating death.

There is not a person here who hasn't tried with all their might to lose yet we will always be viewed as lazy and somehow inferior because of our weight.

So what if you are being "selfish"? I would also bet that most of us give so much to others that there is no energy left for ourselves. It is time to be selfish, if that's what they want to call it.

The Negative Nellies can all just kiss our healthy, cheating, selfish butts later. :cursing: