Ok so really this is the first in a series of blogs on my journey though this addiction called food. I have been banded since june of 008 and have lost 80 pounds to date. That is untill recently...three weeks ago I went to get a fill and had exray done and my band had slipped. So he took all the fluid out and said if it does not go back to normal then I will have to have surgury again to fix....Well to me I heard that the surgury was a for gone conclusion and screw it go on and eat anything you want because ur going to have surgury anyway...felt no hope so I ate and ate and ate and ate.....17 pounds worth of eating....Felling depressed that It has not worked....but really I was not working....I know it is only a tool but I was not ready to give it up....I came into it thinking that ok really it will be forced behavior modification and i just have to choose wisely...well really I have not been...fell of the wagon....I want the freedom and not the prison of food...the goal is not to throw up....to finally listen to my body....please forgive me body for ignore you and for beating you up....I think this blogging will help.....I do not know the plan to be on I think really the only plan is to listen to my body and not throw up....I am not ready to give up the band...I am almost done paying off the band. I am a cash patient and have 2000 left to pay on the bill...care credit is such a loan shark but am thankful to have them out of my hair...so really I think it will be ok....I have PCOS and think that all the yeast and sugar has sent my pancreas into overdrive....that would explain the rapid weight gain....feeding the sickness....so im going to start metphormin again and see if that helps....will keep you posted.....

By blogging this, you're getting back in touch with the part of you that is screaming inside, asking you to please take care of your precious body. I'm curious as to when you're going back to see your doctor again -- I hope it's soon and s/he can help you with a plan for your future.

Let us know how it's going - I wish you all the best in reigning it back in. You're worth it!

Great blog and way to lay your feelings out on paper! Keep it up. I do a blog too and it has helped me a lot! Hang in there! I am a self pay too. I went to Dr. Ortiz at the OCC and saved a bundle! I'll be reading your blog! You are worth it and we can do it together!

HI there...so day three on back on track...I am taking metphormin for the second day today...see how it goes...ate very well yesterday...bought a journal to write down random feeling during the day...getting it out not eating it down...it has really helped. it think ...just for today...just for 24 hours.. right...I went to my doctor on wednesday...I will see him in three weks or five have not secided so far...I am leaning towards five weeks so that I have an extra week to get some poundage off...also just thinking about getting back to working out scares me..is it a money thing or a hurt my body thing?? will think on it today....and let you know....