You know I want to start out by saying that I am going to get a little whiney and for those of you who cannot sympathize with Goal Limbo then you are going to hate this post. But I come here to voice my NSV, my SV and so I will post my whining too.

I will attach a couple of pictures here. These are my 1 year full body pictures. I have my pre-op pics on my profile page if you want to see. I'm not at my home comptuer or I would upload those. I am so very not happy with my body. I'm not talking about the drooping girls in front. I have to expect that after losing 115 lbs. I am talking about my "big" tummy and the fact that from

the side I have no waiste. AT ALL! How depressing is that? When I see myself in the mirror and in pictures (which is the real test) I am actually pretty happy with my front view. I have never had to worry about hips like one of my sisters. I am broad acrose the back, but that has gotten more propotionate lately and with my "sucker-inner" as I call my cami-body hugger I don't have a lot of loose looking skin and it help keeps the girls up. (without the sucker-inner it isn't quite as pretty ) From the side I have absolutely no waste. Infact I think my belt in is direct allignment to the girls up top.

People at work call me skinny, which doesn't tick me off like it used to when I thought they were kind of making fun of me. I had a girl at work that thought I weighed 130 lbs. Okay that made me wonder if she was making fun of me again, but I don't think she was. I weigh 170 and I told her so, but I am pretty fit and wear a size 11/12. I would LOVE to go down one more size and hit a 9/10 comfortablly. But I digress.....

What is wrong with me? What is wrong with my body. I am a short little thing. Only 5'4". I know that makes a big difference in the way I carry my weight. I know that one year ago when I was wearing a size 22/24 I would have swore when I fit into a size 11/12 that I would be estatic with my body. Now all I see is fat when I look at my profile in the mirror. Oh another thing on these pictures is that I still have a !@#$% double chin! WHAT? I thought I got rid of that. I will have to walk around with my nose in the air so that thing isn't as noticable!

Oh I know what some of you are thinking....."What is she complaining about? If I could lose that weight I would be so happy I would never complain" Yeah, I hope that is true because it is what I thought a year ago.

Maybe this is good. I have been so happy with my weight and my body that I have gone into maintaince mode. I guess maybe I needed to get to point where I am not happy to get my weight loss moving again. I am so frustrated, but on the bright side it makes me want to go to the gym.

It is funny when I first hit this weight and this size I thought I looked good. I am starting to see how skinny girls can actually with a straight face say they think they are fat. I always kind of thought that it was a ploy to get attention, but they actually look in the mirror and don't see a nice figure.

Oh this sucks. I guess I will ride the rollercoaster, hopefully get a few more pounds off of my body and hope for a waist line. I have to wait another 4 years before my surgery is paid off and I can get a tummy tuck/ lipo and a breast lift. I hope the next four years seem to go as fast as the last one!

I know you see how far you've already come and how great you look now (I know, not what you want to hear, but you DO look great). The biggest part of going on this journey for me has to be the head seeing me as I am and accepting me as I am. I've got a case of Body Dysmorphic Disorder...when I was fat, I didn't think I looked as bad as I did, and when I was at the weight I'm now shooting for, I thought I looked fat. I was hoping that taking pics along the way would help with this and I think it has helped me with the before's to see how far I've come, but after that initial good feeling I immediately go to the things I still don't like...and I know it's going to be that way again when I reach goal. I wish we could pick the areas that the weight comes off...I'm like your sister...it's all still in the hips. I symapthize with you girl, Goal Limbo sucks. Targeted exercise can help with the areas we need to work on (have you worked with a trainer yet to target the areas you want to sculpt?). ...and hey, you've got PS to look forward to...it's kind of like having plans for a vacation, no matter how far away it is, it always gives you something to look forward to and plan for. A lot of my GF's have had PS and I know they were all told to get in the best shape possible/lose as much as they could before having it done; some were even given amounts to lose even...at least that gives you motivation for something to work towards. Maybe you could do a consult soon with the PS to tell you what they can/can't do and what you need to work on yourself?...that would get me excited and motivated for the PS. Come here and whine away...I know I have and will...I feel your pain GF.

My figure is exactly like yours and I hate it. I think the small waist big hips, even if the woman is heavy, is more girly feminine than the thick waist!! I am at 187 and also 5'4" so I am fatter than you but very same shape and the side view is the killer.

Here's what I think...I still want to lose a couple of more jean sizes and want to get into the normal range which I think is 145. From there if I still have the tree trunk waist...I seriously may get a tummy tuck, lift or whatever! I might need it anyway for loose skin!

The other thing is I have a tall sister who has always had a small waist but has also been thin (yes, I hate her for it and she knows it) anyways she quit smoking once and gained around 50 pounds and , guess what??? Tree trunk fat waist! So then I think that area is just going to be the last to go and I really hope it does!!!

I hope that helps....incidentally you look pretty fantastic to me! Diane

PS: Your before pictures look like a not very happy middle aged mom and your current ones you look like a teenager!!!

Thanks girls.BG, Working with a trainer to sculpt may be a good idea....it's like $15 an hour, but maybe I can make it a Christmas present to myself.

xavier - Maybe you are right the tree trunk waist (perfect way to describe it by the way) will be the last to go. That means if I want to lose it I have to keep going, but eventually it has to come off right? At some point I can't look like a tree trunk. *big sigh*.....

I know you don't want to hear this but you look sooooooooooo beautiful ! come on give yourself all the credit you deserve and definitely see a trainer or just buy these videos that show how to target & shape specific part of the body or perhaps consult now for a small lipo for the area that bothers you, that's what I am planning to do and it's more convenient these days since we can charge it and pay it monthly. You look so young and beautiful, I hope you see that too. All the best.katie

All I can say is - WOW! You look wonderful - and I am not just talking about your weight! You look so much happier in your current pictures. You are an inspiration. Celebrate your success!

I think it is human nature to want what we don't have. In other words, I think your desires are normal. Yes, you have come a very, very long way but you are normal and like the rest of us, want something more. My point is, I don't think any of us is ever completely happy with ourself. Work towards what you want with exercise and then go for the PS in four years. Meanwhile, don't let it get you down. Enjoy yourself at your current weight, enjoy your husband and enjoy your kids! By the way, you look absolutely fantastic and should be extremely proud! Best of luck to you.

I can really relate with you on this one. People, like my husband, just can't understand why I am still unhappy with the way I look in the mirror. Sure, it is fun to shop for new smaller size clothes (now a 10, before a 18)- but to be honest, the second I take my clothes off to get in the shower & I see my self in the mirror, all is see is fat! I am 144lbs and you would think by loosing 75lbs, I would be ecstatic. However, I really was happier fat- as bad as that sounds. I never thought I looked fat when I was fat- it was everyone else who thought I was overweight. Now... everyone thinks I look great & I feel like crap! I know this sounds so ungreatful and maybe it is, but I can't relate to myself anymore. I look in the mirror and pick every little thing appart. Now, don't get me wrong, there are days when I feel on top of the world (normally weightloss days) and the second I gain even a half a pound I feel like crap again! So, I'm going to tell you as an outsider looking in...you look AMAZING and you have done a phenominal job, but I do relate to you and understand where you are coming from. We can only hope with time, we can relate better to ourselves and start to accept our "new" flaws. Great job & congrats on your success.

I can't believe those are your "before and after" photos. What a transformation! Even though you're not 100% happy with your body, it's got to be better than before. I do feel your pain, though. I have a lot of lower belly fat. I look like an 80 year old woman! I realize that a tummy tuck is the only thing that's going to make my happy, psychologically, but for the present time, a spandex cami will solve the problem.

Unfortunately, every person's body is shaped differently. It's in our genes. As you continue your weight loss, you'll probably learn to love your body.

My problem is that I'm finally down to 160 lbs., but I lost all motivation. I would love to go down to 130, but I still pick on bad foods. Walking has really helped keep the weight off. I would love some motivational tips to help me "cross the finish line".

All the best,

Ruthie