(CONTINUED...)

2008 I entered the local weight loss competition. I ordered Nutrisystem, worked out up to 2 hrs a day, and gave up soda and alcohol. After three months, I lost 50 lbs and won the competition. On top of winning tons of prizes, I lost 12 inches just around my waist! In 3 months, I went from a size 24 to 14/16. 250 to 200 lbs. Posters were made, the company sent out community flyers with photos of my before and after. And after all of this, after over 90 days of complete clean eating and exercise-mania.. I was STILL starving. Why was I STILL craving food? It wasn't like I didn't like to exercise. It also wasn't like I didn't like healthy food. I just wanted tons. I didn't just want one bowl of salad or veggies, I want three bowls.

I was able to be thinner for about 2 months before everyone around me started noticing that I was getting fat again. Now, not only was I getting back to fat, EVERYONE in my community knew it. They had all seen the sucess flyer of thin me just recently. By the end of 2008, I was back to 250 lbs but in complete denial about it.

Beginning of 2009 I gave up. I decided I was sick of it all and wasn't going to be miserable with food. By Spring I was 270 lbs. I had stopped working out completely because my knees and back hurt so bad. I looked at my daughter and thought I had to do something. I decided to go vegetarian because I had wanted to for a while and wasn't ever into meat anyway. I subscribed to eating clean. I told myself that despite always being hungry, I was only gonna eat healthy stuff.

Mini diets followed since but I never really lost much this year because I didn't work out. My body is physically tapped by the end of the day just chasing after and taking care of my toddler.

Last month I realized my neighbors (who all know each other) were talking about me- the hermit, who stays inside all day & night with her kid, eating. I weigh more than all of the men on the street now. My poor husband. I feel bad that I must embarass him.

I went to my endocrinologist who told me the only long lasting weight loss solution was bariatric surgery. He thought I'd be a good candidate and that but for that- there's no way to "turn off" that hunger switch that always seems to be on in my head.

An acquaintance also told me that she was getting Gastric Bypass. I realized I was jealous a bit. I wanted to change my life. I don't want to miss out on "life" and I don't want my daughter and husband to either.

I went to a cardiologist and my digestive drs to see if I would even be a candidate and both agreed. It's time for an intervention. I'm borderline diabetes and my quality of life is definitely suffering.

I called in mid September to two local drs to see about getting a consult and both require attending their seminars. This unfortunately caused me to have to wait three weeks for the next dates to come up.

My insurance does not cover WLS so I will be a self pay. I had this convoluded idea (dream) that this would all happen super quick and I would be on my way to a new life. For the past three weeks all I can think about is getting surgery. I've researched, gotten mentally prepared, and studied aftercare information. Sites like this one has furthered my excitement and eagerness. I don't want to waste another day!

So that is my story so far. I'm hoping I will be able to have surgery before the end of this year. The lap band seems to be the route for me as my drs have said GB is out of the question (due to my vitamin deficiencies already) and I plan to have at least one more child.

I feel sort of bad like I bashed on my Mom on here. It's not that she's not fantastic and wasn't VERY involved in all of my activities.. she was at everything! It just seems like even today, all she wants to do is stay home and eat (which is consequently what I want to do too.) I notice even today how her awful eating habits have influenced me. It's NOT her fault but I see where I went wrong early. Had I had a different exposure to food early on it may have made a difference.. or perhaps not. Either way I wouldn't trade my life or my mother for anything! I just don't want my daughter to learn bad habits and behaviors like this from me. I want to change the pattern for our family and be a role model of healthy living.

Thanks for reading all of this (or skimming ) I appreciate the support and advice here!

everleigh

Highest weight ever / Current / Goal

280 / 270 / 150

5'5

10/04/2009