Since my last visit, my journey has come to a complete halt. The appearance of nodules on my thyroid during my ultrasound has brought to light an issue that I must deal with before considering WLS.

When I began this journey I did it prayerfully believing if it was part of God's plan it would happen without incident. In the beginning everything went so smoothly I grew in excitement wondering how my life would change. However, it seemed like the closer I got, the more roadblocks began to appear. When I found out about the problems with my thyroid I instantly began to wonder if this may have been a contributor to my current size all of these years. I talked to my supporters who all said the same thing..to wait on the surgery because I might need it. This made me really take a step back and I started to do something I hadnt done in a while..actually TRY to lose weight but simply cutting calories and moving my ass. I also began to really examine how I was feeling because I realized my self esteem had taken some real jabs while going through this process. Prior to starting all of this, I never saw myself as broken. But I suddenly was being told at each appointment I could be "fixed" with the band. I realized as my excitement ebbed from the first couple appointments, it was being replaced my resentment because I felt as if I was being looked down on because I wasnt in the weight range of the doctor's chart, thus broken.

I loved my curves and it never stopped me from doing anything I really wanted to do. Although I will not excuse the pain in my back from carrying all of the weight, I know losing even 5 lbs alleviates it, so if I really tried to lose more, I could have the same effects of someone that may have lost weight with WLS. So I started to really try. I got out to the track and tried to eat like I actually had the surgery. (small meals, lots of proteins and better calorie content) Suddenly I started to feel better..about myself, how I feel physically and positive that I can actually do this.

Working with someone who had gastric had also given me a real glimpse into the dysfunction that can arise when the brain isn't working with the body. This woman has an obsession with food and constantly talks about what she wish she can eat and battles with her love of food by still trying to eat things that make her sick or eating so fast, stomach pain has become a regular follow up to her meals. Although I know she is a very poor example of what a patient should do after WLS, I dislike what I see in her so much, it made me wonder how I would try to fill the void that food once filled since I have always proclaimed without shame, that I love good food and relish in the fact I can have those moments where I can have food I really like or love in moderation and be okay with it.

So right now, having the surgery has been pushed back into the corners of my mind as a lingering option that I may not take on. I am having my thyroid removed and I know that surgery will have to come first, so lap band surgery is taken a back seat for now (or possibly forever)

Like you said this may be all 'part of the plan' and really turn out well for you as it very well may be the reason you've gained weight. Best wishes for your surgery. -BG

Best wishes I am sure all will be well. imaluckydog

THank you so much for your kind words. I really really appreciate it.