I am so eager for these dr appt's/consults/seminars! Who in the world is ever EAGER to see a DR? This is NUTS!

Tomorrow I go see my Dr. I hope she feels like I do - that this is a good thing in my case. I know she wants me to lose weight. I'm scared, though, that she's going to say 'do it yourself'. I will be doing it myself - but this tool will HELP give me feedback. I hope I don't come across as using this as a crutch - 'cause I certainly won't be and I certainly am not thinking that way. Seems to me, though, that no matter what I THINK I've said, people hear or read what they want to anyway. So while I say "this isn't a crutch, it's a tool, this isn't a crutch, it's a feedback mechanism", people will hear - "I need a crutch". I don't need a crutch. I need a lasting solution!

Suffice it to say, tomorrow scares me.

Wednesday, on the other hand, is oddly exciting. It's the consult. I know I'm fat. I know my BMI is too high. I know my insurance covers it and I know they want me to do six months of supervised dieting and exercise. I will be eager to get that started and am eager to meet the folks at the surgeons office and to feel like this is starting to go somewhere.

And Thursday night my husband and I will attend a seminar. I figure at this point, with my research and my exploration and the fact that I'll have already been in for the consult, that it might be a lot of repetition. But repetition is good! And my husband and I hearing things together will undoubtedly lead to new questions and even clarification in some cases.

I don't know why I'm so scared of tomorrow. Because even if she's not supportive, how hard is it to get a new doctor? One can generally find the answer they want if they look hard enough. And she's generally been supportive or helpful of me and my issues in the past. I just don't want hassle. I don't want demotivators. I don't want frustration. I know there will be some all over the place along this journey - that's what LIFE is and I've certainly encountered it before and come out stronger for it. Everything happens for a reason and all that....

Anyway, as I sit here at my desk trying to look at my data, I just can't stop thinking about tomorrow and the rest of this week!