So here I am, exhausted. I've been running around all day trying to take care of last minute things. Went to school this morning and then to mom's house to put my comfy sheets on the bed. Then home and had Pad-Ke-Mow for lunch from Thai Basil. Everything that I eat I keep thinking, "this is the last time I'll ever be able to eat this." Is is wrong that there are so many foods that I will really miss? Like rice, I love rice. I love Asian food. No more Pa-Nang Curry or Orange Chicken. I went and had coffee with a friend today and I was reminded of why we are friends. She is just one of those people that gets me. For better or worse, she just has a lot of grace for my abrasive personality. I met my roommates for dinner and thought, "This is the last time I will have pasta." Sigh. I'm exhausted but full of energy too. I just want to bust out all my homework at once so I can just get it over with. Tomorrow I'll be leaving for the hospital and get to stay in a hotel, which to me is the best part. Then Thursday is surgery day. I have all kinds of anxiety about it, like what if they refuse to do my surgery, what if they have to cut me open? I feel like I need to fast all day tomorrow so I'll be ready. But is that really healthy? Aaa. I wish that I had this done over the summer when I didn't have to worry about making sure my homework was all done and complete and having a plan for my tutoring group. I guess the best part of this whole thing is all the hard work I've put into this and knowing that this is just the beginning of the spiraling weight loss that I'm going to experience. I can't wait to go back to the gym after surgery and will be excited to go tomorrow morning for the last time for awhile. I bought a jacket the other day that is a size Large and was excited to know that I'll fit into it by the time it actually gets cold enough here to wear it. All my clothes are baggy and are going to be even bigger after the first few months. It's exciting but scary too. I didn't tell my surgeon about moving but my roommates are doing all the work. It will be better to be in a new house with a new body. I just wish this could have been done in between semesters. But what the heck. I dropped my French class so as to avoid the ridiculous amount of work it takes to do that class. My other classes aren't so much work but it also means I'll have to take summer school before I go to Davis in the fall. (well I hope that's where I'll be) I feel like I have so much to accomplish over the next few months. I'll be signing my Transfer agreement with UCD this month and then I'll be doing my application this fall. I'm a little nervous about the university but I think it will be a really good thing for me. I'm anxious to be away from junior college.

One thing that I really want to focus on tomorrow is my relationship with Christ. I'm not catholic but I'll be taking my rosary with me to the hospital. I just need to feel protected and like he has it under control. In a way this surgery is like getting married and I have to remember that. It's not all the preparation up to your wedding day that's the most important, it's how you are with your spouse after you're married. The wedding day isn't the be-all end-all of life. Or the end of something. It's just the beginning. I've been fat for so long, it's hard to imagine myself differently. I've been single for so long it's hard to imagine that differently. Anyway I keep telling myself that it will be ok and that God will take care of me. :thumbup: