One year ago today my best friend April called me from the hospital and told me that she needed me...Alex (her four yearold son) was not going to make it...I called work and rushed to the University of Missouri, he was alive when I got there...I saw the change at about this time 10 am..The life in his eyes was gone, his body was being kept alive by the machines ...but he was gone...They tried everything in their power to save this little guy, but it was too late. It wasn't until 8:45 pm that his little body finally gave out. We were waiting for his grandma to get there, but he couldn't hold on..

As I sit here today remembering my little buddy and that day I feel the lapband getting tighter and tighter with every tear I cry, I can't stop crying, I can't stop remembering his eyes...That lifeless look as he lay there hooked to all of those machines. The helplessness I felt for my friend this was not her first lost child, this was her second in less than five years...Serinity was 20 days old and Alex was 4 years and 4 months old...WHY??? WHY does GOD do this???

I found a poem that I shared at Alex's funeral, it makes since it's just still hard to understand WHY>>>> For all of you who are mothers out there...Hold Your Children Close!

God's Lent Child

I'll lend you for a little while a child of mine, God said,

For you to love him while he lives, and mourn for when he's dead.

It may be four or five years,

or forty-two or three;

But will you, till I call him back, take good care of him for me?

He'll bring his charms to gladden you, and should his stay be brief,

You'll have the lovely memories as a solace for your grief.

I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth return;

But there are lessons taught below I want this child to learn.

I've searched the whole world over, for teachers kind and true;

And from the throngs that crowd life's lane I have chosen you...

Now will you give him all your love? Nor think the labor pain?

Nor hate me should the angels call, to take this child back again?

To which the parents did reply...

Dear Lord, Thy will be done.

For all the joys thy child will bring, the risk of grief we'll run.

We'll shelter him with tenderness,

We'll love him while we may...

for all the love this child will bring,

forever grateful we will stay.

But should the Angels call for him,

much sooner than we've planned,

We'll brave the bitter grief that comes,

and try to understand.

We had a grave side memorial today, April read a poem that she had written last night and I thought my heart was going to fall from my chest.

Oh, I am so sorry!! Your poem is beautiful. My heart hurts for your friend and for you. May God be near to you during this sad, dark time.

Thanks, it's been a rough day. I never realized how much the stress would cause my band to tighten. I've been on soft foods as nothing else will go down. It's tough this is the time that I've always turned to food and I'm having to learn to cope without....food.

Bashful - what a sweet poem. I'm sure you've brought great comfort to your friend with your kind heart and gentle spirit. It never seems fair to lose a child - I'm not sure I would survive. God bless you and keep you strong!

I hope you're healing tonight, my friend. Thank you for sharing the poem. My prayers for you and April and the rest of the family.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and kind words. It's been a tough day. We have shared many stories of Alex today, many tears and quite a few laughs. He was an amazing little boy, who brought happiness into all of our hearts.

Just being able to get thru each day after this is a monumental effort for you and your friend, i send my prayers your way. Chooky

I am Thinking of you and your friends. Sad, sad day. Stress has done the same thing to my band. imaluckydog

What a beautiful peom. I will hug my children as soon they get home from school.

Your question is really easy to answer: there is no God. Events on earth take place at random. Your intentions are great but, really, Angels? The child had medical problems, nothing less, nothing more. Nature is neither good nor bad; it is indifferent. Sorry for your loss.