Sept. 7, 2009

164.4 lbs.

Okay...this is a strange feeling that I must confront. I have become satisfied with my current weight loss and I have no motivation for losing the 11 lbs. to get me to my goal weight of 153 lbs. It has been a very long time since I have been in the 150's... probably high school was the last time.

My mind tells me that I should try to get to goal by my 1 year bandiversary of Nov. 20th. It's a realistic goal to lose 11 lbs in two months.

I don't understand why I am so afraid. I don't think I realized how much I used my obesity as an outward covering to shield me from experiencing life. I now feel like I no longer have a shield and consequently, I am noticed more often than ever by women who compliment my outfits and men who open the door for me.

I just need to take one day at a time and enjoy the journey...

Yes, you do need time to enjoy the journey. That is for sure. It sure is an amazing one for me!! I know exactly what you are saying. I feel I do not want to be noticed either. I stand in the back and I am surprised when someone does an act of kindness toward me. It is a NEW experience. The hardest thing for me has been my larger friends do not talk to me anymore. I walk up to them and start conversations and they back away and leave me standing all by myself. I was hurt at first, I have always felt safe with them and now I am more safe in my blogging. I am becoming a NEW person. Somedays I like it other days I am not sure. It will take time for my head to catch up with it all. I have lost 50 pounds and have at least 50 more to go. I am playing well with my band these days. Thanks for sharing. imaluckydog Kathy

20 years or so ago, I did a drastic weight loss program with a doctor and lost 70 pounds. I was then wearing as size 11. When I looked in the mirror I saw a fat person. My weight I have used all of my life to protect me from people that may hurt me. It worked well growing up, however now this behavior is not needed. Now, I have to look at all the ways continuing to keep the weight hurts me. We all know what they are, and besides health there is self-esteem. I've signed up to do this. I'm just beginning (after years of research). Finally committed. I'm doing this for me!