Yesterday my pre-op gastric co-worker brought to work "Weight Loss Surgery for Dummies" (I love those books!) and after thumbing through just a couple of pages I begged her to let me hold it. She told me she had planned to take it on vacation but when I promised to buy her some magazines to replace it, she relented, leaving me custody until Tuesday when she returns.

Well..the moment I had the chance to sit, I found myself skimming over the things I had already learned from the Dr., online and members of this website, and started to really READ things I hadnt quite realized or thought about. (this is why I love these books) The section which explained some of the adjustments that will be have to made emotionally after surgery were never really a consideration I had. I mean I know I wasnt going to wake up 100 lbs lighter one day, with all my troubles gone, but according to this book the loss of the "friendship" with food, can cause depression like any other loss. And for a split second, I said to myself..hmmm..maybe being a fat chick isnt such a bad thing. I began to ask myself am I REALLY prepared for this and I realized I wasn't.

For the last 2 months that I have began my journey I was so focused on the beginning and end, I did not give enough thought to the middle. The way I am goin to feel after surgery (mentally), how to deal with the reactions of friends, coworkers and family and how I am going to succeed.

I know! I know!..I am going a little too far ahead of myself, but I can be a little neurotic like that :sad: sometimes. I guess it comes from the last 15 years of true self discovery and realizing I am not exactly the best at completing tasks. I mean yeah, I finished college...I can finish out a workday...but I still have not completed the needlepoint I started last January or putting away the summer clothes that I decided I would look better in next year so I can make room in my closet.

I began to hear the doctor's voice replay in my mind the day of orientation telling everyone, while going through the process start to adopt the new habits that will be crucial to the lifestyle change. Instead I have been going in the opposite direction. I have yet to begin an exercise program, I still have those moments where I eat like crazy and I am still smoking, despite cutting back drastically.

I called my sister and tried to vent but she was too busy trying to give me advice to just listen. So right now I am simply taking the moments slowly. I realize I am going to have to "baby step" my way through all of this because failure is simply not an option for me. Outside of the winnning lottery numbers for tomorrow, there is nothing I have ever wanted more for myself...and its really time I started to get what I want out of my life because I am only going around once! So while I feel scared to death at the coulds/maybes/probablys..I also never felt so brave.

You and I sound alike. I analyze things too. Perhaps my different Point of view will help....you ARE mentally preparing yourself SIMPLY by asking yourself if you're mentally prepared! That's part of the process. :sad: If you weren't...you'd be refusing to open the book, you'd be doing everything in your power to NOT think about all these changes coming. The first step in accepting the changes is to *think* about them...wonder how they are going to affect your life, get used to the effects they will have, etc.

I was the same way...I had a couple of "OH MY - THAT change - I don't know about that one" and then a few days later I'd think about it again, and I'd be more comfortable with the idea.

It gets better. :biggrin:

I am in the same boat right now too! I have been trying to prepare myself for everything but don't think there is anyway to really do that until it all happens. I just know that for me, there is NO going back. My life has to change! I do not want to live the rest of my days like this, NO WAY!! I'm just glad we have a support system like this site. Good luck to you.

you're right, I have thought about the start and the end weight. I didnt give much thought to what I may have to go through to get to that end weight. and what about my co-worker? I have one thats kinda close to me but I know how negative she feels about any weight loss surgery, so I dare not tell her. One other co-worker had the GBP and the first coworker is really hating on her and we know thats its only due to her losing some weight. therefore I must lie to her in order to have peace with her on the job. What do I do? she will soon start to see my weight loss too.

I understand. Alot of who I have been involves food.....

I love cooking....I drink alot of diet pop....I have very pretty thin friends and so far Ive been the pretty but fat friend that men dont always notice-will they tolerate the competition that is sure to come? I make fun of myself and am more comfortable being funny and smart v. pretty......some change is inevitable and my changes change everything......Im not my fat and im not my size and i never was. Fear wont stop me from peeling away these layers and letting myself and everyone see the healthiest most beautiful me there ever was....i'm saving my $ and I plan to fully surrender to my decision....Ill be watching for u on here......

Although I am in the final stages of pre-op I am already feeling a little adversity from a co worker who had gastric bypass. Ironic right? :sad: WLS for dummies made it very clear that negativity from co-workers (and others) is going to occur especially if you are no longer going to be the fattest person in the office. I will admit, when she first started talking about surgery, I was a naysayer. I saw it as an easy way out for her because she had never really tried anything to lose weight. I wasn't feeling jealousy because she was getting the surgery (because I am afraid of the extensive surgery involved with gastric) but I will admit, when she returned to work months later with her clothes hanging off I had feelings of envy because she had lost more weight than I ever had in my numerous attempts. Since she was a friend (of sorts) I had to congratulate her and compliment her because she looked good and it was obvious she felt better because her self esteem was through the roof! By the time that "gaunt" look left her and she began to shop for clothes that fit, I was convinced WLS might not be a bad thing and truly apologized to her for being a naysayer...and eventually decided to get lapband.

Since I was now the fattest person in the office, the things she envied about me (the fact I finished school, got married and had the less stressful position in the office) seemed to take a back seat to her because she had that "one up" now and I noticed she would flaunt herself around the office, going out the way to "visit" with people on the other side of our floor just so they could see her. She also seemed to find a cruel pleasure in making comments about other fat people (including me) as if she never wore those shoes. This pissed me off but it also motivated me more. Another friend in the office, who is supporting my decision after seeing the results of gastric with our coworker and her brother in law, told me early on that I shouldnt expect her to be too excited for me because she probably fears that when I get my surgery, I am going to be back to having a "one up" on this woman because I will probably look better. (I was smaller before her surgery and am 10 years younger)

All in all, its really not about what anyone thinks. Its about how I feel when I walk up a flight of steps and feel like I was kicked in my chest, or my back aches after walking a city block. I am tired of being tired of being obese. (its funny to finally be able to accept that word) I am tired of being taken less seriously despite my intelligence because my weight immediately causes assumptions that I am lazy or lack control. I am tired of literally being the "elephant in the room" and figure in the end, those that truly love and care will share in my joys and triumphs realizing the quality of my life has improved and a healthier me will give me (and them) many more years of ME.