I went out for the first time since having surgery. My friend Dave and I went to Hunans, I was good and ate a bowl of egg drop soup minus all the stuff they put in it. I just ate the broth.

As we're sitting there having lunch Dave asks..."So, are you full yet?" So of course I have to explain to him that right now I could eat anything that I wanted but because I'm healing I follow what the Dr. tells me to.

So he goes on to ask Why, if I could follow what the Doctor has been telling me to do under my own will power to do( and doing quite well since I've lost now 25 pounds total), did I feel the need for the lapband surgery. I explained to him that I saw this as a way to finally keep the weight off. I've been successful at getting weight off before just not keeping it off.

A little later he says "So, I failed you." I said no, you didn't fail me it was a choice that I made. He kept pushing that he had failed me by not supporting me and blah blah blah.

Now, I'm a little frustrated and feeling down about myself...Questioning myself...Dave's right I should be able to do this, why can't I, why haven't I, I know how to do it I just don't...GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I have been ok with this decision and researched it and know in my heart that I made the right decision, why am I letting someones opinion have this much of a hold on my thinking?

Why does it matter so much???? As I sit here in tears....Why do I care what he thinks anyway??? I'm just feeling like a failure. I hate this feeling. :sneaky::thumbup:

Although I haven't been banded yet (just starting the process to get the procedure), I want to take a stab at answering this. The LB is a tool that helps us be able to follow the healthy eating plan that we *aren't* able to stick to otherwise.

Don't let what anyone says about it get to you. They can't understand unless they have been in the same situation with the same feelings. If he can't be sympathetic and supportive rather than making you question yourself, perhaps you shouldn't go to lunch with him again.

Mary.

You are sooooo not a failure!! None of us are.....You have made a choice for your health and wellness as many of us have done the same.

You do care what he say's and how he feel's that is so normal in a relationship, that is OK. Ask him to support you unconditionally no matter what happens. He needs to accept no one has failed. Not him and most of all NOT you.

This will pass and your friends here on this page are here to listen to you. We all have enormous feelings and sometimes we just have to have them. That is the way it is. Do not feel bad for anything you have chosen to do. Keep posting I look forward to hearing from you. imaluckydog

I was asked the same thing by a friend before I was banded. It upset me too but not because I felt I was a failure but because I felt this person had no right to assume I had no will power.

Some of us just have the gene that does not let us know when to stop. Some of it is genes (and I hate people who say that's not a factor)

Who knows and who cares. You made this choice for yourself. You are not a failure! No one is good at all things....if we were then what a boring world it will be.

We all have our struggles and weight is one we all share in common in this tiny fragment of the internet.

The band is a tool. It allows us to feel and get in tune with our body, to grow stronger and healthier.

I commend you, I applaud you and most of all I support you! We have a sisterhood and that means the world to me.

Now, go on, brush your shoulder off and walk your walk girl!

I completely agree with everyone's comments. Unless someone has struggled with weight and what it does to your self-esteem and self worth, they should give you only unconditional support. I think everyone who is about to have surgery or already has.... has already lost a handful of pounds and at some point put it back on. A tiresome cycle. Lapband seems to be the tool we all need to take it ALL off and KEEP it off. It's going to help keep us on track. He sounds like a great friend, but not someone with a weight problem. I'm still waiting for my surgery date, so I am sitting here quite envious of where you are with your journey. I bet when you reach your goal, which you will....you will stop doubting your decision. Be confident and move forward!! Best of luck.

Ugh I hate it when people comment about things they just DON'T get. Nobody that doesn't have the disease of obesity can understand what a frustrating process it can be, lose than gain lose than gain, feel bad about yourself=eat. My husband wishes he could have fixed everything that was broken inside me but I had to be strong enough to get this band and fix myself. The people who are banded are not weak, we are the strongest of the srong because we took a stand and are fighting for our health. You have done an amazing thing don't let anyone ever make you second guess it. God bless and good luck healing!

Thanks everybody for posting you bring up some great and valid points. I'm going to "Brush my shoulders off and move on"...

In Dave's defense, he himself if overweight and a bit frustrated with himself. We had agreed to work together at helping each other lose weight and I have supported him in his efforts, he feels he failed me in his support of me. I don't think that he at all meant to; or even knew that he had hurt my feelings. And perhaps it's just me having my emotional breakdown part of this journey.

My other friend David H.were talking and I was explaining to him about my lunch with Dave C. and he told me to just remember this. If I tried to screw a screw all the way into the wall with just my fingers, I probably would try very hard to do it, but in learning that I just couldn't do it without a tool and knowing that tool was available, that I would make the choice to go and get the tool; I needed to be able to accomplish what I had set out to do. This is just a tool that I need to accomplish the task I have been trying so desperately to do without the proper tool, now I have it, now I can use it, now I have to do the work and gain the knowledge to use the tool properly. Great analogy I thought.

So as I sit here feeling better I remind myself why I did this...I don't want to be like my mom and end up being a whole medical book of my own when I am 60 years old. I already have too many things wrong with me for a person of my age...Diabetes, Mitral Valve prolaps, a Leaking tricupsid valve in my heart and osteoarthritis and I'm only 38~ I've fought this since I was in the 5th grade that was the first doctor supervised diet...I've fought, I've lost I now have the tool...I will not lose again!

I am willing to put in the work necessary to make it through this journey. I have walked at least two miles everyday for the last week, even though I probably should be taking my time and not pushing so hard. I want to get this battle started and I want to win.

Ok, enough of my ranting and randomness.

Thanks again for everyone's support I really needed it today and I'm glad that you all were there to help me!

I love this place

I just love how we are all there for each other.

Bashful I'm happy you reached out and rec'd support. Not only from us but from your other friends to to get you through this tough time.

You have it! You will do great!

My partner is the same,, y cant you just do it. Which i did and piled it all back on.... But i know in my heart this is right, and that is what is important and my friends who support me here. He just doesn't get it and as hard as he tries his best he probably never will, but he gets everything else and he wants me to be happy and this will make me happy so i guess he is being supportive.

You know in your heart 2.

Cheers chooky

I hope this isnt rude, but it sounds like Dave's more concerned about himself when this is really all about you. He cant have failed you because he isnt you!We can really only fail ourselves as we are entirely responsible for ourselves...I would have wanted to say, "You didn't fail me, let it go, this is NOT about you!"

I have to agree with xavier. Dave tried to make it about him, which tells you his comments were not really about you but about himself. You know that saying:When you point the finger at someone else there are 3 fingers pointing back at you.