To understand parts of my blog you should have a little background about me and the people in my life that you will see mentioned in my blog.

About me...

I'm 38, divorced and currently not in a real relationship. Relationships are a challenge for me, I just can't seem to figure them out. I am totally a people pleaser and give way to much of myself in relationships without expecting anything in return...You guessed it...the perfect setup to be used and taken for granted. Albeit by my own doing as I set the stage for such happenings. I'm working on fixing this character defect and trying to figure out a good balance which is why I am currently not in relationship..Another thing that makes relationships hard for me is the fact that I am very independent and self reliant and supported..I own my own house (my family and I physically built it ourselves) and make a decent living... I think that makes most men a little intimidated. PS to the guys out there who may read this...why wouldn't you want a woman who could take care of herself???....well enough on that subject.

A little more about me...I have been trying to lose weight all of my life and I have made it a goal that if I was going to be fat at least I wasn't going to be weak so I have worked out a lot in the past yet, I am 100 pounds overweight. I'm a size 14-16 and wear and extra large shirt.

I did this more for my health reasons than for looks...the looks thing that's icing on the cake...being able to get off my diabetes medicine and knowing I'm not damaging my body by not controlling the diabetes that's the important thing for me.

Moving on...

People in my life. Lets see.

My mom, She's the reason I had the band put in. She's a walking medical book of her own. She has so many things wrong with her all because of being overweight and alcohol. She does not understand nutrition at all!!! She fell and broke her hip in July of 07 after my dad passed away in April from a broken hip, you can imagine how scared I was when I got that call. Three surgeries later she's finally able to walk and care for herself.

My Sister Lisa, she and I were really close until she started working with me and couldn't separate work from home. Love my job but don't want to live it 24/7. She hates April because she blames her for taking me away from her. Totally not the case at all.

My best friends April and Donna and Dalena.

April, she's amazing. She has got to be one of the strongest people that I have ever met. She's under 30 and has lost two children. Serenity who was 20 days old and born with six major birth defects and Alex...My buddy...I miss him so much.

Alex was four, he died September 10th, 2008 a day I will never forget because it was one of the hardest days of my life. To watch the life leave such an amazing little boy was heart wrenching. It makes me cry just to think about it. April has her days when it's really tough and the next six months I am sure are not going to be easy as we are coming up on the anniversary of his death and the Christmas holiday season. Most importantly I will be standing beside her and holding her close.

Next is Donna. Donna she's complicated(She's my niece through marriage but also my best friend). She has the most amazing supportive attitude and helpful spirit. But, Donna like myself is morbidly obese. She's very frustrated about her weight and the fact that April and I are both losing weight and she feels lost. I try really hard to support her and have even set down and showed her the numbers of how many calories a day that she's putting in her body just by drinking soda(enough that by just stopping drinking soda would help her lose 12 pounds a month or at least not gain it). McDonalds or fast food of some type is a staple in her daily diet and it saddens me to watch her feeding that stuff to Payton my great niece who is 15 months old. I try to make suggestions such as order the apples instead of french fries.

I think Donna wants to lose weight, but I don't think that she knows how to...Like so many of us. I see so many little changes that could make a big impact on her weight I just don't know how to approach the subject with her. I love her no matter how much she weighs or what she eats. I just feel a little guilty that I have this tool and I know that right now there is just no way that she could afford it with no insurance.

Dalena...She's actually going to be moving in with me in a week. I'm a little nervous about that because she has a ten year old son and she doesn't drive. I live in the country and there is nothing within walking distance. I don't want to be a taxi service. We get along great I just worry that she will expect me to drive her around and that I will be the built in babysitter.

Next the men in my life...

Larry...I love him with all of my heart but know that he is a playa playa and totally the wrong man for me. I hired him two years ago. I could tell that he was into me because it was like he was making up reasons to come in just to "ask" me questions. I screwed up totally and fell into the game...I'm not a game player and had never been exposed to what would happen next. I dated Martin--Control freak--OTR truck driver...he broke up with me and I called my nephew who was working on the night crew to go and take all the pictures of Martin out of my office because I couldn't stand the thought of seeing them the next morning. Anyway...The next morning, Larry shows up in my office and makes the move...I ended up at his place that night and stupid me...yes, stupid stupid me slept with him!!!! DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB I would never do that again if I had it all to do over again. Anyway, this relationship without being in a relationship went on for a year and a half. I broke it off with him about two months ago because I knew that going into this lapband that I had to concentrate on me.

T...Larry's best friend. He keeps asking me out, the only problems are one...He's Larry's best friend...Two He's Larry's best friend and Three he lives two hours away.

Then there's Dave...He's awesome, we actually date, but he doesn't want a relationship either...GRRRRRR men they are so fickle. AM I JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO DATE?

Lastly, Greg...HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT OH Did I mention he was HOT!!!!! He transferred in about four months ago. He and I just clicked, not sure why, normally I would probably never have talked to him because he is way HOT and I am Way bashful. I get the feeling that he likes me. The other night we were on the phone, I was booking a trip for him to Ireland. I asked him if he missed having me around this week and he said "No, because we're sleeping together...or at least that's the newest rumor" I laughed and said "Dang it! I missed it." We laughed ... Why is it that when I sit down with a guy at lunch the next thing I know it's going around that I'm sleeping with them?...not that I would mind at all with Greg but sheeeeshhhh come on people.

The pets...

Ruffaluf...Grey tiger stripped regal looking cat. He was born on my mom and dad's 47th wedding anniversary. Making him nine years old in September.

Hotta hootta Houchy moooo...Other wise known as Hotta B or Obbitchywan...He's my baby. I had to bottle feed him because he was so little when we found him his eyes weren't even fully opened. He's been my baby ever since. Can you say SPOILED!!! He's a beautiful black tuxedo long haired cat that loves to snuggle in the morning. I love it when he pets my face to wake me up.

Bear Bear...He's was an abused dog that Martin rescued that I got stuck with. He is a beautiful black lab. His name used to be Dr destructo but now he's starting to finally be a good dog except for when left outside alone he gets in the neighbors trash and drags it all over his yard...BAD BAD BAD DOG!!!

That about wraps it up as to the important people in my life.

Totally exciting huh????