Perhaps I'm "marked", or star-crossed

Current mood:dichotomious

Category: Blogging

So, I was in a MySpace conversation the other night. It is very rare for me to have somebody to talk to, unless I have a student watching over my shoulder (verry rare indeed.....hey, SOMEBODY has to mentor young minds). I was relating to this person a strange little story that had happened when.....out of the blue it struck me.....I realized that really weird things happen to me all the time. Ok, maybe not life-changing, channeling the dead type of weird.....but "Twin Peaks" kind of weird. I decided that this week's blog would be dedicated to some strange things that have recently happened.

People engage me in strange conversations. I don't mean friends. I'm talking about nebulous acquaintances, if not full-on strangers. Last week, I was walking into work and fast approaching somebody leaving work. While this person is a familiar face to me, we barely have a "nod" relationship (you know....a slight nod as a greeting when we pass....maybe the occasional "good evening"). Out of the blue, this lady stops and says "Hey (because she doesn't know my name).....Have you ever cooked Tilapia? (As in the fish)". Well.......as a matter of fact.....actually I have. But how did she know? How did she know? So I spend the next 15 mins in the parking lot in a Forrest Gump moment (You can fry tilapia.....you can bake it.....grill it....broil it.....steam it.....carve it into sushi....make fish tacos.....etc.) discussing a flavorful fish. I did not forsee that.

Here's another odd little tidbit. People often cross me in line. I don't mean that they cut in front of me. I mean that, if there is a long line stretching in one plane, and people need to cross to get to the other side of the line, then the point in which they will bisect the line will be directly in front of me. I used to be stumped by this. The odds are astronomically against ME being the cross point, but yet it happens 90% of the time. After reading the excellent Freakonomics, however, I looked at this mystery in a different light and have come up with two solutions: 1)- I am a big man, and my personal space requirements are big as well. Therefore, in any given line, I have probably more space between me and the person in front of me. That creates a more attractive crossing point. 2)- People are drawn to my raw, magnetic sexuality like Mark Foley is drawn to male congressional pages. I'm still looking into this.

Strangers tend to see me in two polar ways. Either I'm a big, physically intimidating, creepy man, or I am a big goofy "softy" type. Most kids are not scared of me. On the contrary, they like to scale my mountainous belly (to be sure, this can take a couple of hours, which is a testament to its size) and climb onto my shoulders. The parents, however, are not usually so impressed. It was not so long ago that a little girl came into the sleep lab for a test. I explained to the mother that she would have to stay in the room with the girl (I know, I know....but you'd be surprised at how many parents want to drop their children off for some parental free time)and explained that after 2-3 hours of sleep, I would come back in the room and place a medical device on the girl. So, the girl goes to sleep and the time comes for me to go back into the room. As I open the door....*BANG* *CRASH*...the parent had rigged an "alarm" by putting a chair against the door, and putting the trashcan on the chair. So much for not scaring your kid, lady. Sorry that I'm such a creepy bastard that you had to barricade yourself in your hospital room. Next time I'll put my trousers back on, ok? The truth is....I'm actually a big "teddy bear" (by that I mean that I have glass eyes and often sleep with children <------Kidding! What? Too much?)