An enigma revealed

Current mood:august

Category: Blogging

Well hello there, guys. Did anybody catch The Tonight Show last night? If not, y'all missed a bizarre, rambling stand-up comedy set by a drunken Phyllis Diller. She said that she was about to turn 90, so.........have a beer for me, Phyllis. In case you are not the rabid Scooby Doo fan that I am, you may not be aware that Phyllis Diller actually starred in a Scooby episode. As I recall, she was smoking almost constantly in that episode. Way to be a Role Model for the youth of the 70's, Phyll.....Anywho, If you didn't catch her stand-up set, well.....don't despair. I've got a little joke for ya:

Me: Knock Knock......

You: Who's there?

Me: Nutbag Pedophile....

You: Nutbag pedophile who?

Me: The Nutbag pedophile that tried to pass himself off as a 12 yr-old boy by shaving off his body hair and wearing makeup. I enrolled in 7th grade. Later, it was discovered that I was really a 29 yr-old man! Surprise!

So.....y'all did hear about this, right? I'm sure that you (like most people) are wondering how in the world this freakjob could have passed for 12. I wondered that myself, until the afternoon that I had to accompany my oldest son (astute readers may know him as "sexy bitch"....y, eh?) to a local JP's office to pay for some speeding tickets that he had. On the ticket it states that a juvenile must be escorted by a parent. Into the office we went, and sauntered up to the receptionist's desk. I quickly explained that we were there to see the JP. The receptionist told us that the JP was not in, but took the ticket (I guess to calculate how much "the sexy bitch" owed). After reading the ticket, here is a true and accurate account of the conversation:*

Receptionist: "Now which of you is this ticket for?"

Ryan: "Me"

Receptionist: "A minor has to bring in a parent with him"

Trey: "Yes Ma'am....That's why I'm here"

Receptionist: "What? You're his parent?"

Trey: "Yes Ma'am...I'm his dad"

Receptionist: (blushing) "Oh...I'm not going to say how old I thought you were"

Trey: (awarkwardly shifting his large girth from foot to foot) "oh...Haha"

Ryan: (daydreaming about the ladies)".........."

Receptionist: "I thought you were his brother, or friend, or something"

Trey: (wondering if this is being filmed for a hidden-camera show) "Well....no"

This was a little strange for me. Older women usually don't hit on me in such a transparent ploy (Big Girls and Black Girls, sure, but not Old Ladies). I kinda think it's because my aggressive, surly sexuality must be a little threatening to them. But here was this older lady, dishing out compliments and pressing her cleavage together....yeah, ok, maybe I was looking.....what?.....Anywho, that's when it hit me. There are people in this world that CANNOT estimate age accurately. And that, my friends, is how a 29 yr-old man got enrolled in the 7th grade.

BTW, As I write this, I'm considering trying to get back in the 10th grade. I'll let y'all know how it goes in a latter blog.

* Ryan can vouch for the truthfulness of said conversation. Names have been left out for the sake of basic human decency.