Fouke Monster.....That Funky Monster....

Current mood:curmudgeonly

Category: Blogging

Well, I've just seen the "teases" for the local news channel. As it turns out, police are raiding a religious compound in Fouke, Arkansas. It is being alleged that minors were forced into sexual situations by the "prophet". Mormons everywhere will breathe easier knowing that this isn't a FLDS compound. That's the good news. The bad news is that the leader of the compound is none other than Tony Alamo (On a side note, let me just interject this: He pronounces his name "uh-LAH-mo" when the word is clearly "AL-uh-mow". I'm not sure exactly why, but this irritates me greatly. Perhaps I keep imagining Sam Houston shouting "Remember the uh-LAH-mo!". Also, I think I can safely say that this parenthetical aside has gone on for far too long). If you don't know who Tony Alamo is, he's the leader of the church that distributed those cool comic book leaflets that assured the reader that they were probably going to hell. Back in the day, after a rock concert at the Hirsh, (didn't matter who was headlining.....Queensryche probably opened for them), an attendee could count on a little comic book under the car windshield.

The comic was usually a morality tale involving some good-hearted, all-American teens that went to see a rock concert....usually over the protestations of their saintly old mothers. The teens go to the show anyway, where one realizes that the seductive music is only a lure...and that everybody in the arena had been tricked into worshiping satan!! Sadly, this realization comes a little late, as there is a car wreck on the journey home. All the good-hearted teens are killed and go directly to hell, where satan laughs and laughs.

Alternately, there was another comic involving the celebration of Halloween (aka "Celebrate Halloween and Make Jesus Cry") that was sometimes distributed, but the rock concert tragedy was usually the 1 fave of the uh-LAH-mow crowd.

I'm not sure how this whole Alamo thing will work out. I WAS glad to see that Tony faced the arresting officers with dignity, wearing his very best tie-dyed shirt and oversized Jim Jones sunglasses. I'm sure this matter will be settled by a jury of his peers....as soon as the court can find 12 nutjob cult leaders not currently doing time in jail (As another aside, I don't have any grudge against weird cult leaders....Cissy and I were married by one! Hey, does that invalidate our marriage?).

As I watched the news story, I was struck by the tone. It was, like, 10% Alamo.....90% residents saying how that Fouke had really, really good things going for it, and how it was a really, really good town, and how they hoped that Alamo hadn't sullied the good reputation of Fouke. Incidentally, Fouke is the small town in Arkansas known for a bigfoot-like monster that some residents have seen running around. Also, Fouke was the town that had a charming little sign at the city limits that read "N*gger, don't let the sun set on you in this town". Also, Fouke is where the residents refer to "Martin Luther King, Jr day" as "Deer Hunting day". Also, Fouke has the dubious honor of having had 2 residents convicted for burning a cross in view of the lone black residents of the town. I sure hope that this whole Alamo thing doesn't ruin the really, really good reputation of Fouke.