Let's Hear it for Science!!

Current mood: chipper

Category: Blogging

I was watching the local news the other night. It was the usual crappy local stuff....man tries to rob beauty supply store and gets a beat-down by the female employees, a local street is riddled with potholes (!), the nutty sports guy gets to ride in a "dune buggy", etc. I was mentally tuned out until one of the dynamic co-anchors mentioned a new study being conducted.

"A new study is being conducted to see if it is possible to have a 25 hour day" (obligatory chuckle from anchorman). "I guess there just isn't enough time in the day to get everything done!"

Well, that certainly got my attention. After verifying that this was a real study (it is....NASA is funding it. I read the prospectus...actually it's an interesting study. They're seeing how efficiently the human circadian rhythm can be offset....oops, I'm talking sleep nerd again, sorry....), I was a little perplexed. Now we are conducting scientific studies about cliche' proverbs?!? This isn't what I pay taxes for. I pay taxes for congressmen and senators to get free, higher quality healthcare and travel perks than I could...but, I digress.....

After I heard of the "not enough hours in the day" study, I wondered what other proverbs are the subject of NASA study. Here is what I found:

There is a study being conducted in California to examine whether an apple a day really does keep the doctor away. This is true, but not for the reason you think. Turns out that all doctors are extremely afraid of apples

A recent study at the University of Colorado seeks to determine if blood really is thicker than water. There were conflicting results, so I staged my own experiment. My parents brought me a sample of city tap water from Atlanta, Texas. Next I made a small incision to my forearm to obtain some blood. I then compaired the two. The Atlanta tap water was thicker than my blood, but in fairness, I had just taken an aspirin.

Researchers have discovered that, contrary to popular wisdom, it is entirely safe to place all one's eggs in a single basket, as long as the number of the eggs doesn't exceed the capacity of the basket.

Perhaps most interesting was the study being done at the University of Texas. This study was committed to de-bunking the myth that "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach". It was concluded that the way to a man's heart is actually through the superior and inferior Vena Cava

I suppose I should feel re-assured that the spirit of scientific experimentation lives on in America, but I'm a little disturbed about the subject matter. Instead of proving / disproving mere American proverbs, the research community should be looking at how people with different dietary needs can co-exist. Then, and only then, will the lifelong dream of Mr. Jack Spratt and his wife be truly realized.