Sanity vs. Risk
10 days postop and I'm losing my mind. I am not suppose to do mushies until 7/30. 5 more full days! I have decided to give myself a bit of a break. I am going to have a fried egg, over medium, tomorow for breakfast. I will then do liquids the rest of the day. I only made it though today because my kids were here and my husband took himself out to eat after they left. I am getting so edgy and crying at the slightest thing. I know I shouldn't rely on food but I'm am just feeling SO weak. Monday I will be busy all day so I will try my best to stay on liquids. Tuesday, also. Wednesday I am back to work and I am definately starting mushies that day. I just pray I don't mess something up with my band or my stomach but right now I feel I have to take the risk to maintain some sort of composure and gain my strength to go back to work. I have lost 12 lbs in the past 10 days. Normally I would be cheering but it's really starting to scare me. Can that really be good for your body? I don't know. I'll call the dietician on Monday but I have to get through tomorrow somehow. The egg will be soft and I think will just give me enough of a boost to make through another day without another huge crying jag. The thing is, I never cry. I feel totally out of control and I hate that. I did this to get control of my body, my health, my life and now I feel my head is spinning. I know it's short term but apparently not short enough. I feel like a loser tonight but I guess I need to be proud I have made it 20 full days on liquids. I'm still struggling with the "why couldn't I do this on my own" syndrome so adding the failure to complete the full 24 days of liquids is just kind of another failure but I'm going to forgive myself do what I feel I have to do and fight again tomorrow. I had no illusions this was going to be easy and it's not. But I still do not regret doing it and have so much hope for the future.
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