I went to the doctor today and was so excited when their scale showed I had lost a pound. I get so discouraged some days because I feel like I am working so hard, I'm always hungry and my weight isn't changing. This weekend I'm staying at my mom and dad's house which will be really nice for me because it's almost like a little vacation as their house feels like a hotel to me. I was watching So You Think You Can Dance tonight with my roommate and a friend and I was just dreaming of the day when I will be able to dance again. When I was 19 I used to go swing dancing every Sunday night. It was always so much fun and I have to say, I'm not a bad dancer. At the building that my church meets in there is a grand ballroom upstairs and every Friday they have swing dancing there. This fall I will have Friday nights off. I think it would be really fun to actually go dancing and feel confident that I'm not just the fat friend, or the fat sister. Man, I'm really looking forward to that. I would really like to get into dancing again. It's not something that I want to make a career out of or anything I just like to dance for fun. I have often felt like I can't because I'm so overweight and I miss it. I often do wonder what I will look like when I get to goal.

I was also thinking about my wedding. It's always been something that is way far off in the future because I've been single for so long. I've always wanted to wear a beautiful grecian style dress with an incredibly low back, but no one wants to look at a really fat back. People say it's wrong to call myself fat but I look at it as taking ownership of the situation. I got this way because of myself, not because of any other person or reason. I've always been a little chubby but it's never been this bad. I don't like it. But there's hope. I know my surgery isn't a magic cure and it's not going solve all my problems, but I'll sure be a lot happier. I want to be healthy and be able to run around after my nephews and maybe my own children someday. And to get back out on the dance floor. I want those great ballroom legs!:cursing: