There is nothing like the stark, naked truth. You and the mirror. Mortal enemy, always truthful, always brutal.

Today I purchased a swim suit. Someone told me to get a bikini. OMG - did they want everyone to run screaming from the pool? They do not realize what lurks beneath the safety of clothing.......... They don't know, and they never could even imagine.

The brutal truth is that as I am in a smaller total size, BUT - I still have all the skin that covered my 289 pound frame. I have skin that sags behind my knees, my ass in at my knees and my - please excuse me for being brutal, my boobs are as my Band Buddie told me in the begining - two wet tube socks hanging from my chest. I have no idea why, but all the fat is gone from my tush. There is nothing there, flat as a board, no wonder it hurts to sit on hard chairs. And as I have mentioned before I have "turkey flap arms". And since we are looking in the mirror lets not forget that lovely turkey neck. It started out just being wrinkled, now my cats could hide in the folds.............

The naked truth is that there is skin everywhere. It hangs and it wiggles and it jiggles, just like JELLO. If you took my butt and pulled all the skin tight you could make it to my shoulders, well almost.

"Just get a tummy tuck or a body lift", they, the thin never fat tell me. Yeah, just cut it off, lift it up and have seams running down your thighs, under arms and tummy. And let's not forget to mention the $20k price tag!

The honest truth is that I am at times so angry at myself for letting it (fat and overeating) get so out of control. How could I have done that to myself.

But then the stark truth, the light of day truth, the look how far you have come truth takes over. The real truth is that I am lucky to be alive.

So today when I tried on a size 14 swim suite and it was big in the tush, I went out and picked up that 12. IT FIT. DID YOU HEAR ME - IT FIT!!!!!

And as I stood there looking in the mirror it dawned on me that the skin is my badge of honor. It is my proof that I have survived and overcame. It is me, all of me. It is the sneak eating of the past, it is the never being full, Being able to eat half a cow, and still eat some more. It is the high blood pressure and diabetes and heart attack. It is my ex husband telling my daughter that I was revulting and that he couldn't stand to look at me after 22 years.

That skin is proof that I am alive that I made it, that heart disease didn't kill me. That skin is proof that I can succeed, I CAN SUCCEED!!

So tomorrow as I put that suit on and walk to that pool I will jiggle in pride. My arms will flap, my thighs will woosh and everything will sway. But I made it. I may not be 135 pounds like Weight Watchers always said I had to be, but I can wear a normal size. And I am healthy!

When it comes time, I will stand up tall, walk into that pool at my Daughter's Condo, in front of all those strangers, and I will hold my head up high. I am beautiful, I am beautiful, I am beautiful. Maybe if I say it enough, I will truely believe.

Mirror mirror on the wall..............

Great post! I love it and I applaud you for refusing to let what you see define the love you have for yourself. I had to chuckle at a couple of descriptions, but the brutal honesty is what I am seeking in these very early stages of my journey, so thank you for sharing and you strut your stuff in that bathing suit with your head held high because like you HAVE succeeded!

:smile: So funny and inspirational! That's great, you keep on going!

Thank you for this post. I too have the loose skin and try not to dwell on it. I've had rude, nasty comments about my arms flapping....I look at myself in the mirror and realize that I did this to myself. At least I'm alive, healthier and off of my insulin....there is still more work to do but your post was inspiring to me. Keep your head up and strut! :smile2:

I just had surgery yesterday, and I look forward not to the smaller size in clothes although that in itself is an incentive. I am looking however, to be off my high blood pressure medication once and for all.