Monday, June 22, 2009

Now Comes the Hard Part

So, now comes the hard part: facing the addiction. I will be around food the rest of my life. My stomach will heal and start to stretch. The adjustable band will help keep it in check but I can still choose to make less healthy food choices frequently, and overstretch the stomach.

I will be eating a relatively normal, 3 meals a day diet with a small snack or 2. I will still be assaulted by the smell, taste, texture, sight and even sound of food. I'll have to cook food. I'll have to face overflowing buffets at every party I attend. People will talk about food and recipes. They'll even post pictures of their favorite foods on Facebook and describe what they're eating, have eaten, or are going to be eating.

Oh My God Help Me! My husband and I are going to have to sit in separate rooms in the evening because he eats non-stop junk food in front of the TV. He doesn't eat all day and then he eats all night.

But night-time is also when I'm on my computer writing this blog. And I will continue to write because you never become a recovered addict; you only become a recovering one.

There's something about writing. My subconscious comes to the surface and flows through my hands while I type and it appears in print. I can verbalize things I didn't even know I was thinking and feeling. It's like my left brain and right brain get together and try to cooperate for a change.

Every once in a while I write like I'm possessed. I get into a subject--particularly if I see a problem and possible solutions start occurring to me--and ideas fly from my fingers like confetti. That's how it is with this blog right now.

This time the problem is me--dealing with food, dealing with my brain's craving for food, dealing with life without excessive food to medicate my issues.

Having an audience helps hold me accountable. Telling you my story helps me to cope, to heal, and to figure out strategies. Hopefully, it also helps you.

I believe that the Holy Spirit still can inspire written words. Written words can, in turn, inspire others. This is not Holy Scripture, but when I feel compelled to write, I always sense the presence of the Holy Spirit. That can't be a bad thing.