Independence day...Independence me
I feel like I am in a really weird dream. Like one of those old Twilight Zone episodes where someone is watching their life happen from a different perspective wondering what in the world is going on. What have I done, what am I about to do and am I losing my freaking mind...
Ok..I quit smoking. Wellllllllllllllllll I feel like a fraud saying it so emphatically considering the fact I have had puffs from my aunt's cigarettes the last couple of mornings I have met with her to have coffee. After smonking 20 + years, I think to not BUY a pack is a plus...especially since I have never tried to quit in the past and really am trying to do but simply...stopping. I guess its easy to stop when I feel it in a bad way instead of the comforting way it did at a time. Oh..dont get me wrong..the thought has crossed my mind..especially during the times I would ALWAYS smoke (after a meal) But now I am trying to think like a non smoker but reminding myself I dont smoke anymore. Just that simple..I can't let a bad habit ruin my chance of getting my lapband.
I was a little more liberal with my eating yesterday than I had the whole week hanging out with my girlfriends on our girls night out. Cant have a girls night out without magaritas and hot wings. I tried to watch the amount and do little things like park a little further from where I would normally park whenever I go out forcing me to get exercise. I know its small things but small things can make a difference. On top of all of these changes I am trying to make, I am being surrounded by changes ...a new boss, resistance to change, has all my coworkers frazzled..my marriage has been very rocky the last couple of weeks and I am in the process of trying to get major life altering surgery..:crying:
But I have a peace over me that I have never experienced before and for the first time ever... despite all this madness..I believe..NO..I KNOW..everything is going to be ok because where I am..is where I am meant to be and God is in charge and no matter I am going to be okay:thumbup:
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