Trying to change habits...
I have been seriously trying to be more aware of what I eat, when I eat and the amount I eat at any given time. I have been trying to practice things like chewing foods to mush and sipping beverages slower. I always start off well and can manage pretty well with the fruit and yogurt that I take to work, but by the middle of the day, I feel like I am starving for anything that is either hot or has more substance. You know...FOOD. Although I am still a long way from getting surgery I am trying to create different habits and get my mind right because I know I cant wait until post-op to do it. Funny thing is, I guess because my mind is trying to wrap around these notions, I am noticing different things. I have been drinking alot of water and the last couple of times I tried to drink anything but water (e.g Ocean Spray White Cranberry juice which is my absolute favorite) it tasted incredibly sweet. Today I foolishly went to McDonalds. Although I bought a kids meal instead of quarter pounder, I guiltily ate 2 chicken nuggets, about 10 fries and drank a quarter of the orange drink (if that stuff came out of my faucets I would never leave my house). By the time I arrived home, I had what I like to call a "MC-attack" and found myself in the bathroom wondering what the hell was wrong with me eating that crap because I felt like I had eaten a pound of prunes. Guess like the sweetness of the juice my body is trying to tell me now, what to stay away from. Its probably totally mental but it also kinda worked.
You know what pisses me off...when someone who is having the same eating struggles as I am suddenly becomes a expert and offers their opinion on what I should or shouldn't eat. While I lamented over what to have for lunch (I ended up with turkey & swiss on wheat) because I was starving, a co-worker who is in the process of getting gastric, decided to chastise me for saying I wanted "real food" This was after I watched her down a huge bagel slathered with cream cheese for breakfast and then turned around an hour after her lecture to me and attacked the candy dish (its full of the stuff I dont eat) I have for co-workers. I felt like she of all people should understand the struggle. But whatever..:sad:
On a really good note..I was able to get my referral for my appt on Monday with the surgeon and nutrionist before my doctor's office closed for the holiday weekend. I looked it over when I got in my truck and noticed they used the code for "morbidly obese" and although it stung a little, I accepted it is my reality and will hopefully assist with getting approved by my insurance company. :redface:
Tomorrow is another day..and I will try again to be better towards my goal of eating with a different mindset.
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