I always believed that God knows what I need and will provide it even without me asking and today my belief was again proven.

When I first started to talk about want to get WLS a friend told me she worked with a woman who had gotten the lapband surgery and she would be glad to pass my number to her because this woman had been so supportive of her with her personal issues, she was sure she would be willing to lend me the same. And she was right.

I called her yesterday and did not get a chance to speak to her, but she called me back this morning and talked to me with a level of comfort I only have with old friends. She shared tears as she told me her start weight and how she binged ate herself 19 lbs heavier before she actually saw the doctor because she felt like she was going to miss out on all of this food. She actually helped me realize that was my issue. I knew I obviously had some kind of food issues but didnt quite know what to label it but hearing her share her story helped me realize I was a binge eater because I had been doing the same thing the past couple of weeks and the pain in my lower back (which always signals to me I have gained weight) had started up again making walking difficult.

Anyway her call this morning was really what I needed because I had a real angry conversation with myself about my husband and his lack of support as I drove into work. Many have told me its important to get him on board but only very few understand how it doesnt matter to me if I have his support because his lack of support just adds to the mounting resentments I have had the past few months with him. (but thats another story for another blog) My angel ( I will call her) told me all of the things I wondered and hearing them from someone I could relate to (we share the same stresses at work, we live in the same part of the city, and we are both older) made me feel more at ease about really asking some questions. By the end of our conversation, she told me she would join me at my first appointment. I do not know this woman from a can of paint, but knowing I will have her at my side and I dont have to do this alone is very comforting and I feel like God has send me a bandster angel.

I also confided in how I feel about the importance of finally doing something for myself and how determined I felt. I was able to get through my day at work eat lighter, but I did myself an injustice because by the time I came home I heated burgers (yes plural) that I grilled yesterday and devoured them in less time it took to heat them up. So tomorrow I will make certain I take lunch that will get me through so when I come home something small will simply do.

As for my husband, I decided I will tell him what I am going to do when I complete the phases and get a date. At that point I will tell him, my mind is made up and while I would appreciate his support, I am going to do it with or without it. :redface:

Please keep me in prayer.