What am I doing here? Seriously? What!?!?

I have so much to do today and I can't stop thinking about WL surgery and what it will mean for me. I'm on here reading story after story trying to figure out which story will resemble mine when I go through it myself, and there isn't any way of knowing so why am I torturing myself?? A couple of days ago I was watching the Grey's Anatomy finale and it is pretty intense and bloody blech.. and that night I had a dream that I went into the hospital to get my surgery.

They checked me in at 11:AM and there were all of these "emergency lap band surgeries" that all went before me. It was a really long dream because I did a lot of mundane things like you actually do in real life. I got a soda from the cafeteria, I talked to some nurses in the hospital, I read a magazine, I talked to different people etc. Finally after what seemed like FOREVER they said it was my turn and by this time it was nine o' clock. They got my booties on and my cap, they had me lay down on this hard metal table and they squirted this weird foamy stuff in me ear that was suppose to make me fall asleep but instead I just went paralyzed and I couldn't tell them I was still awake. I started to scream in my head NO! I want the duodenal switch instead! Don't BAND me! I was able to wake up by then so I don't know what happened, of course :cool:.

It got me thinking more about the DS. I went to the OH board and read their site and saw how much success people have had and that they don't have the same restrictions that band people do. I also read that you have to be in the hospital for four days, YIKES! I really think that I would rather have the DS but I'm scared that I won't have the support of my family and that means a lot to me. It's such a hard choice. SO that brings me to the present. I'm hoping by dumping some of my anxiety onto my blog I will feel better and be able to function and get productive. I'm close but still so far away. What to do.. what to do?