I saw Heidi last week and I can’t begin to tell you how incredible she looks. It’s not just the physical weight that she has dropped. She looks healthy. She looks happy. She was always beautiful, but now she is stunning – I mean jaw dropping, eyes popping out of your head striking. I would be a liar if I didn’t admit there was a touch of jealousy intermingled with my happiness for her. Could I possibly hope for what she has attained? Even just a little bit?

I started having headaches again. I would wake up in the morning with these crushing headaches. I know it was because of my sleep apnea, which had gone away for a while when I was thinner. I was also thirsty all the time. Yikes, could likely be my blood sugar. That’s not good at all. Climbing the stairs was hard again. It’s crazy what 60 pounds can do to your joints. Don’t even get me started about playing on the floor with my baby, or even more ridiculous, getting up off the floor. I feel like I am 98 years old. It is pathetic.

Then, I was reading in a magazine about how few women that are obese (I hate that word by the way, but I guess it is time to face the music, I am obese weather I like that word or not) are able to keep significant amounts of weight off for more than 5 years. The statistics are staggering, and more than little bit discouraging. Less than 5% of obese women that lose significant amounts of weight (50 lbs. or more) are able to keep it off for 5 years or longer. 5%. That’s one out of twenty people. And if you look at the statistics for 10 years or longer, the success rate falls even more. It really made me think, why bother? Then, as though God were sending me a sign, I read an article in the newspaper that very same day about gastric banding. It mentioned these same disappointing statistics. Then it said “bariatric surgery is the only proven effective treatment of obesity in the long run.” There is was, in black and white. The ONLY proven treatment. Right then and there I made my decision. I was going to do this.

I started spending every moment that Ava was sleeping on the internet, looking for information about gastric banding. Even though Heidi has such wonderful results with gastric bypass, it did not seem like the right choice for me. I know I want to have more babies, and it seems that the band will allow me to eat a diet that is best able to support a healthy pregnancy. Obviously, that is a long way off right now, but it did factor into my thinking. I also had to face the face that I have know people that have died from that surgery. I just can’t go that route. I know that the band will be a slower weight loss option. I will be dealing with years rather than months of weight loss. However, there are benefits to a slower weight loss as well including better skin elasticity, less muscle loss, and less stress on your organs. Most importantly, the surgery is an outpatient procedure with a relatively easy recovery as compared the lengthy recovery gastric bypass requires. I have a 10-month-old baby. I can’t be down and out for weeks on end.

Now, as I am nursing Ava to sleep at night, I try to visualize what my life will look like 100 pounds lighter. One of the fantasies I have is that I walk into a clothing store, like Talbotts or Chico’s and I can buy beautiful sale items right off the rack! And they look great! I also like to picture myself running, not anywhere in particular, but just running, and I never get out of breath. The daydream I was having today had me climbing the beautiful Rocky Mountains, and again, I could do it without pain in my knees and ankles, and without running out of breath.

Now I know these are just fantasies, and they are not simply going to come true because I am able to visualize them. None of this is going to be easy, but at least I finally feel like it might actually be possible. I think that is the biggest difference in my state of mind right now. All the other times, even though I wanted to be successful very much, I never really believed, deep down, that I would be. Now I really do. I really do believe this is going to work for me. I think it will work for the same reasons I lost all that weight while I was pregnant. I was never hungry while carrying Ava. I could eat a few bites of whatever I wanted to and feel totally satisfied. I didn’t need to eat eight portions worth to feel full. That is the whole concept behind the band. I won’t be hungry all the time. Most importantly, I hope I can stop thinking about food all the time. I will make that transition from living to eat, to eating to live.

Love your blog! I can totally relate. I am hoping for surgery in Sept. I too have the daydreams of what it would be like to be 100 lbs. lighter, taking the stairs and it not hurting, and eating to live! Here's to life altering changes that we deserve and that we can make!!!!

keep in touch.

Great stuff. I too couldnt eat after the birth of my first child 6 years ago. But just out of being a scared new mom and I lost 35lbs right after having the baby. I was down to 165 and in 4 years up to 195 then after 2nd child down to 175 and now 2years later at 214. Im going for my lapband on 7/6 and by the way still nursing. When is your surgery date? I told dr about nursing and he is ok with it.

Wow you are an inspiration. I day dream about wearing a line of clothes called "LILLY" off the rack. I have only ordered over phone from lands end for years. I can so hear you. We can do this. I had a date of July 20. But got a call on Friday that said I could go as soon as Monday if the insurance is in order. How cool is that!! I am not sure I am not sure my head is ready. If not I just wait for insurance to come through. Best wishes to you, you write beautifully. I enjoyed you story it is so like mine. Thank you, imaluckydog MAYBE??

Thanks so much for the kind comments ladies! It is so nice to know I am not alone out here. We are going to do this!!! I wish you all nothing but success, and I know we are going to look back at this as the best thing we have ever done for ourselves. luckydog - I will keep my fingers crossed that the insurance comes through soon!