May 26th, my surgery date, has come and gone. Along with it, 18 pounds are gone. My pre-op diet seems like it is long gone, and that took 12 pounds along with it. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN....that is a GRAND TOTAL of 30 POUNDS GONE!

Wow! That is pretty amazing, and I do feel like I should be standing in the center of a crowded arena, with a microphone in front of me, announcing that to the world.

But, instead, I smile shyly and tell anyone who asks, how much I've lost. I am kind of shy about stuff like this.

But I digress...

So I had my 2 week follow up and there was some fluid built up around the port. The doctor drained that and removed the staples. Thank GOD! They were more than ready to come out.

He told me to go forth and eat anything I wantd in pureed form. And to come back in 2 weeks to make sure I am not collecting more fluid.

So...in the last 3 weeks, I have been on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. More than 1...ok maybe 3 times I have cried like a baby. I believe I wept for the loss of an old friend, FOOD FOR NUMBING EMOTIONS. Come on, I ate when I was lonely, bored, scared, angry, happy, sad and anything in between. I believe I am formally in mourning. But, having a bit of experience in the loss of loved ones...I know the sadness never truly leaves, but it does lighten up and becomes manageable over time.

I believe I am entering that stage. I am managing my mourning. I KNOW I can't use my crutch anymore. Food really did an excellent job of numbing pain. I mean, food has always stood beside me. It always was ready to offer me sustenance, even after my 28 year marriage crashed and burned about 6 years ago!

But now I am eating pureed foods and that brings back FLAVOR! I have my protein shake for breakfast, 1/2 cup of oatmeal for a snack. Sometimes I reverse those 2 just to have some variety (hahaha). I have FF yogurt or baby food for lunch. I have SF pudding for a snack. And all day long I have a water bottle with me. That is a very good lifestyle change for me!

My boyfriend is a food lover. Yet he does not suffer from obesity. Actually, he is a chef and a food lover...a dangerous combo. Last night he made me pureed chicken and pureed vegetables. Served me 1/4 cup of each for dinner. It tasted fabulous. The texture was a little weird, but the flavor was wonderful!! He sat there and talked with me while I ate....SLOWLY. He had a look of pain on his face. This diet is KILLING HIM! I don't think he can fathom the idea of eating pureed foods. But he is my soulmate, the love of my life. So he fixes me things of great taste and will stay with me while I eat. But he will not eat in front of me. That bothers HIM too much. I assure him it's ok with me, but he just won't do it. He says he will once I can eat regular food again. That should be next week. So it won't be long.

I was in pain. But I didn't like the pain medicine. I NEVER like that stuff! It made me whiny and very confused and groggy. I used it for about 8 days, then I took myself off of it.

Yesterday was the first day I stood up when I awoke and stretched and didn't cringe. I am HEALING!! I feel no pain!!

And although I have lost 30 pounds, I am wearing the same clothes as before I began this journey. Only now, they are looser. Some are MUCH looser!!

I am still a little sad at times when I see people gorging on some of my favorite foods (last Saturday was a graduation party for 2 of my nephews and there was a lot of good food there). But mostly I am awaiting the arrival of a different old friend...Happy, Healthy and Strong Mary....I hear she is on her way to stay with me.

I can't wait 'til she gets here!! She's close!!!

-mary

Hi Mary. I like reading your posts. I am considering getting the surgery. can you give me any advice ?