Well, didn’t I get a shock yesterday!

My first venture into on-screen acting arrived in a neatly packaged DVD. Regular readers may well remember that I discussed the filming of this back in a post in February, “Killing With Kindness“. Seeing myself on screen five stone heavier was a bit of an eye-opener.

It’s not as if I was blind when I was that heavy – but when you are actually behind all that weight, there is a certain amount of self-preservation that must go on in one’s mind when you look at yourself in the mirror. Something must trigger to make the brain think it’s really not all that bad which protects you from giving in and throwing yourself out of the window and causing much death and destruction below. But looking at it from this side of the chubby fence…it was that bad indeed.

Here is a comparison picture…

Now, I realise that there are heavier people than I was back then and indeed, lighter people than I am now – but by the Holy Staff of St Cheeseburger – why couldn’t I see what I was doing to myself?!

I can only imagine that I didn’t want to see it. Or was it that the road to change was so bloody hard? Was it blindness by fear? Was it because I could put a brave face on it and convince myself that it really didn’t matter…and let’s face it – apart from the verbal digs and health risks – it didn’t. I was happy in a relationship, with three wonderful children and always looking at the bright side of life – I was always happy and laughing. And that is probably why it didn’t matter. Life was good. I just didn’t realise how much better it could be.

I’m out of the relationship now and, thankfully, on great terms with my ex(es) and seeing my children whenever I want. I have a much better prognosis for living past 50 (touch wood) and I feel bloody great. It is very worrying to see pictures and videos of me pre-band and has made me thankful once again for the advances in medicine that have allowed me to get to where I am today (and for the marvels of interest-free credit from the private hospital!).

Having just returned from a trip to my most favourite place in the world, Paris, I need to get myself back in the mindset of eating properly again. I took five days off from watching what I eat and spent far too many times in the cafe toilets throwing up because I was eating incredibly delicious and fattening food much too quickly for my band restriction. On top of that, the toilets were more often than not the disgusting holes in the floor that Europeans seem far too happy with for civilised people. Bad experiences all round!

So, here I am after having watched my former fat self in a short film and reinvigorated on to my weight loss programme once again. Hovering around 70lbs down and ten inches off my waist, I am very much looking forward to losing the rest of the “muffin top” that sits around my belt over the next few months and will do so with a renewed avoid-the-horrible-French-holes-in-the-floor vigour!

For those that are interested in seeing me portray a very camp speed dating host in the film…please feel free to visit my new channel on YouTube at YouTube - BenedictFrancis's Channel where you can see a couple of videos of me at my heaviest and most mincing!

Here’s to hindsight…what a wonderful concept!

Originally posted at: Lap Band Blog

You have gone from a character actor to a leading man! Congrats...I always enjoy your blog.

Thanks Xavier - having played a few hefty Shakespearean roles - I wouldn't quite describe that charatcer as a "leading man" though...more of a leading lady!

I too enjoy your blog posts. You look younger now too!! all just benefits of shedding the weight. I can't wait to start....hope to have procedure in Sept. or Oct.

Keep up the good work.

You look great Ben...could be your own son even, you look so much younger! Ahh Paris...my favorite place also...and the place where I decided to start looking at the LB (climbing all those stairs!). Fun movie..you were great! Keep sharing; I always learn something from you. -BG

As ever ladies, thanks for the comments!

questions09 - here's raising a glass to your surgery in the Autumn (you guys say The Fall right?) and good to see your doing so well BG - don't worry about small gain you had - weigh your self every month - so much more rewarding not watching the short term hiccups!

Je crois que le peuple de France l'amour des gens maigre, oui? French is rusty...sorry.

Oooh La La - look at you!!! You honestly look 10 years younger! I have pm'd you - your blogs and enthusiasm are great.