This will be my first blog here, so I'll briefly introduce myself to the world of blog-readers, though it may be small.

I'm 29 (until a week from tomorrow) and I had surgery on March 6, 2009. I have an Allergan 4cc band placed in Juarez, Mexico by Dr. Jose Rodriguez.

Before I decided to have the surgery, I was at my heaviest ever. Shortly after losing 30 pounds or so on Atkins, I started re-gaining weight very quickly; roughly 70 pounds in just a few months following my parent's breakup. Nothing had ever affected me as profoundly as when my parents split up - not even my own divorce. Anyway, one day at 272 (my highest weight) I realized I had fat hands, which I had never had in all my 25+ years of being overweight They were so plump that they dimpled in at the knuckles. I snapped and realized I had a closet full of clothes that didn't fit anymore, and ankle pain every morning when my feet hit the floor. I dreaded that ankle pain every time the alarm clock woke me up.

I truly believe I had (have) a food addiction. I would go to McDonald's with my kids, eat my meal (often with dessert) and wait for my kids to finish so I could glean what was left of their happy meals. A couple of nuggets, an extra order of fries. I would eat it all, and it didn't matter if the fries were cold.

I once confided in my good friend that I had a food addiction. She thought I was joking and we laughed about it, but deep inside I knew it was true and that I had to do something. I did a quick search for food addiction on the internet and I found a video advertisement of a young lady who had lapband. I thought she was so beautiful, and her story was so much like my own - heavy all her life.

There are some things about having had the surgery that I hate. But for the most part, I love that I made the decision to get the band. For example, I hate that I told so many people because I can't stand when someone says, "You can't eat that, can you?" UGH!! lol. "Watch me!" If you're reading this and thinking about having the surgery, consider who you tell. Some people love to tell everyone, and they have that screw-you attitude. I'm not quite as resilient. I wish I hadn't confided in as many people as I did.

Another thing is - be ready for criticism. People will tell you you're taking the easy way out. (Lemme tell ya - this is anything BUT easy. The band will make you confront demons you never knew you had. It will force you to think about everything that you put in your mouth. It will cause - at times - physical pain like you've never experienced. It will sometimes scare the heck outta you). Others will say "shouldn't you have lost more weight by now?" or "is it healthy to lose weight that fast?" "why don't you just get that thing taken out?" "I couldn't live with that thing inside of me" all with a sly attitude about them, of course. I had one friend who said, "well, I'm not big enough to have lapband, I just need to lose about 50 pounds," while she was (is) morbidly obese. I think this was her way of telling me she wasn't near as fat as me. In my part of the country, we have a name for those kinds of people - haters.

What I love: I LOVE that I've lost nearly 40 pounds and I'm back to feeling like me. I LOVE that soon I won't feel like myself anymore because I'll be an all-new-to-me thin person! I've never been thin, and at my least-fat, I was 198 pounds. (After some serious weight loss, I celebrated breaking 200 by gaining it all back. Go figure.) I LOVE that I always only order the kid-size meal when we go out, and I can't finish it. Now my kids eat my leftovers. :thumbup: I LOVE that my ankles don't hurt every morning, and my clothes are starting to fit again. I LOVE that all the fat clothes I had bought to accommodate my weight gain are now too big for me. And for the first time in my life, I know I won't be fat forever. There is light at the end of this tunnel. I used to say that I was just destined to be a big girl. I LOVE that I don't believe that anymore.

Thank you so much for sharing such an inspirational post. I love your attitude.

Keep up the good work!

I LOVED reading your Blog! Honey, you are wise beyond your years...and I know that you've suffered lots of pain obtaining that wisdom.

I too dipped below that 200 mark. I lost 71 pounds, and gained it all back. After years of thinking how stupid it sounded to refer to myself as an "addict", I finally accepted my truth. I am an addict. I am a recovering food addict. If you don't name it, you can't claim it, and if you can't claim it you'll never change it.

And I'm one of those people who shouted it from the rooftops when I was banded. When people say stupid stuff, I simply look them dead in the eye and ask, "And this is a fact, or simply an inaccuracy that you've come up with on your own?" Sometimes, though, I just laugh and tell them to "Kiss my used to be fat ass!" You'd be suprised how resiliant you get as you get older!

You inspire me, and I know you inspire your children! Good for you, girl. You keep on keeping on, and when people hate on you, just remember that it's only because they want what you have!

Ditto what Wendy said...great post! Very inspirational! -BG

Hi JLRay, I just got banded 4 days ago. I'm feeling great, I'm not hungry, never got nauseated, never needed the pain med and I'm so looking forward to being less fat, maybe even "thinner". I'm hoping that I too will drop about 40 lbs in 3 months. That's awesome ! I have a military ball to go to with my boyfriend in Oct. I really want to look good by then. I agree with you about being careful who you tell. Just the few need-to-know people I've told, are wearing me out with questions. But at least they are all on my side, giving me total support and understanding. However, I've been keeping it a secret from my kids (9, 11) and just about everybody else because I don't want my ex to know how I'm spending the money he sends me. LOL. He likes to call me a "big fat lazy bitch". We'll see who gets the last laugh when I look good for my new man, who by the way, loves me just the way I am. This was entirely my desire for myself. Letting my ex pay for me to look good for another man is just something I deserve. Seeeee, revenge can often be healthy. LOL My only complaint thus far, in this first post-op week is that chicken broth and juice are boring me. Its work to stop thinking of food as my source of pleasure or entertainment, but I'm getting there. This is my first comment, about anything to anybody. If you, or anyone else new to the band wants to keep in touch with me, please do. Good luck to everyone. Cat

Jlray - I love you post I am also a food addict and I have battled with my weight my entire life. In 2000-2001 I had lost 130 lbs doing Weight Watchers (I was fitting into a size 8) and I struggled to keep it off and last year the scale hit my highest weight and then added a few more pounds. It was so hard for me to acknowledge that I had failed even today I think about all the time and things I've missed out on. So 6 weeks post-op I'm down about 41 lbs and I'm feeling good but it is a long road ahead and I have come to terms with being a food addict and I am really trying to obtain a "normal" relationship with food (whatever that is!).

You know, when I lost that 71 lbs. on Weight Watchers, I thought, "That's it! I'm no longer a fat girl. I'll never, EVER go back...yeah, right. However, I truly do belive that you can find something "good" in every situation, and even though it took me a while, I did find something good about gaining that weight back.

The first good thing was that I learned to NEVER say never. For a food addict, the moment you think you're "fixed" or that you can handle it, is the moment that addiction will kick your ass and show you who's boss. It is so similar to being an alcoholic. If you heard an alcoholic say, "I got this. I can drink just every once in a while and I'm good," you'd think that person was crazy...well, food addicts are the same way. We can't handle it. We're addicts and we will always be addicts. It's a serious addiction and can be deadly. So, with that realization comes the beautiful truth of knowing that even though I will never say I'll never be fat again I can say that it's highly unlikely. You see, I know what to look out for, now. I know that it's bullshit for me to think I can eat birthday cake on my birthday, or to think I can eat a bite of chocolote, and since I know this, I don't even try it because that one bite could be the beginning of the end.

Another good think from gaining all that weight back was that I'm more empathetic and understanding. I also am VERY grateful I'm so blessed to be right where I am. I never thought I'd be given a second chance.

You remind me so much of me. Best of luck to you. I KNOW you'll achieve your goal.

64cat,

It gets soooo much easier once you get a few fills. You're going through Bandster's Hell right now, but once they find your sweet spot (the correct amount of fill for your band,) you won't belive the difference. It usually takes a few trips to the doctor's office before they find the sweet spot because they can't just fill you all at once, so be patient, because once they do, you'll think you've died and gone to some kind of heaven!

Yeah, what she (Wendy) said!