This is my story. I’ll try to keep it as short and to the point as I can, and I’m not going to tiptoe around this. I was banded December 22, 2009. That was the day I was reborn, and my life changed in ways I never dreamed possible.

I believe that for many of us; the ones with “true” addictions, it takes “rolling around in the gutter” before we can begin to rise up. My darkest days were when I was in the throes of my eating disorder. I can honestly tell you that if it weren’t for my children I think I would have killed myself. I used find comfort in imagining how I would “do it.” I was just so tired. Everyday was the same as the last. I would wake up and know that I was going to lose that battle with food, yet again. Some days I’d lose it before breakfast. Some days it might take me a few weeks before I finally lost control. Once, I made it over a year and lost 71 pounds…only to gain every ounce, and then some back again. So, I just wanted it to end. I just wanted peace. And don’t get me wrong; I refer to my eating disorder in the past tense, but it’s not a “past tense” thing at all. I consider myself to be a “recovering addict.” An alcoholic doesn’t get to say, “I used to be an alcoholic,” and I don’t get to say, “I used to have an eating disorder.” I DO have an eating disorder. I have to remember that or it will sneak up on me again and kick my ass.

So, I say all that to really say this; people have to come into their own truth in their own time, and sadly, some never come into their truth at all.

If you would have told me that one day I would have to be careful and remember to eat, I would have told you that you were crazy.

If you would have told me that someday I would no longer be obsessed by food, I would have never believed a word of it.

If you would have told me that one day I would give up sugar, I would have told you that you had the wrong girl.

If you would have told me that I would no logger be plagued by, “when, where, what and how much do I get to eat, I would have told you, “Not in this lifetime.”

But all of those things, and so much more has happed. My life is so great that I can’t believe it’s mine. Food is simply not that big of a deal to me any more, and I am so blessed to have this wonderful “tool” to help me succeed I’m free! I’m happy and really; the weight loss, those 60 pounds; that is “secondary.” YES; secondary; the peace of mind; that’s the PRIMARY benefit. Dropping 60 pounds in 5 months; that is simply an added bonus. I’m free! I’m happy and I am so BLESSED!

So, all of you people who whine about liquid diets, or not getting to eat a bunch of junk or having to work out, or gaining weight, or the pain and discomfort of eating too fast or not chewing enough, or stretch marks, or not being able to pig out like you used to on holidays or special occasions…ENOUGH ALREADY! SHUT UP! I GET SO SICK OF THE UNGRATEFUL ATTITUDES! IF the bad is not working for you, it’s probably for one or two of the following reasons:

You need a fill.

You’re drinking with meals.

You’re not working out.

You’re not eating “protein” first, or taking in enough protein..

You’re “grazing” or eating a bunch of height/empty caloric foods

You’re not “listening to your body,” when it tells you that you’ve had enough to eat.

You’re not using the band as a “tool;” You’re expecting the band to do everything for you.

Being banded is not a lifestyle change; it’s a lifestyle OVERHAUL. So, in life; if you're not getting the results you want, either change what you're doing or live with.

Bravo! Very straight to the point. I've only been banded recently, but I have to say I've been a bit annoyed reading some posts of people complaining about the things you've mentioned in your blog. Enough is enough...it's time to get serious about the bodies we were given to take care of!

Thank you, and the very best of luck to you

You posted a comment on my blog. "You need a fill." Well my doctor does not allow me to make that decision. Plus I have had 7 fills so far and have hit no sweet spot. I am so happy that you have hit yours and you have lost 60 lbs. in 5 months! I really am. But I feel I am doing all I can and am supposed to and am not losing and have not lost nearly that much. Every month when I go in I am afraid too but not because of my old "full" habits but because I know this is not working for me for some reason.

Anyway--thanks for the thoughts. I saw your list of things that could be wrong and I still say I am trying all those things. Keep up your wonderful progress!

BioTeacher,

PLEASE do not misunderstand me. My heart breaks when I hear stories like yours. When you do everything you can think of and not only don't lose, but gain...I think I would go totally mental. Let me ask you this? When you go in for a fill, I would assume that your doctor has you stand in front an X ray machine as you drink that chalky cocktail, so that he can see how the liquid is going down-right? If you had a "leak" or another type of malfunction with your band, could the doctor see that at that time?

That is the only other thing I can think of, but although I am an opinionated sort; I am not a doctor, so if I were you I'd ask another doctor; get a second opinion.

There is simply no reason why you should be having such a difficult time. Have you lost any weight at all? If not, I'd ask around and find out how your doctor's other patients are doing with their band to try and discern if it's something you're doing wrong or the doctor is doing wrong.

But, get a second opinion. There's more than one doctor that does fills. Talk with you're general physician. There's got to be a reason you're not losing.

I hope this helps you. Please keep me posted.

I read your comments and appreciate the thoughtfulness. At my doc's office they simply put the saline in your port. They NEVER look to see what it is doing. They give you a bottle of water to make sure you can drink before you leave the office and that is it! I sure WISH mine did it the way yours did! I just returned from the office with small gain. They put another half ml in and and I got the impression that is going to be it! I now have 7ml in a 9ml band. It should be working. I basically got the whole lecture about the fact that I am eating too much. And that I should NOT feel any restriction, I should just stop eating after about a cup of food and feel fine. Do you feel something that kind of tells you when to stop? Or DID you feel something? I am not trying to get sick or something just a little tug. I have been told several times now that is not what to look for.

Well enough of my struggles. You keep up the good work. So glad it is working for you and I appreciate your kindness.

Okay...something is very wrong here. Let me tell you the way it worked for me with my fills, and from what I've read, this is pretty much the way it's supposed to work, but let me reiterate: this is only my personal experience.

I went in for my first fill and didn't really feel anything at all. I called the doctor's office and they said that was normal. Most people don't feel anything that much at all the first time. They also told me that it's a slow procress to find the "sweet spot," but that we should hit it about the third or fourth time.

The second time I went in. They filled my band some more and I could really tell it...I thought. I thought I had hit the sweet spot so much so, that when I went in for my third fill, I told the nurse that I was certain that I didn't need anything done to my band. She Then, she says, "Oh yeah, you need a fill." When asked her how she knew that she told me that she could tell by the way the liquid was going down easily. So, she gave me just a little boost and THAT was when they found my sweet spot. I only thought I was properly filled before.

Here's what it's like for me, and I really hate telling you this because I don't want to make your situation any worse by letting you know how great it can be, when you're not getting what you need...but then, I think, well, if you don't know what a proper fill is like then how will you ever know?

When you're properly filled there is NO doubt that you're banded. You can only eat about 4 ounces of "real" food...not water based foods like salad and fruit, and not ice cream, not the stuff that goes through your band, but "real" food. If you eat too much, you won't have to "make" yourself stop eating because the food will feel like it's coming back up your throat...because it is! If you don't chew enough it feels like you're having a freaking massive heart attack! When you're properly filled, your appetite just goes away after a few bites. You don't binge and stuff yourself because you can't.

One of the things that struck me about your response to me was when you stated that everyone keeps telling you to stop eating. Well, one of the first things my nurse asked me, and this is when I was certain that I was filled properly, was "How much food can you eat at one time?" When I told her, it evidentally tipped her off that something was wrong, and now I know why. "Yes, you do have to take some responsibilty for knowing when to stop eating, but really, it's very easy to figure out; when you feel food start to come back up your throat- you stop eating. After awhile, it won't even get to that point. You just kind of know how much you can eat. So, in my non professional opinion, when you have to tell a lap band patient, who is doing everything they are supposed to do and not only hasn't lost any weight, but keeps gaining that they should make themselves stop eating then something is wrong. If we could make ourselves stop eating we wouldn't have the lap band, now would we? Yes, you have to do your part, but when you do your part and you're gaining...no; that's not right, and then have you watch as you swallow. You can see the liquid slooooowwwwly going down. If I were the doctor I would want to let my patient see that I had done everything I was supposed to do, or I would want to know if the band had a leak...

It just should not be this hard for you. Why don't you ask your doctor to hook you up to the xray machine as you swallow. If he refuses...I'd wonder why, and then I'd get a new doctor.

One more question; do you ever feel restriction when you're getting a fill? If not, do you tell the doctor as he's filling you that you don't feel anything? If you do tell him, what does he say, because when they give you a good size bump to that band, you can feel it immediately.

Wendy

Wendy I am both happy and sad as I read your response to my questions. What you are saying is EXACTLY what I thought the band was supposed to do. I have not felt that hardly ever at all. Only on stringy meats or once in awhile if I eat too fast. I was beginning to think I was NUTS! According to the nurse this morning if I felt what you feel I would be OVERfilled! This is the SECOND time I have had this SAME lecture. Gosh, I just want to feel SOMETHING. I think if I had even a little of what you are getting I would be doing a TON better. My sadness is in what to do. I have felt for awhile that I might need another doctor but I have tried to HANG on. I do not know at all HOW to go about doing that. When I was first banded they put off my appts 2-3 times because the doctor had an emergency so I was really really frustrated in December (5 months out). But that did get better. I was trying to hold on for as much fill as I could get. You would think 7ml in a 9ml band would do it. It has been half ml at a time for the last 6 mos. I did ask the DOCTOR (whom I have not seen for months now) about using fluoroscopy to do my fills. He said he felt it was not necessary and did not think he needed to expose either himself or me to the unnecessary radiation since it just wasn't necessary. Those are his exact words. Wish I had your doctor then..... Well I will see how this last fill does. Then if it does not help not sure what I will do.

Believe me you have been so helpful. I feel better about what I thought should be happening. You are a wonderful inspiration and I very much appreciate your taking the time to answer my questions! I will keep looking at your progress. thanks again!