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About this blog

This is my journey through the process of VSG or vertical sleeve gastrectomy, aka gastric sleeve

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That's the trouble with fear...

It always gets you when you least expect it. You’re cruising right along, doing your thing, and then something happens and that fight or flight reaction stops you in your tracks. Humans have fear to keep themselves safe. The fear of the unknown has kept us safe for thousands of years; we do what is most comfortable, hardly venturing out into the great unknown without a reasonable reason for doing so. In cases of elective surgery, it’s a tricky thing because as in the case of bariatric surgery, no one is saying to you something like, “Your appendix has ruptured and we have to remove it”, or “Your heart has a blockage and we must do a bypass or you’ll die”. It’s tricky because without bariatric surgery, oftentimes it’s only a matter of time until it kills us. Although in many cases it’s probably not in the immediate future, but definitely not a long way away, either. Or, maybe your health is pretty good like in my case. I don’t have heart problems, diabetes or high blood pressure, but rather my weight has robbed me of my quality of life. With degenerative arthritis in my back, the pain from the weight has taken away a lot of my joy. So, when I say that it’s only a matter of time until it kills us, it could be in the physical or emotional sense of the word.   I’m amazed at the change in emotion as I go through this process and it gets closer and closer to my surgery date. I’m still vacillating between excitement and fear, and I presume that’s going to be the case until I’m on the operating table on December 18th. However, I no longer fear the procedure itself. I have the utmost confidence in my surgeon. Now, I am more apt to be fearful of the recovery itself, and occasionally the years ahead of me as I age. Since there is no long-term data specifically on my surgery type, the future is uncertain even though people have had portions of their stomachs removed due to various reasons including cancer. There are thousands upon thousands though, that have had successful surgeries and recovery times, and the number of those with life altering complications are slim. But, it does happen and I have to be educated and aware that the possibility exists. Nonetheless, the fear is an ever-constant subtlety that will likely remain. That’s the trouble with fear; it’s not something that is easily controlled.
bobbyswife

bobbyswife

2
 

There are only two kinds of days.

Ambivalence is defined as the state of having mixed feelings or contradictory ideas about something. On this particular journey in my life I've decided that I have but only two kinds of days. The only way I can refer to them is as positive days and negative days. The two never seem to cross paths, and each morning promises one of the two. A new friend of mine that I have begun to get to know through this site, said it best; "It's almost like a strange retake on Groundhog's Day, where we've somehow got caught up in this (seemingly) never ending loop." That's exactly how I feel. I fall asleep at night thinking one of two things, either worry about the surgery and/or post op, or feeling excited about the surgery and/or post op success. I wake up feeling either anxious about how many days are left until surgery or hopeful about how positive my life will change for the better. I'm not quite sure why I keep vacillating so much between these two outlooks. The good thing about being on this site is that you can read all sorts of varying experiences from literally thousands and thousands of people. The bad thing about it is the exact same thing. It's the epitome of a catch 22. Sometimes when I read horror stories that people have gone through or turmoil that people going through right now as a result of surgery, its sets my nerves on overdrive. One side of me says, "that won't happen to me", and the other side says, "the risk here is real, even the risk of death". Those two extremes are just that. Extreme. Granted, I'm relatively healthy other than morbid obesity, degenerative arthritis and fibromyalgia. I don't have blood pressure problems or heart issues. But, the clock is ticking. I am getting no younger and no thinner being incapable of exercise in this state that I'm in. I know that I've made the right choice and I know that the more positive I remain, the better I will do. If I don't go through this surgery, one thing is for sure, I will get sicker, I will get heavier, and I will face more health challenges. My mind is made up, I just wish I could stop this cycle.
bobbyswife

bobbyswife

0
 

Questions you should ask your gastric sleeve surgeon...

When I started this process I was just so excited to find out that my insurance covered bariatric surgery after researching the process for over a year, that I left out an important piece to the process. It was all kind-of a whirlwind though, when I got my consultation appointment literally for the next morning after trying to get in to see the surgeon that I was set on using. Once that appointment opened up at the last minute, there were so many emotions going on and so much excitement that the ball was FINALLY rolling, I neglected to make a list of questions to take with me to my consult. Now, to be clear, I had been researching this procedure and my surgeon and his center of excellence for a very long time, so I was already very much aware of the process and most of the national statistics, but I didn't make a list and that was a bad idea. Fortunately, the nurses and staff have been great about replying to my questions as I have them, but I wish I had been armed with them so that I could have spent more time with my surgeon in the beginning. If I had it to do over again, this is the one thing I would have changed. So, I have made a list of questions for you, the reader, to use for your consult. You may already have a list, and if so, just take a look at these and see if there is anything you missed. The more information you have in your arsenal the better prepared you will be and the more likely you will be to succeed post op!   How many years have you been performing bariatric surgery?   What type of training have you had in bariatric surgery?   Are you board certified?   Are you FACS? (Fellow, American College of Surgeons)   Do you use staples, sutures, or both?   After the stapling of my sleeve, will you over-sew the staples?   What is your complication rate?   What is your mortality rate?   More specifically, what is your sleeve leak rate?   How many trocars will be used for my surgery?   I have read that most leaks happen at the top, or at the bottom; are there any extra measures taken to protect against this happening?   Will you leave in a drain that will need to be removed a few days later?   Will you put me on Lovenox or other blood thinners after surgery?   What type of compression devices will you use on my legs to prevent blood clots?   If I have a hernia will you repair it at the same time?   Do you remove the gallbladder during surgery?   What size bougie will you use?   Is your center or your hospital a center of excellence?   Are you a member of ASBS? (American Society of Bariatric Surgery)   How many sleeve surgeries have you performed?   How many do you typically do each year?   How many nights will I be in the hospital?   Does your facility offer support after surgery?   When will be my first post op appointment and how often will I check in at the office after that?   Does your bariatric center offer a clothing exchange among other patients?   These are the most important questions that I think need to be asked. Feel free to add your own! Make sure you take a good pen and leave room to write in all your answers.
bobbyswife

bobbyswife

1
 

My Top 10 Ways of Trying to PREVENT Loose Skin

I don’t want to look like a flying squirrel after my weight loss, so I’ve spent a great deal of time researching ways to combat loose skin, and while there’s no promise of perfect skin after losing a lot of weight, I’ve come up with the most common things that have supposedly been helpful when talking to and reading about people who have lost up to 100 pounds and more. No, I’m not a skin specialist, but these are the top 10 things that I think I will do in these two months prepping for surgery Dec. 18th. None of these items would be negative, so any benefit that does come from them will be… well... a benefit! These are in no particular order 1) Coconut Oil – I’m slathering myself in this every day. Coconut oil keeps the skin’s connective tissues strong and supple, and can even help with skin blemishes. I’ve already noticed a major improvement in my skin health since starting this regimen. I’ve always been prone to itchy skin and it has all completely stopped in a matter of days. Also, cooking with coconut oil is the healthiest in my opinion. Cooking with oils such as olive oil is counter-productive because once it reaches a certain temperature it starts to oxidize and release free radicals. That’s never good. 2) Body Brushing aka Dry Brushing - Releases toxins, stimulates the lymphatic system and improves circulation. Always dry brush in a circular motion, brushing toward your middle. 3) Water, Water, Water – Drink, Drink, Drink. If you’re an adult, you know this. Enough said. 4) Weight Training - Work those muscles. This one is tricky for me because I am so arthritic and have fibromyalgia and I have to literally micro-manage my every move in order to prevent adrenal fatigue, but I am so hoping, praying and wishing that once some of this weight comes off and I am in less pain, weight training will be possible again because I love it! 5) Say NO to sun bathing and chlorine – both of these dehydrate your skin. If you’re like me and love to be in the sun, use sunscreen or good clothing coverage. But, for me, I’m personally going to avoid too much direct exposure, at least between now and goal weight. It’s a healthy practice to get into anyway. Unfortunately it can be a catch 22 though, since so many sunscreens are full of skin harming chemicals. Your best bet = cover up! And for Heavens sake – stay out of the tanning bed! If you must go swimming, even in an indoor pool, wash that chlorine off ASAP. Can you say dry skin? 6) Regular Massage – I’m a big believer in massage for too many things to list, but treating your skin to regular massage stimulates your blood cells and lymphatic system. Your skin is your largest organ – treat it nicely 7) Protein – Lots of lean protein will give your skin the collagen and elastin that it needs to stay healthy. If you eat a bunch of crap – expect your skin to be crap, too. I know this from first hand experience. Any time I get off track and start feeding my body junk food, my skin is the first thing to suffer. 8) Use Decent Soap – it doesn’t have to be the most expensive thing on the market, but cleanse your skin with a decent moisturizing cleanser and avoid over-cleansing. 9) Essential Oils – my sister has recently delved into the essential oil world and I’ve really been impressed with some of the studies that have recently been put out. Lavender oil and almond oil just to name a few are amazing things. I add a few drops to my bath when I feel like soaking. It’s good for the skin and the lavender is oh-so-relaxing, too! 10) Compression Wear – The support group meeting that I attend is lead by a bariatric surgery nurse who himself has lost almost 300 lbs. in about 18 months post sleeve. He swears by compression clothing and says it doesn’t have to be the expensive stuff either. Just a good quality compression undershirt and leggings makes a big difference, he says. Some other ideas I’ve heard about on bariatricpal.com and in my other searches include things like taking beef gelatin, using or making body wraps, using lotion with caffeine, and eating lots of high antioxidant fruits and vegetables. Getting in “lots” of fruits and veggies is particularly challenging for VSG’ers because protein must come first and there’s often not a lot of room for extra. For this reason, taking a bariatric grade supplement for life is critical. A couple of funny comments that I got when I posted a question on a forum about ways to prevent loose skin was “youth” and “good genetics”. I got a good chuckle out of the youth one because now that I’m in my 40’s it’s certainly apparent that I’m not a teenager anymore. But, alas, healthy skin is something we should try to keep at any age. The bottom line is that none of this may work at all, but if I don't try, and I end up with loose skin, I'll wonder if it would have been better if I tried. If I try them all habitually and I still have loose skin, at least I'll only wonder if it would have been worse if I hadn't.
bobbyswife

bobbyswife

1
 

Gift for myself!

I've been thinking that since I have 2 months to prepare both mentally and otherwise, I would go ahead and start collecting little things for my new life. I'm traveling Mon - Thurs this week to New Orleans for work, so when I get back I'm going to take a nice box and cut off the top, then find some wrapping paper that makes me squeal with delight and put a big bow on it. This will be my gift to myself to celebrate my new birthday. I'll add things to it as I find them over the next few months. I'll start a tradition of giving myself a special gift (non-food, of course) every year on the anniversary of my new tummy! I was in the grocery store on Sunday and found the greatest little things that I think will be super helpful for post op, once I'm on semi-solids and solids. They are these adorable little 1 C. containers that come complete with a little removable ice pack that sits inside the lid. I've read that most sleevers won't come close to 1 C. of food for a long time (if ever), but these were the smallest ones I could find. I can't wait to use these little boogers, and of course the pink one is my favorite! I've also got some adorable little cocktail forks and spoons that will make me take itsy-bitsy little bites of food. I'm hoping to find more of those in cute designs. If anyone has any suggestions for my gift box to myself, I'm all ears!
bobbyswife

bobbyswife

2
 

First support group meeting

I went for my first support group meeting last night and Bobby wanted to go with me. We had a great time! It wasn't what I expected at all. I think I had in my mind that it would be a whole slew of people in a big room talking to each other for a while and then maybe a speaker or something. But it wasn't that at all, in fact it was just a large conference room table with about 10 people there. Only 4 of us were patients, everyone else was support. It was great to see everyone supporting their loved ones. The place I went wasn't my normal support group that I'll go to with the staff of my surgeon that meets once a month, but rather this one was lead by a friend of mine that is a nurse at another surgeons office. He was sleeved a year and a half ago and has lost 280 lbs. He's now 202 lbs and 5'10". His wife and I grew up together. She's only 4'11" and has lost 76 lbs. She's now 163. It was great to actually talk face to face with him (I haven't seen him in person since his surgery), and be able to get answers to a lot of questions. This support group meets every Friday night and is closer to my house than my surgeons group, so I'm looking forward to going to that one more often.
bobbyswife

bobbyswife

0
 

I got a date!

I got a date! I got a date! I got a date! I'm doing the happy dance! So many emotions going on right now. I jump from ecstatic to scared, and then from worried to anxious. Mostly just delighted though. I know the next few months are going to fly by, but I also hate the waiting. I've had an upset tummy for 24 hours now because my nerves are all over the place. This IS the right decision though. Even my other Dr's all agree this is going to be the best thing for me in my situation. December 18th will be here before I know it! Now I just have to wrap my head around it and decide how many people I'm willing to talk to about it. It feels very private, but I'm also not ashamed of it. Oh well, time will tell what I decide to do and I'll cross that bridge when I get there!
bobbyswife

bobbyswife

0
 

Let's get down to business!

So, about this decision I've made to pursue VSG. It wasn't an easy one, and in fact, I went down this road almost 1 year ago. A year ago I was at my highest weight. At 5'3" I weighed 259 lbs. I was so disgusted with myself and was at the end of my rope. I looked into bariatric surgery and was really interested. I exchanged lots of emails with an old friend that was working for one of the best bariatric surgeons in the Atlanta area. I was excited at the prospect of doing this - I knew the benefits greatly outweighed the risks. It seemed I was in pain all the time, I had failed at so many diets, and hunger always won. After talking it over with my husband, we agreed that we should go forward with the process. Well, unfortunately my excitement came to a screeching halt when I found out that my insurance wouldn't cover ANY bariatric procedure. Since the company I work for was a privately owned small business, bariatric surgery was completely excluded from the policy. BAM. Plans Over. So, I joined a gym, and hired a personal trainer. 3 days a week I gave that little fella my blood, sweat and tears. And a little pee, but that's another story entirely lol. I followed a strict Paleo diet and lost about 32 lbs in a matter of 5 months. Then, out of nowhere I had wrenching back pain that made it very difficult to even walk. This went on for weeks, and finally my husband insisted that I see a doctor. Well, guess what? One torn disc, one bulging disk, very bad facet arthropathy (a crap ton of arthritis in my lower back), and spondylosis. Yeah, to put it in a nutshell, I was screwed. Fast forward to July of this year and I began to see a specialist who periodically injected me with steroids in my back which helped tremendously with the pain. Because I did so well with them, he recommended that I have a nerve ablation procedure (now when I say my nerves are fried - they really are!). About a week after that procedure an entirely new pain began. Head to toe agony. More doctors, more specialists. Diagnosis - Fibromyalgia. Often the onset of this ridiculous disease occurs after an invasive procedure. The most unfortunate part about this diagnosis and the one before it is that I'll never again be able to train like I once did. I sank into a deep depression; I honestly felt like life as I knew it was over. I rapidly gained weight back, up to 240.6 now. I tried to stay positive about it, but I literally went from an energetic, do-everything possible in a day kind of person, to an aching, sad, shell of a woman. Fearing that my fate was to forever be fat, my husband, my partner in life had an idea. How did this not occur to me? It's amazing how depression clouds your thinking. His realization about a critical fact was like a ray of light. In January, the small business I worked for was purchased by a huge corporation, and in March... you guessed it... new insurance. One phone call to the number on the back of my card and my hope is renewed. They cover bariatric surgery. My consultation with the surgeon is tomorrow! Wednesday, Oct. 15th. They are saying that I qualify for the "Fast Track" to surgery and I could be sleeved as soon as November or December!!! Send me prayers, love and light. Stay tuned...
bobbyswife

bobbyswife

0
 

Thoughts on shedding our old selves

In talking with my baby sister (my 35 year old baby sister), who has always been so wise, we were discussing the relentlessness of regaining lost weight and why we do it. Her words were simple, but profound. "To reach your goal you have to shed all those things that give you an excuse from pushing yourself to the next level on every topic. Being obese allows us to back down. It's our safeguard, our built-in hatch. It's been your friend. So has food. So, you're killing that old self." Here's to new beginnings.
bobbyswife

bobbyswife

0
 

A blog for no one...

Hi! My name is Emily, and this is my journey through the process of VSG or vertical sleeve gastrectomy, aka gastric sleeve. I'm starting this blog at the beginning, so I'm excited about the fact that my "about me" will be an evolution of change, because in all reality, the me that I am now, will not be the same "me" in a few months. I'm anxious and timid, but optimistic about the future.   I'm a 40 year old Mom of two girls and wife to the most amazing, supportive husband in the world who is not only my lover, but my very best friend. He's right beside me through this process, and without him, this would be an entirely different journey.   This blog is not intended to have an audience. Well, rather, just an audience of one – that one being me.   I recently read a blog about why people blog. Some do it for financial gain, others do it to increase their journalistic (is that a word?) exposure, and others – this is the category I fit neatly into – blog for very personal reasons, and never really expect to have any “followers”. But, maybe one day I will, so before I go any further, I’ll say “thanks” to whoever may come. For whatever your reasons are for being here, I appreciate your support. Maybe you’re hoping I’ve got something to say that will help you along the same journey, God knows I certainly searched for little nuggets of thought when I first decided to go down this road.   Regardless of why you’re here, thanks.   Sometimes when I’m relaxing in the tub I’ll ask myself why I’m doing this, and occasionally I’ll have little moments of clarity and come up with a cute quote or motivational thought and think “I should put that in my journal so I’ll read it later”. Inevitably I forget what it was, and when I’m finally writing again, it continues to escape me. I should come up with a good way of making notes to include in my writings. But, then again I probably won’t.   So, to those of you who have somehow come across me and decided to subscribe to my way of thinking, or at least pose a curiosity about it, thanks again. As I continue on this journey I can only hope that whatever I’m doing is helping someone out there, because if it does, then that gives me great happiness.
bobbyswife

bobbyswife

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