kickingthisweight

Negative vibs

I have been really open to everyone about my upcoming VSG. I have been considering surgery for about 3 years, and at first I didn't even want to tell my parents..only my husband. As time has passed, and I am actually going to do it, I have changed my mind. I don't want to live a secret. It is just a personal prefrence. I knew/know that people will be judgemental for whatever reason, and I was expecting negative vibs from some. I have mentally prepared myself, and it helps to have thick skin. So, yesterday I took my 6 year old to a small pool party. Many of my friends were there, some I am close to, some--not so much. Ironically, one of the people I am closer too threw some negative vibs. She isn't small but is currently trying to loose weight. In a general conversation between us and one other friend, I told her I was having VSG. One friend was excited for me, and I appreciated her kind words. The other said that she had asked her husband about it, and he said that he supported her if that was the choice she made.. She went on to tell me that it was cheating and that she hadn't cheated on anything in her life, and she wasn't going to start with weight loss. I simply told her, "To each their own". She further told me that it was the easy way out and that she liked working for her's. After telling her it was still WORK, she laughed. I left shortly thereafter, but continued other convos with a smile on my face. I felt like, in the long run, I had the upper hand, strangely. I was able to face the first negative vibs with a smile on my face, without feeling defeated, and without having any second thoughts. That, my friends, let me know that I am absolutely comfortable with my choices, and I won't let anyone take it away from me. SELF-FREAKING-HIGH-FIVE!!

mistymc

August 10, 2014

Surgery scheduled: Past, present, future..

I'm so excited, I have dreamed of being able to have WLS for so long, and it is coming true! September 3! I have so much I want to say, so I thought about doing youtube videos to keep up with my progress and reflect back during difficult times to see my progress. I made many, many attempts, but I either get toungetied or I just rambled, leaving me with a 25 min video, or I just don't feel comfortable about doing it. I plan to still record myself for only my use, and I'll stick to hiding behind the keyboard for now. Past: I was reared in a very stable, loving family, with the exception of one grandmother. My parents are the most amazing people and have supported me and my dreams, fully. I was not an overweight child, although my grandmother led me to believe that I was the heaviest child...EVER born. She had high expectations of everyone around her, and if you didn't fit the bill, she found no use for you. Anyway, so in 1991, I started lifting weights while my brother was at football pratice or using his equipment at home. It progressed to a passion of mine and eventually I began to lift competitively. I started lifting in the 181 class, this class is for people weighing 165-181. I stayed in that class until my senior year, and I decided to move up to the 198 class (181-198). I found that if I weighed a few more pounds, I could lift a considerably larger amount of weight, increasing my total for our 3 events, therefore, increasing my chances of winning. In order to stay in that class, I had to eat and eat and eat and eat....... I went on to lift for Louisiana Tech University. I was very successful in high school, so I chose to lift in the same class, doing the same thing-eating. I, too, was very successful there and it was really an opportunity of a lifetime, as I was able to lift with and for icons like Billy Jack Talton, Trey Cunningham, Doc Holloway, and PJ Chavonoac. The problem really began after powerlifing, as I continued to eat the same way but without the intense workouts. I still worked out, but not enough to counteract the amount of calories I was consuming. From there, I went to the Police Academy, and of course they ran us to death, and we did more push ups than any human should ever do in an entire lifetime. After I graduated from there, I worked patrol, 12 hour night shifts, for a Sheriff's Department. Basically, I rode around the parish (county for you non-Louisiana ppl) and responded to calls: wrecks, domestics, shootings, thefts, ect. Now remember my eating habits had not changed, and now I was adding more fuel to the fire. I worked nights, which increases everything like chances of breast cancer and diabetitis. I also ate alot of fast food and I ate it as quickly as possible. I never knew when the next call was going to come in, where it was going to be, or how long I was going to be on it, so I ate even when I wasn't hungry. However, I was on SWAT, SCAT, and SRT with weekly training, so I did exercise frequently, but again, not enough cardio to do the job. I continued that lifestyle until my husband and i found out we were having a baby. The eating didn't stop, but I did quit my job, and haven't returned to that career. It was a personal choice my husband and I made. So, after the baby was born, I lost about 40# and kept it off for sometime, and to be quite honest, I don't even really know how I ended up weighing 283#. (PRESENT) Somedays, it is literally like i woke up weighing 100# more. In reality, it happened over the course of 10+ years, but it happened so slowly, I didn't realize how bad it was. To top that off, I have some self-image reality issue: I see a current pic of myself and that is NOT the person i see in the mirror. But then again, I don't own a full body mirror, just small picture frame style mirrors in our bathrooms, and 2 dressers with mirrors in 2 bedrooms (not ours). I was just recently that I realized if I see a larger mirror, one that would allow me to see ME, I quickly turn my head and never give it another thought. The amazing news is that is all about to change, starting now, but really on Sept. 3. I see some people questioning having their procedure, and I did but only for a quick second. I had planned on having lapband, and really didn't do any detailed research on VSG. I went to my consult with my fabulous surgeon and he never entertained the idea of lapband, and when I mentioned it to him, he quickly told me that I would have to go elsewhere, that I had far too much to loose to trust the lapband. Now, I work with him occassionally, with post surgery patients that require life support systems....did I mention that I am now, for 5 years, a Respiratory Therapist (working 12 hour nights?)?? Sorry. I also work with him on tramas and have even cracked a few chest with him in the ER. So, he was most-likely more blunt with me and wasn't ashamed of his classic 'colorful' mouth, as he may be with others. Mentally, while sittting there, I did consider seeing someone else... I didn't want to stay overnight, I didn't want to take off of work for ANY amount of time, I didn't want to alter our routine at home in anyway, even though I know I am about to crash that party after surgery... Lapband or VSG, but then this is the person I trust MOST. I think I sat in the parking lot for an hour doing my own research after my appointment, and when I left that lot, I never looked back, lapband only crosses my mind as I think of what I once wanted. Now that I have done the research, I am glad that I am doing VSG. That day, my consult, was the heaviest recorded weight at 283, currently I am 275. Some part of me wishes that I would have had to do a monitored program with my NUT until surgery date, but then again, not so much. I want to loose some more in these next 3 weeks, but I guess we will see. Future: Goals...oh, so many!! I really have never been about the scales. I have never had a problem with telling people my weight. I suppose I have powerlifting to thank for that, since everyone knew what i weighed at all times. Numbers are numbers but since I really do need a "number" I am shooting for 160-180. My doctor says he wants me to be about 180, my shrink (& fitness gooro) says 160. ME? I really "think" I want to be 165-174. 174 is the heighest I can be per BMI and be normal weight. I just want to know what that feels like...you know, to use weight and normal in the present tense and in the same sentence, in regaurds to myself.... NSV's..............the list is endless really 1. I want to wear my wedding rings. They are beautiful and the meaning behind them is sacred, and it has been 3 years since I have worn them. 2. I want to play tennis again with my friends. Simple and true. 3. I want to be able to tie my shoes with getting out of breath. 4. I want to be able to run in the park with my kid.. Crap, WTH am I talking about....I want to just want to go to the park with my kid. 5. I want to feel like I belong next to my husband. Thank God he loves me unconditionally, and that I know that. 6. I want to run. Like really run. Perhaps a 5K or one of these toughmudder events or color runs. I never did enjoy running, but hopefully I can do it just to prove to myself that I can. 7. I want my ass to feel comfortable when I sit. Like in a fold-out chair at ballgames or even in the seats in our vehicles. 8. I want to be able to sit on the floor with comfort and get up...just freaking get up.. Ya know, without the assistance of anything...just get up. 9. Did I mention that I want to breathe better? Like really. I feel like I do 'normally' but in the event that I am rushing or carrying a load of something, I get winded from time to time. OR walk with a friend and talk at the same time. I don't know if I am the only one with this issue, but it is a concern. I also feel that I have sleep apnea. I snore terribly. If yall ever hear that I died in my sleep, investigate my husband, bc he threathens to smother me often, lol. 10. i want increased confidence, sex drive, energy, ect. Things I am most afraid of: 1. My hair will all fall out. Hairloss is a huge concern for me, as my hair is naturally fine and thin. i have considered getting some type of extension once this starts happening, but will it make it worse? Does anyone have any experience with extensions post op?? Any advice on hairloss will be fab! 2. Head hunger scares the hell out of me. I am an overeater.. It isn't the sweets or anything like that. I eat ALOT of food. 3. Skin..Skin..Skin.. I know I will have flabby arms, I know I will have an excess of skin, but how much is the question. I will be saving up in the next year for surgery. Powerlifting left me with gigantic arms...19" arms to be exact. Theres no way I will be skin free. I know it will be worth it, and i know that there are ways to minimize it...like staying hydrated... Has anyone tried a compression garment?? I included 4 pics. 2 before pics. 1 in 2004 with my cousins(I'm in the middle with hat) 1 in 2008 with my husband 2 now pics 1 with the mom's of my daughters class (green cardy) 1 at my sister's wedding (same cardy)

mistymc

August 10, 2014

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