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About this blog

My second last chance journey

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Has it really been 6 months since I updated?

Good grief! It has been a very busy year. It has now been 1 year 4 days since I had my band removed and I haven't done an update since June!   I am now down 84 pounds since I started this journey. I still can't believe just how different bypass is from my band experience. My relationship with food has changed so much I don't even recognize it! At 200 pounds I feel like I have a new lease on life. Progress has slowed considerably these past few months, but hey! It's still progress!! At this point in my band journey I was missing so many nutrients in my diet I always felt like I was in panic mode. I was already having issues with restriction and I could not eat meats very often at all. With bypass, I can eat anything I want to, and what I want is protein and veggies. Oh, and nuts. I loves me some nuts!!   I eat breakfast now. That's definitely new for me. I start my day with a high-protein 100-calorie Greek yogurt and I swear it helps keep me in check for the rest of the day. Atkins frozen dinners are a staple in my diet due to the high protein and low carb count. I am full and very satisfied with the portion I get from them, and they are delicious! My husband is still gone with work most of the time, but when he is home and my eating plan is disrupted a little bit I have zero problem getting back on plan. That has never, ever happened before with the band or any other "diet" plan I have been on. I really do feel as though my eating habits have changed for the better and for good!   I avoid simple carbs, but I do have potatos every so often with a meal and they don't trigger me. I found that good bread tastes delicious, and that scared me so I stay away from it. It has been incredibly easy to do so. Again, I'm amazed at just how fine I am with avoiding the things that got me to 284 pounds.   Exercise is still not my friend. I have a feeling I would have reached goal months ago if I was able to stick to a regular exercise routine, but I just don't. I am getting ready to re-enter the workforce and this time I will probably be working outside the home so that should help get me up and moving. My back pain is under control now, but my knees are still hitchy so I am anxious about that. No more surgery for a very, very long time, thank you very much!   A year ago I was depressed and just felt awful all the time. I was sleeping 8 hours a night and was exhausted all day long. I took naps every time I had a break from work (worked at home) and I felt like I was getting sicker and sicker every day. Now I sleep 6 hours a night on a good night and I have energy throughout the day. Who knew 6 hours was enough sleep for anyone?! I move quicker and I think better. My mood is good, even though this year has been a "rebuilding year" for my family, with a ton of crazy changes, most of them scary. Today I feel like I can tackle whatever life throws at me, and I look pretty darn good doing it!   Oh and that ladie's Seahawks shirt I wanted so badly last year? I know own TWO. One is a pink ladies jersey and the other is a cute hoodie my daughter, who works at Pink, got me-in a size large. It doesn't get much better than that!   I am between 15 and 25 pounds from goal and I am confident I will reach it by my 1-year surgiversary in April. I am in no huge hurry to reach goal because I feel I have made significant life changes already and I can definitely live this way for the rest of my life. If I keep doing what I am doing I will get there. Next, stop, onederland!!!
Sreeves

Sreeves

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Two things.

Two things happened today: I reached another scale goal, 50 pounds down, and I reached a NSV, I can fit into my jeans!!! I kept a couple of pairs of jeans from "before" but I had to quit wearing them 3 or more years ago. I guess I just hadn't realized just how much weight I had gained until about a month ago when I went to try one of them on and there was NO WAY I was getting them on. They barely went over my hips!   I have noticed a lot of body changing lately. More than just my face is slimming down. I can definitely see that change (and, apparently, so can everyone else!) but even though I had lost 5 inches in my waistline that was much harder to see. I am now 6 inches down in my waistline and that last inch has made a world of difference. I can actually see the beginnings of a waistline! Not that I ever have much of a waist, but that huuuuge belly I have been toting around is really starting to diminish.   I remembered earlier this week that the last time I lost major weight the last thing to go was my stomach. Why is that? Maybe because I carry the bulk of my excess weight around my middle, unfortunately. Still, I am so very excited to see what I will look like 20 pounds from now. That is my next major goal. I will still be over 200 pounds but I know these next 20 will mostly come off my midsection.   I bought a fitness band 11 days ago. I set low goals for myself at first and was kind of surprised to see that I actually walk more than I thought I did, but I raised my goal a few days ago and I am still managing to go above and beyond that goal! Who knew? I will keep upping my goals and see where it leads. Right now I am still just walking but I am starting to feel like I can do so much more than that for the first time in a very, very long time. What a journey this is. I am loving it.
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Firt mini goal reached!

I am now 7 weeks 2 days postop. Before surgery I had a mini goal in mind: I wanted to lose the weight of my granddaughter. At the time she weighed 45 pounds (she's 6). I did not give myself a time limit because,, frankly, I was not sure how fast or slow the weight would come off this time.   After the dreaded "three week stall," which, appropriately, lasted almost 3 weeks, I was not sure I would EVER reach this goal. I was wrong. I am now 45 pounds down. WOOT!   Unfortunately, my granddaughter hit a growth spurt these past few months and she now weighs 49 pounds. Still, MY goal has been reached. I expect to lose another 4 pounds in the next week or 2 so then I will feel another small victory.   Next actual mini goal: I want to weigh less than my husband, who is 220 pounds. I am within 5 pounds of what I weighed when we got married 10 years ago, so YAY! All these NSVs are what is keeping me motivated right now, and that is a wonderful feeling. Success is not always measured by the scale but for those times that it is, I am a happy loser!
Sreeves

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19 days post op.

Well it has been an interesting week, to say the least. I saw my surgeon last Friday and was bumped up to the pureed-food phase. Woot! He said that my 30-pound weight loss is actually ahead of schedule, but most of that was lost during the liquid preop diet. I stalled for 5 whole days last week. Ugh, how frustrating. He was very reassuring, though, and I know exactly what I am putting into my body every day because I track it all on Sparkpeople. These last 2 days I am actually UP 4 pounds! WTH! I am chalking it up to the constipation I have been having. Hopefully that rectifies itself by tomorrow.   I asked my surgeon about the 8 large hives I have on my lower abdomen and the one on my upper right arm. I started itching a week ago and I thought a flea had gotten into th waistband of my sweats. It took me until Thursday to realize that these hives actually line up perfectly with where I got my heparin injections in the hospital. My surgeon agreed with me; they are my heparin injection sites. How werid is that???? He had never heard of that before and neither have i. Who gets an allergic reaction 2 weeks after the fact? Oh yeah, I do. :\ Also, my back is out. Like, out-out. I can only takes a few steps without that nerve catching on an osteophyte and it is really incredibly frustrating. After all, I am supposed to be walking!!!!! Just sitting here on the couch is doing nothing for my hemorroids, either.   But-and it's a big but, I am very happy that those first 30 pounds are gone. I am happy with all of the support I have and I have gotten lots of encouragement from my bariatric team and my family, so I know all of these issues are temporary. I did experience a little bit of dumping syndrome 2 nights ago, probably from the Spam Spread I ate, and I am NOT a fan. No more of that, I say! I am still very happy I got this surgery and that aside from this bumpy week things are going along swimmingly. Here's to a better week next week!!
Sreeves

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Post op day 9

I got my JP drain out yesterday and it sure feels good to be rid of that thing! I have a lot more mobility and I got to take a real shower without being tethered to that thing. Things are going pretty well. I am meeting 60 grams of protein and getting all of my fluids.   I felt the need to change things up a little bit today. I had been out running around and decided to get some baby food. I have been doing fine with Strawberry Sorbet Unjury, Chicken Soup Unjury, and Oikos Triple Zero Greek yogurt, but I just really needed a little variety tonight, so I got some Gerber baby food. I have a little jar of Turkey and Gravy and a half a container of Squash for dinner. It may not have been quite a half cup, but boy oh boy did that hit the spot! I guess I just needed a "meal," you know? Since I am only at 50 gm for my protein intake today I can still have one of the Oikos yogurts later on, which will bring me up to 65 grams for the day and I actually feel satisfied. I felt a little funny shopping for baby food but I think it was worth it.
Sreeves

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Day after tomorrow!

Well I have eaten my last solid food for a long time. Tomorrow's diet is 3 protein shakes and LOTS of water. I cannot believe the day is almost here! What a long, long ride this has been. I am so grateful I got a little break between band removal and bypass. I definitely needed to let my body rest. My esophagus is back to normal. Crazy! I thought I would be messed up for life from the problems I had with the band but apparently I am resilient.   Getting through tomorrow will be rough. Lots of last minute details to take care of and a couple of long car rides, but by this time tomorrow night I will be in a motel room with my daughter getting ready to go to sleep. The next morning we are off to the hospital! Surgery is late morning, and I am very glad about that. I am pretty tired of being hungry, lol.
Sreeves

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Is it really happening this time?

After 4 months of rest from Lap-Band removal I am finally staring bypass in the face! April 8, 2015, is my surgery date. I start the preop diet in just 2 days.   I am almost afraid to breathe. What if something goes wrong again? I did not manage to keep my weight at exactly what it was before Lap-Band removal. I have gained 8 more pounds, now weighint 284 pounds, my highest weight ever.   My job ends forever in 7 days. My department was outsourced. These past few months have been nothing but stress, but that too is coiming to an end, just in time for surgery! I will have 8 days to clean my house from top to bottom and read anything and everything I can get my hands on about head hunger. I will also start walking during that time so I am primed and ready to go post op.   This surgery has to work this time. I am terrified it will be the Lap-Band dabaucle all over again and I just cannot let that happen. I need to make major changes in my life and they need to be forever. Considering I am 13+ years clean from a major meth addiction, this should be a piece of cake, right? Funny thing about that piece of cake. It is NOT the same thing. I am not confronted with my drug of choice day in and day out like I am with food. I know this is where I get hung up and I need to find out why and conquer it. I am grateful to have the support I have through this. I am going to need every bit of it.
Sreeves

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Round 1

Well, after 6 months of preparing myself for revision, I finally had a date: December 4, 2014. When I met with my surgeon, the very last step before the operation, he told me that things did not look good on the barium swallow. Now mind you, I had a barium swallow done in December of 2012 where the radiologist thought things looked pretty messed up in there. He said I had a hiatal hernia and my stomach was prolapsed up through my diaphragm and that my esophagus was not functioning normally. I went straight to a band specialist and he told me that the only problem was a slightly dilated pouch. He unfilled me completely (I knew I should have left right then and there) and 4 weeks later added back a small fill and then another a couple of weeks after that, both under fluoro. He told me I was good to go and that I needed to keep my calories at 1200 a day. Uh, If I could do that, why was I in this mess in the first place??? I was starving, even with the fill.   My second barium swallow was in September of this year. The radiologist at that time said everything looked just hunkey dorey but this is the same swallow my surgeon didn't like. ! So out of 2 swallows with 4 people reading them, I got one surgeon and one radiologist disagreeing on each exam. so confused.   Well turns out the very first radiologist and my surgeon were right. I had a 4-hour operation that was strictly to remove the band, which had slipped and repair the huge hiatal hernia. Now I get to wait for about 3 or 4 months to let things settle down before I can go back for bypass. This was 3 days ago and it has been hell since the day of surgery. I was in the hospital overnight but came home to a dying dog. Not even a little bit cool. I had (still have, actually) a ton of excess gas to release from surgery so I have been in pretty extreme pain from that despite walking it off, GasX, etc. I am, however, off narcotic pain meds, which is great. I just hate that crap. Makes me sick.   Anyway, it all just kinda sucks right now. I definitely know that my surgeon is looking out for my best interest and I can tell by my pain that he did a ton of work on me so as soon as I am feeling a little better I will adjust my attitude to one of gratitude and wait out the next few months. I have completely forgotten what it feels like to eat normally, so maybe i will get to experience that before bypass. I did just get that amazing new Vitamix, though. I think it is more likely that I will be addicted to smoothies by the time I am ready for bypass. I can definitely think of worse things to do over the next few months than trying out new smoothie recipes!
Sreeves

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I want to be a woman again.

I am not sure exactly when it started. Some time into my re-ascent into morbid obesity, after the Lap-Band surgery failed, I stopped being a girl. First I grew out of all my jeans. Even my fat jeans, the one pair I had saved "just in case." I started wearing sweats all the time; at home, to the store, to the movies... Then it was my hair. I cut it short because I just couldn't be bothered to fix it. Why? I was always in jeans and tee shirts anyway, so what was the point?   Then I stopped wearing makeup. I guess I just figured it didn't matter anyway, no one is looking at my face. I suppose it made me feel a little more invisible. I really wanted to be anonymous, nondescript. If I don't call attention to myself, maybe no one will notice how much weight I have gained...   So here I am, refusing to buy clothing, even bras and undies, in "this" size. I need to punish myself for doing this to myself. Again. Or do I?   Maybe I really don't want to be invisible. Maybe I do want to feel pretty again. Maybe I don't want to be uncomfortable all the time, everywhere I am. I want to cross my legs again. I want to be able to walk through the mall and not get winded while I am shopping for jeans. I want to walk up to the makeup counter at Macy's and say, "Make me pretty" because I want to FEEL pretty. I don't want to get rashes in my skin folds. I want to grow my hair.   First thing I am going to buy when I am able to shop at a normal store is a pink Seahawks jersey. I tried to buy one last year, but I can only shop for shirts in mens' big and tall. They don't make pink Seahawks jerseys in mens' big and tall. Next football season I am going to dress like a girl.
Sreeves

Sreeves

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