So a couple of Saturday's ago I had to go to traffic school. I was not a happy camper. I have had exactly one ticket in the over 34 years I have been driving... a speeding ticket in 1983 coming back from a Barry Manilow concert (and yes I was a party animal in college ). So imagine my surprise when I got a ticket through the mail. My town has invested a lot of money in red light cameras, speed cameras and such. They even have a van that they park unattended in sneaky places. My picture from three angles, not coming to a full stop before making a right on red. $171.00 for the ticket and $185.00 for Defensive Driving School later I found myself sitting in a small conference room at a local hotel I thought had closed, with 15 other folks to take an 8 hour class.
So here's what I learned about my weight that Saturday...I am the worlds champion at rationalizing my behavior away. As folks were coming in we were all like "what did YOU do". So I spin a tale of being sick (we had had the flu for 3 days and I was on a ginger ale run), it being really early in the morning (yep, 0525) and there being no one else on the road (true, just look at the picture). And as I told the story for the 3rd time I had my epiphany...I was telling all that extra information to somehow justify that I had indeed broken the law instead of just saying, I ran a red light and owning up to it.
I do that All The Time with eating. Have you ever thought (or even told someone):
I really didn't eat lunch, so this pizza is lunch and dinner
I worked out really hard this morning, so this donut is not so bad
I'm starting fresh on Monday, so the Dairy Queen Sunday night is just a last treat
I forgot my lunch, am pressed for time, so of course I had to get the fried fish sandwich through the drive through
I could go on but I think you see the pattern. I have developed a great ability to rationalize because it is easier than taking responsibility for my eating actions. Last week, there was a thread in the forums about logging your food intake. I have never been very good at that, because I didn't want to see what reality was...can you say denial. But here's the thing, if I don't get over this mental speed hump, I lessen my chances of having a successful outcome. I go see the NUT for the first time in just over a week and will begin my 3 month supervised weight loss at that time. That doesn't leave much time!
So this week I'm going to log everything I eat...in my blog...for realsies! This should be an interesting experiment because my daughter and granddaughter are coming in on Monday and we have the 4th coming up of course so that means I have to fix BBQ Ribs right?
So this morning I did a radical thing...at least for me it was radical...I actually got out of bed when the alarm went off (0515), put on some clothes and shoes and headed out the door for a walk. To understand why this was radical I have to back up to 16 June.
I attended my WLS Seminar with Dr. Galvani on 16 June. I'd been lurking on this site for about a month, and finally approached my PCP for a referral...which he supported. I've also talked with a couple of Dr. G's patients so I thought I had the sequence of events down Everything was as I expected, right until the "3 month supervised diet" slide came up. See previous patients said that he wasn't really concerned about how much you lost during your 3 month diet time...he just didn't want you to gain. Check, I can do that. But the slide said "5% Reduction"...What.The.Heck.
So I left that seminar determined not to pay attention to my nutrition and exercise because hey, I had to lose 5% AFTER my initial apt with the NUT and Dr on 07 July...I don't need to be an overachiever. I wont say I went hog wild...but I will say it was piglet wild.
But the something unexpected happened. I don't really want to eat poorly anymore and my joints are kinda protesting the whole not moving anymore thing. And then yesterday I kinda had a DOH I'm committing to a HUGE life change here...and I'm going to wait until someone is watching to take care of myself?
So, out the door I went...for exactly 1 mile (which for me was about 2,500 steps according to my fitbit). It wasn't pretty, but it was done. I have an opportunity the next couple of weeks to learn how to use my fitbit, make my knees and hips feel better and perhaps....just perhaps feel better all at the same time. It no longer matters whether someone is tracking or whether I "get credit". As the name says...this one is 4me. Beth
So after lurking on this awesome site for about a month, I finally took the plunge and joined. I thought I would explain my screen name because it kind of sums up my approach to this whole endeavor.
As I was working through the decision to pursue WLS I spent some time thinking about WHY and more specifically WHY NOW? I will turn 50 in August and that is certainly part of the WHY NOW, but I also have this amazing granddaughter and I want to be able to play with her, see her grow up and be a part of her life. I'm also starting to see the light at the end of the work tunnel that is retirement, and although it is just a pinpoint right now if I want to enjoy it I need to get my weight off.
So the "4me" part is obvious and is my declaration that first and foremost I'm doing this so I can have the future I want. the "4them" is all the people in my life that I want to spend time with, laugh with and play with...granddaughter, husband, kids, friends...
I'm sure that like the other journeys in my life, it wont be a straight, flat route, but I believe that the opportunity WLS provides is one that will ultimately lead me to my desired location and I'll have a wild ride along the way. Wanna come along?
