Today marks 3 weeks since my surgery. I never meant to be so silent, but between trying to recover and getting back to life as usual (Mom's don't get sick days) I've been too tired to do much writing or recording.
Week 1 was probably the hardest. I was still in pain - both from the surgery and my back due to sleeping in ungodly positions. I was exhausted because I wasn't sleeping through the night yet and I was back to work by Day 6. By day 8, it was pretty much back to business as usual - with the exception of having to cook for the kids and trying not to have to carry the baby. During this time my stomach was doing fine, but I was getting very tired of broths. I was actually looking forward to my first protein shake. The only thing I was having trouble with (and honestly still am) was taking my meds. By the time I'd get most of them down I'd feel overfilled from the water. This isn't so great when you're supposed to be taking 12 multi-vitamins and 12 calcium pills - in addition to Tylenol and 2 prescriptions - every day.
Week 2 was definitely better and I started experimenting with different soups. I'll admit - I splurged and indulged in a couple of cream soups and I'm so glad I did. They helped break up the monotony of protein shakes and chicken bullion. I also transitioned from using Almond milk to using regular milk in my shakes. The good news is - I can still tolerate the milk. A lot of people who have this surgery come out lactose intolerant to some degree on the other side. For some it's temporary and for others it seems to last for the long-term. This makes me happy because it gives me some extra fat (which DS patients need) and protein with my shakes. I'll still use Almond milk (unsweetened plain or vanilla) if it's available, but it's nice to have an alternative when we run out. The pain continued to lessen and, the best part, I got to sleep in bed! I started off using a pregnancy pillow I had leftover from last year but slowly graduated down to my normal pillows. Unfortunately, I can still only lay on my right side or on my back and both positions result in me waking up in pain for one reason or another. I've also been having a hard time sleeping through the night. My normal routine seems to be that I wake up somewhere between 12am and 2am and then stay awake for at least 30 minutes (sometimes longer). This really sucks when you have to be up for the day at 4:30am AND are caffeine free.
My major accomplishment for this past week is getting back into the habit of walking Oliver to school. Prior to this week, I honestly didn't feel physically up to the 1.5mi round-trip. I might have been braver, except I have to be sure I'm back by the end of my lunch - which means my walk back has to be done in less than 20 minutes. So on Tuesday I sucked it up and took the plunge. I'm happy to say I was able to do it and even went back for round 2, when Ray walked with me to go pick him up. THAT was probably a bit much - but I'm still proud I did it and hope it starts getting easier soon.
Aside from all of that - I do have a few other triumphs to celebrate.
The first is that, for the first time since I got pregnant with Oliver, I'm below 300lbs. I've lost a total of 17lbs since surgery and a grand total of 53 since I first saw Dr. Srikanth back in July. I'm definitely proud of myself, but also frustrated. Why? Well, my pants still fit. While that's not necessarily a bad thing - I mean I NEED to wear pants - I also don't feel like there's been that big of a 'transformation' for someone that's lost over 50lbs.
Then, I put on one of my hubby's t-shirts and saw a bit of what was to come. Let me explain - Hubby's t-shirts are all either 3x or 4x. I've tried wearing them before, and while I fit into a 3-4x in women's clothing, his shirts were too tight on my tummy. In order to wear them, I'd have to try and stretch them out - and even then I'd look a few months pregnant. Well yesterday, in a rush to get out the door on time, I decided to grab one of his t-shirts since I'd just be driving Oliver to school. Much to my surprise, the shirt fit - not only fit, but was roomy and comfortable.
So obviously, my body IS changing - even if it's not immediately obvious when I look in the mirror or put my clothes on. I think that I'll be taking some measurements to commemorate the 1 month mark so I'll be able to keep better track of the inches I'm losing - and where.
I can honestly say that, so far, there hasn't been any buyer's remorse. I'm glad I took charge of my life and am excited to see what the next several month have in store for me.
Actually - in store for US. Ray's surgery countdown is down to 7 days and then he'll be joining me on the Dark Side. Can't wait until we're walking this path together - both literally and figuratively.
So, I survived my surgery Definitely not the easiest thing I've ever done, but I'm glad that part is behind me.
I checked into the hospital at 5am on 9/18 and discovered I was the first surgery of the day. During check-in, IV placement, introductions and vitals I found myself running the gamut of emotions. No, let's be honest - I was terrified and practically in tears. What was I about to do to myself? Why was I electively (though really, at 315lbs can it really be considered elective rather than a necessity) going to be put under anesthesia for 8+ hours, having most of my stomach cut out and my intestines rerouted? What kind of passion would I be in? What if I didn't wake up?
That last one was the scariest. The idea that I was choosing to go under and may never see Ray or my babies again made me want to get up and walk out. The thing is, I knew if I did that I'd be guaranteeing that one day, much too soon, I'd be doing that anyway. At least if I survived this internal slice and dice, I'd be extending the amount of time with those babies as long as possible. Not only world I be extending it, but I'd be making the quality of that time so much better.
These thoughts weren't quite so coherent Thursday morning, but I didn't get much time to dwell. Shortly after 7am, Kristen (my nurse) and Dr. Srikanth came in and sounded it was just about time. Then the anesthesiologist came in, slipped me a mickey and I was being wheeled to surgery. I remember being told they were putting an oxygen mask on my, that was just oxygen and then I remember waking up with my right arm hurting like I'd been stabbed.
That arm still hurts actually, but I guess having it squeezed continuously by the blood pressure cuff for 9 hours will do that. Yep ... 9 hours of surgery. Won't go into details mostly because a lot of it is still fuzzy for me, but there were adhesions, scar tissue, hernia and a really big liver to contend with. All I can say is thank god I was in such wonderful hands.
The first night was rough, especially with nurses coming in every time I got into a good sleep and wanting me to do things like drink or walk. The next morning wasn't much better but by the afternoon I was told I'd get to go home. The idea of leaving the IV and nurses was scary, but the thought of being comfy, in my own chair without people waking me up or bothering me was heavenly. The only catch was that I'd need to go to St. Francis the next morning for an xray, since my bowels were being lazy.
We got home about 7pm and I happily passed out in my chair for the most part. There were some rough patches, but the pain meds and constant sipping helped. Now, 48hrs after surgery I'm feeling a bit more human.
I've managed to drink close to 40oz of water, a few ounces of broth and a few sips of vitamin water. It's been 3hrs since my last dose of pain meds and I'm not ready to climb the walls in pain. I even managed a bit of time downstairs in the Livingston. Unfortunately the recliner is still the most comfortable spot for me.
I've got a long road ahead of me ... several weeks of liquids and soft foods before I'm eating normally again. Days of slowly working up to being able to walk any sort of distance. Months of learning how my new insides work, what they like and what they don't.
And lots and lots of pounds to lose along the way.
I'm not sure if my situation is unique or not, but even though surgery is only 15 days away I've told very few people about it. My husband knows, obviously, and so do my IL's but that's it. I've told my parents I'm having surgery to remove my galbladder and correct a hernia. I don't have any friends I hang out with in person, so no one to tell there. Also haven't said a word about any sort of surgery on Social Media to the friends I keep up with that way.
On the one hand, I'm perfectly fine with this decision. My mother and I have a tenuous relationship (at best), so I really don't feel comfortable divulging all of the details to her. She tends to be a 'know-it-all' and this is one time (outside of parenting) that I don't want her opinions or advice. Obviously if I tell her, I can't tell my dad - plus I really don't want to worry him unnecessarily. I haven't shared on social media because I feel like if I do, I"ll be under a microscope. There are so many misconceptions about WLS that I'm afraid if I'm a slow loser or even never get 'skinny' (which I likely won't - not with 160lbs to lose) there'd be unfair judgments. On the other hand, if I'm seen as losing weight the 'old fashioned way', I feel like the expectations will be less if that makes sense. I think if anyone asks outright, I'd probably tell the truth (privately) but don't yet feel comfortable having that public.
On the other hand - my support is currently limited to my husband, my MIL (to some degree) and online strangers on the WLS forums I've been lurking on for years. I feel kind of isolated and also sad that I'm not really able to share what's going on with other people in my life. This is a huge step in my life and I'd like more people involved, so-to-speak.
I don't know - maybe my feelings on the whole issue will change between now and surgery or after surgery. Right now I'm going with what I feel comfortable with, which is maintaining mostly radio silence outside of WLS communities and my blog which it would take a miracle for people to find (I think at least LOL).
That's the date I'll be making my way onto the 'Loser's Bench'! I just got the call today, from my insurance company no less.
My paperwork was originally submitted around 8/4. I gave it a week, called my insurance company and found out it was sitting in the wrong fax queue. So glad I called! This awesome rep, Cynthia, personally got the docs, checked them to make sure there weren't any obvious exclusions (i.e. my hospital wasn't a Center of Excellence or whatever BCBS's term is) and then pushed it over to the correct department. She then followed up with me 3 days later to let me know it was there but a case number hadn't generated yet.
She said I'd hear back on Monday, but I didn't (which really, I wasn't bothered by), but I did follow-up on my on Wednesday. Got through to the right department only to find out that my file was still sitting in someone's pending queue and, again, hadn't been touched. The rep got his supervisor involved and he personally started the process of creating the case. I got a call later that night from Cynthia, giving me the case number and telling me she'd be following the case personally. This was last Friday.
I called yesterday, got a rep that wasn't quite as helpful but did find out that my case was still 'Pending'. My plan was to call again on Wednesday, since I wanted to be sure it didn't sit in pending for days. Lo and behold, I got a call this afternoon and it was Cynthia letting me know that the procedure had been approved, along with a 2 day hospital stay. WHAT?
So the next hour was a flurry of activity that involved checking on my husband's paperwork, getting it faxed again (they didn't get the actual paperwork for some reason) and then scheduling my appointments.
Sadly, we discovered that in order to have my surgery at the hospital that's about 10min from home, I'd have to wait until November to schedule. While there's nothing wrong with waiting, there are various reasons that I really wanted to be sure this was done before the end of October. Fortunately the surgeon had 1 slot opened at his other hospital, about 40min away, that was his last before he went on vacation for a few weeks.
So September 18th it is! The next 2 weeks are going to be relatively busy, so I don't even think I'm going to notice the wait.
Next week I have my pre-surgery education class on 9/3. I'm looking forward to that and getting more information about what Dr. Srikanth expects post-op.
On 9/8 I start my 10-day, clear liquid diet. My husband has already said he and the kids will be staying in a hotel from 9/10 until surgery.
On 9/15 I have my final consultation where I'm sure we'll go over a lot more information.
Then at 5am on 9/18 we make the 40 minute drive to get me checked in for surgery.
This will be the first time since I was 17 that I'll be going under general anesthesia for longer than 30 minutes. This will be only the second time I'm having any sort of major surgery.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared - I am. There's a lot of 'unknown' ahead of me, but also so much promise.
It's official - all of my Pre-Op requirements (except the weight-loss and 1 test) are complete. I've also satisfied all of the initial insurance requirements for approval - so all of my docs have been submitted for pre-approval. Fingers crossed! The PC at my surgeon's office says they usually hear back within a couple of weeks. I may start calling next week just to 'check' on things.
All my tests came back good with the exception of an umbilical hernia, slight Hiatal hernia and some of my blood work was off (iron, live enzymes, etc - nothing unexpected). I think my least favorite test was the Upper GI (swallow study). I've never had one, so had no idea what to expect which was probably a good thing. That stuff they make you drink is DISGUSTING! I barely made it through the test without throwing up. I really hope I don't have to do another one right after surgery, because I can't imagine how I'd be able to keep it down.
The only things I have left to do are get my infusions of iron and turn in my 24hr urine test. I figure I'll do that next Sunday and drop it off on Monday when I have to bring the hubby to the hospital to do his testing.
This is probably going to be my least favorite stage - where I get to sit and wait until we hear back.
I'm still on the mostly-liquid diet and plan to stay on it until 10 days before surgery. Then I'll go on my clear-liquid diet in prep. As of last Friday I had 17lbs left to lose. It's been a bit slow-going this week, but I didn't really start until Monday. Either way, as of today I'm down around 5lbs ... so 12 left to go! If I can get my butt in gear, that (hopefully) shouldn't be a problem at all.
As we get closer and closer to approval, I find myself getting more nervous and scared. I think it's normal. I keep wondering if this is really the path I need to go. I mean, I'm losing weight on this pre-op diet, so why not just stick with it for a while until lose weight? The problem is I fell into that trap before and I know how it ends. I lose a good amount of weight (usually in the 60-80lb range), then I start slacking off and before you know it I've gained it all back. There's nothing that's FORCING me to stick to it and keep from cheating. There's no consequences other than slowly tightening pants that I can ignore for a while. I know I need more than that.
I need help to keep me on track for longer than a few months. Restriction, malabsorption and physical side-effects if I don't follow plan. Yes, I know I can't count on those side effects but at least I can count on the rest. I'll have a smaller stomach that will feel full sooner. I'll have lost a good portion of the stomach that releases the hormone that makes me think I'm hungry.
I think my biggest fear is having this surgery and then becoming one of those people that doesn't lose or winds up gaining back most of their weight. I hope I have the mental and physical strength to keep that from happening.
So first the good news - as of t his morning I'm 14lbs down in 16 days. I had a slight regain at the end of the first week due to poor choices. I also think we were both treating it as a 'last supper' type of thing because the liquid diet was looming.
Still, if I can maintain this rate of loss I'll be at my goal weight by mid-August.
The bad news - the liquid phase is torture and I didn't do very well.
Between trying to choke down a protein shake that tastes like rotten monkey butt (though the cocoa powder helped a little) and feeling like absolute crap all last week, it was miserable. I know there's usually a certain level of 'detox' to be expected, but I'm doing this to get healthy - not to feel even worse than I normally do.
The challenges:
1 - the level of salt in most broths was triggering headaches. Due to my BP, I'm sensitive to salt and I guess not eating anything to balance it out increased that sensitivity. The ones that are low-sodium have absolutely no flavor and despite being hungry I had trouble forcing myself to drink them.
2 - I HATE SUCRALOSE. Seriously - I cannot stand the flavor. I don't understand how people can live on it and don't notice the flavor difference. I can take a taste of something and immediately tell you that it has sucralose by that nasty after-taste it leaves in my mouth. This means that these protein shakes, sugar-free jello, sugar-free pospicles are about as appetizing as eating dirt. I deal with it while drinking the protein shakes, but it pretty much eliminates the other 'free foods' I'm allowed.
The above challenges, combined with the nurse's failure to explain a few details about this portion of the diet, meant I was subsisting on 2-3 12oz protein shakes a day and maybe 1 cup of broth. Oh and my multivitamins and calcium of course.
So the hubby and I had a talk about it and have decided to make adjustments. Yes, I fully understand I won't have the freedom to do this after surgery, however I do now and am taking advantage of it. Plus, when the hubby had his consult with the (same) surgeon he was just told to lose the weight and the surgeon ultimately didn't care how.
So for week 2 of our 'liquid' phase, we've mad the following changes.
- Picked up 2 cases of the Premier protein shakes. The surgeon isn't a fan of these because of the protein degrading or something along those lines, but I can stomach these. I don't feel like I'm marching along death-row every time I have to drink one.
- We're picking up 1 container of Body Fortress protein powder from WalMart. I've heard that it tastes decent and I'm willing to try. I'm making sure it's a flavor other than chocolate.
- We're eating a sensible, protein-centric dinner. This has helped tremendously. The first night, after about 5-6oz of steak and a 1/2 cup of veggies sauteed in coconut oil I felt 100% better. My headache started going away, I didn't have the shakes, I didn't feel sick.
So far so good. I'm still losing. I feel human again. I can think clearly again. I can work and take care of my kids the way I have to every day and not want to just sleep.
If I notice that it's seriously stalling my weight-loss, I'll re-evaluate. Right now though, I've got to do what I've got to do to survive.
In other news, just 6 days until I go have my EGD and the majority of the other testing I have to get done. I'm looking forward to it, but I'm also nervous. It's been 16 years since I was under anestisia or in the hospital for anything other than child birth. I know I'll be fine - hubby was fine after his 3 years ago. I think it's normal to be a little apprehensive though.
I just keep reminding myself that it means I'm that much closer to being able to get a surgery date. I'll have 75% of my testing done that same day. Then I'll get the remaining 25% done the following Friday along with my cardiologist visit and the nutrition consult. I think it's then just a matter of waiting for insurance approval once the office gets all of the paperwork submitted. I think I'll feel a lot better about all of this (including the torturous liquid diet) once I have a date. Once I have a surgery date, then at least I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel. I can't say an 'end date', since I know I'll be back on the liquid diet after surgery, but at least I'll have a goal. I do much better when I have a goal or a countdown to use as reference. Then it doesn't feel like I could be doing this for weeks and for no reason (well, other than whatever weight I manage to lose) if I can't get approved for surgery.
So since my last update I've survived my 1 week of high protein, low carb eating. It wasn't too bad, especially since I followed a lot of my Whole30 strategies. I also managed to drop around 8lbs which isn't to bad. This week I've started my 2 weeks of clear liquids and it's definitely tough. I'm home with the kids all day and between prepping their food and having to feed the youngest, it's kind of torture. On the upside, I did discover that adding a scoop of unsweetened cocoa powder to the shake helps the taste tremendously. I definitely need to find at least one other shake option, because chocolate is going to get really old really fast. I wish there was an option that didn't use sucralose, because I have a hard time with that flavor.
I'm really hoping for some big losses with this stage because I'll be done with almost all of my requirements in about two weeks. Assuming insurance cooperates, that means I should be able to hit my goal of surgery by the first week of September. That is, of course, if I can lose the 35lbs my surgeon is requiring. It normally takes a few months for me to lose that much, so I'm really expecting a lot and I know it. I also have doubts about being able to survive the full two weeks without cracking.
Blah! Got to stay positive!
In less stressful news, I did my psych consult today. As long as I don't come back as a raving lunatic, that should be all they need to submit my paperwork for approval.
So fingers crossed and lots of losing weight vibes going on over here!
I had my consult with Dr. Srikanth today and overall it went as I expected. No, actually, it went exactly as I expected. He definitely recommends the DS as the best surgery for my situation. I don't have to jump through a bunch of hoops with my insurance company, meaning no 6 month supervised diet (as of yet). I just have to get my Psych evaluation done and provide proof of past, failed weight-loss attempts. I've got logs from SparkPeople, Weight Watchers and doctor's records that should suffice. I do have to lose 10% prior to surgery, which at this point is going to be somewhere in the range of 35lbs. To do that, Dr. Srikanth has me following his 'sandwich diet' - which looks o-so-fun!
Starting next week I get to eat high protein, low carb for a week. Breakfast is protein and more protein, lunch is protein plus some veggies if I'm still hungry and dinner is a salad with added protein. That doesn't worry me too much - it's a lot like the Whole30 I did last year prior to getting pregnant and I loved how I felt on it.
The week after, however - not such a fan! For the next 2 weeks (yes, 2 weeks) I get to do a clear liquid diet that consists of 80oz of water/liquids, clear broths and 3 protein shakes per day. I can have all of the sugar-free jello and popsicles I want - well I could if I could stomach the taste. I can't stand fake sugar, so unless I get really desperate I'm going to be skipping those. I know that'll be challenging when it comes to the protein shake, but I'm going to do my best to find one that doesn't taste like total crap thanks to the nasty sucralose. Yes - I can taste the difference.
After that, I get to go back to Week 1 and rinse and repeat until I've lost enough weight for him to schedule me for surgery. My goal is to have my surgery by the beginning of September, so I've got my work cut out for me but I also have a lot of motivation to stick to the rules.
I also have to find a way to fit in 90min of exercise every day and, I have to be honest, I'm stuck on that one. I work from home and take care of my kids, so it's not like I can just go for a quick jaunt on my lunch break and then again before I get home at night. It's going to take some creative scheduling - okay, a lot of creative scheduling considering my schedule. Don't get me wrong, I know I need to make exercise a part of my daily life, even after surgery, it's just hard to figure out where it'll fit in and still allow me time to eat, sleep and spend time with my husband.
There's also a long list of tests and appointments I have to schedule. I already have my EGD and Nutritionist appointments scheduled for the end of this month. I still have to get a bunch of blood work, an electrocardiogram, a psych evaluation, a consultation with a cardiologist, a pulmonary function test, an EKG and I think 1 or two other tests. My head is spinning just thinking about it all.
I decided to use the weekend to take a breath, get my food in order and then start scheduling everything on Monday.
Here we go again! Here's hoping I can make it to the end this time.
I'm a planner. I'm a researcher. I'm a worrier. Those three things aren't bad on their own, but when put together it becomes fun. What it means for me is that I'm constantly in a state of flux between being incredibly excited and incredibly terrified about the journey ahead of me. I know this will continue from now until they start the anesthesia and I'm okay with that, as long as it doesn't make me change my mind (unlikely) or make me drag my feet (much more likely).
So I've started making mental lists of things like NSV's I can't wait to have, weight milestones I'm excited to meet, things I want to make sure I do with my kids, ways I want to celebrate and so many other things to keep my outlook as positive as possible. This entry isn't dedicated to the fun stuff, though. This entry is dedicated to the nitty, gritty, sometimes embarrassing medical and physical reasons I NEED to have this done.
So here we go.
Let's start with the list of medications I have to take daily.
6 Aleve
300mg of Labetalol
25mg of Hydrochlorothiazide
300mg of Wellbutrin
2000mg of Metformin XR
All in total that equals out to 15 pills per day. Don't get me wrong - I understand that I will be taking a large number of vitamins and supplements after surgery, but I'm okay with that. I'm not okay with needing this many prescription medications at age 33.
Now the underlying conditions:
- Hypertension: I've had high blood pressure since I was a pre-teen. That's an extremely long time. I didn't become good about taking my medication until I was late teens or early 20's, but even so that puts me at over 10 years of being on blood pressure medications of varying strengths. High blood pressure, even when it's treated, does nasty things to the body. It's part of the reason that, when I'm pregnant, I always test positive for protein in my urine. Usually that's a sign of impending pre-eclampsia, but for me it's 'normal' ... which isn't good. I want to be 50 with a set of working kidneys, thank you very much.
- Enlarged Heart: When you're classified as "Super Morbidly Obese" and have never been just Obese or overweight in over 20 years, your body has to work harder to do things. That includes things like walking, standing and moving blood from one place to another. I was first diagnosed with an enlarged heart about 4-5 years ago I think. It wasn't anything they were horribly worried about, but it's certainly not ideal. Again, I'd like to reach 50 (or 60 or 70) with a working heart.
- Sleep Apnea: So, don't get me wrong - I absolutely adore my machine and the fact that for the first time in quite a few years I can get a good night's sleep. I don't wake up with headaches all the time (well, unless I'm congested), I usually have energy if I've been able to get a decent night's sleep and I just feel better. That said, I'd love to not have to go to sleep looking like someone preparing to walk through a gas cloud or to worry about where my hose is. I'd love to not have to worry about packing it and never being able to spontaneously stay at a hotel or sleep somewhere other than at home because I don't need my machine. Right now that's just not possible. No matter what, I need that mask to sleep otherwise I feel it the next morning. Granted, getting rid of sleep apnea isn't a guarantee, but at least if I do lose weight I'll know I did what I could.
- PCOS: So first, being overweight doesn't cause PCOS but PCOS can contribute to you being overweight. It's all about hormonal imbalances and hormonal imbalances don't just affect things like mood or fertility. They also affect weight and how your body metabolizes food. Insulin is a hormone and at the root of PCOS is usually some sort of issue with how your body deals with insulin. I know this and I've proven it to myself in the past. I've fixed it in the past as well - it's how I wound up with two beautiful children. That said, I don't want it to be fixed for a little while only to come back with a vengeance anymore. For me, PCOS is a downward spiral of symptoms that all conglomerate into me being one big mess. I know that losing weight will help, but I know that being able to actually keep that weight off will get me to a point where it's 'fixed'. I don't necessarily want more kids, but I'd like my body to work right, y'know?
- Depression / Social Anxiety: So yes, this is a surgery that's meant to fix my stomach, but I'm also hoping that it will also help fix my head just a little. I'm hoping that as I approach a more normal size it might be easier for me to interact with other people without feeling like I'm about to walk across fire. I'm hoping that by losing weight and being able to exercise and be more active it will help with my depression. Because exercise releases endorphins and endorphins make you happy and happy people don't murder their husbands. Beyond that I just want to feel normal and not freak out so much about having to interact with other Mom's at my son's school because I'm the biggest one there.
- Chronic Pain / Arthritis: Extra weight on the joints is bound to cause more pain than normal, but I'm at a point where I am in constant pain. From the time I wake up in the morning until I go to bed I have achy, stabbing and throbbing pain in most parts of my body. Right now as I'm writing thisI have sharp pains in my neck, my shoulders and middle back are burning, my lower back is achy, my feet are stiff and sore and I know that when I get up there will be additional aches in my hips and a sharp, shooting pain in my lower back when I try to pick up my 8 month old daughter. Again, I know that losing weight may not (and probably won't) "fix" all of these problems. I've done what I'm guessing is irreversible damage to my lower back and neck. I've broken both of my ankles 3 times. I've had whiplash 3 or 4 times. Those problems are with me forever. What I do know I'll get from weight loss is less pain. Maybe I won't have to take 6 Aleve a day just to be able to function. Perhaps I'll be able to wake up in the morning and not need to immediately jump into a hot shower so I can move. Hopefully I'll be able to get up and down from playing with my kids and not have to groan in pain because something is hurting.
Overall, if you're looking just at my physical state, I've got a pretty darned low quality of life right now. I realize that it could be so much worse and i'm thankful every day that it's not, but the point is that at my age it shouldn't be where it is. Not only that, but if I keep going the way I am, it's only a matter of time until things do start getting worse.
I've got way too much to live for to let that happen. I've got a husband, a 4 year old boy and an 8 month old little girl that I want to be able to enjoy and right now I just can't.
So that's my list of medical reasons. I'm sure I'll be coming back to this in the coming weeks while I'm trudging my way through my Surgeon's pre-op diet (1 week low carb/high protein, 1 week clear liquids, rinse and repeat), going through all of my tests and ultimately preparing for surgery. I'm going to need these reminders and it's a lot harder to brush them off when they're right there in front of you in black and white.
16 days until my appointment.
This journey really began about 3 years ago when my husband and I first looked into WLS. We were both super morbidly obese and despite our best efforts we were having a hard time doing it in our own. We picked our surgeon, went to the seminar, got all the info and started scheduling our tests. Then, about a month into the process my husband lost his job and with it our WLS coverage. My insurance excluded it.
It sucked. I cried and got angry. Then I moved on with a renewed determination to do it on my own. It would take almost three years, but I did manage to lose around 60lbs on my own. It required a special diet, intense exercise and no cheating. Then I got pregnant, got morning sickness and the only foods that I could keep down were the ones that I had to avoid. The good news is that despite that I only gained back 15lbs. The bad news is after my daughter was born I gained another 15 on top of that.
Despite my best efforts I need help doing this. I need to be able to not have to exercise 2 hours a day to get the weight to come off. I need a longer term solution that will help with me stuck to those healthy food choices because I won't have room for the other ones. Sweets aren't my problem, volume is. I need something that will help me get faster results so I can exercise and not be in constant pain.
So when I started my new job and saw that my benefits included WLS coverage I started mentioning it to my husband. Then he got his job which also offered coverage. It felt like it was time.
I contacted the surgeon we had originally picked because of his expertise and the fact that he performs the DS surgery. Waiting for them to verify my insurance coverage was the longest week ever but I finally got the email.
On July 3rd, 2014, I'm hopefully taking the first step on a journey that's going to help change and extend my life. Fingers crossed that it all works out this time.
