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Forsythia's Blog

A blog by Forsythia

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About this blog

Just a blog of my post op meanderings

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Your face!

Well, more like, my face. When I look in the mirror, my face looks the same as it always has. I never had a fat face to begin with, but now, when I look at pictures of my face, it looks too skinny. Yet I'm still above 200 lbs. My face needs to stop losing weight. LOL! Also, this morning, the scale said 211.5, which is over 100 lbs from my program start weight (and well over 120 from my all time high). Anyhow you be the judge on my face. The first picture is of me and my husband from a few years back. Please note my face was not fat. The second one was taken Thanksgiving weekend. I think my face looks weird. I do realize that they were taken at different angles. But still. I guess if my face is the one thing I have to b***h about then I can't complain too much.

December 12, 2014

0

Workin on my fitness

Stopped in at Target after work yesterday. Got a couple of new things to work out in. A new sports bra - its reversible. Workout capris - not reversible, and a tank top with built in support - which is not enough support for my girls. LOL. The tank top is a bit snug in the tummy, but the sports bra fits perfectly and the capris fit nicely too. I'm gonna have to double up on the bra with the tank top. Both are a Target XXL, which is an 18/20. I'm much more certain I'm an 18/20 on top than I am on the bottom. Although some of my 24s are now loose. I'd be willing to bet I'm nearing 22 territory in the bum area I also got in the mail via Amazon, a protective armband for my phone (a Galaxy S5) so that I can lift weights without sticking my phone down my sweaty gross bra (because I cannot workout without my music at the gym. Gym music is universally horrible - unless you go in the morning and then they play classic rock or 80s. Most of the time its all "EDM/technofest/I just took a Molly, yo" when I go in there after work). The armband fits around my arm (yay), and is blue with a reflective strip around it in case I ever exercise outside (which if you knew me you would know that this is laughable since I generally do not do nature because there are critters and bugs and hair frizzing humidity). I plan on really working on my arms tonight. I am wearing this woven top today and the arms on it are tight. Everywhere else on the top fits nicely. But my arms are going to be a real challenge. It seems a disproportionate amount of fat decided to deposit itself in my tricep area. So the more I can do to firm up the muscle and tighten the skin the better. As much as I contemplate plastics in the future, in the present, I am of no financial means to afford them. So rather than worry about financing them, I am just going to hit my tris hard with kickbacks and dips and whatnot.

June 26, 2014

2

Water water everywhere...

I have an old navy water bottle that holds 25 oz of liquid. I take this thing everywhere. It fits neatly in my backpack. Fits in all the water bottle slots on the equipment at the gym. It's convenient. My goal is to have 25 oz down by my lunch hour (12:30 - so by noon). That way I can drink the other 25 oz by the time I go to bed (10pm-ish). So that is 50 oz of water. Plus my two 11 oz protein shakes, that puts me at 72 oz of water a day. Sadly, I often fall short of this. I'm just not that thirsty. LOL. I'm going to have to have some kind of water challenge. Right now, at 11:49am CDT I have maybe 6 oz of water left in the bottle. I've already had one of my protein shakes. So I'm ahead of the game. I'm also re-introducing fiber to my diet. Initially, when I got out of the hospital I was doing fiber supplements in my water and metformin and well, lets just say that it was a gastrointestinal disaster. I would not wish that on my worst enemy. So on my surgeon's advise, he told me to stop taking the metformin (since my blood sugar was in the low 70s or 60s even when I was on it). I also stopped the fiber, since even off the metformin I was having the same explosive issues, as it were. But this week, I've opted to reintroduce the fiber slowly. Only one scoop in my water bottle for now. Next week, a little more, and the week after that, even more. Lastly, my in-laws are coming this weekend. I wonder if they will notice I've lost over 30 lbs? I hope so. My parent's did when I saw them last month. But then again I see my parents much more frequently than my in-laws (Don't get me wrong, they are lovely people, but they are in Iowa and my parents are much closer - only 60 miles away in NW Indiana) I also hope they don't drag me to Blues Fest. Chicago loves a summer festival. But festivals are full of people. I just want to go to the gym work out, and go on about my business without having my routine disorganized too much. But, it will be nice to see them, I just find socializing exhausting at times!

June 13, 2014

2

Update on my personal Labor Day challenge goal, and some other random stuff!

You might recall my Labor Day goal that I posted in a blog entry awhile back. That goal was 235. As of this morning, I am 240.5. I think I can do it, kids!!! I originally thought it would be a stretch but it appears to be close at hand. Honestly anything in the 230s will make me pleased as punch. I am going back to Indiana that weekend to see my parents (It is also my Mom's birthday on the 30th) and I know they will be proud of my weight loss. They have not seen me since Memorial Day. That was only a few weeks post surgery, maybe 25 lb lost. Now I'm over 70 lbs lost. My Dad is utterly fascinated by the whole thing. He and I have always struggled with our weight. So he is really happy that I am losing so much and being so successful. He says he is too old to have such a surgery (he's 72, but I think he could do it just fine, we tend to be good healers), so I think he is living vicariously through me. Yesterday I had my belated 3 month visit. Dr. Hungness was so pleased with my progress. He actually seemed quite floored when I told him I am in the gym 5 days a week. I seem him again in three more months - so six months post op. He said they will be doing some labs. We'll find out if my vitamin D level has recovered. Although my nurse practitioner will probably be drawing for my HgA1C sooner than that since she manages my diabetes. She usually tests for Vitamin D and most of the tests he will be looking for. My daily sugar levels continue to be good. In the mornings I used to always be scary high. Now I am consistently between 85 and 110. I had an exercise related NSV while at the gym yesterday. I used to always get pins and needles when I used the elliptical after about 15 minutes. Basically it was like my feet were falling asleep. I used to struggle to do 20 minutes on it - not because I was exhausted, but because the pins and needles were so painful. Yesterday I was on the elliptical for 35 minutes. I realized about 30 minutes in that the pins and needles were not happening at all. So clearly that issue was due to me being over 300 lbs. And, I got this outfit from fabletics.com (my apologies if you cannot see it): http://www.fabletics.com/index.cfm?action=shop.viewproduct&featured_product_location_id=0&product_id=1439782&psrc=my_looks&master_product_id=1439782&original_master_product_id=1439782 I wore the tank to the gym yesterday. It was a little bit exposing. But no one looked at me strangely. No one said I was too fat for it. There was no side eye! I'm just so happy to have more choices in gym wear!

August 20, 2014

0

Things that can suck it.

My Hemoglobin A1C is 5.5%. this is normal. Like, perfectly normal normal. Not, well controlled for a Diabetic normal, but not a diabetic person normal. SUCK IT DIABETES!!!! Also, my NP tested other levels and my vitamin D level is finally normal. My cholesterol continues to be fabulous. And she took me off of my blood pressure medication. SUCK IT, HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE!!! Bought two pairs of size 18 pants. I'm in this weird purgatorial area where an 18W is too big. Some companies that carrier an 18 in missy sizes, well, they are often too small. So it looks like the only place I can buy pants is Old Navy until I get down to a 16. Damn you, birthing hips. I'm 232. I've never been 232 as an adult. I mean, I think the last time I was 232 I was 14? Hoping to be in the 220s by the end of this month.

September 23, 2014

0

The zombie apocalypse has begun...

Because I am running. Who the hell are you, Andrea Diggs? A runner? Let me say that when I run, its like a minute or two of walking, then a minute of running, then back to walking, etc. So it is not like full on half an hour 45 minutes of running. But I am on a treadmill doing something I swore I would never do, ever. Running. And it is not bad. I'm slow - only 4.2 mph, but walking has gotten too easy? Running on actual pavement is harder than the treadmill, but at the gym I feel I've hit my walking limit and almost have to move on to running to get the calorie burn that I want. At 228 lbs, I burn fewer calories than I did at 280. I gotta make up for that somehow. Please seriously, let me know if you see any zombies. Because this is a sign of the apocalypse.

October 5, 2014

2

The purge

Last night my husband went to a concert, so I had a rare evening to myself. I went through my clothes. I threw out a bunch of clothes that were both too big and had issues (ripped seams, holes, stains, cheap construction). I took two more bags and designated those as donateable. One dresses, one pants and suits. I have a bunch of really cute dresses that I am lamenting that I had to let go for being too big. Goodbye navy blue silk bubble hem coctail dress. Fairwell, strapless satin dress with the rhinestone belt detail. Hasta Luego emerald green v-neck with applique detail. I'm just bummed because those dresses were hard to come by and were perfect for what they were for. But I can buy new dresses, in smaller sizes. I like dresses because they make me feel fancy. Ha ha. The bag of suits, one of which I bought and never wore I won't miss as much. I had them just in case I got a job interview. Let's hope no one calls me for a job interview any time soon - I am completely and utterly professional clothes free (my last two jobs in advertising and telecom have been casual - jeans, t-shirts). I also reorganized my bookshelves and added a bunch of music to my iTunes. Most of it from the 90s and early 2000s. Brings me back to high school and college. Today I went to the gym. Still didn't get in the pool. But I did wear a tank top instead of an oversized t-shirt. Baby steps. Did an hour of cardio on the treadmill and recumbent bike. I also did a crap ton of squats, among other exercises. My ass is going to complain about that tomorrow. LOL!

July 6, 2014

2

Swimming...

I've always loved swimming. Living on Lake Michigan in Northwest Indiana, one of the first things my parents did was make sure that all three of us kids knew how to swim. My mother almost drowned when she was a teenager in Pennsylvania, and she made sure that since we lived in a town on the lake that the same thing would not happen to her babies. We took swim lession at Rogers High school. I always enjoyed floating and swimming and diving under the water, like a fish. The smell of the chlorine and the humid air. At the beach it was always fun to feel the sand sift through my toes as I waded out to the sandbar. What I don't like is swimming in front of other people. Not anymore. I've always felt like the beached whale, the fattest fat person on the beach or at the pool. Like everyone is looking at me and judging. My gym has a pool. A three lane lap pool. Not olympic sized, but a good size for fitness. I'm just so intimidated about using it. I still have my issues. I don't have problems going to the weight room and lifting weights anymore. I know no one cares what I am doing on the treadmill or elliptical. And I'm sure if I ever got to the gym in time for a class after work no one would bat an eye. I know that I am no longer the fattest fat person at the gym (and I never was really, but again, that's my own issue). But in my mind, I still see myself as a size 26W. That's all mental. But there is something about putting yourself in a baththing suit that exposes all of your flaws. Not just those external flaws. The rolls, the jiggling flesh, but the emotional imperfections too. The doubts, the fears, the years of heartache. It is like the act of wearing a skin tight suit puts all of your emotional issues out there on display as well, red and raw for the world to see. I can conceal issues in clothes, but not in a bathing suit. But I know that this is all in my head. But this is one time when it is really hard for me to get out of my own head. I should use the pool and get my $30 per month's worth out of my gym membership.

July 5, 2014

2

Summing up 2014...

So happy 2015. Let's do a recap! Surgery May 5th, 2014. Program start weight 312 All time high 335 Current weight 210 Goal weight 150 Height 5'5" Age 37 going on fabulous. I feel like I'm in the home stretch. My immediate goal is to be 199.5 by February 7th. Why February 7th? That is my birthday. And my birthday is my favorite day, ever. So this year I want it to be fabulous by me being under 200 lbs by that day. I have a month to lose 10.5 lbs. Can I do it? Hell yes I can do it! (Despite my general downer attitude about society as a whole I'm remarkably positive about myself and my own motivations. LOL). I didn't gain any weight over the holidays, but I also did not lose any. But I'mma be honest, I had way too many coconut rum balls and I have no one to blame for those rum balls but myself because I made them. Dealing with ones own demons and weaknesses never gets easier, no matter how far along you are. Those weaknesses resurface. I got rid of all my old clothes. There was a post on the forums where someone wondered why they were keeping their old too big clothes. I had bags of too big clothes in my closet just taking up space. I kept saying I was going to donate them, but I never did. It was the fear. I took the step to throw them out. I was just keeping them as a crutch to my fears. So bite me, demons. I am not giving into the fear. I am not keeping those size 28s anymore. I will not go back to wearing them, ever.

January 5, 2015

0

Stall city

So I've been stuck at 252 for the last two weeks. Stalls suck. I have my three month post op this month (on the 19th, although it has been 90 days post surgery as of today). I desperately want to be in the mid 240s for this visit. It's a mental goal of mine based on where I feel I should be at 3 months out. I'm gonna try to low carb and cut back on weights this week (fast and light as opposed to slow and heavy), to see if that kickstarts my weight loss again. I'm going to continue swimming and taking my body works plus abs class. I love both of those things so much. LOL. I probably should better track my carbs. But I work out a lot ( almost two hours on cardio/weights days) and I know you need carbs for fuel when you are working out. Since the surgery, I do not seem to have the sensitivity to carbs that I had before my sleeve (considering that I was diabetic). But still, my guidelines pre-sleeve were to not go over 50g of carbs at a meal and 30g at a snack. That always worked for me to keep my blood sugars even. Those are the same guidelines I adhere to now. I know other sleevers are much stricter on carbs, so we will see if tweaking them does me any good. Stall busting is complex business. I know I am not cheating my sleeve and overeating. I know my sleeve has not grown because I can still only eat tiny amounts of dense protein. Calorie wise I am good. So the trick is to rejigger something somewhere to kick it back into gear. In other news, the second bathing suit I bought works divinely. It is a Land's end surplice front tugless tank. Looks better on that it looks hanging up. But my girls don't fall out. My old suit was a surplice front one as well, but it was a size 26. this one is a 20. I apparently have to buy my swimsuits for my boobs (smaller) and not my hips (bigger). If I buy for my hips, the girls will make an appearance. And it was on clearance. The suit is a bit tight in the hips, but not to the point where circulation is being cut off. Ha! The things I do for fitness. I spend a lot of money on fitness gear. But I always have. in the early 00s I used to work out at home and had all this stuff - weights, steps, mats. Now I work out at a gym and I still have all this workout related stuff.

August 4, 2014

0

So many appointments, so little time

Yesterday I took a half day from work and had not one but two appointments. The first was with my nutritionist at 1:30 and the second was with my nurse practitioner at 2:30. They were not in the same building. Or even on the same complex. The nutritionist is at the main hospital. My NP is further south, down by the Dailey Center. My NUT was very pleased with my progress and happy with my eating patterns and pleased with my sugars. She approved me for a general diet again (so hello, protein bars, you and I can be friends again). She also confirmed that I should be eating between 800 and 1200 calories a day (which is right where I am on any given day). My NP, well she had some other nurse working with her - an extern, they called her, who thought my sugars were way to high. Since when is 118 or 113 too high? Heck most of the time it is like 89 or 92. Considering that I was really out of control pre surgery I would think she would have been pleased. But no. Way to shackle my buzz, Debbie Downer. She kept trying to get me to go back on to Metformin. I was diplomatic, but basically said no. She was all like, "but it helps with weight loss". Sure does, by making me **** uncontrollably. TMI, I know, but anyone who has taken Metformin knows this is a reality of the drug. I go to the gym four days a week. Do 40 minutes of cardio and another 40 minutes of weights. I can only eat,maybe 1200 calories a day. I will do that over taking Metformin for weight loss. After 25 minutes of Debbie Downer my actual NP comes in and, knowing my history agrees with me and does not make me start back up on Metformin.

June 25, 2014

0

Proof that you shouldn't be a slave to the scale

In the past few weeks, I've only lost a minimal amount of weight. I'm at 236. Before labor day I was 240. I'm one lb short of being 100 lbs lighter than my all time high (335). I'm not here to whine about the scale. I'm here to say that I'm still getting smaller. In the last couple of weeks my under bust measurement has gone from 41 to 38.5. My waist has gone from 45 to 43. And oddly, my calves which have always been really muscular and well defined (I've never been accused of having cankles - rather, I often heard "How come your legs are so skinny? No wonder you have sprained your ankle so many times. Those things are too small to support you") have gone from 16 inches to 14.5. I am sure my hips went down too, but I don't remember the old measurement for them. LOL. So even though I am still 236, my size 20 jeans are getting quite loose. My 2x tops are starting to look ridiculous. My point is that the scale is not the ultimate measure of your success. Don't pin your hopes and mental well being to the number on the scale. How do you feel? How do you look in your clothes? How much lower is your blood sugar? Blood pressure? Cholesterol? How much can you bench press now? How much easier is it to make it up a flight of stairs without pain? Without feeling like your lungs are going to explode? Don't equate success with the scale. The scale is just one tool in your kit. You are not (and never have been) solely your weight. Don't make yourself that now.

September 13, 2014

0

Progress pictures

So I thought I would post some pictures. The one with the dinosaur is pre-surgery. In April Size 26W. The one with me in the mint top is a couple weeks post surgery 24W pants and 2x top. And the one in the dress is from today, in an 18/20 dress. And with curly hair. The top of the dress is actually a bit loose. I might be more like a 16 in the chest area. I miss my boobs. LOL! So that's that.

July 28, 2014

2

Pants

I need new pants. All of my pants are size 26W, save for a couple of pairs that are 24Ws. The 26Ws are all giant and fall down which is comical when you see me walking down the street hiking them up every five seconds (I know, I know.. get a belt and call it a day. I don't like belts). The pants I have that are 24s can all now be buttoned, but they are a touch too muffin toppy in my estimation. Bu then again, that could all be me and my head. Even when I was a size 18W in my head I was still a 26W. I do have one pencil skirt in a size 24 that looks awesome now. It's kind of fancy for my casual office though. But I suppose I should wear it while I can, before I shrink out of it. Still at 274, total of 32 lbs down post surgery. Am steadily doing around 40 minutes of cardio at the gym. Only one more week until I can lift weights again. I own you, next week. LOL. I'm going to be all about the DOMS and whining about said DOMS to my husband.

June 9, 2014

0

One month out

Today is my one month surgiversary (sleeveaversary?) Since coming home I'm down from 306 to 274 lbs. That's 32lbs so far. My rings are loose, but I have been living with being a big girl 31 of my 37 years. People ask me if I look in the mirror and see myself being smaller and the answer is no. At least not yet anyhow. I wonder if I will ever not see a fat girl as I progress. Even back a decade ago when I lost that 70 lbs, I never saw myself as being smaller, even though I went from wearing a size 26 to an 18. So what am I going to do today? Go to the gym of course. The LA Fitness is nice. It's brand new with big wooden lockers and equipment that works as it should, a sauna and a pool. Because of that it is always busy, and compared to my old gym, the people who go to this gym are much more fashion conscious about their gym attire. Dudebros at the old gym wore jorts and were okay wearing jorts. Most girls wore old t-shirts and yoga pants or capris. Or running shorts for the treadmill types The LA Fitness is very much high tech, moisture wicking, body con tank tops and capris. There is still an old tshirt and sweats crowd. The jorts crowd at my old gym apparently didn't all migrate to Planet Fitness (ugh). But still, I admit to feeling much more out of place. Hopefully as I get smaller and come in more often I won't feel so out of sorts.

June 5, 2014

2

Non-scale victory, and a scale one

My in-laws came to town this weekend, so before they got here, I decided to buy some new clothes. I went to the suburbs and went to the mall. Ended up getting a pair of cargo capri pants and a mint green hooded top with kangaroo pockets. The top was in a size 2x (18/20), down from a 3x(22/24), and the capris were in a 24, down from a 26. Yay for that. This weekend the scale also decided to go down, after two weeks of just mocking me and staying at 274. Down to 270 now. I am hoping to be in the 260s for my follow up visit with my nutritionist next Tuesday (because their scale weighs in at 4lbs more than mine does, And I don't want to hear them say 272 or something when mine says 268. It's all mental, I know.). I've been trying to mix up my cardio at the gym lately. Doing the treadmill on an incline, trying to walk at a 3.5 mph pace (I am a really really slow walker. My dad and my brother are also this way - and my brother is not remotely fat. I think it is just inherent to being a Diggs. LOL). Some days I will get on the Ellipitical as well. But I will always get on the bike as a sort of cardio cool down because it is much easier to keep my heart rate at a lower, but still fast burning appropriate level. Also, it has been six weeks, Tuesday when I go to the gym I am free to lift weights.

June 16, 2014

0

More random musings on clothes, public transit and measurements...

My waist is down to 40.5 inches. Two weeks ago it was 42 inches. I find measurements far more interesting than the scale. But I weight every damn morning. I don't measure every day. Conversely, I don't record my weight unless it goes down. So it might fluctuate or even go up, but I don't count that in MFP. Only when the scale goes down. LOL. I've transitioned from 18W pants to 18 misses pants. Misses pants are a couple inches smaller in the waist and hips.. And psychologically, it's more fun to get clothes from the misses department or a straight sized store like New York & Company than the plus department or Eloquii. Some 18s are tight, some are not. It's just funny how pants change from cut to cut, brand to brand. For example, at New York & Company, I tried on a pair of plain blue jeggings. They were an 18, but they were large. Later I checked the reviews on their website and the consensus was that they ran big. I got a different pair of jeggings (yeah, I like tight pants and I cannot lie) and they were much more true to the size chart (and size charts are funny in themselves, because my measurements are always larger than the size I am in, but I am not like a sausage in them). Possibly because they were high waisted and a different mix of material in the denim.. who knows. Also, public transit. I've noticed that people don't hesitate to sit next to me anymore. This is a blessing and a curse. People aren't repulsed by my girth, but damnit people are in my space now. LOL. And seats I would have avoided I no longer have to avoid (you all know the three seaters - fat girls like me always avoid that middle seat. I still naturally avoid the middle seat, but I can sit in that three seater and not encroach on the person next to me anymore).

November 25, 2014

0

Labor Day wrap up., and work musings.

So my Labor Day goal of 235.. I am at 239. Not bad. 235 was pretty ambitious. So 239 is excellent progress. In my four months post sleeve, I have averaged 18.75 lbs lost per month (obvi, the first month was was higher, like 30 lbs, but still..). I am completely in love with the overall consistency of my weight loss. I've had stalls and ups and downs, but my stalls all seem to be hormonally driven due to my period and water retention. I have to really work at getting all my water in, otherwise my body retains. I've done really good at not falling into emotional eating. That is what I would do. Or boredom eating. Snacks while watching Game of Thrones. Getting cookies from the vending machines after a stressful call at work. Speaking of work, I put my two weeks notice in. Customer Service is not for me. I never did like it, and there is nowhere else I can go at this company that isn't a technical position. My husband is all stressed about the potential loss of income, but this change is necessary. I cannot allow myself to be miserable doing a job I hate that does nothing but bring me down (for an income that barely pays my bills by the way). I probably would have quit if I had not had surgery, but I might have languished until next year when I had more PTO to use. But there is no time like the present. I've spent 3.5 years being miserable at this job. I'm not sorry I put in my notice at all.

September 3, 2014

0

It's finally happened...

After almost a year my feet have gotten smaller. From a 9 to an 8.5. Even with thick socks my feet slide around in all my shoes. I bet you thought this was about me having my surgery didn't you? That was last April. LOL. Also, I'm 3 lbs from 199. Slowly creeping down. Lots of this has to do with being unemployed and being sedentary and not having the money to go back and forth to the gym via public transit. The good news is that I am working again and can rededicate myself to it since I have an income again.

February 17, 2015

0

I hate being cold

To be fair, I really hate being hot too. But my office is a meat locker. Since my sleeve my perception of the office being at morgue like temperatures has only been exacerbated. As I lose my layer of protection, this bone chilling cold is only going to get worse. Right now I am wearing jeans, a tank top, a long sleeved shirt and two fairly thin cardigan sweaters. WHO WEARS TWO CARDIGANS?! This broad. I'm pretty sure under my manicure my nail beds are turning blue. I'm just shivering and miserable. Every day. The building controls the heat/cold. So there is nothing I can do about it other than complain in my blog and suffer in abject misery. The funny thing is that summer is my least favorite season due to the heat and the humidity. This summer has been really mild with temps barely topping 75 F all summer. In theory it's been my dream summer. But I'm so cold, that I want the heat. I just want to go outside and warm up, only I can't. It's barely going to be over 70F here today in Chicago. Are skinny people always cold? Do they sit around in freezing misery? Am I doomed to wear cardigans evey day for the rest of my life?! Perhaps I'm being overly dramatic. This is a consequence I had not even thought of. There are worse problems to have. This blog post is brought to you by me being a whiner.

August 12, 2014

0

I got a coat

One that isn't three sizes too big. Just in time for the polar vortex. FUN TIMES! I was hovering right between the XL and the 1X. I erred on the conservative side and got the 1X. I really think I could have gotten the XL and been okay.

November 11, 2014

0

I feel like I got away with something...tee hee!

Today I went to Macy's - the big flagship store in the Loop. Normally I automatically go up to the 5th floor where the plus sizes live. Today I went to the 3rd floor where the contemporary brands are (like, Kensie, Bar III etc. Younger and hipper, and slightly edgy but not juniors. So, right where I skew stylistically). I found this sheer, embroidered hippie dippy top on the 80% off rack. It was $12 after the discounts. I found all these clothes to try on in my size. Some fit, some didn't. Some were summer clothes on clearance. I declined to buy them because I figure next summer they would be too big. But I was able to try on all these different dresses and tops and stuff that I would have had to mournfully walk by before. But the whole time, I kind of felt like a sales associate was going to come up to me and tell me that my size was on the 5th floor. No one did that. A couple people did ask me if I was finding everything okay. Then I went up the 4th floor and tried on more casual, less edgy clothes. Got a pair of capri pants for $8. Also clearance. Good for lounging about the house on the weekend. I went to the new Ross that just opened on Randolph. It is disappointingly small. Well appointed, but small. The Ross I normally go to is about the same size. I picked up another bra in 38DD. So now I have three that fit properly. Yay for that. As it gets colder, it is becoming apparent that I need a new winter coat. I have three. And they are all too big. Way too big. I have this issue - being two different sizes - an 18/20 on the bottom and a 14/16 on the top causes problems. A coat that fits me up top won't zip over my derriere. And I am a person who likes coverage. We're talking about Chicago in the winter. A place that got nicknamed Chiberia last year. Ideally I want a down coat I will wear the hell out of so that I can justify the $250 price tag. But I really don't want to buy one in a plus size. So far every coat I've tried on in a misses size has been to small except for one Anne Klein wool peacoat (in fabulous fuchsia) in a regular XXL (18/20). I really want down, as it is warmer than wool. I guess I will just have to keep exercising so I can lose more weight and get into an XL. I don't want to pay $20 more for a coat just because I'm buying it in a plus size.

October 11, 2014

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I broke myself y'all

So Saturday I had an appointment to get my hair done. I got fuchsia highlights. I'm super fancy, right? Anyhow, on my way home, I tripped, apparently on air, and fell in the middle of a super busy intersection. Landed hard on my left palm and right knee. Lost a significant amount of skin on my left palm. So now, I can't grip anything, which means I can't lift weights. $#!%!! Crap. That sucks. I had plans, body. Plans to use the 40 lb barbell for deadlifts and chest press. Plans to use 15 lb dumbells for my squats. So many plans derailed! The worst part was that everyone and their mama saw my ass hit the asphalt. I couldn't have fallen on my street.. a nice slow residential street. I had to fall in the middle of a busy intersection for all of the hood to see. Fab. Karma doesn't completely hate me though. I'm down below 260, into the 250s. So that is something. I'm just bummed because I am going to lose my weight training gains if I go to long due to my inability to properly grip things. I'm all about having a high percentage of muscle when I get down to size.

July 14, 2014

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Gym rats anonymous

I'm creeping closer to the 250s. Woot. My next goal is 256, which is 50 lbs down from the weight I came home from the hospital at, and half of 100 lbs. I've been making good gains with my strength training. I have been using a 30lb barbell for dead lifts and bench press. But I think I am ready to try the 40 lb bar for both of those exercises. I also think I can go up to 15 lbs dumbbells on squats. Normally I am sore but lately I am not sore after all of the lifting. So it is time to heavy up, as it were. In some ways, it is nice not to be sore. Being sore makes sitting down to pee a challenge. But I also know that if I am not sore, my muscles are used to it and need more of a challenge. So time to suck it up, buttercup. No one said working out was supposed to be easy. LOL. My wedding band and and engagement rings barely stay on my finger. I suppose I could move it to my right hand since ones dominant hand is usually bigger than their non-dominant hand, but I figure all of the busybodies out there would question my marriage if my rings are not on my left hand. Funnily enough, my husband has lost not one, but two rings and has not worn a wedding band for at least a year and no one says a word to him. He lives a nice busybody free lifestyle. I bought swim goggles and a swim cap. A lycra spandex one, not a rubber/silicon one. I don't need those things snapping my hair off. It's not like swim caps keep your hair dry anyhow. Mainly it just keeps it out of the way and keeps your goggles from tangling up in your hair (also snapping it off). I am determined to use the lap pool at my gym, but not without some kind of basic protections for my hair and eyes.

July 11, 2014

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Good news! Bad news!

Good news! Today I finally braved the pool at the gym. It was fine. All my fears were assuaged. There were older ladies, younger swimmers, big people, little people. I ordered a new lap swimsuit, goggles and swim cap to use at the pool. Bad news! The lap suit was shipped separately and will not arrive until Monday. Good news! I have a Lands' End swimsuit that has been sitting in my closet since my honeymoon in 2011. Bad news! It is way too big now. It is a 26W It's baggy in the ass and way huge in the boobs. Every time I made it to the end of the pool I had to do a well being check on the girls to make sure they were not waving hi to the boys in the whirlpool. The new Speedo lap suit I ordered is a 22W (I'm an 18/20 up top and would say I'm between 22 and 24 on the bottom now, so I split the difference thinking that going a bit smaller than my hips - my biggest part - would last me a bit longer) Good news! The goggles and swim cap are great. The swim cap is lyrca instead of silicon, so it doesn't snag on my hair. Good news! This has reaffirmed that I love to be in the pool and love to swim. Bad news! I suck. All that cardio I do did not prepare me for how physically difficult swimming is. Good news! Every day I do it, I will get better. Now, no more good news bad news.. Just news. I've decided I am ready to bump it up to 5 days a week at the gym. Two of those days will be an hour in the pool. The other three will be my regular two hours of cardio/weights. So now, instead of Sunday Tuesday Thursday Saturday, I will add in Friday, since the gym is dead on Fridays. I do not need to watch Say Yes to the Dress (It's a guilty pleasure. I love weddings! LOL and wedding dresses and read bridal magazines even though I'm already married. Ha ha ha!). I'm thinking that Sunday and Friday will be swimming, Tuesday Thursday and Saturday will be cardio/weights. I will start this tomorrow. So even though I went swimming today, this was more of a test run than anything. I've decided to work on some Labor Day goals. My current weight is 255. I want to be 235 by labor day. That's ambitious, I know. My fitness goal is to be able to swim an entire lap doing the freestyle without stopping in the middle of the pool. It might not be fast, but in high school I could swim a lap without stopping. And I was roughly the same size back then. Yes, it was almost 20 years ago though. LOL.

July 19, 2014

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