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About this blog

Just a blog of my post op meanderings

Entries in this blog

 

It's finally happened...

After almost a year my feet have gotten smaller. From a 9 to an 8.5. Even with thick socks my feet slide around in all my shoes. I bet you thought this was about me having my surgery didn't you? That was last April. LOL.   Also, I'm 3 lbs from 199. Slowly creeping down. Lots of this has to do with being unemployed and being sedentary and not having the money to go back and forth to the gym via public transit. The good news is that I am working again and can rededicate myself to it since I have an income again.
Forsythia

Forsythia

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Summing up 2014...

So happy 2015. Let's do a recap!   Surgery May 5th, 2014. Program start weight 312 All time high 335 Current weight 210 Goal weight 150 Height 5'5" Age 37 going on fabulous.   I feel like I'm in the home stretch. My immediate goal is to be 199.5 by February 7th. Why February 7th? That is my birthday. And my birthday is my favorite day, ever. So this year I want it to be fabulous by me being under 200 lbs by that day. I have a month to lose 10.5 lbs. Can I do it? Hell yes I can do it! (Despite my general downer attitude about society as a whole I'm remarkably positive about myself and my own motivations. LOL). I didn't gain any weight over the holidays, but I also did not lose any. But I'mma be honest, I had way too many coconut rum balls and I have no one to blame for those rum balls but myself because I made them. Dealing with ones own demons and weaknesses never gets easier, no matter how far along you are. Those weaknesses resurface.   I got rid of all my old clothes. There was a post on the forums where someone wondered why they were keeping their old too big clothes. I had bags of too big clothes in my closet just taking up space. I kept saying I was going to donate them, but I never did. It was the fear. I took the step to throw them out. I was just keeping them as a crutch to my fears. So bite me, demons. I am not giving into the fear. I am not keeping those size 28s anymore. I will not go back to wearing them, ever.
Forsythia

Forsythia

0
 

Your face!

Well, more like, my face. When I look in the mirror, my face looks the same as it always has. I never had a fat face to begin with, but now, when I look at pictures of my face, it looks too skinny. Yet I'm still above 200 lbs. My face needs to stop losing weight. LOL! Also, this morning, the scale said 211.5, which is over 100 lbs from my program start weight (and well over 120 from my all time high).   Anyhow you be the judge on my face. The first picture is of me and my husband from a few years back. Please note my face was not fat.     The second one was taken Thanksgiving weekend. I think my face looks weird.   I do realize that they were taken at different angles. But still. I guess if my face is the one thing I have to b***h about then I can't complain too much.
Forsythia

Forsythia

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More random musings on clothes, public transit and measurements...

My waist is down to 40.5 inches. Two weeks ago it was 42 inches. I find measurements far more interesting than the scale. But I weight every damn morning. I don't measure every day. Conversely, I don't record my weight unless it goes down. So it might fluctuate or even go up, but I don't count that in MFP. Only when the scale goes down. LOL.   I've transitioned from 18W pants to 18 misses pants. Misses pants are a couple inches smaller in the waist and hips.. And psychologically, it's more fun to get clothes from the misses department or a straight sized store like New York & Company than the plus department or Eloquii. Some 18s are tight, some are not. It's just funny how pants change from cut to cut, brand to brand. For example, at New York & Company, I tried on a pair of plain blue jeggings. They were an 18, but they were large. Later I checked the reviews on their website and the consensus was that they ran big. I got a different pair of jeggings (yeah, I like tight pants and I cannot lie) and they were much more true to the size chart (and size charts are funny in themselves, because my measurements are always larger than the size I am in, but I am not like a sausage in them). Possibly because they were high waisted and a different mix of material in the denim.. who knows.   Also, public transit. I've noticed that people don't hesitate to sit next to me anymore. This is a blessing and a curse. People aren't repulsed by my girth, but damnit people are in my space now. LOL. And seats I would have avoided I no longer have to avoid (you all know the three seaters - fat girls like me always avoid that middle seat. I still naturally avoid the middle seat, but I can sit in that three seater and not encroach on the person next to me anymore).
Forsythia

Forsythia

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A 6.5 month Progress report

At 6.5 months post-op, I am 218lbs. I want to be 212 by 7 months out (12/5). That will be 100 lbs gone from my program start weight of 312. I want to be below 200 lbs before my birthday (February 7th). I will do it. I think as a stretch I could be 192 by my 38th birthday. I've come so far, but the finish line (150 lbs) still seems so far away. The weight will go when it wants to go. In fits and spurts.
Forsythia

Forsythia

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I got a coat

One that isn't three sizes too big. Just in time for the polar vortex. FUN TIMES! I was hovering right between the XL and the 1X. I erred on the conservative side and got the 1X. I really think I could have gotten the XL and been okay.  
Forsythia

Forsythia

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I feel like I got away with something...tee hee!

Today I went to Macy's - the big flagship store in the Loop. Normally I automatically go up to the 5th floor where the plus sizes live. Today I went to the 3rd floor where the contemporary brands are (like, Kensie, Bar III etc. Younger and hipper, and slightly edgy but not juniors. So, right where I skew stylistically). I found this sheer, embroidered hippie dippy top on the 80% off rack. It was $12 after the discounts. I found all these clothes to try on in my size. Some fit, some didn't. Some were summer clothes on clearance. I declined to buy them because I figure next summer they would be too big. But I was able to try on all these different dresses and tops and stuff that I would have had to mournfully walk by before. But the whole time, I kind of felt like a sales associate was going to come up to me and tell me that my size was on the 5th floor. No one did that. A couple people did ask me if I was finding everything okay. Then I went up the 4th floor and tried on more casual, less edgy clothes. Got a pair of capri pants for $8. Also clearance. Good for lounging about the house on the weekend.   I went to the new Ross that just opened on Randolph. It is disappointingly small. Well appointed, but small. The Ross I normally go to is about the same size. I picked up another bra in 38DD. So now I have three that fit properly. Yay for that.   As it gets colder, it is becoming apparent that I need a new winter coat. I have three. And they are all too big. Way too big. I have this issue - being two different sizes - an 18/20 on the bottom and a 14/16 on the top causes problems. A coat that fits me up top won't zip over my derriere. And I am a person who likes coverage. We're talking about Chicago in the winter. A place that got nicknamed Chiberia last year. Ideally I want a down coat I will wear the hell out of so that I can justify the $250 price tag. But I really don't want to buy one in a plus size. So far every coat I've tried on in a misses size has been to small except for one Anne Klein wool peacoat (in fabulous fuchsia) in a regular XXL (18/20). I really want down, as it is warmer than wool. I guess I will just have to keep exercising so I can lose more weight and get into an XL. I don't want to pay $20 more for a coat just because I'm buying it in a plus size.
Forsythia

Forsythia

0
 

The zombie apocalypse has begun...

Because I am running. Who the hell are you, Andrea Diggs? A runner?   Let me say that when I run, its like a minute or two of walking, then a minute of running, then back to walking, etc. So it is not like full on half an hour 45 minutes of running. But I am on a treadmill doing something I swore I would never do, ever. Running. And it is not bad. I'm slow - only 4.2 mph, but walking has gotten too easy? Running on actual pavement is harder than the treadmill, but at the gym I feel I've hit my walking limit and almost have to move on to running to get the calorie burn that I want. At 228 lbs, I burn fewer calories than I did at 280. I gotta make up for that somehow.   Please seriously, let me know if you see any zombies. Because this is a sign of the apocalypse.
Forsythia

Forsythia

2
 

Things that can suck it.

My Hemoglobin A1C is 5.5%. this is normal. Like, perfectly normal normal. Not, well controlled for a Diabetic normal, but not a diabetic person normal. SUCK IT DIABETES!!!!   Also, my NP tested other levels and my vitamin D level is finally normal. My cholesterol continues to be fabulous. And she took me off of my blood pressure medication. SUCK IT, HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE!!!   Bought two pairs of size 18 pants. I'm in this weird purgatorial area where an 18W is too big. Some companies that carrier an 18 in missy sizes, well, they are often too small. So it looks like the only place I can buy pants is Old Navy until I get down to a 16. Damn you, birthing hips. I'm 232. I've never been 232 as an adult. I mean, I think the last time I was 232 I was 14? Hoping to be in the 220s by the end of this month.
Forsythia

Forsythia

0
 

Called out!

Every week, I take a class at my gym (LA Fitness) called Body Works Plus abs. It is what I term a fast and light weight class. Fast enough that you get a cardio effect while doing it, along with high reps (as opposed to the slow and heavy stuff I do in the weight room). The class has 2.5, 5 and 7.5 lb dumbbells in it. Stronger people (usually guys and super fit broads) can go out to the floor and get heavier bells if they want. Normally I take a pair of all three. Last night, Florence, the instructor, walked by and called me out about the 2.5s! She said I was strong enough to stop using them. The high reps do exhaust me! So I took that as a challenge, because normally I do use the 2.5s on some of the shoulder work because I am weak like a kitten in the upper body. I basically only used the 5s and 7.5s for the class. I didn't die. So I guess Florence was right.   If this is worst of the problems in my life, I have it pretty good.
Forsythia

Forsythia

0
 

Proof that you shouldn't be a slave to the scale

In the past few weeks, I've only lost a minimal amount of weight. I'm at 236. Before labor day I was 240. I'm one lb short of being 100 lbs lighter than my all time high (335). I'm not here to whine about the scale. I'm here to say that I'm still getting smaller. In the last couple of weeks my under bust measurement has gone from 41 to 38.5. My waist has gone from 45 to 43. And oddly, my calves which have always been really muscular and well defined (I've never been accused of having cankles - rather, I often heard "How come your legs are so skinny? No wonder you have sprained your ankle so many times. Those things are too small to support you") have gone from 16 inches to 14.5. I am sure my hips went down too, but I don't remember the old measurement for them. LOL. So even though I am still 236, my size 20 jeans are getting quite loose. My 2x tops are starting to look ridiculous.   My point is that the scale is not the ultimate measure of your success. Don't pin your hopes and mental well being to the number on the scale. How do you feel? How do you look in your clothes? How much lower is your blood sugar? Blood pressure? Cholesterol? How much can you bench press now? How much easier is it to make it up a flight of stairs without pain? Without feeling like your lungs are going to explode? Don't equate success with the scale. The scale is just one tool in your kit. You are not (and never have been) solely your weight. Don't make yourself that now.
Forsythia

Forsythia

0
 

Labor Day wrap up., and work musings.

So my Labor Day goal of 235.. I am at 239. Not bad. 235 was pretty ambitious. So 239 is excellent progress. In my four months post sleeve, I have averaged 18.75 lbs lost per month (obvi, the first month was was higher, like 30 lbs, but still..). I am completely in love with the overall consistency of my weight loss. I've had stalls and ups and downs, but my stalls all seem to be hormonally driven due to my period and water retention. I have to really work at getting all my water in, otherwise my body retains.   I've done really good at not falling into emotional eating. That is what I would do. Or boredom eating. Snacks while watching Game of Thrones. Getting cookies from the vending machines after a stressful call at work. Speaking of work, I put my two weeks notice in. Customer Service is not for me. I never did like it, and there is nowhere else I can go at this company that isn't a technical position. My husband is all stressed about the potential loss of income, but this change is necessary. I cannot allow myself to be miserable doing a job I hate that does nothing but bring me down (for an income that barely pays my bills by the way). I probably would have quit if I had not had surgery, but I might have languished until next year when I had more PTO to use. But there is no time like the present. I've spent 3.5 years being miserable at this job. I'm not sorry I put in my notice at all.
Forsythia

Forsythia

0
 

Update on my personal Labor Day challenge goal, and some other random stuff!

You might recall my Labor Day goal that I posted in a blog entry awhile back. That goal was 235. As of this morning, I am 240.5. I think I can do it, kids!!! I originally thought it would be a stretch but it appears to be close at hand. Honestly anything in the 230s will make me pleased as punch. I am going back to Indiana that weekend to see my parents (It is also my Mom's birthday on the 30th) and I know they will be proud of my weight loss. They have not seen me since Memorial Day. That was only a few weeks post surgery, maybe 25 lb lost. Now I'm over 70 lbs lost. My Dad is utterly fascinated by the whole thing. He and I have always struggled with our weight. So he is really happy that I am losing so much and being so successful. He says he is too old to have such a surgery (he's 72, but I think he could do it just fine, we tend to be good healers), so I think he is living vicariously through me.   Yesterday I had my belated 3 month visit. Dr. Hungness was so pleased with my progress. He actually seemed quite floored when I told him I am in the gym 5 days a week. I seem him again in three more months - so six months post op. He said they will be doing some labs. We'll find out if my vitamin D level has recovered. Although my nurse practitioner will probably be drawing for my HgA1C sooner than that since she manages my diabetes. She usually tests for Vitamin D and most of the tests he will be looking for. My daily sugar levels continue to be good. In the mornings I used to always be scary high. Now I am consistently between 85 and 110.   I had an exercise related NSV while at the gym yesterday. I used to always get pins and needles when I used the elliptical after about 15 minutes. Basically it was like my feet were falling asleep. I used to struggle to do 20 minutes on it - not because I was exhausted, but because the pins and needles were so painful. Yesterday I was on the elliptical for 35 minutes. I realized about 30 minutes in that the pins and needles were not happening at all. So clearly that issue was due to me being over 300 lbs.   And, I got this outfit from fabletics.com (my apologies if you cannot see it): http://www.fabletics.com/index.cfm?action=shop.viewproduct&featured_product_location_id=0&product_id=1439782&psrc=my_looks&master_product_id=1439782&original_master_product_id=1439782   I wore the tank to the gym yesterday. It was a little bit exposing. But no one looked at me strangely. No one said I was too fat for it. There was no side eye! I'm just so happy to have more choices in gym wear!
Forsythia

Forsythia

0
 

Bones

I'm starting to feel and see bones. Like, collar bones, and I can feel my spine in the neck area (I seem to be losing from the top down and from extremeties - fingers toes lower legs and arms). My wedding rings no longer stay on my fingers. And my calves, which were already pretty muscular and not fat, have gotten an inch smaller - from 16 inches to 15 inches. It is such a weird sensation, feeling bones and seeing results. I guess the swimming is really working my shoulders/upper body and legs. Don't get me wrong, there is still a lot of flesh around my bones, but the weight loss is getting noticeable. People who don't know I had surgery are asking what I am doing. I tell them I log everything I eat and go to the gym 5x a week for anywhere from an hour to two hours depending on what I am doing that day (this is all true - they do not need to know I had a surgical assist!).   I'm creeping up on my lowest adult weight - 239. I was 244 this morning. The smaller clothes I bought are getting too loose. I have a couple of work out tops I got from Old Navy that used to cling to my tummy which now drape gracefully - it won't be long before I need to get an XL instead of an XXL.. Hell, the concept of clothes draping gracefully on me is whole new sensation. When I was 312 or 320 or 335, there was never graceful drape. There was tugging and layering. Looking in the mirror and feeling like crap. Now, there is possibility. I know I've got a long way to go, but I feel like I've come so far already.   Tomorrow is my 3 month follow up with my surgeon. I am interested in seeing how is going to assess my progress. I think he will be pleased. I've lost right around 70 lbs from my program start weight. He thinks I can lose 100 due to the surgery. I have every intention of surpassing that number.
Forsythia

Forsythia

0
 

I hate being cold

To be fair, I really hate being hot too. But my office is a meat locker. Since my sleeve my perception of the office being at morgue like temperatures has only been exacerbated. As I lose my layer of protection, this bone chilling cold is only going to get worse. Right now I am wearing jeans, a tank top, a long sleeved shirt and two fairly thin cardigan sweaters. WHO WEARS TWO CARDIGANS?! This broad. I'm pretty sure under my manicure my nail beds are turning blue. I'm just shivering and miserable. Every day. The building controls the heat/cold. So there is nothing I can do about it other than complain in my blog and suffer in abject misery. The funny thing is that summer is my least favorite season due to the heat and the humidity. This summer has been really mild with temps barely topping 75 F all summer. In theory it's been my dream summer. But I'm so cold, that I want the heat. I just want to go outside and warm up, only I can't. It's barely going to be over 70F here today in Chicago. Are skinny people always cold? Do they sit around in freezing misery? Am I doomed to wear cardigans evey day for the rest of my life?!   Perhaps I'm being overly dramatic.   This is a consequence I had not even thought of. There are worse problems to have. This blog post is brought to you by me being a whiner.
Forsythia

Forsythia

0
 

Stall city

So I've been stuck at 252 for the last two weeks. Stalls suck. I have my three month post op this month (on the 19th, although it has been 90 days post surgery as of today). I desperately want to be in the mid 240s for this visit. It's a mental goal of mine based on where I feel I should be at 3 months out. I'm gonna try to low carb and cut back on weights this week (fast and light as opposed to slow and heavy), to see if that kickstarts my weight loss again. I'm going to continue swimming and taking my body works plus abs class. I love both of those things so much. LOL. I probably should better track my carbs. But I work out a lot ( almost two hours on cardio/weights days) and I know you need carbs for fuel when you are working out. Since the surgery, I do not seem to have the sensitivity to carbs that I had before my sleeve (considering that I was diabetic). But still, my guidelines pre-sleeve were to not go over 50g of carbs at a meal and 30g at a snack. That always worked for me to keep my blood sugars even. Those are the same guidelines I adhere to now. I know other sleevers are much stricter on carbs, so we will see if tweaking them does me any good.   Stall busting is complex business. I know I am not cheating my sleeve and overeating. I know my sleeve has not grown because I can still only eat tiny amounts of dense protein. Calorie wise I am good. So the trick is to rejigger something somewhere to kick it back into gear.   In other news, the second bathing suit I bought works divinely. It is a Land's end surplice front tugless tank. Looks better on that it looks hanging up. But my girls don't fall out. My old suit was a surplice front one as well, but it was a size 26. this one is a 20. I apparently have to buy my swimsuits for my boobs (smaller) and not my hips (bigger). If I buy for my hips, the girls will make an appearance. And it was on clearance. The suit is a bit tight in the hips, but not to the point where circulation is being cut off. Ha! The things I do for fitness. I spend a lot of money on fitness gear. But I always have. in the early 00s I used to work out at home and had all this stuff - weights, steps, mats. Now I work out at a gym and I still have all this workout related stuff.
Forsythia

Forsythia

0
 

Progress pictures

So I thought I would post some pictures. The one with the dinosaur is pre-surgery. In April Size 26W. The one with me in the mint top is a couple weeks post surgery 24W pants and 2x top. And the one in the dress is from today, in an 18/20 dress. And with curly hair. The top of the dress is actually a bit loose. I might be more like a 16 in the chest area. I miss my boobs. LOL!       So that's that.
Forsythia

Forsythia

2
 

Good bye boobs, hello water retention. I totes didn't miss you.

I am now a fully actualized member of my gym. I took my first class Wednesday - Body Works plus abs. Basically it was a fast and light weight lifting class. I'm still sore two days later. And keep in mind, I lift weights multiple times a week using heavier weights than the ones used in that class. I loved the class and must find a way to go to it every Wednesday. Tonight I swim. Also a big yay for me.   Weight wise, I'm down 62 lbs since surgery, over 80 from my high weight. I'm almost three months out from surgery (three months will be 8/5). I've gained a couple back this week with all the water retention my period caused. But I know its temporary and will go away in a couple of days. But I hate it because I get all swollen. I can feel it in my legs and ankles - they get so tight. Ugh. I'm not even a salt person either, And I get in my water. I guess that is just nature mocking me. This will pass though and the water will go away.   Lately, I've been noticing I have really been losing weight in the boobs. This makes me sad. I always had a nice shaped rack. No to big, not too small. And now.. its just sadsville up in there. LOL. You can't spot train your fat to disappear from places and stay on others. Even though the new boobs are smaller, the overall picture is smaller and I will just need to come to terms with what I see in the mirror.
Forsythia

Forsythia

0
 

Good news! Bad news!

Good news! Today I finally braved the pool at the gym. It was fine. All my fears were assuaged. There were older ladies, younger swimmers, big people, little people. I ordered a new lap swimsuit, goggles and swim cap to use at the pool. Bad news! The lap suit was shipped separately and will not arrive until Monday. Good news! I have a Lands' End swimsuit that has been sitting in my closet since my honeymoon in 2011. Bad news! It is way too big now. It is a 26W It's baggy in the ass and way huge in the boobs. Every time I made it to the end of the pool I had to do a well being check on the girls to make sure they were not waving hi to the boys in the whirlpool. The new Speedo lap suit I ordered is a 22W (I'm an 18/20 up top and would say I'm between 22 and 24 on the bottom now, so I split the difference thinking that going a bit smaller than my hips - my biggest part - would last me a bit longer) Good news! The goggles and swim cap are great. The swim cap is lyrca instead of silicon, so it doesn't snag on my hair. Good news! This has reaffirmed that I love to be in the pool and love to swim. Bad news! I suck. All that cardio I do did not prepare me for how physically difficult swimming is. Good news! Every day I do it, I will get better.   Now, no more good news bad news.. Just news. I've decided I am ready to bump it up to 5 days a week at the gym. Two of those days will be an hour in the pool. The other three will be my regular two hours of cardio/weights. So now, instead of Sunday Tuesday Thursday Saturday, I will add in Friday, since the gym is dead on Fridays. I do not need to watch Say Yes to the Dress (It's a guilty pleasure. I love weddings! LOL and wedding dresses and read bridal magazines even though I'm already married. Ha ha ha!). I'm thinking that Sunday and Friday will be swimming, Tuesday Thursday and Saturday will be cardio/weights. I will start this tomorrow. So even though I went swimming today, this was more of a test run than anything.   I've decided to work on some Labor Day goals. My current weight is 255. I want to be 235 by labor day. That's ambitious, I know. My fitness goal is to be able to swim an entire lap doing the freestyle without stopping in the middle of the pool. It might not be fast, but in high school I could swim a lap without stopping. And I was roughly the same size back then. Yes, it was almost 20 years ago though. LOL.
Forsythia

Forsythia

1
 

I broke myself y'all

So Saturday I had an appointment to get my hair done. I got fuchsia highlights. I'm super fancy, right? Anyhow, on my way home, I tripped, apparently on air, and fell in the middle of a super busy intersection. Landed hard on my left palm and right knee. Lost a significant amount of skin on my left palm. So now, I can't grip anything, which means I can't lift weights. $#!%!! Crap. That sucks. I had plans, body. Plans to use the 40 lb barbell for deadlifts and chest press. Plans to use 15 lb dumbells for my squats. So many plans derailed! The worst part was that everyone and their mama saw my ass hit the asphalt. I couldn't have fallen on my street.. a nice slow residential street. I had to fall in the middle of a busy intersection for all of the hood to see. Fab. Karma doesn't completely hate me though. I'm down below 260, into the 250s. So that is something. I'm just bummed because I am going to lose my weight training gains if I go to long due to my inability to properly grip things. I'm all about having a high percentage of muscle when I get down to size.
Forsythia

Forsythia

4
 

Gym rats anonymous

I'm creeping closer to the 250s. Woot. My next goal is 256, which is 50 lbs down from the weight I came home from the hospital at, and half of 100 lbs.   I've been making good gains with my strength training. I have been using a 30lb barbell for dead lifts and bench press. But I think I am ready to try the 40 lb bar for both of those exercises. I also think I can go up to 15 lbs dumbbells on squats. Normally I am sore but lately I am not sore after all of the lifting. So it is time to heavy up, as it were. In some ways, it is nice not to be sore. Being sore makes sitting down to pee a challenge. But I also know that if I am not sore, my muscles are used to it and need more of a challenge. So time to suck it up, buttercup. No one said working out was supposed to be easy. LOL.   My wedding band and and engagement rings barely stay on my finger. I suppose I could move it to my right hand since ones dominant hand is usually bigger than their non-dominant hand, but I figure all of the busybodies out there would question my marriage if my rings are not on my left hand. Funnily enough, my husband has lost not one, but two rings and has not worn a wedding band for at least a year and no one says a word to him. He lives a nice busybody free lifestyle.   I bought swim goggles and a swim cap. A lycra spandex one, not a rubber/silicon one. I don't need those things snapping my hair off. It's not like swim caps keep your hair dry anyhow. Mainly it just keeps it out of the way and keeps your goggles from tangling up in your hair (also snapping it off). I am determined to use the lap pool at my gym, but not without some kind of basic protections for my hair and eyes.
Forsythia

Forsythia

0
 

The purge

Last night my husband went to a concert, so I had a rare evening to myself. I went through my clothes. I threw out a bunch of clothes that were both too big and had issues (ripped seams, holes, stains, cheap construction). I took two more bags and designated those as donateable. One dresses, one pants and suits. I have a bunch of really cute dresses that I am lamenting that I had to let go for being too big. Goodbye navy blue silk bubble hem coctail dress. Fairwell, strapless satin dress with the rhinestone belt detail. Hasta Luego emerald green v-neck with applique detail. I'm just bummed because those dresses were hard to come by and were perfect for what they were for. But I can buy new dresses, in smaller sizes. I like dresses because they make me feel fancy. Ha ha.   The bag of suits, one of which I bought and never wore I won't miss as much. I had them just in case I got a job interview. Let's hope no one calls me for a job interview any time soon - I am completely and utterly professional clothes free (my last two jobs in advertising and telecom have been casual - jeans, t-shirts).   I also reorganized my bookshelves and added a bunch of music to my iTunes. Most of it from the 90s and early 2000s. Brings me back to high school and college.   Today I went to the gym. Still didn't get in the pool. But I did wear a tank top instead of an oversized t-shirt. Baby steps. Did an hour of cardio on the treadmill and recumbent bike. I also did a crap ton of squats, among other exercises. My ass is going to complain about that tomorrow. LOL!
Forsythia

Forsythia

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Swimming...

I've always loved swimming. Living on Lake Michigan in Northwest Indiana, one of the first things my parents did was make sure that all three of us kids knew how to swim. My mother almost drowned when she was a teenager in Pennsylvania, and she made sure that since we lived in a town on the lake that the same thing would not happen to her babies. We took swim lession at Rogers High school. I always enjoyed floating and swimming and diving under the water, like a fish. The smell of the chlorine and the humid air. At the beach it was always fun to feel the sand sift through my toes as I waded out to the sandbar. What I don't like is swimming in front of other people. Not anymore. I've always felt like the beached whale, the fattest fat person on the beach or at the pool. Like everyone is looking at me and judging.   My gym has a pool. A three lane lap pool. Not olympic sized, but a good size for fitness. I'm just so intimidated about using it. I still have my issues. I don't have problems going to the weight room and lifting weights anymore. I know no one cares what I am doing on the treadmill or elliptical. And I'm sure if I ever got to the gym in time for a class after work no one would bat an eye. I know that I am no longer the fattest fat person at the gym (and I never was really, but again, that's my own issue). But in my mind, I still see myself as a size 26W. That's all mental. But there is something about putting yourself in a baththing suit that exposes all of your flaws. Not just those external flaws. The rolls, the jiggling flesh, but the emotional imperfections too. The doubts, the fears, the years of heartache. It is like the act of wearing a skin tight suit puts all of your emotional issues out there on display as well, red and raw for the world to see. I can conceal issues in clothes, but not in a bathing suit. But I know that this is all in my head. But this is one time when it is really hard for me to get out of my own head. I should use the pool and get my $30 per month's worth out of my gym membership.
Forsythia

Forsythia

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As American as Apple Pie...

OMG.. did you guys know that Yoplait makes apple pie flavored Greek yogurt? It totes tastes like apple freakin pie. My mouth was rocked accordingly. If you like apple pie, yours will be too. Why was I not made aware of apple pie flavored yogurt sooner?? I like coconut, and they make a coconut flavor, but I suggest - why not coconut cream pie flavored? Come on Yoplait, you can do it. For me. (Honestly, I like coconut everything. Coconut water, coconut scented shampoo and conditioner, lotion... toasted coconut candles. Coconut lime reed diffusers.. I could go on).   I've officially lost more than 40 lbs in the 8 weeks since my surgery. 40.5 to be exact. Last night I told my Dad that. They he had the nerve to ask me what I used to weigh. I'm a classy broad, and a classy broad never reveals her weight to people she knows, lest she have to kill them. Frankly murder is so messy what with all the blood and cleaning up afterward (For the record, I AM TOTALLY KIDDING AND AM NOT A KILLER). My husband doesn't even know my weight. I know my Dad is a big guy too but I'm pretty sure I'm fatter than him and I just cannot have him knowing that I am THAT heavy. I told him I would let him know once I was below 200 lbs what my weight is.
Forsythia

Forsythia

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