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Why did I get this lap-band?????

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Hello all, it has been 2 yrs. post lap-band.....

July 25, 2009   I am still at my office job and am now starting to feel comfortable wearing lower cut tops. It has taken me about 2 years to get to this point. I am not talking sleaze, just some cleavage. I am feeling better and am thinking I am actually "proud" I still have boobs after all this weight loss! I think I am finally getting that confidence I was lacking for so long! :thumbup:   I know I am not that obese 243 lb person anymore. I am for sure not fantastic, but am satisfied if I never lose another pound I will feel fine.   I get below 170 pounds some days, but can't STAY BELOW it. My upper body is VERY toned. I lift weights and am proud to say my arms and shoulders and back (not butt) look as nice as they looked 20 years ago. That is from exercising. I go to the gym 2-3 times a week for one hour and 15 minutes. I still need a tummy tuck and boob lift, but boob lift will not get done. Tummy tuck will though.   Band news: I cannot have more than 1 cc in my band without having reflux. The conservative doc I go to will not adjust or do another fill until I am reflux-free. This is so hard!   What I've done the past 2 years at least 5 days a week is wrote down everything I ate. That is how I keep track. It isn't pretty,:thumbup: but only I see it. It is like a diary of food.   The people I work with have no idea about my band. They know I sometimes have stomach trouble and the problems I have with my stomach aren't on a consistent basis. That is all they need to know.   Hang in there everyone, you can do this!
Chrissi

Chrissi

1
 

More thoughts...

So, the conservative people at my work think I am way too conservative with my dress. I think, this coming from male and females, jeesh, am I a freak or what? I'm wondering what I can wear that doesn't make me look sleazy. I'd prefer people not to just look at my boobs, I have a mind too! Jeesh! Rant, I know.   I do have some low cut tops, not work attire in my opinion.   I'm really upset that I can't go to any support group meetings in my area. I am absolutely devastated. I now go to a doctor out of state instead of in-state. This is wrong that I must do this.. Everytime I get done there, at the new place, I throw up. I have to take a day off work every follow-up appointment. This is truly not fair. Because of this, I am still upset. I have zero closure and will never be ok with refusal of care. I pray noone ever gets refused care after their lap-band surgery. when I think about it I sob..... It is an absolute nightmare. I don't even want to think about this lap-band anymore. I'm really upset today. I can't stop crying.
Chrissi

Chrissi

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It's been a while since I posted

Have had a very rough winter. I'm trying to eat better and of course am better mood wise with the spring.   I have not lost any weight in a year. I'm around 173, sometimes 5 pounds less. I have this "wonderful" office job that doesn't allow me exercise like I would like. Life has gotten in the way of my band. It is a priority, but I think it has lots of problems.   I've forced myself to get out more. This is incredibly hard for me. I still feel obese. How do I get over that feeling???? I pray for strength many days. Some days I'm ok, other days I'm not.   So, I think having this band is so difficult. Definitely a diet. I am eating around 1800 calories a day and not losing. So, if this is it, than so be it. I'm not starving to lose- only to gain it back.   I'm a size 12 pants and still quite large with shirts. I can be thankful I still have breasts, I guess. I can't do high impact exercise with my boobs though!   I need a tummy tuck. I'm wondering if I'll go down a size in pants if i get it. I'd like to feel good about myself for once, having excess skin doesn't do that.   I plan on having lots of fun this summer. I can't believe how conservative I am. I wish I were normal some days. I'm trying to be more stylish with my dress, less conservative, but I feel so sleazy when i do that. Gotta get over that. My boobs are so huge everything looks obscene on me.
Chrissi

Chrissi

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My band DID SLIP!

wELL, I got my slipped band repositioned a few months ago. I had severe reflux and difficulty more with water than food, before my repair. The recovery for the band slip was very easy.   Now, I would like to lose some more weight, but since I now have no difficulty eating, like I did when my band was slipped, I'm having trouble staying away from food!   I have to make better food choices. I have lost over 75 pounds. So, how can I not be grateful for this band. Even though it is costing a small fortune, I'd do it again.   I'm doing some research for a tummy tuck or panniculectomy. I have this band and the tummy tuck would involve them sewing my port back in place, I think? I mean, they cut the muscle in the stomach, and my port is sewn to the muscle right now. Anyone have a tummy tuck and have port issues out there?
Chrissi

Chrissi

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Feeling better about my choice....

Even though I am unfilled I am still maintaining my weight. I have some pretty bad reflux and some vomiting.   I'm trying to not overeat but some days when I don't have the reflux it is so hard. I'd like to gnaw off my leg my hunger is that bad some days.   What I like about this band is the adjustability of it all. I just wish I could get mine adjusted without even worse reflux happening.   I know this band has a lot of problems, but I'd rather have something adjustable then get the RNy lose 100 lbs and then in 5 years gain back 80 and be screwed. I know that is a bit blunt, but I can't tell you how many people have that problem. There is no shame in admitting we all have a problem with food. If I didn't have a problem, I wouldn't need the band. I think I could out eat the RNy so I guess I shouldn't even be thinking about it.
Chrissi

Chrissi

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Hello band it was nice when I didn't know you...

I used to think this band would cure my obesity. Um, yeah. I used to think it was "better" than the gastric bypass, um, yeah, right. I used to think the complications were less with the band and I chose the "safer surgery" uh, yeah, right. I vomit quite a bit. I vomit liquid, I projectile vomit. Some days I actually don't vomit. Yup, no fill in band, still vomit. God help me! I call the office, they say "do what I can" to eat and get liquids in. yeah, right.   This sucks. I have complications. I have a dilated pouch. I am getting surgery. I can kick myself for thinking this was somehow "safer" somehow "superior" and somehow... a better surgery..   I fear this band is going to bankrupt me. I'm not kidding. I was a self-pay. This kills me. I am never going to hear the end of this from my husband. He is never going to let me live this down. What a nightmare.   I need to start praying, because that is the only thing that is going to help me now.
Chrissi

Chrissi

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I'm so out of control....

I'm still unfilled. Wow, I can't believe what a difference my appetite is between having some saline in my band and having NO saline in my band. My eating...God help me....I am really having a hard time. I'm eating too much.       I wish I could just have gotten the band, gotten a couple - a few fills and went on with my life. I mean, that is how I thought it would be. Well, I am very discouraged with my choice of weight loss surgery. Sometimes I think I should have just stayed morbidly obese, I'd have less worry.   I don't know if I made the right choice in the clinic I chose. I wish I could go somewhere else sometimes. I more or less have to go to them for life now. Sometimes I feel like they don't care about me. I mean, I know they don't care about me, but that they don't care if I ever come in again after surgery. That hurts. I wonder if other people feel that way about their clinics that they went to? It's almost like they never ever want to see me again after surgery.
Chrissi

Chrissi

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W

I don't think it's a good idea for me to blog.
Chrissi

Chrissi

1
 

Completely unfilled...January 2008...

When I first got this band, I was so positive and so just hopeful. Now, I'm like, great, another diet, I just have the band now. Now, all I do is worry about slips, erosions, etc. Not so much erosions, I worry about slips.   I'm so happy for the people this lap-band works for. I want it to work for everyone. I don't want anyone to have problems with it. It's just with me an adequate fill = reflux, as in carry a double bagged grocery bag with me reflux. Sigh. I'm not eating too much, when I have a fill, I just can't eat but fattening foods. Jeesh, to think I got this to eat more healthy.   Well, enough blogging for now. I hope some of you can relate. I sometimes feel so alone in this. Everyone is like it will work if you work it. Well, I have complications called reflux with a a fill.. How the hell am I supposed to work it when every time I get a fill I am sliming up a protein shake? AGRR. I'm really trying with this. I really am.
Chrissi

Chrissi

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IF I knew it was going to be so hard why did I get this???

How many of you out there really thought it would be this hard??? Huh? I mean really, it just seems like a large percentage of us banders have a hard time getting restriction, when we get it hello reflux! Sucks. Dang it, I think about the malabsorption of the RNy almost every freakin day. I know, I am trying to be positive. I just somehow thought weight loss surgery meant, actual WEIGHT LOSS. I'm completely unfilled, due to reflux. Yeah, that's the story for now. I've lost some weight yes...But really every single day has been a diet.   Luckily I am not telling people I just met I got this band... How embarassing... I mean, isn't weight loss surgery supposed to mean you are losing weight? Yup, I suck at this too.   My husband thinks I should have just got the RNy. Real sweet guy.   Half the time I am so pissed I chose this surgery, being pissed is the only thing giving me the energy to exercise! The other half I'm depressed and wondering what the hell could possibly make me feel better? I mean I already wasted $$$$$$ on the surgery. Yeah, self-pay here. I just want to scream with frustration. I don't even sleep well most nights thinking about what will it freakin take to lose? What do I have to do? How much exercise will it take? How low must my calories go? Then, how long can I maintain those low calories??? Hello, if I could do all that why get weight loss surgery. Then I have the other days where what deal must I make with God? Why am I being punished like this? I try and be a good person. Why God? Why?
Chrissi

Chrissi

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