Well, not technically.
But we forget that we have to work our minds in this process just as much as we work our body.
If you are constantly thinking or saying negative things, then that is the energy you are putting out into the world and it is what you're gonna get back.
A long time ago, I was sick of going to bed every night feeling anxious and laying there, having a thousand things a minute running through my mind. I decided, I want a quiet mind.
When I couldn't go to sleep, I would stop myself and try to think of an image. You could pick anything, but for some reason, I always chose an apple. Sometimes green, sometimes red. I would picture the apple in my head. I would look at all of the details. The stem, was it long or short? Did it have that little rough edge on top? I would look at the body of the apple. Was there a shiny part? Were there little brown spots on the skin? How about the bottom of the apple? Did it have 3 or 4 little bump feet like red apples have or was it smooth? What about the little brown spot on the bottom. Was it rough?
By doing this I was changing the focus of my mind. I was slowing it down. Sometimes, I would picture that apple for about 15 seconds before my mind was already back to racing thoughts. But after a bit, I would catch myself, and go back to the apple. Each time, doing my best to push all the other crazy thoughts aside. The more I did it, the easier it got to quiet my mind. Really, it's sort of a form of meditation.
The same goes even during our waking hours. If we succumb to the negative thoughts, they will consume you. We have to learn to push them away. To ignore them until they disappear.
I thought about this today at the gym. I spend a good part of my time there comparing myself to others, being self-conscious that I'm the fattest person there. Why do I have to have people running on both sides of me, when all I can do is walk? Do they purposely get on the treadmill next to me, so that they look better? All very negative thinking. And I keep reigning myself in. Stop it, Leigh! Stop thinking these negative thoughts. What does it matter? I don't even know these people. I don't care about them or what they think and I'm not gonna let these thoughts hinder my progress. I've found that as time goes on, it's easier for me to get rid of these and just focus on what I'm doing. The less you give into the negativity, the easier it is to get on with your life.
So don't forget to work that muscle that is your mind. It really may be the most important part of this weight loss journey. We have to learn to control our mind. Bring the subconscious forward into consciousness and be truthful to ourselves, no matter how painful.
This weight loss site/forum is a living and evolving place. You have your lurkers. You have your new people that ask a question and never come back. You have your new people that visit and post often and try to absorb all of the info and support offered. You have your people in between that are in the stages of losing. And then you have your veterans who maybe only need to lose 10-20 pounds or have reached their goal.
When I got a lapband, I didn't really do a lot of research on the other surgeries. RNY was totally out for me as it seemed too radical. I didn't consider the sleeve because I didn't like the idea of cutting my stomach. I felt the band was reversible, it was a chance I was willing to take. Now, I DO NOT feel there is anything wrong with having the first two surgeries. They just weren't for me. Looking back, if I knew I would end up being as committed to this journey as I am, I may have considered the sleeve more seriously.
If you read up on the lapband, it says that the majority of patients will lose 60% of their excess weight. Meaning, if you're 100 pounds overweight, you could expect to lose 60 pounds. Leaving you 40 pounds overweight.
BUT...there are plenty of people who reach or closely reach their goal weights.
What is the difference between those who don't lose hardly any weight, those who only lose about 50-60% of excess weight, and those who reach a healthy, suggested weight for their height and build?
We all know why some people don't lose weight. Or lose weight and gain it back. They eat around the band. They make very poor food choices. They either were never really committed or lost their commitment somewhere along the way.
Those who lose 50-60% of excess weight. What causes them to stop losing at that point and not continue on? I imagine there are many reasons. But I suspect that these may be the people who depended solely on the band to do all of the work for them. Those who did not commit to eating healthier as a habit and did not commit to exercise. They depended on the band to make them eat less, but still eat high calorie foods with low nutritional value. (Now, this is just speculation, but I'm probably close to the mark.)
And the veterans? The people who have almost or have already reached their goal? Don't you see the common theme among them here on the forum? THEY USED THE BAND AS A TOOL TO HELP THEM MAKE A CHANGE IN THEIR DIET AND EXERCISE. These people are not the ones on here saying, "I feel like such a failure because I ate a double helping of chicken alfredo with breadsticks followed by a piece of chocolate cake." NO...these are the people on here saying, "I make healthy food choices every day. I watch my portions. I listen to my band. I exercise 4-5 days a week. I may have a piece of chocolate cake, every now and then. But it's more then than now. And I only eat a small piece, and then I'm back on track."
Those are the people who inspire me. I have lived most of my 40 years on this earth eating mindlessly. Not caring about what I have been putting into my only vessel on this earth. I have lived an eating life based on convienience and overeating. I do not want to do this to myself any longer! This is MY body! I have to take care of this gift. I need to fill this body with the fuel it needs to exist and be healthy.
I'm just trying to point out, to you and myself, that success depends on committing to a new way of living and eating. We cannot continue on the same path we had been on before. We have to take the new path. It is not the easiest path. We will get roughed up along the way. But I believe it leads to a place of beauty. A place where our bodies and our minds can live in harmony. This place is called, "Healthy."
I hope we see each other there.
Today I would like to talk about exercise.
First, I would like to say that if your doctor or bariatric team has set an activity plan for you, you should do your best to follow their plan. This blog entry is more about those who are out there who have not started exercising and have no plan. Maybe you have never had an exercise regimen in your life, maybe you have tried exercise before but hated it and couldn't stick with it. This is just one girl's opinion and it probably goes against anything a personal trainer would want you to do.
The thing is, I'm talking about starting from ZERO. So many times, the people who are telling us where, how, and how long to exercise are probably not people who have started from zero. They may have never been overweight. They may not know what it's like to be obese and have very little activiity and very little muscle.
Now, you may look at my profile and say, where does this girl get off, just four weeks after surgery, weighing 270 pounds, acting like she knows something about exercise? Well, O.K., I'm not a personal trainer. I did, however, lose about 70 pounds 12 years ago. I got up to the point where I could jog 3 miles! I had never even jogged a mile in my entire life. This blog entry is to let you know how I did it back then. How I found what worked for me. And how I am pretty much approaching exercise the same way this time too.
About 12 years ago, I found myself at what was then my heaviest weight ever (250). I decided that I had to do something. Being a young single woman, I just wasn't ready to go on a food diet because I had done those before. I decided I would try exercise. (Watching what I ate came later after I was seeing the success of exercise.) Don't try that with WLS. Please, watch what you eat!
I thought about what had kept me from being a successful exerciser over the years. A few things came to mind: being the fattest, slowest, person at the gym; starting out gung ho and having sore muscles that made me not want to exercise the next few days and therefore falling of the wagon; doing things I didn't enjoy.
I decided that I was just going to get out and walk. I didn't have a length of time. I didn't have a set distance. I wasn't going to be concerned with how fast I was walking. I wasn't going to be concerned if I got my heart rate up. I didn't need to have exercise outfits. I was just going to walk around the neighborhood. I was going to take a stroll. Look at the houses. Check out the neighbors. Get away by myself and give myself time to think. Time to work out my issues. It was wonderful. I didn't go home exhausted. I went home happy. I was happy that I did SOMETHING.
I kept doing this for a few weeks. Eventually, when I was ready, I decided to walk a little faster. If I got tired, I slowed down. I didn't push myself. I was new to exercise. I wasn't gonna be Florence Griffith Joyner. I reeaaallllly eased myself into exercise. And every now and then, I upped the pace. After a few months, I measured out a mile around the neighborhood and I walked the full mile. And so on. Until miraculously, about 9 months later, I could jog 3 miles!
Why do we feel impelled to push ourselves so hard, only to fail? I'm sorry, but C25K (Couch to Five Kilometers) is not for people who were really laying around on the couch. Unless those people were not overweight and had underlying muscle tone.
Find something you enjoy. Don't feel like you have to spend money on a gym membership that you might not use. Walking is free. Hiking is free. Riding a bike is free (if you have one). Spend just a little bit to join the Y. They have a pool. Do a little swimming. Dancing to music in your house is free. Some cable companies have cardio and yoga sessions on demand. Hell, youtube has everything you could ever possibly want. Start in the privacy of your own home if you're worried about being embarassed about coordination. And if you can only do that video for 10 minutes....that's fine! Only do that video for 10 minutes for the next two weeks. Then up it a bit.
Another thing I did, early on, was focus on my breathing. A lot of people who don't exercise are very shallow breathers. While you are walking or even lying in bed at night, practice filling your lungs to capacity when you breathe in. Feel not just your chest inflate, but your abdomen too. Increasing your lung capacity will help you get that vital oxygen to your muscles when you decide to up the activity. I also focused on breathing with a rythm. Sounds funny, but it really helped me keep from getting out of breath. I would inhale with so many steps and exhale with so many steps. It really made a difference to me.
You'll have good days and bad days. But it will start to get easier and maybe, hopefully start to be enjoyable. That satisfaction from having done SOMETHING. You feel good about yourself. It shifts your mindset.
You don't have to push yourself so hard. You're already worried enough about WLS and changing your eating habits. Just find SOMETHING that works for you. Do it at least three days a week. Plan it and do it. Your self esteem will love you for it.
Last week I was losing weight like crazy. This week the weight loss slowed to a crawl and hit a speed bump.
I did keep up with my exercise. And I faithfully, brutally honestly, kept up with entries in My Fitness Pal. I am eating soooo much better than I used to. No fast food, no sodas. Lots of healthy food.
This week though, I ate out 3 times and went to gatherings at a friend's house twice this weekend.
Wednesday I went to lunch at Chuy's (a mexican restaurant). I felt I made a really good choice with my meal. Lot's of protein, not much carbs. Didn't even finish it. Only ate about 5 chips from the basket of never ending chips.
Later that night the hubby and I went to dinner with his parents at Texas Roadhouse. The thought of it mortified me.That place seems so unhealthy. I looked at the menu online before I went so I would already know what I wanted. I had Grilled Shrimp with rice and broccoli. I only ate about 1/4 cup of the rice and all 10 shrimp. I had 10 peanuts so that I would stay away from the bread but I did pinch off a small piece of the bread and dip it in that delicious cinnamon butter.
Thursday I worked my butt off at work and picked up Chinese for dinner. I've really been trying to stay away from the carbs but I'll allow myself some rice every now and then. I ate leftovers for lunch the next day on Friday.
Friday I had a long exhausting day at work. Some friends had invited us over to see their new house. We had appetizers and I drank an entire bottle of wine! Oh boy! 615 calories worth of wine down the hatch! Plus appetizers. I didn't go crazy over them, but it was hard not too. I had about 8 meatballs and a couple of spring rolls. And it was the first time I have gone over my daily calorie limit on My Fitness Pal.
The next day I was up a pound. Of course.
I am a daily weigher. I know some people think you shouldn't but I'm a rational person. I know weight goes up and down. I like though, that that one pound makes me say, hey! don't eat so much today.
That night, Saturday night, we unexpectedly went over to a friend's house for her birthday. And again. Appetizers and wine. This time I didn't drink a whole bottle, but I had a few glasses.
My Fitness Pal almost reached out and slapped me in the face.
And...I was up another 1/2 pound.
I really haven't eaten out since I had my surgery, then all of a sudden it was like everyday. It made me feel a little out of control. Though I can guesstimate calories on My Fitness Pal, you don't really know how that food is being prepared behind the scenes. Bobby the cook could be a little heavy handed with the butter.
Oh and the wine. Whine whine. I love my wine. I don't drink all the time. Maybe an average of two to three times a month, but when I do, I like to catch a good buzz. But the calories!!! I guess I will really have to watch my meals a lot better on those days.
I'm looking forward to my first fill this Tuesday to help with the between meals hunger. And this week all meals will be made at home. No wine for a while. No whine for a while.
Helllooo!
Twice, I spent at least 20 minutes swiping out a blog entry on my phone and then I couldn't get it to publish. So here I am to try again on my computer. The other entry was about a couple of embarrassing situations that helped lead me WLS. I think though, that I'd like to give a little introduction about me and how I got to this point.
My name is Leigh (rhymes with eeeee) (One time I had a guy ask me if my name was pronounced Lay because if you put an "S" on the front of my name it'd spell sleigh.) I am 40 years old. I live in Louisville, KY. (Yes, I wear shoes. No, I don't own a horse.) Louisville is a mid-size city. They like to boast that it's the 16th largest city in the nation. Whatever. I have been married for 8 years. I have been an RN for about 5 years. Before marriage and my nursing career, I was a diligent party girl. But, I've settled down in to a cozy little, mostly drama free, life with my husband and our two fur babies.
I had various times growing up where I was chubby, but I don't remember ever being made fun of. In high school, I ran around with the popular party crowd and I generally had a good experience. The only thing was I always felt like I was different on the inside than those people I ran around with. By the time I graduated high school, I was in a size 14 and I thought I was fat. Man, lookin back on pictures of me, I was perfect! But I was 5'9" and all my friends were 5'4" and a size 4. Plus, for reasons I can't fathom now, my mother was always trying to bribe me to lose weight. I'm sure some of it was out of concern, maybe some was to try to help me when I complained I was fat. I don't know. I always felt like she was so concerned about appearances (still is) and that somehow she was ashamed of me.
I started gaining weight as soon as I got out of high school and over the years I went from a 14 to a 22 by the time I was 30. I probably weighed about 250. I had pretty much always embraced my curves and didn't worry, but when I reached 250, I decided to lose weight. (I had done various other diets over the years.) That time, I lost about 70-80 pounds. I got back into a 14 and I felt great! That time, I just started walking one day. I didn't walk fast, I just took a stroll. Eventually, I worked myself up to where I could run 3 miles. It took me about a year. After a few months, I watched what I ate. It was a great time. I felt empowered. I felt beautiful. But then, life happened. I got a job with a different schedule that wasn't conducive to exercise and I also got into a long term relationship (hubby) and got lazy. And then, over the next ten years, I blew up to a whopping 295 pounds. (Side note, I have known the hubby for many years, so he knew me before I lost weight. He has always loved me, no matter what size I am).
Over the last few years, my size really started to affect my life. I didn't want to go out, because I hated my clothes and I hated the way I looked in them. When I was in nursing school, I was also going through a big depression and went on antidepressants which helped me gain the weight. This last year, though, I spent a lot of time mortified by my size. It really affected my self esteem. I knew I had to do something about it.
I'm an RN at a big hospital in the city. I have always worked in cardiac areas and I see, every day, the effects of weight on humans. It is bad. Every time a 300 or 400 pound person came in and we put them on the table for a procedure, I would see myself on that table. I have a very strong history of heart attacks and diabetes in my family. Every day, in front, of me was a reminder of what I was doing to myself.
I had thought about Lap Band surgery for a couple of years, but could never get myself to ride across town to our sister hospital and go to the seminar. This last May, I had a couple of very embarassing experiences when I went on a convention trip with a few of my coworkers. One involving the seatbelt on the plane and the other being talked into hiking up the side of a mountain. It truely mortified me. Something. Had. To. Happen.
One day, this past September, I got on the website for the Bariatric program and lo and behold! You could watch a video of the seminar instead of having to go in. So I did. And I filled out the info below. Two days later, they called me. I was lucky to have it so easy from there. They sent me a packet, which I filled out and returned. They called me a week later, said my insurance was approved. I had a 10 minute appt with the surgeon on October 15th. About 2 weeks later, I had a 5 minute appt with a psychiatrist. They made an appt for me to come in for labs, a barium swallow, and education on Dec 6th. I had one more 10 minute appt with the surgeon on Dec 11th. Then, on December 18th, I was banded!
I had quite a bit of discomfort after the surgery and it took me a good couple of weeks to feel normal again. But now, about 4 weeks later, I feel great. I do feel that I have some restriction right off the bat from the surgery. But, is it really restriction? Or can I just not eat as much because I kept to the prescribed diets, watch my protions and calories, and have been practicing getting to know the difference between hungry, not hungry, and full? Maybe a little of all.
My husband has been at my side this whole time and we have completely turned around our eating habits. We threw out all of the junk and most of the carbs and have been eating a mainly high protein diet. He has been exercising a lot and I have started walking on the treadmill 4 days a week for 30 minutes. Most of all, we are staying away from sweets and NOT EATING FAST FOOD. We were really bad fast food junkies.
I've lost 20 pounds since I started the preop diet. I'm feeling really good. Today was a small setback because I have a really bad head cold and I don't know if I have the energy to walk. But I'm not going to let it bother me. If I feel good tomorrow, I will walk tomorrow.
People get to down on themselves when they "slip up" and have something sweet or high calorie. I say, don't let this get you down. You have to "treat" yourself every now and then. Just don't let it become a habit. Make your new habit to be eating healthy and feeling good about yourself. Plan the times you get to eat what you want. For instance, I love to go out to restaurants. We are going to go out every other Friday. When I'm there, am I going to eat fried foods and carbs and desserts? No. I will make a sensible choices. But it will still be fun and nice not to cook. It will be a reward for staying on track for two weeks.
I can't believe that I didn't do this sooner. Why did I spend all those years miserable and overweight? Well, I guess we all have to reach that point where we are ready to take control. If you're not ready and not truely comitted, success will be much harder. I have also accepted that my band, Brunhilde (that's her name), is only a tool. I have to make choices that are good for me. I have to committ to change.
And things like this website and forum. Visiting and reading other people's stories and advice. I know it will lead to my success and help me keep on track. Do your research. Know what you're getting into. And when you're ready, make the step toward taking control of your life. It's the best thing I have ever done, and it will be for you, too.
And to all of the veterans, thank you! Your success and advice make this a place worth visiting.
Here is a breakdown of how I spent my 60 minutes today at the new gym we joined:
1 minute- deciding if I wanted to use the treadmill in the giant room with all of the exercise bunnies
2 minutes-picking out the treadmill and wondering where to put my sweatshirt I had taken off
1 minute- thinking I looked really new to this
1 minute- sneaking glances at the other people, noticing all the old people that were there and realizing
that I was the fattest person there
45 minutes- walking on the treadmill
While on the treadmill:
20 minutes- wondering how many people behind me were staring at my fat butt and
hoping my pants weren't riding up the crack of my a$$.
5 minutes- doing fat girl adjustments to my clothes to make sure my belly wasn't
hanging out
1 minute- trying to sneak glances to see how fast other people were walking
19 minutes- feeling good about my performance and listening to Pandora 80's Cardio
Channel to get my groove on
5 minutes- trying out an elliptical machine for the first time. thinking wtf? this does not feel natural.
5 minutes- waiting for my hubby to finish his stuff and checking out the group classes and deciding
we need to go to the beginning yoga class tonight.
Really, it was great. I've been walking on my treadmill at home so I'm not totally out of shape. I must say that the presence of other people does motivate me to do better. I walked for 45 minutes at 3.0 to 3.4 mph. I felt good about my work out.
Mostly I was happy that my husband and I went to the gym together. I have dreamed of this moment for years. That someday, he would become interested in something other than the television and we could do it together.
I'm happy.
