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And so it goes....

Entries in this blog

 

Letter To The People Who Control This Process...

Hello All, Long time no blog!   I have been traveling a lot lately for work but I managed to get in my pre-op testing and I am waiting for the insurance submittal. Let me tell you, it all has tried my patience. My surgeon's team has been really great but the nutritionist piece was a nightmare. Under staffed and they are mean! The office staff treats me like I have the plague and I have read about how others have been treated. So I have some words to share.   Dear Nutritionists, PCP's and others involved in this process:   Don't get me wrong, I get that people start this process and think it is a magic pill or quick fix as the media portrays it, but I do not. I have studied and read and read and read books, websites, blogs, etc. I have a friend who has been through RNY WLS. I know you do not know this about me but please don't judge me. Please try to get to know me and treat me like I have feelings. I am SCARED! I am so scared it makes me shake. This is life altering.   We NEED your help and your compassion. I am a patient and human being. I have been picked on, ignored and belittled my whole life for my weight. I want you to be able to answer my questions and not look at me with disgust. I NEED this surgery. I really have tried to lose weight and I need help. It took everything I have to walk in the seminar that day. I had to ADMIT I was Morbidly Obese.   Don't get mad when we are desperate for our medical records. We are clinging to a string of hope and terrified that we will be denied. Oh and it is not funny. It is not 'elective surgery' to us. We just want to be happy and healthy. We want to start our lives and not be and feel humiliated on planes, in amusement parks, at the movies, on buses....... We don't want to be the fat person in the room or the fat friend anymore. Contrary to popular belief, WE WANT TO BE IN CONTROL. You are our life line. Every day that passes we die a little inside.   Please remember this the next time you dismiss me or my community. Signed, The Scared Fat Girl
worm2872

worm2872

2
 

First Meeting With The Surgeon

I had my first meeting with the surgeon yesterday and it went really well. I am seeing Dr. McCloskey at UPMC Magee in Pittsburgh. The staff has been nice and helpful but they are just swamped. They reviewed my medical history and took my height and weight. She went over the RNY process in detail. I found out I will have no preop liquid diet which is great since I have to work that whole time. I probably will do mostly liquid protein shakes and high protein and veggies the two weeks before anyway. It can't hurt. I was told I will have to get an upper GI, EKG, chest Xray, recent OB/GYN records and of course the psych and nutrition eval. She thinks there will be no issues with my surgery since I am pretty healthy, thank God! I do have slight high blood pressure which is a reason for me to get the surgery. Also, my dad died last year at 61 from heart failure. Scary!   I am now waiting for them to call the insurance to verify if I need a three or six month diet plan. I was told three but they think Aetna is six. Fingers crossed. I have my second meeting tomorrow. I want this surgery before the end of the year. Yes, we all want it ASAP but Hubby and I have the time to take so it would be easiest. I have a few work things that will shoot most of Dec.so it may not happen but it sure would be nice.   Once I have all the tests done and the timefram solidified maybe a date??? Dare to hope....
worm2872

worm2872

0
 

Diet So Far... Not Good But Not Bad

I started my diet on 8-17. I did well the first few days then I was traveling for a week. It was a slow downward spiral. I had lost three pounds and gained them back. But... I can say the cookie eating in the hotel was not there. Which I was proud of myself for. I ate very healthy but I was still over the 1400 calories per day. I kind of took this weekend off and I am back on track today. It is such a hard process. I need to get my head in the game. I have to meet with my surgoen next Tuesday and I want SOME weight off even if it is just 2 pounds.   I will say I am really scared about my weight going up. I am really trying to drink water and plan meals. I travel almost all of Sept. It is going to be brutal. Maybe I should limit myself to protein bars and then a regular dinner?? It would at least track the calories.   One thing I can say that has been positive is I have been taking vitimins with iron. They are Flintstones but this is a major milestone for me. Iron has always made me really sick. So that is one worry off of my mind.
worm2872

worm2872

0
 

Ok Had The First Life Style Class

OK.. It was interesting. It was a little odd. It was an open forum where you could come and go between a three hour window. I was told to be there at 4 PM and not sure really why. Anyway, they gave me a 1400 calorie diet and told me to exercise more. I briefly met with a nutritionist and he was very nice! Had my first weigh in. UGH 275! My highest was 298 last year when my dad passed. I got down to 231 around August and now back up to 275. Sigh... Well, this is why I am here. I am still a bit confused. When I spoke with my insurance (Aetna), they told me a three month monitoring period instead of the six. The information the hospital (UPMC PGH) provided me was only for a 6 month program. I will find out more when I have my appointment on Sept. 4 with the Dr. **fingers crossed for 3 month program** There were so many new people. There had to be 20+ attending their first meeting. However, I can say I didn't know if I should be happy so many people were there to get healthy and have a better life or sad that there were so many of us at this point in our lives. We all know how hard the struggles are and the agony we go through, especially in private. I hope those people there know where to get support. This board is a great place and I am so far ahead of some of the folks there as far as knowledge. So keep sharing. Even if there are not a lot of responses, people are READING what you say. THANK YOU!! I plan on sharing this site to my new 'friends'. :-)
worm2872

worm2872

2
 

Ok First Life Style Class

I am a nervous wreck. Not sure why! lol It is my first official weigh in and life style class today. I see the surgeon on 9-4. I am excited too but so afraid this will not pan out. I have all of my hopes in this. I was in another meeting this week with my VERY THIN team/coworkers. I want to focus on my job and not how big I am the whole time. Anyway, I will let you know how it goes and what they provide me. I am going to UPMC MaGee Hosptial here in Pittsburgh. I have already call about my insurance and they said it would be covered if I follow the 3 month plan (Aetna POS II). We will see.... I hope the hospital does not make me go 6 months if I only need three. Fingers crossed!!!!
worm2872

worm2872

2
 

More Help Than Just Wls....

Well, my food addiction has turned into a WLS addiction. I just read and read. But the thing that concerns me at this point is the fact I want to eat everything in sight. No because I am hungry but to have a funeral for food. I know very well I can eat most foods after the surgery but I have this obsession with never eating sugar, pasta, cookies, ice cream etc. again. They are my weakness, my Achilles heel. I can go months without them and BAM! I fall off the wagon and gain 20 pounds back. This is what scares me. I gain weight sooo easily. To me, this is my last chance. But with that being said, I think to be successful this time is to get help. I am not really depressed but have days when I am just miserable and my diet reflects it. Then I hate myself. That needs to stop. I am finally admitting to all of you that I indeed have a problem. I need help. I cannot do this alone. No more telling myself I am weak. So, I am looking forward to the psyche evaluation. I am going to ask for guidance down the road. I am going to attend the group sessions my hospital has as well. We will see how this all goes... :-)
worm2872

worm2872

2
 

Reading, Reading And More Reading. Oh And Some Videos Too.

As I stated in my last entry, I am not much of a reader. However, that has recently changed. I cannot stop reading about the surgery, pre-op, post-op, the diet, amount of weight lose, etc. It's become a mini obsession. The more I read, the more I learn it is for me. I bought WLS for Dummies and it has been really great. Kind of a one stop shop for all phases of the process. Also bought Skinny Jeans. This is more of a psyche type book. The mental state you need to be in and why we look for this as an option. So far so good and both are on Amazon pretty cheap too. Also found some great videos on the subject: http://www.muschealth.com/video/Default.aspx?videoId=10693&cId=46&type=rel and http://www.upmc.com/Video/Pages/default.aspx?vcat=511%3b%230cc24f80-e320-4764-933f-2379e134e347%7cWeight+Loss. They are both hospital centers of bariatric excellence. Great info!   http://www.obeseinfo.com/default.htm Is another great website. I have found the more I learn the less nervous I become. It is also reinforcing I have made the right decision. I cannot wait for my first nutrition appointment on 8/14.     Happy Reading!!
worm2872

worm2872

3
 

The Last Straw...

I am not much of a writer or a reader for that matter but I felt the need to write this journey down. I am scared. period. I have never had surgery and would not even consider Botox so how did I end up here? Well, I am tired. I am tired of all the things that someone who has struggled with their weight for 35 years. The fat clothes, the plane seats, being the fattest friend, the name calling, feet hurting, blood pressure, etc. My best friend had gastric bypass last year and I could see the all the struggles but the great rewards that have come with it. But I was still too scared. Then I went to a meeting for work. Out of about 40 people, I was the largest, by far, woman. And pretty hefty even tossing the men in. I had been with the company about two weeks. I was embarrassed. It was made worse by the article that was passed around about why people are fat. I wanted to crawl under the table. That was the last straw. I cried for about three nights over the meeting, frustration, how many times I have lost weight to gain it back and failed miserably. One night I had the breakdown. At that point I vowed to do whatever I needed to make the surgery happen. Yes I am still scared but I have hope now. My fingers are crossed....
worm2872

worm2872

3
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