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My Journey to Happiness and Confidence

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Day 3 ...lol (Apri. 13th)

Well I am back! It has been almost 7 months since the last time I posted on here. I knew that would happen as a matter of fact if you look at my first post I even put on there that I wasn't very good at doing something continuously. Oh well all that matters is that I have come back to post again. Well like I said it has been about 7 months since I have been on this blog, and about 5 months since my surgery. I am down about 36 lbs since surgery and a total of 68 lbs since the beginning. I have had my ups and downs with my friend (the band) throughout these last 5 months but definitely more ups than downs. I am just now really getting back into my excercise on a more regular basis but I am still have really bad days when it comes to the pain in my back. Which at times really hinders me from working out as much as I would like to. I am really hoping that one day I will be able to relieve at least half of the pain I feel on a daily basis. I pray about it and just have been trying to leave that one in God's hands. I have also been very involved with my church more lately. My daughter and both are and we are enjoying it very much so. I need to get back to work now so I will come back later to write more.
smilin_apple

smilin_apple

1
 

Day Two

Wow, I am on a roll...that is two days in a row now. Well let's see today started off pretty good, except for the unbearable amount of pain I have been in for the last 2 days with my back all is good. I finally told James what has been going on with our roomate Dre. You see it's starts off like this...James and I used to date and shortly after I fell in love with him he broke it off, saying that we were not good for eachother romantically. I was extremely heartbroken and still am a little. Then we moved into a long time friend of mine's house that he owns in November last year. About 2 months after we moved in there my new roommate starts putting the moves on me. I have told him numerous times that there is a line there and he is crossing it, that we are just friends and it is going to stay that way. I really mean that, and it helps that I am not attracted to him nor am I interested in messing around with him sexually, I never have been! I told James a few months back that Dre started messing with me, flirting, touching and so on. Well tonight I broke down and told him ALL that Dre has tried including trying to touch my breasts, kissing on my neck and other inappropriate things for good friends to do, especially since I am not interested in him and he is making me UNCOMFORTABLE with all his advances. I keep repeating to him over and over that "you need to stop", "we are just firends" but it's like he doesn't HEAR me or maybe he thinks I am playing, I don't know why he would think that, I made myself clear. Yeah I am sexually frusterated woman who has not had sexual relations in over a year, and when he kisses my neck it gives me goosebumps, gets me a little worked up, and stops me dead in my tracks but then I snap out of the moment an repeat..."stop, we are just friends and you are crossing the line", I think he thinks it's a game or something but I don't. And I am geting completely upset and I don't even want to be friends with him anymore, I HATE being there!!!!!! So James stepped up and said he will talk to him for me, just waiting on his phone call now, I am at work....Oh man I hope Dre isn't awake when I get home, how akward that will be to see him after James talks to him. Well I am going to go for now...will type more later.
smilin_apple

smilin_apple

1
 

Day One - What a day!

Ok I know I titled this entry Day One, now I can almost guarantee that I will not post here everyday. Unfortunately I am terrible at doing something day after day that doesn't effect me physically (ie. showering, brushing my hair, eating) let's definitely not forget the eating that's why I am where I am today! But I have decided that whatever it takes and however long it takes and I am going to do this for ME and my babygirl too (well she's not exactly a baby anymore, she's almost 13) but she will always be my BABYGIRL. So I have started keeping track of my food intake again since I should be having my surgery in about a month and half and I need to try and lose about 15-20 lbs by then. I have been not doing so well in the eating department since I saw the surgeon on Sept. 4th, I think I got too excited to hear that he finally put my paperwork through for the surgery in Nov. that I slacked on my eating properly. BAD GIRL!!! I am going to be as good as I can for the next 6 weeks until surgery. Now for my personal life it has been absolutely CRAZY the last week or so. I start logging online again after 3 years of not going on my IM account and low and behold all the oldies come out the woodwork. First there is Larry who I met about 3 1/2 years ago and we dated for a few weeks but by week 3 he was telling me that he loved me and wanted to be in an exclusive relationship and boy was I NOT ready for that. I know I want someone to be there for me to hold, cuddle, kiss me, and kiss me somemore but I just wasn't ready to settle down at that time. Now he says he is more mature and wise, to me that is the first sign that he's NOT!!! Then there is Patrick, he was just a baby when I met him. I was 25 and he was 19-20, that blew me away and I just thought...WAY TOO YOUNG FOR ME! So I broke that off after just about 2 weeks. He IM'd me the other day when I was online and I responded just to say hi and see how he was doing. We decided to meet up, so I met him for about an hour just to say hi and talk a little bit...boy is he a sweet talker or what. I knew there was something about him last time. We decided to meet again the next night and this time we spent about 2 hours talking...well he did most of the talking. But this time he was very romantic, holding hands, kissing my neck and holding me. It was sweet and I needed those hugs but the SPARK was NOT there! I don't know what to do??? I called my best friend today and she talked me through all my confusion and I have decided that I am going to just DATE...that means NO committed relationships! I am going to hold back and just have a good time getting to know men. I am tired of the thought that I need to fins someone to be in a relationship with and settle down. I definitely want to eventually have that and have a family but right now I have the right to see what I want, not what the men want. Well I am getting tired of typing at work so I am going to leave it there for now - Goodnight!
smilin_apple

smilin_apple

1
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