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Ups and Downs

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Today I feel DOWN

Well...I started this journey with much optimism. I am wrapping my head around the changes I am seeing, I have been learning to do other things with my hands instead of eating...and so far I've been doing great. Today, however, I just don't feel so great. Of course we as women get that "wonderful" visitor EVERY month, and I know some of how I am feeling is due to that. But I have been stuck at the same number on the scale all week now. How is that possible when my eating is little to none, but I am still getting all my protein in AND I'm exercising! This is what has frustrated me all the time in my weight journey. The scale goes up and down, I exercise and feel great, the scale doesn't move...then I would get mad and EAT...NOW I can't do that because I'm not hungry, THANK GOD FOR THAT! I have been eating healthier than ever, exercising and now mother nature decides she wants to throw a wrench in my progress by making an unwanted visit????? I really don't like that woman. My mood today...I just want to sit and cry, then I will be better... ...at least that is what my head tells me. Then I get angry... knowing that I'm doing what's right and the scale isn't moving. Its not going up, but it is not going down. Don't get me wrong in just a couple days I will be a month out of surgery and I am down 21 pounds, I am so very thankful for that, but what can I do to make that dreaded scale MOVE???????????? I'm not into pity parties and yet as I sit here writing this it seems as if that is what I am having...I've been seeing changes...I need to just remember its one day at a time, and I'm going to be better because of this. I'm already down to almost no insulin, just one shot a day, from 5 shots a day! My numbers are great, my energy is up and ...OH MAN, I forgot my vitamins this morning...see what one bad thought contributes to???????????? ugh! I have got to just pick myself up, shake this off and get over the feelings of being down. I do not want to go down that road ever again. I want to be an inspiration, not a burden because of my moods. This is the first day I have admitted to having a down day, but as you see, it's in a blog, I HAVE to be strong and keep my "game face" on for my family. I can't let them see me down. I am blessed and I know this, I am loved, and I can get through this~ I hope everyone remembers this quote: "Believe in yourself and all hat you are. Know that there is something inside you greater than any obstacle" - Christian D. Larson...Today is just a hurdle I need to get over. Be blessed!
MWilliams42

MWilliams42

5
 

THE Scale, PMS, and MOODINESS!

The scale...is NOT my friend. I'm about to throw it in the lake and watch it sink to the bottom. I am thankful I have LOST and not gained 21 pounds, but the scale has stayed the same for the last week or so...I'm eating such little amounts, I'm actually feeling great AND exercising. I just don't get it. I am anxious for Mother Nature to pay her visit, maybe that will make the numbers change! But what I can say is this...during PMS, post surgery, that was my time for chocolate, and salty kettle chips. My brain is still telling me how much I want them, but logic kicks in and reminds me that I will probably not like what I put in my mouth if I do that. I've had 2 episodes with trying something new and not being able to take the pain in my chest. So, I'm not willing to go down that PMS road again and give in to what I know got me in this mess in the first place. Not worth it. I can't take anything for my cramps, so my mood, OH my poor hubby!!! This has got to get better! My mood is directly linked to the monthly, which then gets pissed off when I get on the scale. It's like the scale is there taunting me every morning...just get on, maybe you lost some more, maybe I'll have a different number for you today...just maybe you should take a flying leap into the lake!!! I can make that happen!!! I NEVER used to weigh myself before, and now what the heck am I doing!!! I always went by how I feel in my clothes...never knew my weight until I started going to the Dr. regularly. Now that I have had this surgery, it seems all I want to do is weigh myself. How in the world do I break that cycle? Anyone else feeling like that? It's like I know I'm feeling better, I know I'm looking better, and I know you can be losing inches and not weight, but I haven't seen that damn scale below 200 pounds in so long, I have 7 more pounds to go and BAM...it will be under...will that make me feel better or will I be itching to get it lower??? I guess it helps that they told me that the more weight you have to lose the quicker you lose in the beginning, so I rely on that advice...working, right??? I've begun to find other things to do with my hands instead of eat, now I have to get my mind there, One period at a time!!! My family is trying so hard to be supportive, my hubs...well every time we are getting ready to have dinner I get that damn question, "are you allowed to have this", "what CAN you eat"???? He is a smart man but it's pissing me off, he can do the research and please don't ask me again if I can have that! My mom, she is my best friend, but her approach is that of a drill sergeant ...do this, don't do that, don't eat that, are you seriously thinking of eating that, that's what got you in this mess!!! She has the BEST intentions, she loves me and doesn't want to see my diabetes get worse, she wants that to go away. She knows that diabetes runs on her side of the family and I was the one that got it, and got it really bad. She doesn't want my life cut short, but being strong and constantly having my game face on in front of her is something that I'm trying to do...it just gets hard sometimes. So...I will be strong, I can get through this "funk" and I will come out on top. I have a great support system and I really am thankful that there is this site as well as all the wonderful people on here that offer their words of wisdom.
MWilliams42

MWilliams42

0
 

As the day progressed...

AwAwAw aass Aw AwskskslddsdfafAwssddddd dddddssdsssdfjldfkjaaw man...what a day! First I have to get stern with my employees, already not feeling so great, I'm sure that it all came out of my mouth in the wrong tone! Spilled water ALL over my desk, good thing it wasn't the decaf I was drinking! The little bit of coffee I think I was having didn't need to end up all over my desk!!! UGH...THEN I tried to eat a half of a veggie "burger" for lunch, well that was a huge mistake, I still feel like it is stuck in my chest, and I chewed that sucker until I couldn't chew anymore! What used to happen when icky days would happen, I would march right out of the office and grab the biggest hunk of chocolate I could find and YES...it would make me feel better! What did I do today? Had a tiny little pea sized nugget of chocolate, and YES it helped!!! LOL...I have to say, one bad day in less that a month of surgery, or at least one bad day that I'm willing to admit to myself, is better than a month full of them! I'll take the one, because I know great days are ahead of me! I am so lucky to have been given the opportunity to go through this, to once again teach myself, that I am stronger than I ever thought, that I am a fighter, and that when the day is over...my diabetes is finally getting under control and I have to be super thankful for that! I've been reading successes and struggles on here, and I just wish I could reach out to everyone struggling and tell them it will get better, and for those successes, HIGH FIVES to you all, so proud that you made this wonderful choice to change your lives for the better! All in all if you look at it with the successes and struggles we all chose to take this journey to a better US!!! Another quote that I have hanging in my office (these things keep the spirit lifted, I'm tellin' ya!!!) is this: "Go CONFIDENTLY in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined." - Henry David Thoreau
MWilliams42

MWilliams42

0
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