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Thoughts, Feelings, Ideas, Fears

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Too long

It's been too long since I last journaled. Let's see . . . I'm down 25lbs (hooray), and I'm starting to feel better. My energy is up a bit more. My DH's Dad died last week, and we went to Lubbock for the funeral and was there for 4 days. I ate everything people brought . . . and there was a lot of it. I have zero restriction right now, and don't know what "full" means. Thankfully I go for my first fill this Wednesday, and I am going to ask for an agressive fill. I am tired of losing weight so slowly. I was up 2.5lbs due to all the food in Lubbock (also started my period). As of this morning I am back down 2lbs. My DH and I worked really hard in the yard this afternoon (big wind blew down a dead tree), cutting and chipping away. So at least I got in some exercise today. He wanted to sit and relax all day, but when I do that, I EAT! So I insisted on getting the tree taken care of today.
angelburch

angelburch

1
 

Goodbye 80's and 70's

Well, I'm down 20lbs as of this morning!:clap2: I have said goodbye to the 280's and the 270's. I weighed this morning and it said 261. Just another week or so and I can say goodbye to the 260's. My clothes are starting to get loose. I love that I can take my jeans out of the dryer and put them on and not have to suck in my tummy or jump up and down trying to get them on. Also, I can now tie my tennis shoes without standing up! I know that I will have made it when I can sit on the bed and bend my knee to bring my foot up on the bed and tie them then. That's what I'm waiting for!   I'm still on mushies until Wednesday. I did have a slice of smoked turkey breast yesterday (shaved slice), and it tasted so strange. I had my DH try it and he said it tasted normal. I guess my taste buds have changed since all I've had is liquids and creamy and mushies. So, what do I want to eat for my very first "real food"? I have no idea. I'm a little bit nervous about eating regular food (Is that normal?), but I have no restriction so far. My first fill is on 2/21, and maybe then I'll feel restriction. My band holds 5cc's so hopefully it won't take very many fills to know what restriction is. I'm looking forward to it.   I was home sick yesterday with sinus problems, sore throat, and didn't want to risk making anyone else at work sick. There are several there that already have this, and they don't have a problem with sharing their germs. I have been taking Advil Sinus and Cold medicine, and don't have to cut the pills in half. Once I get a fill, I'm sure that I will need to do that.   My DH has been so patient and so supportive that tonight I'm cooking salmon for dinner. I'm going to spray it with Olive Oil, but some sliced Roma Tomatoes on it, and some fresh Rosemary, wrap it in foil and bake. He's eaten out at fast food restaurants ever since this started, so he wouldn't eat in front of me. He feels self-conscious doing that, even though I've told him it's not a problem.   My BFF DH is getting lapband on Thursday and has already lost 16lbs! :clap2: I am so happy for him. Of all of us, he will probably benefit healthwise the most. He's on a insulin pump and takes a lot of other medication, so it will be great to have him healthy! I owe a lot to my BFF and her DH. Without them, I wouldn't have had the courage to do this. They are such a blessing! We tell people that we are family by choice. You can't choose your family, but you can your friends . . . but they're more than friends. Thank GOD for them.
angelburch

angelburch

2
 

Too Long

It's been way too long since I journaled. So things are going along just fine for now. I don't have any restriction what so ever though, and that's frustrating. I have lost 16 pounds and that's good. I'm on mushies, and on occasion have had some things that really aren't on the "mushy" phase, but seem to have no problems eating anything. My 1st fill isn't until Feb 28th, so I will have to wait until then I guess to figure out what "restriction" means. I have a Vanguard band that holds 5cc (according to the doc). I can tell my clothes are fitting bit better, and I recently downloaded the "FitDay" program on to my computer which lets me track EVERYTHING. It let's me see how many calories, fat grams, vitamins, and protein I've had that day. It even tells me how many calories I should have in order to lose the weight I want to, by my due date. That way if I eat anything above that, then I know I won't lose.   I'm feeling good, and even though I had some fluid build up around my incision (for the port), the doc removed it and I felt immediately better. I have even been able to sleep on my tummy now! Even had sex for the first time, and it was GREAT. Apparently not being allowed to have things gives you a better perspective of when you can :clap2:
angelburch

angelburch

1
 

6 Days Post-Op

Well, so far, so good. I've lost a total of 14 lbs! I am so sick of "cream soups", "mostly clear liquids". I can't wait until next Wed (1/24) to sink my teeth in to . . . you go it, "Mushies". Oh yeah, refried beans from Taco Bell and Ojedas, mashed potatoes with gravy, scrambled eggs, boiled eggs, and mac n cheese . . . here I come!   I went back to work yesterday and had to leave about 3pm as my back, and my port were really sore. Luckily, I had gone in really early due to the ice and so my boss said "You need to go home", and I said "Okay, I will". Normally, I would have said no thank you and stuck it out, but I was really sore. So I came home, put the heating pad on my port incision and slept for 2.5 hours.   Today, being the 2nd day back at work, I made it from 7am - 5pm. I am still a little sore - not as bad as yesterday - but I also took my liquid tylenol to work and swigged it as I needed it. It helped.   This friday, my DH gets his lasik surgery (goodbye $3300 ), but he has wanted this for so long. He deserves this! So now he will be able to see how really SEXY I look once I've lost all my weight :clap2: .   My 2 week post-op visit is the 24th, and I can't wait. I have lots of questions, such as "Why I don't feel any restriction yet -- is that normal with a 10cc band"?
angelburch

angelburch

1
 

Day 5 PostOp

I weighed this morning and was down 10lbs. As of 2 days ago I was only down 6lbs. So that's 4lbs in 2 days. I'm not sure I'm okay with that, but it would seem that I don't have a lot of choice in the matter. I'm feeling really good today. I am working on trying to walk with my shoulder's back. For some reason, when I do that I get weird hiccups. They're a little painful, but I'm sure it's my muscles having a little spasm or something. I will also finish up the laundry.   What to say about food. I am not hungry, but when I do eat (drink - still on liquids), I have no restriction what so ever. I can drink as much as I want. I have tried various different soups, and pureed them in the blender. I'm not a smoothie person since I'm not a fan of cold drinks or the texture's of them. I drink Isopure Protein drinks (they're clear), for my protein rather than a shake. Once this weather clears out (icy roads), I'm going to the Vitamin Shoppe to talk to them about a protein powder that I can use to help.   Today was the first day that I didn't wake up at 4am with my tummy gurgling and making odd noises. I actually slept until 5:30! I go back to work tomorrow (thank God), and hopefully will have a good day.
angelburch

angelburch

2
 

Day 2 of Banding

Today has gone well. I went to Wal-Mart with Hubby, and then home for a nap, and then went to pick up my car (long story). Got back home and have rested, walked, rested, and walked. Not really hungry, but taking in water and was able to get down a creamy chicken soup at hand. Don't feel any restriction, or gurgling. Just taking it nice and slow. I will continue to focus these next 6 weeks on healing, and then start focusing on using the band.
angelburch

angelburch

2
 

I'm Banded!!!!

I got my band 1/10/07 at 7:30am. I was home by 10:30. I am feeling good, only had to take some liquid hydrocodone twice. I've not had any gas yet, but I've been walking at least every hour for about 10 minutes. Up and down the driveway - we have a really long driveway. I'm up right now because I'm tired of sleeping. My back is sore from laying in bed so much, however, I still feel a little sleepy from the anesthesia. I got the 10cc Vanguard band so I'm going to do a little research on it. Will journal more later. Thanks for everyone's prayers -- I really felt them.
angelburch

angelburch

1
 

Tomorrow's The Day

In about 12 hours from now, I'll be rolling into the operating room. Yes, I am scared. I am scared now about the surgery. I KNOW I will be alright, but still, it's a fear I wasn't really expecting. However, I know a lot of people will be praying for me, and I'll try to update everyone as soon as I can. I am also EXCITED, as I am 12 hours away from ending all these years of being obese. As of tomorrow, I will be on my way to being healthier, slimmer, trimmer, SEXIER me.   I spoke with the Pre-op Nurse today, and the anesthesiologist is supposed to call me later tonight. I am anxious to speak to him.
angelburch

angelburch

2
 

6th Day Clear Liquids

Today was so much better than yesterday. I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I was so glad to be at work on Monday. Being on clear liquids on the weekends, without much to do just flat out sucks :faint:   Well, only 36 hours left to go, and then I will be in surgery. What are my fears? -- My fears aren't of the actual surgery, it's of the "great unknown" afterwards. Each person's experience is so varied, that it is impossible for me to predict how mine will feel. Will I have a lot of gas pain in the shoulder? Will the gas pain be in my shoulder blades or back? Will I have very much gas pain? Where will my port be and how long before I can sleep on my tummy? I'm a tummy sleeper and I don't think I'll be able to sleep very good until I can roll onto my tummy. What if I don't have any restriction, what if I have too much restriction and can't eat. What if I can't figure out how to use the band? What if What if What if.   Being the type of person where any action is better than no action, this is probably going to be the worst part for me. Waiting for the surgery, waiting to heal, waiting to figure this all out. Waiting for my new life to begin. After 3 months of anticipation, what will take it's place once this is done? Questions, Questions.
angelburch

angelburch

3
 

Measurements

January 7, 2007 Upper Right Arm: 20 1/2 Upper Left Arm: 20 1/2 Bust: 48 Waist: 45 1/4 Hips: 56 1/2 Right Thigh: 29 3/4 Left Thigh: 30 3/4 Weight: 279.8
angelburch

angelburch

1
 

5th Day of Liquids

You'd think by now that I would be okay . . . but NO, I'm not. I am truly hungry -- head hunger -- but still incredibly hungry. I have less than 72 hours to go, and I know I'll make it, but OH MY GOD, this is hard. And another thing, I'm on my period . . . Yep, started it full blown, and it ain't helping my hunger any!! Chocolate, Meat, cheese, mexican food, italian, whatever!!!!! PMS on a clear liquid diet . . . welcome to my HELL.
angelburch

angelburch

2
 

4th Day of Liquids

Saturday wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. My DH and I worked most of the day taking down and putting away all the Christmas decorations, both inside and out. DH says we don't have a single inch of spare room in the storage shed, not for even a single Christmas bulb :biggrin1: . But staying busy really helped.   Later in the day we went to see two movies, "We Are Marshall", and "Pursuit of Happyness". Both were good movies, although I liked We Are Marshall just a tiny bit more than the other one. The movies were really hard because it was 5 hours with nothing but one bottle of water. Even though I wasn't really hungry -- it was all in my head. I think that must be the "head hunger" that I've read so much about.   One of the ladies at my office had LPS back in September and she had brought me some chicken bouillon to try and I thought it was the best tasting thing ever (after 2 days of clear liquids :biggrin1: ). She said she would bring more to the office, but she had forgotten to, so she put it in my mailbox at home. Thank Goodness she lives fairly close. She also added Beef Bouillon too . . . they were very very good. They may be the only things that keep me on this for another 2 days. After the surgery, I'm not too worried about cheating, as the fear will keep me on the straight and narrow. Fear of causing a a problem with the band while healing.
angelburch

angelburch

2
 

Private

I just made homemade quacomole. Using only 1 avacado, mayo, pace picante . . . and then ate it with several Tostitos. I'm supposed to be on all liquids! What the hell is wrong with me?????:angry :angry :angry :angry
angelburch

angelburch

1
 

3rd Day of Liquids

The hardest part so far is getting through the 2nd day (ha-ha). Today has been good so far. I'm beginning to feel better, and my energy is better. Luckily, only 1 or 2 nicotine twinges, but so far, so good.   Today's Stats: Weight: 274.4 (down 4 lbs!) Cinnamon Dulce Latte (non-fat) 12g protein Won-ton soup (????) Chicken Broth Crystal Light (pink lemonade) - very tart :guess IsoPure protein drink (40g protein) 2 Low-Carb Slim fast (40f protein) Cherry popsicle Water, Water, Water   It's hard to believe that I'm only 4 days away from Surgery! :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: I think that now, I'm beginning to really think this is going to happen, and I can't find the words to express how happy that makes me.   I know that I will look back on this journal and it will help me through the next several months. Isn't that the point of doing this?
angelburch

angelburch

2
 

2nd Day of Liquids

Today started out great. I felt great, everything was fine, until about 1pm. Suddenly my energy bottomed out and I felt a little funny. Also, I had a nicotine craving so huge it scared me. I hadn't had one that strong in a long time. I called the Dr's office and they said it would be fine for me to wear nicotine patch if I felt I needed it, it wouldn't interfere with my scheduled surgery for next Wed.   So, today's stats: Weight 278.4 (down about 1.4lbs) Isopure Protein drink (40g protein) 2 low-carb Slim fast (40g protein) 2 cafe latte's (non-fat) (14g protein) Won-Ton soup - minus the wonton noodle Sugarfree Jello water water water water   I'm sure the tiredness is normal, and is because of the lowered caloric intake. I've been told that it will improve in a couple of days. I really hope so! It's been almost 2 years since I felt this tired. That was back when I was having major thyroid issues.
angelburch

angelburch

3
 

1st Day of Liquids

Hooray! Today was my first day of clear liquids. Just 6 more to go before my surgery :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: I had my pre-op with Dr. J today. It's the first time I met him. I absolutely love him!!!! He said that I was very healthy and thought the surgery should be easy for me. I also got my pre-op instructions, and was told I would receive a call the night before surgery to go over final instructions. I asked Dr J about my being on synthroid. Since I had my thyroid removed in May of 2005, would that affect my ability to lose weight in a satisfactory time. He said no, as long as I continue my follow ups every 2 months with my endocrinologist, they would make the adjustments to my synthroid as needed. His experience with patients who have thyroid conditions is that their metabolism speeds up after the surgery due to the weight loss and watching what is eaten.   So here are my stats: Day 1 of liquids: Beginning weight - 279.8 (my scale - which is in sync with the Doctors) 2 Chai Lattes (non-fat) Sugar Free Jello 1 White Mocha from Starbucks - non-fat (too much fat, won't do that again :embarassed: -- 6g of fat, but 20g of protein) 2 cups fat-free low-sodium chicken broth 2 low carb slim fast (chocolate) total of 40g of protein Isopure Passion Fruit zero-carb drink (40g protein) Flinstone chewable vitamin B12 vitamin - melts under the tongue Water, Water, Water . . . Oh yeah, more water So that puts me at 100g of protein. I will have to watch that tomorrow.   So far, so good, not really hungry or craving anything . . . yet! Before bedtime tonight, I'm going to drink some skim milk, so hopefully that will help in case I wake up hungry during the night.
angelburch

angelburch

1
 

Starting Liquids Soon

I went shopping last night and bought a lot of stuff that I will need for the 7 day pre-op "mostly" clear liquid diet. I bought some slim fast low carb drinks because they have 20 grams of protein each. I can also have slim milk during this phase also (wonder if I can put chocolate syrup in it -- just kidding!). I start all liquids on Wednesday, January 7th, and also have a pre op appt with Dr J at 2pm that day. I'm not sure how I feel right now, I don't seem to feel anything other than normal. I'm not scared, nervouse or anxious yet. I do want to go to Saltgrass and have a steak because I know it will be the last one that I ever eat. They have my favorite, and even though I'm not a big steak lover, I do like one every now and then.
angelburch

angelburch

1
 

Thank Goodness It's Over !

As much as I love Christmas, thank goodness it's over. Normally I would be very sad about that, but this year is different. The reason is, I got my surgery scheduled for January 10th at 7:15am -- yep, first one in that day:clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: !!!!! This means that I am that much closer to starting my 7 day clear liquid pre-op diet. Normally, that would make me depressed, and I know it's going to be one of the toughest things I've ever done (probably 2nd on the list -- right below quitting smoking), but that means that I'm just that much closer to my band!   We had all the family over for Christmas and it was great. Great food, Great gifts, but most importantly, all the people that I love were all gathered here at the house.   My BFF has lost 22lbs since she started her liquid diet, and then had her sugery. In less than 2 weeks, 22lbs. That's a lot of weight, and I am so incredibly proud of, and happy for her. I know that she will be a great role model and success story! It will be great to be on this journey together!   Now, the depressing part . . . having to clean up after Christmas and family. I really hate taking out all this trash, and taking down the decorations. It makes me sad :cry . But at the same time, I'm glad to know it's over and that next Christmas I will be healthier and a lot slimmer! Well, I am going to go do 30 minutes on my treadmill. Talk to you later!
angelburch

angelburch

2
 

Sugery!

I am going to schedule my surgery for January 10th (hooray). I will call Dr. Jay's office tomorrow and set it all up.   Tomorrow my BFF is having her surgery, and she's never had surgery before. She's very nervous and scared, but I know once it's over, she'll be so glad and relieved. This is her first step to showing the world who she really is. Hugs and Kisses !!!!:clap2:   We've finished our Christmas shopping, so tonight will be nothing but wrapping presents (yuk). I love to buy and give presents, but I really hate wrapping them.   I'm still smoke free, and it's mostly easy now. Not to say that there aren't days when the cravings hit especially hard. However, I can honestly say that this is something that I am most proud of.
angelburch

angelburch

3
 

Hungry All Day

For some reason, I have been starving all day, and can't seem to consume enough food. My BF has completed the 2nd day of her liquid diet, and she is having a tough time. It's hard watching her go through it, because I want to help, but there's nothing I can do except NOT EAT around her. However, when I got home this evening, I ate just about anything I saw, and I don't know if my being so hungry is because she can't eat, so now I'm eathing for two???? Who knows.   I go to my family physician tomorrow to have my blood work and EKG done, and then next week I will contact Dr. Jay and schedule my surgery.   Still smoke free :clap2: :clap2: :clap2:
angelburch

angelburch

1
 

Decisions/Decisions/Decisions

Now that my insurance has approved the lapband for me, I have to decide which surgery center to have it at, and when. As much as I would like to have this done with by December 31st and start 2007 banded, I don't have any paid time off, and it's Christmas time . . . enough stress without trying to do liquids for 7 days pre-op, and then liquids 14 days post op. My Mom, Dad, and Aunt are coming in for Christmas (which is great), but I don't want to have to focus on prepping for the surgery while they are here. I guess I'll just enjoy the holidays unbanded. However, January is really financially tight as well. DH is having lasik surgery on Jan 5th, and taxes on the house are due by January 31st. I know my out-of-pocket will be around $800-$1000. So I guess I'll have to wait and see if I can afford it in January or February. I am going on Friday to get my blood work and EKG done, so that will be one more thing on the list done. The other things still left to do are 1) pre-op visit with doctor, 2)pick surgery center, 3) schedule surgery.   However, once the surgery is done . . . LOOK OUT WORLD!!!! A slimmer, trimmer, healthier Cha-Cha will be out there, and there'll be no stopping her!:clap2:
angelburch

angelburch

1
 

Insurance

I'm approved !:clap2: BCBS of Minnesota called me yesterday to tell me that I was approved. Then within 15 minutes, Ricardo from Dr. Jay's office called me and said that the insurance company had already called him. I can schedule my surgery now!!!!!!!
angelburch

angelburch

2
 

Back Home

So we're back home after spending the weekend in Lubbock with my in-laws. It was good seeing them again, but they just mainly sit around and do nothing, so the urge to smoke was huge. However, I maintained. Just glad to be home.
angelburch

angelburch

1
 

Just Stuff

Okay . . . so it's been a few days since I posted. I am very happy that I am 26 days smoke free :clap2: (with one slip last night due to a car accident). The urges are hitting less often, but when they do, they're a lot stronger than they've been the last few days. I dropped down to a 7mg patch. Maybe I need to go back to the 14 for a few days. Better yet, I'll just give this a few more days and see what happens.   Last night I was in a car accident. A female driver broadsided me, and did a tremendous amount of damage to the entire driver's side of my beautiful 2004 Nissan Maxima (I LOVE that car -- she's beautiful). I was so angry about it, and today when I took it to the repair place, I looked at it again and just burst into tears.   I called the insurance company and they said that they received the information on 11/28, and they take 10 business days to review it, so by next Tuesday I should know if I'm approved. I also found out that Dr. Jay requires a current EKG, so I have one scheduled with my family Doctor for the 15th.   I used to hear people talk about all the steps that they had to go through to get approved for WLS, and I thought "Man, that's too much for me to do, I would get lost in the whole process". Now that I'm almost done, I realize that it's not quite as bad as I thought. Besides, with this website, there is plenty of things to research and plenty of people to read about, and their experiences. So, all in all, it's not been nearly as confusing as I thought it would be.   We are driving tomorrow to Lubbock to see my DH's Dad. He is very ill, and not expected to live long. While we are there, we will visit Texas Tech (DH is alumni), and see all the Christmas lights. I am looking forward to that. I love Christmas lights and decorations.
angelburch

angelburch

2
 

Sunday 12/03

Well, here it is the 3rd day of December and I've been doing some internet shopping. My DH and I went grocery shopping today, and then I made some chocolate chip/oatmeal cookies. I then made a huge pot of vegetable soup. Hubby and his BF went and picked up a treadmill for me that I bought from a co-worker. She only wanted $100 for it, and it's a really nice one. Probably around $300 or more if bought new. So, after the cookies, I will go try it out :girl_hug:   22 days smoke free today! I am hoping to hear from the insurance company by the end of this week. Once approved, then I can schedulev my surgery:clap2: . I am looking at the 2nd or 3rd week of January. I am beginning to dream about having the band. Soon it will no longer be a dream, but a reality!
angelburch

angelburch

1
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