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About this blog

It's not the end of the road, but the start of my life.

Entries in this blog

 

Anyone have Plans on September 24?

Well I do......surgery!! I swear I never thought this day would come, how in the world I didn't lose my mind I don't know. But now, how in the world am I going to keep this smile off my face, oh wait I don't have too!   For all those people who may read this and think, what I wouldn't give to me her, to have a date to know it is my turn, you will be here. Don't give up no matter what comes your way just do what you have to get to surgery. I already know it is worth it.
DebDUtah

DebDUtah

3
 

I am walking on sunshine.......

Today my life changed, at 09:02 mst my insurance approved my surgery!!! I thought this day would never come, and now that it is here I am even more anxious to keep going.   To all of you that are waiting on insurance approval, who think that everyone is out to get you, who think that the requirements that insurance give you are crazy......I was there and still can't have the clock move fast enough. Well I have my approval and I want my surgery date NOW....but of course my surgeon's office moves at a snails pace compared to how I think they should move.   My advice to you, don't give up, do what the insurance says, be your own advocate, talk to your insurance company (the utilization review nurse) and find out what is going on if your feel like your surgeon's office is not telling you everything. Ultimately it is the insurance that decides not the surgeon's office.   Ok I am so looking forward to my future for the first time in a long long time.
DebDUtah

DebDUtah

1
 

Taking Matters Into My Own Hands......again

Ok, so it has been awhile since I have been here as I have had a "setback". My insurance advocate (oh and boy do I use that title with lots of anger) finally got my paperwork submitted and we got an answer in less than 36 hrs! They wanted two more things a chest xray/sleep study (opted for chest xray) and a final visit with my PCP. So I did this and sent this to my "advocate" over a week ago. I had not heard so I called and guess what she didn't even know she had the information from me!! WTF, ok I didn't lose my temper as I didn't want her to hate me and never send my paperwork, I just asked when she was going to get the 6 pg fax to my insurance company. She said by the end of next week! REALLY, if I handled my job that way I would be fired. So since I couldn't stand her lack of desire to get my approval, I called my insurance and faxed it myself. Now I will probably have my approval on monday (fingers crossed), and I wonder if she will call me and say yeah we have approval, acting like she did me a favor. Whatever!   It then was like someone slapped me upside the head, this is my fight, this is my road to follow, so this is my responsibility to get this done on my time frame. I don't want anyone to tell me I could have done something I didn't do. But now I wait. My best guess is surgery sometime in September. We will see, hopefully it will be earlier rather than later. Keep good thoughts coming my way and I hope this "advocate" wakes up and realize she is dealing with people with feelings and that this isn't easy to do.   If I have any advice my advice to you is to take matters into your own hands. This is your decision don't let anyone especially someone who has no interest in your well being determine your outcome.   Now I wait..............and i hate waiting I have waited way too long to do this so hurry up already!!
DebDUtah

DebDUtah

1
 

Hurry Up Now Take Your Time

Well I have done everything that I have been told to do. I have been under the care of my primary care physician for a supervised diet for 6 months, I have completed all my blood work, gotten my referral letter and now.......I wait. Hurry Up....now take your time!!!! WTF   I am not controlling and I am far from OCD but turning this over the insurance advocate at my physician's office feels like I am leaving my soul with the devil! I have the utmost repsect for my surgeon, and do not have one doubt in his ability. With that being said, this she-devil is about the nastiest person I have ever met. I am thinking I have this opinion because she told me ..."you will not be approved." I was dumbfounded, who did this women think she was? She said you don't have co-morbidities (OMG do you have any idea how sick I am of hearing that?) and you are healthy. I asked her when she was submitting my paperwork (I was in shock had not idea what to say to her). She said today or tomorrow. So knowing that she will probably wait until tomorrow, I am going to make sure that the insurance company does indeed get it and call them to verify.   I was mortified when I left the surgeon's office I wept in my car, I didn't cry I wept.......   Who was she to take away my future, I will not let her, I will show her (along with a lot of others).   So here I am waiting and waiting and waiting please say a prayer cross your fingers light a candle or put a needle in the voodoo doll in the image of my insurance advocate (aka she-devil)....what every luck you can send my way I will take it.....   With this being said, I hope everyone who is waiting on approval gets favorable responses quickly.
DebDUtah

DebDUtah

2
 

Is obesity a medical condition.....

So here it is only one more visit and my supervised diet will be over, all my lab work and required doctors appointments and tests have been completed. I have to say I have not tried to lose weight during this supervised time (although I have lost a few pounds), but I have not gone wild either with food funerals as I have read others have. I have been swimming, walking and drinking lots of water to get used to it, but I am not dropping weight. I know that it is no surprise to me that I have not lost, but now I am worried that my insurance will deny me. Now I know that they cannot deny me based on my performance during this six month supervised diet, but they could deny me due to medical necessity. Ok this "medical necessity" scares me, as I have no medical condition warranting this surgery, unless obesity is a medical condition. Is obesity a medical condition? I have no co-morbidities, I am one of those lucky (or in this case unlucky) individuals who does not have any co-morbidities or required medication (I don't even take multi-vitamins) that would fast track me to approval. So now, here I sit, so close and scared to death I will not be approved. I guess if I expect the worst and hope for the best that I cannot be disappointed, right? wrong!! I have always be so glad I am "healthy" and now this may be my downfall. My BMI is over 50, yeah I never knew it could go that high either, but it is setting in that I could be denied. I went into this not even thinking that but now basically I have jumped thru every hoop and now my future lies in someone's "opinion and interpretation" of my chart compared to insurance guidelines and coveage. I am so not looking forward to this last leg but am taking it one day at a time.
DebDUtah

DebDUtah

3
 

"Ain't nobody got time for that"

It has been awhile since I blogged, I think that is because the snow finally melted, yeah!!! Ok back to the reason for my entry. For those of you who have not followed me or know where I am....I am currently in the last 3 months of my pre-op diet and I am losing weight. Cool right, but what is not cool is my surgeon's insurance specialist not communicating and when she does it is obvious she is clueless......."Ain't nobody got time for that!"   I have emailed her repeatedly, giving her in excess of 15 business days to respond, nothing. I have patience but I do not have time for being ignored. And when she does respond it is like she has no clue what my insurance coverage is, or what my requirements are! The last straw came the other day when she told me that I had to see a doctor every month for six months (when my insurance requires 3 visits in six months). I know because it is spelled out in the plan, I pointed this out and she said oh sorry my mistake! Really, are you serious? I have no patience for this, the hoops I am jumping thru seem so tedious and I am determined to do it right the first time. So the next email I had a time sensitive question (which I have called and left her 4 messages on in the last 4 weeks no call back also) and guess what she NEVER responded. It had to do with me having the option of changing insurance coverages, well I had it so you know what I emailed the surgeon directly. Now we will see what happens next.....either they will hate me all around or they will appreciate the heads up!! Either way it needed to be said. Do people not get it that this is the BIGGEST thing to happen in our lives short of just a few other things in life..... AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT   Ok I feel better now No one is standing in my way of accomplishing this.
DebDUtah

DebDUtah

4
 

Hurry up and wait!

Well here I am in that perverbal holding pattern with nothing to do but wait. I have sent all my medical records to my surgeon, which the financial person has gotten, but has not reviewed. I have requested my clearance letter from my primary care physician, but they have not sent it yet. Ok so I have done all I can do and now I have to wait. I am not a good person when it comes to waiting. I get antsy, nervous and downright aggrivated when it comes to waiting. So I try to occupy my time otherwise, but everything comes back to me and wanting and more importantly needing this tool to get my life back on track.   I have even gone as far as cleaning out my closet of the clothes that I refuse to wear again. I have researched vitamins, gyms, protein and even the adverse side effects of the surgery. I do not know what to do with my time. Luckily I have my work and my family which keeps me busy but I keep thinking about all the things I want to do.   I am going to say, I have run across a lot of people who seem to think that this surgery is the magical solution to their weight loss. Those that sabotage their surgery by eating sold foods as soon as a week out of surgery. The ones who are upset that they are not losing more than 5-6 lbs a week. I don't know about you but that is amazing that is over 100 lbs in a year, it is almost unheard of outside of weight loss surgery or extreme exercise like Biggest Loser. I am trying not to lose touch with reality and know that I may not lose fast, or I may be slower than the biggest success story, but know I want it to be me who is the one who excels losing, like everyone else.   I am afraid and I worry, the more I wait the more this worry and fear compounds. So I have to make myself focus, I have to not lose sight in the fact that it is a long road I have ahead of me and there will be waiting along the way. I want this surgery to happen now, and yes I am having a temper tantrum in case you were wondering.   I want this part of my journey to start but since I cannot determine the pace or the way in which it happens, then I will wait, I will try and be patient, They say patience is a virtue......well it happens to be a virtue I do not possess.
DebDUtah

DebDUtah

1
 

Early Morning Meeting......Life Changing

Every day presents new challenges and why would I hope that yesterday would be any different. Perhaps it is because I have the day off I thought maybe just maybe that it would be just a tad less challenging. HA! who was I kidding.   So I get up at 630am to get to the doctor's office by 745am, I walk in and pay my visit fee. At this point, the cheery little receptionist (who I note is overly so for this this hour of the morning) hands me a clipboard filled with 20-30 papers and proceeds to explain what each "group" of papers are. Now that I have my personal history papers in my hand, I head to the area I have been directed which holds several tables lined up classroom style and begin filing out my paperwork.   Now I have gotten no further than verifying the information that is preprinted when they called my name! Really? But I haven't even started on the blank papers not to mention that psych paperwork (which I put on the bottom of the pile!). Eagerly I go in and I am immediately told to take off my shoes and step on the scale.   It is interesting I used to dread the scale, but now, I kinda look foward to it to see if perhaps I have lost even the least little bit. I say this because I am trying (althought to some it may not seem like much) by cutting down on soda I will have quit before surgery so I don't miss it, eating less and not so late in the day. To my surprise every time I have stepped on the scale a little less of me is there (small victories). After the standard height and weight, I am taken into an exam room and told the nutritionist will be right with me. Wow, they work fast I don't see how this will be a four hour appointment, it isn't even 15 mins into my appointment and i am already meeting one of the 4 people I am scheduled to meet, pays to be on time.   Now, as you can see I am quite happy how things are going until I realize exactly what is a metabolic rate test is. For those of you who have no idea it is something like this. You are handed an apparatus that is similar to a mini speaker or a really big cell phone (you know the old fashioned brick kind) with a mouthpiece attached to one side. I am told to place the mouthpiece as far back in my mouth as possible and close my lips around it tight. I am told that I will need to breath thru this for 5 minutes continuous. Oh and don't forget to put this really strong nose clip on your nose so you have no choice to do anything but breath thru your mouth. This should be easy right? Wrong! You see I am not one who can sit still, I have to be doing something, I get stir crazy easily. But come on its early and this should be easy. I was given strick instructions to sit there and just breath. Ok easy, well yeah until I started drooling because I couldn't swallow with that mouth piece in. Now all I can think about is how nice it would be to have a towel or a tissue from across the room. But remember I cannot move, all i can do is breath. So there I sit, breathing like I am Darth Vader (and yes that is the first thing that came to mind the minute I started doing this) and drooling like I have been in a dentist chair for hours. The five minutes finally passes and beep......in comes the nutritionist and says "opps I forgot to give you a tissue, I am sorry"!! It was funny then but at about 2.5 minutes I didn't find it too funny at all.   With that down, I am then told now we are going to test you for H Pylori. She hands me a bag and says blow into it and seal it. That was easy, but am I done, oh no, I am told that I will have to drink about 3 ozs of flavored water. Now let me preface this with the statement that I hate 7up, Sprite or any lemon lime drink. It makes me gag, and if I have to drink any amount of it, chances are greater than not that I will vomit on the spot. And guess what it was lemon-lime flavor, oh joy! Now if I could have taken the shot and downed it while holding my nose, I would have been good, but oh no I had to drink it thru a straw!! Is this let's throw every obstacle at Debbie day (everytime I use a straw I get the hiccups)? I focus, and remember why I am doing this and it takes me a couple minutes to literally gag this stuff down. Now please do not get discouraged if you have not done this, just know that this flavor makes me go into full body dry heaves). After I have completed this fluid I am then told that I will need to blow up the second bag 15 mins later.   Now I am sent back to the "classroom" and told I can continue to work on my papers during the presentation. Now I am completely confused, presentation but hey I am here to jump thru every hoop necessary. This presentation is just like the informational meeting only more condensed and taught by a WLS patient of 12 yrs. It was interesting but I wanted to talk to my doctor, I had questions.   Once the presentation is over we are taken to individual exam rooms and wait for each discipline to come in, patiently waiting my turn. First is the doctor, who answers every question I have with a confidence that put me at ease instantly. He spoke of my medical history like he had lived it along side with me. It was almost like he could sense what I was going to ask before I asked it. He gave me the time I needed and more.   With the confidence in my surgeon, I felt I could take on any hoop, bring it on. The psychologist comes in and it is the briefest most anti-climatic meeting I have had so far. A handful of questions and I was told you will only hear from me if there is an issue, so no news is good news. I haven't heard a peep from her so I passed!   Now the nutritionist comes in (remember her the one who gave me the darth vader mask!!), and we start talking diet. My fears, what to expect and to remember I am not perfect. She was wonderful. She handed me my pre-op diet went over the dos and dont's the if and whens. Next to my surgeon she was my next favorite.   Last was the insurance specialist, and she was thorough but helpful. She told me what to expect what my insurance would require and what they would accept and wouldn't. I walked away finding the latest hoop, giving them 3 yrs or medical records showing my weight at each visit. Uh oh, if you have been reading my blog, I don't go to the doctor, I do not have any co-morbidities. How am I going to come up with this. I have an idea and it will take some digging, keeping my fingers crossed. Other than that and 3 months more of supervised diet by my primary care doctor and I am a green light for surgery.   Well I walked out of there in 3.5 hours and yes I was drained, mentally emotionally and was more concerned about finding my medical history for the last 3 yrs than I was how much it would cost if I didn't. But I was encouraged hopeful and so optimistic that everything will fall into place.   I know I was having anxiety about this meeting, and now after I am feeling relief. I have the information and information is my power. I have to keep learning and gathering more and more information to be at my strongest.   So my one bit of advice, get a tissue for your metobolic testing!!
DebDUtah

DebDUtah

1
 

From "oh" to "yeah".....

So, next week I have an eight hour appointment with: my surgeon, nutritionist, physical trainer (aka personal trainer), psychologist and insurance person. I get poked, proded, questioned and analized over my ability to be healthy enough to have the surgery both physically and mentally not to mention my ability to pay what my insurance won't. I am looking forward to the appointment, yet my biggest fear is the psychologist, and why I don't know. I have a pretty sound mind (even though my sense of humor is quite warped), however, most importantly I know why I am doing this. The main reason is I don't want to die, I am taking control so I live. There are other reasons too of course and some may find the vain or invalid reasons. The best way for me to describe the other reasons is to say that I am tired of being "oh Debbie". I want to be "yeah Debbie".   I need to go from "oh" to "yeah". I need to be able to walk into any clothing store that I want and not worry about if they carry my size ("oh I am sorry we don't carry that size" to "yeah we have that in your size"). I want to be able to fit into a middle seat on an airplane and not care that it is the only seat available ("oh you are in this seat" to "yeah this is your seat"). I want to be included and not feel like the an after thought ("oh we forgot to invite Debbie" to "yeah Debbie is invited"). I want to be the kinda girl men look at not because I am large but because I am beautiful ("oh my look at her" to "yeah what a beautiful woman"). These scenerio can go on and on and on and we all know it.   I know that anyone of the people that I am meeting with next week could delay or even stop my journey. There is not one person who can change my reasons for wanting to have it. With that being said I will go into each meeting with my head held up and my reasons for having the surgery an open book.   And I will not stop until I hear from each and every one of the that "yeah Debbie this is for you".
DebDUtah

DebDUtah

3
 

Healthy, I am Healthy.....how can this be healthy?

Note: If you have been following my blog this should have been entered before "Friend or Frenemy" but I had a moment and didn't realize I hadn't posted it until today....please forgive me!   Going to get a physical, and this is my annual physical. Did I mention that it has been over 25 yrs since I had an annual physical. Now I have not neglected the annualy "women" physicals, the necessary mammograms when you get to "that" age or even the colonoscopy due to family history, but oh noooooooooo I wouldn't get a physical. <<dramatic pause to allow you to stop laughing>> Yeah I know beyond weird huh? I was afraid of that apparatus of stress, the one with all the numbers that used to be a dial and now is just digital which i think is worse, becase it is in kilograms and it gives me that false sense that I weigh less than the actual weight I am, the scale scared me. Going to the dr caused me so much stress I just kept being busy. Now what makes this even more pathetic, my insurance pays for annual physicals at no cost to me. You see I never wanted to find out what was really wrong with me. I was afraid of a conversation about my weight, my eating habits, and my lack of exercise. Kind of like when you go to the dentist and he asks if you floss "why yes I do 3 times a day" said no one ever! I was afraid of the truth. Well, I finally woke up, no more, I was going to find out just how bad all this weight had effected my overall health. We all know what I am talking about so I won't go thru the laundry list.   I went in to the doctors office, with my head held high and they took my blood pressure first. The medical assistants didn't take it once or even twice they took it four times (2 diffferent medical assistants). I started to get worried was I having a stroke! Then they said "hmmmm we will take it manually in the room". Why, is my pressure so high I am off the scale on this medical apparatus too?? Then they checked my heart rate, the next comment was "we should get this machine checked". Ok, now I am starting to be validated for why I stayed away, sick, I am sick.....how long before I am on a list of medication the length of my arm???? I made myself take a deep breath and walked steady to the room. Once there one assistant started taking my pressure again and the other was asking me the list of quiestions I am sure if printed out would be about 5 pages single spaced, about every illness I and my family have had. When they finished my blood pressure the assistant whispered to the other and I knew then something was wrong. When I asked they said the doctor would let me know what it was and answer any questions I had. They left and in came the phlebotomist, oh how I hate needles (and I work in the emergency room ~ it is a lot different sticking than being stuck!). She was good one small poke and that was over. The doctor comes in and we start talking. Now I had seen this man for years for bronchitis, sprains and any minor need for a physician. So his first words to me was "why a physical now?" and he smiled a smile that made me immediately relax. I told him I was taking control finally. He was glad to hear it. I immediately asked about my blood pressure, and what happens he smiles again. Well it seemed that I had a pressure of 110/60, and it was verified as it was that every single time they took it. But, the medical assistants assumed that it was wrong based on my weight. I was happy, but kinda mad at the skinny little techs for judging me, but I let it go. I got to feel the cold stethoscope on my chest and back, and breathed deeply as he instructed. He poked me and proded until he had check me thoroughly (oh and yeah I did stick my tongue out and say ahhhhh!). He said it looked good but he was waiting on my labs and outside tests before he could give me results. So I left with a bandaid from my lab draw and a small strut past the little medical assistants proud I had such a good blood pressure. A little part of me was afraid of what the labs would show, but right now this was my victory walk.   The next day I get my results..........healthy, I am healthy? how can someone be morbidly (i sure think they could pick a better adjective) obese and be healthy???? But I am. My ten year prediction of CAD is less than 1% (and according to the dr it doesn't get any lower!) I am happy that there is no underlying condition, that I am healthy but how did I get so lucky? why me? Then my heart sank, I will have to lose this without surgery even though my BMI is over 50. My healthy heart ached, I cried. How sad is that, I cried because I was healthy, people would give their right arm to have my labs and health and here I am crying.   After a short pity party, I called my insurance company and asked what requirements (no matter the height of the hoop, no matter how hard to jump thru, I was going to do it) did I need to comply with for approval for the surgery. Turns out it is my BMI and a year of dietary supervision by a primary care doctor is all it took. A year that's all, heck that's easy I have been overweight my entire life (sometimes more than others), I can do that. So for the last 6 months I have been soaking up every bit of knowledge and information I can get my hands on and now I am halfway there.   One last summer in a swimsuit looking like a stuffed sausage, one last halloween unable to wear that sexy costume, one more christmas of not being able to ask for clothes because I won't tell my size. Soon I will be able to sit in any chair I want without fear of fitting be comfortable walking in any store to look at clothes because I know if I want it they probably have it in my size. It is so close .......... the beginning of the best part of my life.
DebDUtah

DebDUtah

1
 

Frenemy to friend in less than 60 mins.....

I thought I should write a follow-up not only for those who are reading this but for continuity when I reflect back on this journey.   Today I walked into a meeting with a physician who knew nothing about me, nothing about my choices and why I have made the choices I have and why this is the road I am taking. It was not a meeting I was looking forward to. But I took the position that I have a strong belief in which is, "Knowledge is Power". I had the knowledge so I had all the power. The dr. walked in and I made sure I was open pleasant and not defensive and open to what he had to say. He started off trying to talk to me about the bad choices I had made in my life (and yes those were his words). I didn't flinch I let him finish and then I went to town. I basically took this man to school (in a good way lol). My first question was if he was aware of the procedure I was wanting and if he had any experience with patient who wanted them. He said he knew of this "experimental" procedure and its risks. Well I knew right there by his answer he had no idea. So we talked for the better part of an hour and you know what, he had no idea what the sleeve was he thought it was a the DS Switch. After we talked he took my hand and told me that he wished that every patient he saw was as sure of what they wanted and needed in their life, and he said he would do whatever he could to help me succeed. WOW, I was blown away. From frenemy to friends just like that!   Yet again another example that most of those opposed to us are just lacking the information that we already have. One step closer and I ready for every one of them, bring 'em on.
DebDUtah

DebDUtah

4
 

PCP ..... Friend or Frenemy

So i have been seeing my PCP for the mandatory weight management, and he has now had to take a leave of absence due to a family emergency and is away from practice for the next year. I hope that everything turns out well for him. Now I have to to see his partner whom I really don't know. I have all these feelings of insecurity, for the first time during this process. What if he doesn't agree with what I want to do for this next step in my life? I have heard from other patients that he doesn't listen to his patients that he has his own agendas.   This surgery is not a decision I came to lightly, it is not something that is a gut reaction looking for the miracle cure, I need this to live otherwise I am going to die. I even opened up to a physician I work with in the emergency room (and that was huge, but I wanted to know what she thought of the procedure) telling her of my plans. Now you have to know that this ER doc is fitness junkie she competes in marathons and swims miles a day and rides her bike to work even when it snows! She said to me why don't you just cut out carbs, it was that easy for me. I laughed and I said that is like telling a heroine addict to stop heroine, but hey everyone around you will be doing it and its ok but not for you. I need this tool. She gave me comfort in talking with me saying that "You know I have NEVER seen a complication here from this surgery. That doesn't mean there are not possible complications (which I acknowledged). I have seen serious complications with the by-pass and lap band but not this procedure. So if you are going to do it this sounds logical and the safest. Good Luck". It was like she gave me a thumbs up which meant the world to me.   Now, I have to meet with yet another person, a physician, who could derail my future. Is he friend or frenemy? My friends know me they know what I need to do to be healthy, but a frenemy would judge me and tell me there is another way, their way. My worst fear is he is a frenemy, so many doctors have proven to be frenemies. They do what they think is best saying I am not "that" big, that I dont need to lose weight and that I am healthy, so many times I want to scream. It has taken me years to get them out of my head and realize that I have to take control, I have listened to too many people in the past. I have so much in my family history that could come to haunt me, every co-morbidity that an obese person faces but I have been blessed to avoid every one of these health problems. It was easy for me to believe the docs that told me I was healthy and that I didnt need to lose weight because I didn't have these health issues. if I don't correct my weight I know I will become chronically ill and die. Sure hope he understands.
DebDUtah

DebDUtah

2
 

Who and Why....

This is such a personal journey for each and every person who choses weight loss surgery. I find that like everyone else this is not my first time at the rodeo, so to speak, when it comes to losing weight and trying to be healthy. We all have our demons and those who say they support us and want the best for us. But when the sun sets and it comes down to it the only person who can do this is looking right back at me in the mirror. Since I know this is such a personal journey, I have decided that the best way for me to deal with this is to reach out to those people like me, on this website (as my dog is getting tired of me talking to him and the cat just ignores me!). Let me explain who I am and why I am here....   I am the youngest of three children, the baby and the only girl. Now most people would say wow you are the spoiled one, that I got away with everything and that I could do no wrong. This is the furthest from the truth in my case. I came from a loving family, and a mother who was home and when it comes down to it I had a great childhood. I never wanted for anything, I never knew what it was like to go without, and this included food. In defense of my mother, she never had to worry about her weight as she was blessed with that metabolism that allowed her to eat anything. Until I came along, she was cooking and feeding a family of all men, which meant the more food the better. We were all active and played sports and I was no exception. I played softball, soccer, volleyball and spent the summers swimming and even swam on the country clubs swim team. But to this day I hear that I don't eat enough. Really!! Let's see I got to this size by eating broccoli, uh I think not. There was an endless supply of twinkies (and yes I will miss them) pepsi by the case (and in bottles my weakness), chips and candy and we were never denied. Now, I am not blaming my mother, she just didn't realize nor did I. She sent me off to fat camp when I was 9 because I was in "husky" clothes (and the person who classified clothes as husky should be shot!), she had me checked out by physicians for "gland problems", who told her I was very healthy and if i lived in the islands I would be considered gorgeous and sought after by men (well we weren't moving and this devestated my mother I think more than me). From that point forward it was a tsunami of weight watchers, nutri systems and fad diets. I never had a problem with boys or men, I am everyone's friend and love to make people smile (the curse of a fat person to be accepted), in fact I was part of the in crowd in high school and college. I married had a child and the divorced and none of this was because of or in spite of my weight. So this only fueled my RA (I will explain later), I kinda wish I had I think I would have woke up long ago.   I look back and say, ok I have a great sense of who I am (I work in a level 1 trauma hospital's ER and love my job) and what is right and what needs to be corrected, I just haven't been able to correct it, until now. I never knew the why, I never really knew what got me to the massive weight of 352, and yes for me that is massive. Well the why is rather complicated, yet simple, and took me a bit to figure out. It is simple the why is because, simply because. Ok, stop laughing but that because has a very strong foundation. I am this size because I never stop eating the wrong things, because I wanted everyone else to correct my problem, because I would never get on a scale or acknowledge my weight, because I wouldn't admit nor did I see that I was overweight, this is my RA. Now let me explain that one. I used to look in the mirror and I never saw an overweight person. I know that sounds strange but I think I have a disease that has yet to be identified, a type of reverse anorexia (aka RA). You know it's an eating disorder of an obese person, just as devestating and it was fueled by not just my friends family and physicians (yes I had numerous physicians tell me I didn't need to lose weight, that I am healthy!) when deep down I knew better. I could keep going and going but I think you get the idea by now, so I am obese because, simply because.   Well, I snapped out of it, what caused me to snap out of it I don't know but I did. I have no co-morbidities I am healthy and if you looked at my medical records (with the exception of my weight) you would see an above average healthy female, so it wasnt my health. I am going to have this sleeve as I know that I cannot stay this heavy and this is my only way. If I don't my health will decline and I will become ill if not die, and I don't no I won't let that happen before I have lived a long long long life. I now have no problem saying my weight to those I trust, I see a fat person in the mirror when I look now (oh and I don't like what I see!). I have researched this surgery until I feel like there is no way I can fail. I have researched my physician and hospital and have confidence in his abilities and the capabilities of the hospital. I just now have to get my insurance and my life in place to succeed. First, I have to finish a year (only 6 mos more to go) of nutritional visits with my primary physician before my insurance will approve my surgery. I will finish this 12 mos requirement in July. I thought that this process would take forever, but I do not see that being the case, the first half has flown and now I am on the downhill slide.   I will use this blog to express my feelings and just get it off my chest, I am not sure if anyone will read it, or if you are reading this then I hope if nothing else it lets you know you are not alone in this battle. Until next time
DebDUtah

DebDUtah

2
 

All things being equal I prefer rollercoasters in the literal sense!

How many ups and downs are there on this "ride" put on by our insurance companies? I knew there were going to be hoops to jump thru, but how was I to know the hoops would change along the way!!! Let's see here is how my journey began, almost 6 months ago....   First met with my primary care doc, who once again said I might want to "think" about losing weight. Really, he said this like I have no idea that I am overweight, no wait obese, morbidly obese and he is introducing a new idea to me. I have (like everyone here) attempted, succeeded and regained, failed and basically had no success. But in a way he had, I had been looking into wls for several months and I came to the decision before ever entering his office that day that I was going to have to have wls to stay healthy. This "come to jesus" meeting about my weight was in the beginning of February. My insurance told me that I needed to have three visits no more than 2 months apart for the "supervised" diet to be considered supervised. So I planned my next visit in April, well within 2 months.   Then I am told that no I have to see the dr monthly for six months, this came from my surgeon, I called the insurance company and confirmed no not every month only three months.   So I continue and now I am told by my insurance that it is 3 visits in 6 months no more than 4 months apart. Oh for the love of it all.....if I didn't have a grasp on the requirements I would go insane and never meet their requirements. But I took a deep breath called again and cleared up the visit requirements a final time, and then started talking money.   This opened another can of worms as I have a maximum out of pocket of 1500.00 per year and this surgery will well exceed that (hospital stay alone) so the surgeon, anesthesiologist, etc will be paid 100%. Well my surgeon was wanting $900 before he would do the surgery and the hospital was wanting 1500.00 and the gas man wanted 500.00. What part of MAXIMUM OUT OF POCKET do these people not get. I have the money to pay but I will not be worried about getting refunds on top of my recovery diet and exercise. I found out that if I pay the hospital on the day of admission they will give me a 25% discount on my portion/responsibility!! Well of course, I will pay so this left the surgeon....hmmmm how do I explain this to them. I told them why I was going to pay the hospital instead of him, his office was very understanding, I was surprised it was easy, I mean really easy they agreed that I would not owe them the 900! The first thing that went my way, yeehaw. I actually did the happy dance.   So come July 9, my paperwork will be submitted I will be waiting on the utilization review department to give the thumbs up, waiting on the beginning of the rest of my life. Let's hope it is the first week of August
DebDUtah

DebDUtah

0
 

Just Rambling....

You know I usually have this wonderful idea of what I am going to write about, but not this time nope nothing, zero, zilch, zippo. This should be no surprise to me as this was also the weight loss I had recorded with me PCP this month on my second to last PCP visit, prior to submission to insurance. You know the appointment was great it was informative and my doctor is becoming my biggest advocate. I am so glad that I have such support from him. With all this happening, you would think that I would be getting excited about getting so close to my surgery date. Nope, still seems so far away that it isn't even real. I look at my calendar and I see all the days that need to pass and all I want to do is rip it up (but if I did that I wouldn't know where I had to be and when I had to be there!!). Everyone has their own reasons to do the surgery, their own motivation and their own goals. I was thinking about my goals, my motivations, and what will life be after this is all down. I have decided my goals are the non scale victories, those things that are taken for granted by so many without even thinking. I really don't care if my final weight is 150 of 170 or some other number, I just want to look good. To know that men and people are looking at me because I am beautiful not because I am a big woman. I just want one man to want me for me not for my appearance but you have to have appearance to attract men, I don't care what anyone says. It is all about first impressions, and I want those first impressions to be memorable because of who I am not what I am. I want to be able to walk into a store and try on a dress that is in the window and know they will have my size in that dress. Not some cotten stretch, print from a couch, frumpy fat lady dress. Just because I am large does not mean that I do not like to look good. And I do not care what anyone says just because it comes in your size (aka skinny jeans, spandex, short shorts, etc) doesn't mean you buy it or more importantly that you will look good. I would just like to be able to feel good about being me is that too much to ask? I am not sad I am not mad I am just tired, why can't people see past what we look like. I promise after I have had surgery and I am making my way towards my new beginning I will never ever forget what this feels like.   So basically, right now I am feeling life pass me by, I want to live my life and have someone live it with me where everyday is an adventure. I want to be involved to reach for and get that brass ring. I know there are a lot of people out there who know exactly what I am saying, so I won't go on.   Oh and no matter who small I get I will NEVER EVER buy anything at Abercrombie & Fitch, I hope they go bankrupt.
DebDUtah

DebDUtah

0
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