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Whats the Point?

These is basically just for me to vent over my private thoughts about something that went down recently. I still have some leftover frustration despite maybe personal messages cheering me on and supporting me in my line of thought so rather than make a forum thread for all to see begging for reassurance I just thought I would make a personal blog entry for me to come back on should I ever find myself in this situation again, because I think that spending most of the day in self reflection I have more or less worked out my real feelings about all this.   I've been known as the mean girl at many points in my life because I have always been active in organizations, clubs, and jobs in positions of power. I have always sought excellence, I was never happy to just be a member of a club, I jumped in head first and ran for president, you know? It's just my personality. I don't do a lot, but what I do decide to do, I do it to the absolute best that I possibly can. Now, this certainly is not to say that I do not have my days, and my screwups but I am not the type of person to screw up and then go post about it online looking for people to tell me it's OK. I track like I eat like all of us know we should, so there is never any question about whether or not something was alright or not. I'm in the green or I'm in the red, and when everything is black and white like that it's pretty obvious what to do about it.   This brings me to the heart of the matter, and what I seem to be continually butting heads with people over - I do not understand what people are looking for when they make posts about massively veering off course for a diet, let alone how we should be eating postoperative. I can understand it when people want to know if this or that is acceptable, but when people have gone and had 150 grams of carbs, 80 grams of sugar, and probably blown their fat and calories out of the water for the day too, I just don't understand. I know its not easy to stop, and I would never ever sit here and claim to never mess up. Hell, at two weeks post op I had frozen yogurt with my husband, and at three weeks post op I had a smallish serving of Outback Steakhouse's blooming onion, arguably one of the worse appetizers in the country. I make mistakes too, but what I do not understand is posting about it looking for nothing but hand-holding and reassuring comments.   I don't know what to say to someone who does that, especially when its over and over again, not just in posts but in comments to over people as well. And let me be clear - while this last episode that prompted me to really examine myself was obviously in response to a particular person, this is extremely common, which is why I felt the need to check myself.   I want to say something that I never said in all the back and forth, because it had not really occurred to me, and towards the end of all that, I was genuinely hurt by some of things people said and wasn't thinking clearly about the topic at hand. Enablers will not ever help you. Telling someone who has issues with food that their bad behavoir is fine and that tomorrow is a new day is not only a load of BS, its destructive in the worse sort of insidious way.   You will NEVER change if you don't wrap your head around the abuse that you inflict on yourself. Never, it doesn't matter how much of your stomach they take away, it doesn't matter how many ounces of food you can eat in a setting, you will find a way to ruin this gift to yourself.   I know this. I already HAD surgery once, and like so many of you out there, when I messed it up for myself day after day, week after week I came onto YouTube and forums like this looking for "support" when I really needed someone to tell me to stop what I was doing to myself. Some people act like they don't really have a problem with food and they might be true for a small minority of people on this site but the harsh reality is that no one makes it to 250 pounds, 300 pounds, and BMIs through the roof that merit weight loss surgery without unhealthy ideas about what is OK to eat, what isn't OK, and little ways we kid ourselves into thinking it's fine, it'll be better next time, I'll jump back on the horse tomorrow...... It's all a crock, and we kidded ourselves up to shameful sizes with that mentality.   I'm not saying that we should suddenly go at things with a level of intensity that we cannot maintain, and through empathy out the window but what I am saying is that when a simple suggestion that doing the hard mental work that needs to be done might require therapy or counseling of some sort, and that sparks a rage in people burning so hot that they threaten to leave the site and throw all class and dignity out the window, that does not bode well for the state of this community.   It would serve people well to sit up and take note of the state of things around here. When all that is offered is platitudes and hand holding, nothing good will come of that. We have to change our minds to change our bodies and sometimes that means growing a spine, and taking some honest criticism and self evaluation. No one is doing you any favors is everything they tell you is comfortable and unchallenged     If none of what I said applies to you, then you have to take some responsibility for what you post. If you make a semi-dramatic post every time you do something wrong but you have it under control, you have no right to get indignant when people notice. Some things are more appropriate in blog format not public forums.
NurseGrace

NurseGrace

9
 

Great day - Feeling normal

I have a lot of thoughts about sharing EXACTLY what I eat on a daily basis here on this site because there are SO MANY different points of view about what is appropriate, when its appropriate, and so on. My basic feelings are this - I keep my calories where they are supposed to be, and I keep my protein and carbs as close to on point as I can. For me, HOW I make that happen isn't really anyone's business. I do not have a lot of sympathy for a person moaning on about how they can't lose weight when they fess up to eating McDonalds with total disregard for calories and carbohydrate limits.   Even the SMALLEST Frappe from McDonald clocks in at 74 grams of carbohydrate and 66 grams of sugar. That is the type of thing that no matter what you do, if you make that choice you are MAKING the choice to fail that day. 66 grams of sugar does not fit into a weight loss program no matter which way you slice it. There are "bad" foods that you can make work - FOR EXAMPLE - Today I had a Crab Rangoon Not two, not four not a whole order, ONE. I ate ONE with about quarter cup of tomato soup. I know what you may be thinking "omg Grace, you are only 12 days post op" Don't worry, I have been cleared to progress my diet with certain limitations so long as I am tolerating it well. That's beside the point but I felt the need to say it anyway.   Standard Crab Rangoon has about 70-80 calories each, and that is REALLY rounding UP. I prefer to round up that way if I am wrong I still have myself covered. They have about 3-6 grams of carbohydrates each, and about a gram of protein. I understand that it is empty calories, but if I have met my nutritional guidelines for the day, I have nothing to feel bad about. I am SO OVER being shamed about anything food related. Now, that doesn't mean I won't take advice from people who know better because I always have and I always will but I guess the whole point of this is to say that you can still be normal, and follow the damn rules. I am so tired of reading post after post where people seem to feel that they need to be some kind of raw food vegan to follow the rules or that they can be normal and blow them out of the water. The guidelines are designed to accommodate a NORMAL lifestyle. The problem is that for so many of us, our NORMAL is some kind of sick twisted sugar binge of epic proportions.
NurseGrace

NurseGrace

1
 

Fake Food

I don't believe in "bariatric food"   Power crunch bars, chocolate covered whatever, powdered peanut butter, protein puffs that look like some kind of bad bastardization of cheetos, protein cheerios, the list goes on and on and on and I think that is garbage, and make no mistake about it, it IS garbage, is one of the many reasons why so many bariatric patients never EVER make the leap from the SAD (Standard American Diet) to a reasonably normal lifestyle free from slavery to food and obsession with snacks.   You just don't need it. The egg, for instance, takes about 2 minutes to prepare, refrigerates and reheats well and is the perfect protein. If your really feeling wild throw some cheese in there - still a respectable meal. Unless you are a power lifter and I do know there are a few of you out there - you don't need protein this, protein that. You don't need to be sucking down chocolate protein shakes at 6 months post op, you need to be learning how to eat real food in a manner that doesn't destroy your health, because sooner or later guess what - You are going to get sick of that **** and you are going to have to join the rest of society and if you never did the real work of learning to cook a respectable meal, eat like a person who isn't obsessed you will never reap the full benefit of your surgery.   Now, know this, all of the above are general statements, and I am not perfect. I have Atkins bars sitting on my futon and ready to drink protein in my fridge because like everyone else, I get busy too, but in my opinion these should not be an every day thing after a certain amount of time has passed since surgery. I'm even considering buying a big ass tub of protein powder from costco to make some bars at home, because then at least it's not so processed and I have some control over what goes in it and the size of the thing. We need to see these things for what they are though - once in a while indulgences, not staples in our diets. Staples in your diet should be things like peas, chicken, tofu, salad, fish.... You get the idea.
NurseGrace

NurseGrace

9
 

Almost where I want to be this year

If I can lose 25 more pounds by January 22 2014 I will be EXACTLY where I want to be in terms of pace of weight loss. On that day, this year I had my surgery. I have about 21 weeks (or 145 days) to make this happen. Completely doable but I have to really try, because the days of dropping pounds without effort are behind me.   I never really had what I would call a honeymoon period, I always had to try, but around month 6 or 7 I really noticed a slow down and I really had to increase my efforts to maintain a weight loss of a pound or two per week.   SO, as with anything, a game plan is helpful. Up until this point I have done very little in the way of exercise. Please don't crucify me for that, I just hate getting sweaty, I dunno what to say. HOWEVER, I have set my mind to getting over it and Monday I begin my couch to 5K program. In about an hour my husband and I are going to reactivate our 24hour fitness (supersport, because I'm a spoiled brat) membership.   Couch to 5k is three days a week, and I am still looking for something to do for the other 4 days a week in the gym, because I don't do well if I show up without a plan. I do plan on utilizing the pool, but I'm not a good swimmer and sometimes I feel like I do more fiddling around in there than actually burning calories. Maybe I'll look into classes or something. I'm not very outgoing so sometimes the group type settings make me a touch uncomfortable but I can get over that.   I don't know, I'm open to suggestions.
NurseGrace

NurseGrace

1
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