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The Big decision

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Only 2 weeks left until surgery

So I only have 14 more full days until my surgery (January 30th is my scheduled day). I am getting nervous about my liquid diet which is supposed to start on the 23rd. I have feelings that I might cheat or that I will be a total b***h. The latter I know will be true no matter what. I've decided that I'm going to do no carbs starting tomorrow. I think this will help me be successful on my liquid diet. For some reason my dr. only requires one week pre op liquid diet.   I think I am ready for this major life change. I haven't lost any weight from the time I started this whole process. I think I actually gained 8 pounds. I am not too worried about it because my mental state has had some significant changes. As for my binge eating disorder, I believe it is under control. For me, awareness, was all it took. I wasn't aware I had a problem before I went to the psychologist. After I became aware of the problem, and admitted that I binge I haven't had an episode since. I also practice mindful eating half of the time, which is better than none of the time. I feel more relaxed. I feel less anxious. I think if I continued to go to the psychologist and do slow changes the weight would come off slowly, eventually.   Things that aren't perfect...I definitely eat too much sodium. I eat too much sugar. I need not to eat fast food at all. In comparison to before, I was eating fast food everyday, and sugar all day. It is a vast improvement, but still needs more.   I can't wait for after my sleeve when I don't have those cravings and can actually focus on eating healthy. Even more so, I can't wait until the weight falls off and I can be more active again. I am probably one of the few that love exercise. I love feeling strong. I love feeling like I accomplished something.   I have all these things on my list I want to do and accomplish.   I also don't have the "last supper" syndrome that I used to do every time I started a new diet. My husband, on the other hand, is suffering from this syndrome knowing that his life is about to change too. He has been buying basically everything fried and bad for you...I think he is trying to fatten up before all of this or maybe he is stressed out. I'm not sure, but I'm glad I'm not the one buying all the bad food.
LifetimeLoser

LifetimeLoser

4
 

Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy

Original post date 12/31/2012...transferred from my google blogger site.   My Date for my vsg has been rescheduled for January 30th, 2012 and it can't come any sooner. I am positively overwhelmed with excitement for this huge change in my life. I went through a week of anxiety, but those feelings are gone now and now I am just waiting. I am totally at ease with my decision and can't wait for the weight to fall off and I can get back into hiking, going to the beach, and just being active, but this time I have my daughter to take along for the ride. yipeeeeeee!!!!!   The process to get weight loss surgery can be overwhelming. The first things I did research on were doctors, what my insurance covers, and total out of pocket cost. As far as I have figured, my total out of pocket cost is going to be about 3 grand. My insurance covers 90% of most things. The following is a rough break down at what I have paid/will pay. Of course, there are other costs associated with health issues that you must resolve before going into surgery.   $400-program fee for Castle Medical Center group. This includes support groups, orientation, meeting with a nutritionist, nurse, and exercise specialist   $12-copay for initial meeting with dr. fowler the surgeon   $300-cpap machine to fix my mild sleep apnea   $110-psychologist testing   $40-sleep study   $40-blood tests etc.   $$$$-chest xray (still needs to be done)   $1500-1800 for my 10% of 1 night in the hospital   I still don't know how much the anesthesiologist costs. My insurance covers 90%   Surgeon Costs My insurance also covers 90%   $12-preop appointment with dr. fowler   *I'm sure I missed a couple of things here and there, but very small things. Along with this is the items I have to buy for my liquid diet, but it probably evens out with the food I would normally buy anyway.
LifetimeLoser

LifetimeLoser

4
 

Weighing my options

this is a repost from my other blogger site on google...I decided I want to use this site more. so don't be confused by the dates. original post date...12/19/2012   My dinner is cooking and my two year old is occupied so here I am. I left off making my phone call to a weight loss surgeon named Dr. Fowler. The basic run down for someone considering weight loss surgery is as follows: call doctor, attend basic information seminar, appointment with doctor, pay program fee, see psychologist, see nutritionist, see exercise specialist, get approved by insurance carrier, see nutritionist again, see the surgeon one last time, liquid diet, and then finally...SURGERY!!!   I have done all of this and then some. My appointment date is scheduled for February 01, 2013. According to the surgeon it takes two to three months to be able to schedule a surgery date from the time you see him the first time around. It has taken me a little bit longer because of some "bumps" in the road.   I had to get a sleep study done because I might have sleep apnea. I also was diagnosed with a binge eating disorder and was mandated to get help first from a psychologist. I was extremely frustrated with the bumps in my road. I am not a patient person and when I set my mind to something I basically want it now. I didn't want anything to get in my way, but I am relieved at the way things turned out. I turned out having a mild case of sleep apnea and have to use a cpap machine every night. Like everything in life, this was a change that took getting used to. I have been using it only a couple of weeks now, but can sleep through the night with it on and actually sleep through the night. My psychology appointments have proven an asset rather than a burden.   My regular sessions with my psychologist have helped with my binge eating disorder and other elements of my life. I have known for sometime now that something must be off if I keep gaining weight and fail every time I try to lose any. I tried to think of what it was because I didn't think I was a typical emotional eater. I was forced to examine my eating. What I discovered was I was an emotional eater. I didn't eat when I was sad or mad, but when things seemed out of control in my life and I couldn't do anything to change it. The feeling of helplessness. Since I was little I always believed that if I put my mind to something I could change it if I wanted to. This feeling of helplessness was quite new to me...well new meaning the past 5 years of my life.   As far as my binge eating disorder goes...well according to the book: The Weight Loss Surgery Workbook, most overweight people considering weight loss surgery suffer from binge eating. Great book by the way! I highly recommend buying it. It organizes the wealth of information. It is quite overwhelming coming into this process and receiving so much information. This book definitely helps and puts it in a nice organized pattern.   It took me awhile to accept my diagnosis. I just couldn't see past my frustration of possibly having an obstacle to my goal. After about a week, I looked at it with new eyes. If I had a problem, then I wanted to be aware of it and fix it...long term. What I discovered? I did binge eat. Let me just say that binge eating is relative. I can binge eat, but it is way less food than my husband eats, but way more than I normally eat. The more I was aware of my binge eating, the less frequently I binged. I also discovered new elements of self. I consistently found excuses to eat. Thanksgiving, Christmas, a birthday party. These were all excuses for myself to lose control and eat anything I wanted to. I have lived my whole life controlling what goes in my mouth. I wanted to lose control. I didn't want to have to watch what I ate. I didn't want to read food labels. I don't only control food that goes in my mouth, but I control what goes in my daughter's mouth and my husband's mouth. I control pretty much every aspect of my home life and work life. I am always in charge. I am always the responsible one, and my binge eating was my way of letting go. It was my way of being irresponsible and care free.   I still see the psychologist. She helps me with general things now. Do I have my binge eating disorder under control? I think so. Just like weight loss it is a daily struggle, but self-awareness is a great tool. I love going to the psychologist. She is someone that helps me see things from a different point of view. I used to be a self-aware, carefree, relaxed individual. I somehow got caught up in all the little things and became the person I am today. I know who I am, but I haven't been her for awhile now and hopefully this path I am on will lead me back to her...the better me.
LifetimeLoser

LifetimeLoser

1
 

New Goals

It is time for me to set some new goals. I am half way through the ones I have already set and I am finding the most important aspect of all of this for me is not the scale, but my fitness level. I absolutely love the fact that I can stay on the stair mill longer than the thin people next to me. I love that I am always in the gym with all the regulars. I relish in the the fact that my cardiovascular fitness is soon to pass my husbands....bwuahahahahah (evil laugh).   I was working my biceps the other day and in the mirror I noticed a new definition in my forearm. I have never in my life seen that!   Just to recap: These are the goals I have accomplished 1. Get under 300 pounds 2. Get under 250 pounds 3. Weigh less than when I was preggo (230 lbs) 4. Be able to do a straight hour of moderate/intense cardio sesh 5. engagement ring fits again! (its tight, but it goes on)   Yet to accomplish: 1. Fit wedding ring again 2. Get under 200 pounds 3. run a mile in under 14 minutes 4. reach goal weight 5. Get below 25% body fat percentage   NEW GOALS 1. Sign up for a 5k (I have signed up just not done it yet...its in November) 2. Do a marathon next year (I have a year and a half to get this extra weight off and train for that) 3. Hike the stair master in Hawaii 4. Do a 10 mile hike 5. Go parasailing I have many fitness goals...I think this is what motivates me
LifetimeLoser

LifetimeLoser

0
 

7 month post op update

Well, I am basically 7 months post op. My weight loss has slowed down to about 10 pounds a month. It doesn't bother me as long as I continue to see results.   I haven't been super strict with my diet. I am on the go a lot and started relying on my bars and shakes a little too much I think. I need to start cooking more so I am in control of my food and get that dense protein in my diet. I think that would help me a lot.   Other than that things are well. I have no complications. My surgeon is happy with my progress and thinks that I will be very successful. I don't see him until my 1 yr. post op appointment. My blood pressure and resting heart rate is lower than his!!! I believe it is all the cardio sessions I do.   I continue to work out 5-6 days a week and feel awesome. On the days I feel I need a break I just take a break.   I don't feel the stress like I used to pre-op. The stresses of what I eat, when I eat, how many times I work out etc. I guess I just have faith in myself and this process. It is working, is continuing to work, and I am faithful that if I do the right things it will work in the future.   Thank you body for adjusting to this process and doing what you are supposed to be doing...LOSING WEIGHT!
LifetimeLoser

LifetimeLoser

0
 

Transforming

A little over 6 months post op and I can feel some unusual things happening.   I am starting to think like a thin person. It was a slow, gradual change for me. What I mean when I am starting to think like a thin person is that I no longer dwell on things that I ate that wasn't in my perfect vision of my "diet". Pre-surgery (actually a few months even after surgery), if I ate something that wasn't on my envisioned list of allowed foods, then I would just get all emotional about it. I would dwell on it. I would have it in my head that I messed up and I was a failure. I would allow one "naughty" food to dictate my entire days' worth of eating. It was a form of sabotage, and it would set me into a cycle. I would eat, get depressed, and feel like a failure and then eat again.   Slowly, but surely I began to allow myself to eat things that weren't on my perfect diet list. I found that even on those days when I had something like crackers or something else that I didn't think would help my weight loss I still lost weight. Some times I even found that it helped my weight loss when I was in a stall. Other times it helped my work outs progress.   I guess what I am trying to say is that I ate something naughty and found out that my world didn't end. I didn't gain weight over night, I didn't look in the mirror and see an extra roll of fat, and other people didn't look at me and see that I "cheated".   Slowly over time, my mind started to grasp this concept and started transforming. I feel a lot better about food. I don't rely on it as much. I am not afraid of it as much. All these emotions are not tied up to it as much. If one day I have a craving that I just can't shake, like m&ms...I have a few. The difference is I have a FEW and not the whole bag. I savor the taste and then move on. One little craving doesn't end up costing me days and eventually months of over eating and unhealthy eating. As a fat person, I was so hung up on food. Every thought of my day was tied to food. Am I over eating? Was that too much weight? Is this too much carbs?   As a fat losing person, I eat normally. If I feel I might have eaten a little too much I just try to balance it out by moving more throughout the day.   I think I am finally finding some balance. My anxiety has come down a whole lot now that I am not constantly obsessing over every aspect of food or eating.
LifetimeLoser

LifetimeLoser

0
 

The BIG Decision

After I gave birth in 2010, I attempted to lose weight quite a few times. I reverted back to my old fail safe...the south beach diet. This diet has worked for me numerous times and fairly quickly too. I also got a prescription for phentermine from a local doctor. In Hawaii, only one type of phentermine is prescribed, which is the non time-release pill. I used to get it in New York and have only used the time-release capsule in the past. I'm not sure if it was the pill or if it was me, but it didn't work for me this time around. I was able to eat through the symptoms. It wasn't as long lasting and didn't do much for my night time eating. My husband and I purchased an elliptical, but I rarely used that. I even tried to go walking with my cousins, but it was just different this time.   Everything was different this time. I couldn't find my motivation, and when I didn't succeed my depression would take over. I have always been able to overcome, but not this time. Worst of all, was the pain. With every pound that added to my frame, I found a new nerve, muscle, or tendon that ached. I had pain when I stood too long. I had pain when I sat too long. My feet, heels, back, arms, shoulders, neck, and everything in between were in constant pain. Eventually my workouts subsided, and I entered the cycle of putting on weight and being in pain.   I started to think of other options of losing weight. I saw an old co-worker on my facebook that used to be 400 lbs down to less than 200 lbs. I haven't seen any pictures of her in a long time and was surprised at how much weight she lost. I started searching her facebook page for any clues for her success. Alas, I finally found a discrete post from a year prior about her surgery. That was when I really started to think and wish about having weight loss surgery. I have thought about it when I was lighter, but I have always been what I like to call a "healthy fat person." I don't have diabetes, gout, high blood pressure...nothing. I was now a weight where the doctors would start to take surgery as a valid solution for my problem.   I often wished that I wouldn't have cravings about food that was around me. I often wished I didn't always have this problem and that I could fix it somehow where it didn't dictate my life. So in June of 2013 I made my first move towards getting weight loss surgery. I called Dr. Fowler's office.
LifetimeLoser

LifetimeLoser

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