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The Big decision

Entries in this blog

 

Weighing my options

this is a repost from my other blogger site on google...I decided I want to use this site more. so don't be confused by the dates. original post date...12/19/2012   My dinner is cooking and my two year old is occupied so here I am. I left off making my phone call to a weight loss surgeon named Dr. Fowler. The basic run down for someone considering weight loss surgery is as follows: call doctor, attend basic information seminar, appointment with doctor, pay program fee, see psychologist, see nutritionist, see exercise specialist, get approved by insurance carrier, see nutritionist again, see the surgeon one last time, liquid diet, and then finally...SURGERY!!!   I have done all of this and then some. My appointment date is scheduled for February 01, 2013. According to the surgeon it takes two to three months to be able to schedule a surgery date from the time you see him the first time around. It has taken me a little bit longer because of some "bumps" in the road.   I had to get a sleep study done because I might have sleep apnea. I also was diagnosed with a binge eating disorder and was mandated to get help first from a psychologist. I was extremely frustrated with the bumps in my road. I am not a patient person and when I set my mind to something I basically want it now. I didn't want anything to get in my way, but I am relieved at the way things turned out. I turned out having a mild case of sleep apnea and have to use a cpap machine every night. Like everything in life, this was a change that took getting used to. I have been using it only a couple of weeks now, but can sleep through the night with it on and actually sleep through the night. My psychology appointments have proven an asset rather than a burden.   My regular sessions with my psychologist have helped with my binge eating disorder and other elements of my life. I have known for sometime now that something must be off if I keep gaining weight and fail every time I try to lose any. I tried to think of what it was because I didn't think I was a typical emotional eater. I was forced to examine my eating. What I discovered was I was an emotional eater. I didn't eat when I was sad or mad, but when things seemed out of control in my life and I couldn't do anything to change it. The feeling of helplessness. Since I was little I always believed that if I put my mind to something I could change it if I wanted to. This feeling of helplessness was quite new to me...well new meaning the past 5 years of my life.   As far as my binge eating disorder goes...well according to the book: The Weight Loss Surgery Workbook, most overweight people considering weight loss surgery suffer from binge eating. Great book by the way! I highly recommend buying it. It organizes the wealth of information. It is quite overwhelming coming into this process and receiving so much information. This book definitely helps and puts it in a nice organized pattern.   It took me awhile to accept my diagnosis. I just couldn't see past my frustration of possibly having an obstacle to my goal. After about a week, I looked at it with new eyes. If I had a problem, then I wanted to be aware of it and fix it...long term. What I discovered? I did binge eat. Let me just say that binge eating is relative. I can binge eat, but it is way less food than my husband eats, but way more than I normally eat. The more I was aware of my binge eating, the less frequently I binged. I also discovered new elements of self. I consistently found excuses to eat. Thanksgiving, Christmas, a birthday party. These were all excuses for myself to lose control and eat anything I wanted to. I have lived my whole life controlling what goes in my mouth. I wanted to lose control. I didn't want to have to watch what I ate. I didn't want to read food labels. I don't only control food that goes in my mouth, but I control what goes in my daughter's mouth and my husband's mouth. I control pretty much every aspect of my home life and work life. I am always in charge. I am always the responsible one, and my binge eating was my way of letting go. It was my way of being irresponsible and care free.   I still see the psychologist. She helps me with general things now. Do I have my binge eating disorder under control? I think so. Just like weight loss it is a daily struggle, but self-awareness is a great tool. I love going to the psychologist. She is someone that helps me see things from a different point of view. I used to be a self-aware, carefree, relaxed individual. I somehow got caught up in all the little things and became the person I am today. I know who I am, but I haven't been her for awhile now and hopefully this path I am on will lead me back to her...the better me.
LifetimeLoser

LifetimeLoser

1
 

Water Park Day

I just wanted to post about my experience last week. We decided to take my 2 year old daughter to the water park that is near my house. I have never been there because I have been extremely overweight for the past 4 years of my life. I always worried about climbing and things falling out and just being totally uncomfortable.   Over the past 5 months I have lost 80 pounds and boy has it made a difference. I don't think it is just the weight loss, but my strength training as well. I lift weights 4x a week at a bare minimum and I really think that it has made a world of difference.   I had it planned in my head that I could only make it for 3 hours because I would be tired and I ended up staying there for 6 hours!!! I had no problem with stairs, slides, swimming, climbing, and I even carried this massive tube up the mountain!   All of this really hit me when I went down the lazy river. I hopped up on the tube and laid down in it and put my daughter on my belly. I didn't even give it a second thought...I just did it. As we started flowing down the river, I noticed this very large man behind me trying to climb in the tube like I did. Well, he tried over and over and over again. He didn't make it and eventually tried to stick his body in the donut hole part of the tube, but his body was too large. It made me sad that he was struggling. He eventually gave up and just walked the tube and himself down the river until the end. It was at that point that I realized that would have been me struggling, probably feeling embarrassed. I was very appreciative of my progress.   I am very proud of my 80 pound loss! I even more proud of myself that I go to the gym 6 days a week and can do 90 minutes of straight intense cardio. I used to think to myself, "why is everyone losing faster? Why are those people who don't exercise losing faster than me? or those who are older or weigh less than me losing faster?"   Now, I am truly at peace with my pace of loss. The scale does not reflect the muscle I have built. The scale does not show how much strength I have gained. The scale does not measure my progress.   The scale is an instrument affected by so many factors! It is affected by the slant of the floor, my sodium intake, my time of month, inflammation, water intake, water loss, female hormones. I think it is funny that I depend on an instrument that is so unreliable.
LifetimeLoser

LifetimeLoser

5
 

Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy

Original post date 12/31/2012...transferred from my google blogger site.   My Date for my vsg has been rescheduled for January 30th, 2012 and it can't come any sooner. I am positively overwhelmed with excitement for this huge change in my life. I went through a week of anxiety, but those feelings are gone now and now I am just waiting. I am totally at ease with my decision and can't wait for the weight to fall off and I can get back into hiking, going to the beach, and just being active, but this time I have my daughter to take along for the ride. yipeeeeeee!!!!!   The process to get weight loss surgery can be overwhelming. The first things I did research on were doctors, what my insurance covers, and total out of pocket cost. As far as I have figured, my total out of pocket cost is going to be about 3 grand. My insurance covers 90% of most things. The following is a rough break down at what I have paid/will pay. Of course, there are other costs associated with health issues that you must resolve before going into surgery.   $400-program fee for Castle Medical Center group. This includes support groups, orientation, meeting with a nutritionist, nurse, and exercise specialist   $12-copay for initial meeting with dr. fowler the surgeon   $300-cpap machine to fix my mild sleep apnea   $110-psychologist testing   $40-sleep study   $40-blood tests etc.   $$$$-chest xray (still needs to be done)   $1500-1800 for my 10% of 1 night in the hospital   I still don't know how much the anesthesiologist costs. My insurance covers 90%   Surgeon Costs My insurance also covers 90%   $12-preop appointment with dr. fowler   *I'm sure I missed a couple of things here and there, but very small things. Along with this is the items I have to buy for my liquid diet, but it probably evens out with the food I would normally buy anyway.
LifetimeLoser

LifetimeLoser

4
 

Transforming

A little over 6 months post op and I can feel some unusual things happening.   I am starting to think like a thin person. It was a slow, gradual change for me. What I mean when I am starting to think like a thin person is that I no longer dwell on things that I ate that wasn't in my perfect vision of my "diet". Pre-surgery (actually a few months even after surgery), if I ate something that wasn't on my envisioned list of allowed foods, then I would just get all emotional about it. I would dwell on it. I would have it in my head that I messed up and I was a failure. I would allow one "naughty" food to dictate my entire days' worth of eating. It was a form of sabotage, and it would set me into a cycle. I would eat, get depressed, and feel like a failure and then eat again.   Slowly, but surely I began to allow myself to eat things that weren't on my perfect diet list. I found that even on those days when I had something like crackers or something else that I didn't think would help my weight loss I still lost weight. Some times I even found that it helped my weight loss when I was in a stall. Other times it helped my work outs progress.   I guess what I am trying to say is that I ate something naughty and found out that my world didn't end. I didn't gain weight over night, I didn't look in the mirror and see an extra roll of fat, and other people didn't look at me and see that I "cheated".   Slowly over time, my mind started to grasp this concept and started transforming. I feel a lot better about food. I don't rely on it as much. I am not afraid of it as much. All these emotions are not tied up to it as much. If one day I have a craving that I just can't shake, like m&ms...I have a few. The difference is I have a FEW and not the whole bag. I savor the taste and then move on. One little craving doesn't end up costing me days and eventually months of over eating and unhealthy eating. As a fat person, I was so hung up on food. Every thought of my day was tied to food. Am I over eating? Was that too much weight? Is this too much carbs?   As a fat losing person, I eat normally. If I feel I might have eaten a little too much I just try to balance it out by moving more throughout the day.   I think I am finally finding some balance. My anxiety has come down a whole lot now that I am not constantly obsessing over every aspect of food or eating.
LifetimeLoser

LifetimeLoser

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The BIG Decision

After I gave birth in 2010, I attempted to lose weight quite a few times. I reverted back to my old fail safe...the south beach diet. This diet has worked for me numerous times and fairly quickly too. I also got a prescription for phentermine from a local doctor. In Hawaii, only one type of phentermine is prescribed, which is the non time-release pill. I used to get it in New York and have only used the time-release capsule in the past. I'm not sure if it was the pill or if it was me, but it didn't work for me this time around. I was able to eat through the symptoms. It wasn't as long lasting and didn't do much for my night time eating. My husband and I purchased an elliptical, but I rarely used that. I even tried to go walking with my cousins, but it was just different this time.   Everything was different this time. I couldn't find my motivation, and when I didn't succeed my depression would take over. I have always been able to overcome, but not this time. Worst of all, was the pain. With every pound that added to my frame, I found a new nerve, muscle, or tendon that ached. I had pain when I stood too long. I had pain when I sat too long. My feet, heels, back, arms, shoulders, neck, and everything in between were in constant pain. Eventually my workouts subsided, and I entered the cycle of putting on weight and being in pain.   I started to think of other options of losing weight. I saw an old co-worker on my facebook that used to be 400 lbs down to less than 200 lbs. I haven't seen any pictures of her in a long time and was surprised at how much weight she lost. I started searching her facebook page for any clues for her success. Alas, I finally found a discrete post from a year prior about her surgery. That was when I really started to think and wish about having weight loss surgery. I have thought about it when I was lighter, but I have always been what I like to call a "healthy fat person." I don't have diabetes, gout, high blood pressure...nothing. I was now a weight where the doctors would start to take surgery as a valid solution for my problem.   I often wished that I wouldn't have cravings about food that was around me. I often wished I didn't always have this problem and that I could fix it somehow where it didn't dictate my life. So in June of 2013 I made my first move towards getting weight loss surgery. I called Dr. Fowler's office.
LifetimeLoser

LifetimeLoser

0
 

Strong woman

It's been a while since I have posted.   I frequent the forums, but only read the ones that stand out.   As of today my weight is 239 pounds. That is 72 pounds since I got sleeved. I can definitely feel my strength returning. I can lift, and carry things. I can go up and down the stairs without a problem. I can do an hour of cardio plus weight training and still go on with my daily routine without having to take a nap. I fell great! I think besides the occasional migraine from my neck tension all is well. I think it is time for me to get that much needed massage. I deserve it!   I haven't been as strict with my eating habits as I was in the beginning...I do admit. I definitely still make an effort. Where I lack in effort is preparing my meals and eating every 2-3 hours. I think if I ate every 2-3 hours then my metabolism would speed up. I've upped my carbs to about 100...sometimes 150. It is not necessarily low carb, but I can feel my body needs it when I work out. My workouts are way more productive and I don't feel light headed when I get my calories, protein, and carbs in. I don't really eat bread. I tried it a few times, but I just didn't like how it made me feel and pretty much avoid it now. I love quinoa! It tastes great with some chicken.   As far as my hair loss goes...I chopped my hair off. It was annoying me and now it is much less noticeable. It is still falling out, but not so aggressively as it was before. I am not too attached to my hair so it was no big deal to chop it all off. And it is summer so it is much cooler.   Some nsv's   I don't need a daily nap My feet shrank I can do lots of cardio I don't avoid stairs     Last month I only lost 10 pounds...I went on vacation for 2 weeks and didn't work out or eat right. Hopefully I can lose 15 pounds this month
LifetimeLoser

LifetimeLoser

1
 

slimy piece of #$@%

I had my first experience with getting the slimes a few days ago. I had eaten a little too much in hopes of trying to get a little more calories and protein in for the day. I wasn't all that hungry. In fact, I'm never really all that hungry. I find I am less hungry at 4 weeks post op than I was at 2. It is probably because I am eating denser food which takes time to digest, but it is a weird feeling. I go basicaly the whole day without really feeling hungry. Yesterday, it took me 5 hours to nurse down my protein shake! Some days are better than others. Most mornings I can just drink the whole thing down in like half an hour.   Well, I vowed that I would never eat too much again because the slimes is not an experience I wanted to have again. Fast forward a few days AND I GOT THEM AGAIN!!!   This time it was because I think I ate too fast. I was eating some slivers of pecorino romano. Everything felt fine. I didn't feel anything stuck in my throat, my belly didn't feel full at all. I thought it was the easiest thing do go down I've tried so far. Maybe that was the problem...it was too easy going down. Sure enough, maybe 20 minutes later my mouth started salivating and I started "dry heaving" so I ran to the bathroom. I stayed there for awhile while I "almost" puked. Just to put it in perspective, I've always had a problem with puking...meaning my body doesn't like to give it up. Even in my college days, when I used to party all the time I could never puke. I would get sick and dry heave, but never puke! I want to puke because I know it will feel better after I do, but it just never works out that way. So I always get the dry heaves without the vomit...and it is extremely annoying. I think I've puked twice in the past 20 years. One of those times was when I had extreme food poisoning. After about 20 minutes of being in the bathroom, I felt a little better. I went back to my room and sat on the bed. And then burp! And after that burp I felt sooo much better.   I vowed I would never slime again, but I realized I don't have this all figured out yet. I've been eating healthy, getting my protein and water in etc. The cheese I ate was pretty healthy, but maybe it was too dense for this belly. I haven't had any problems with any of the food that I have eaten thus far. My taste buds haven't changed. The same food that I ate before still looks delicious to me. I think the difference is I don't have that hunger to push me over the edge where I reach for it and put it in my mouth. I kind of just walk past it and say, "that looks yummy." I'm struggling to get in 600 calories a day and 80 grams of protein so I am not at all tempted to eat something that isn't going to fuel my weight loss.   So what I've learned? 1. Even if a food goes down easily I should still eat slooooowwwwwwwww. 2. I don't have everything figured out yet. I'm probably going to make a few more mistakes 3. Don't force myself to eat more if I'm not hungry...even if my calories have to suffer for a day (I'd rather listen to my body) 4. I haven't tried every food yet...there might be something my tummy doesn't like despite the good luck I've had thus far 5. I HATE SLIMING. IT'S NASTY! 6. I have to find my own way. I can always seek advice and see other people's stats and what worked for them, but each person is different and I have to find what works for me.     “No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man.” ― Heraclitus   “Not I, nor anyone else can travel that road for you. You must travel it by yourself. It is not far. It is within reach. Perhaps you have been on it since you were born, and did not know. Perhaps it is everywhere - on water and land.” ― Walt Whitman
LifetimeLoser

LifetimeLoser

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Realizations

Well, I have come to a new realization recently. What is it? I used to love to cook, but now I don't even care for it. I haven't cooked in about 3 weeks! What have I been eating? Well, yogurt, protein shakes, protein bars, protein pudding, healthwise hot chocolate, and things I buy from the market or restaurants. Pretty much anything ready to go! It does provide me the nutrition I need, but I am pretty sure I can't get all the nutrition my body needs from such things.   I have a disinterest in food. It has been this way for awhile now. I didn't realize that it was affecting other aspects of my life. I still get hungry. I still want to eat. My interest in eating something specific or when I think of something I want to eat...I just can't. I used to be able to pin point exactly what I was in the mood for before surgery. Now, I try to think about what I have a hankering for and NOTHING! I suppose this is a good thing.   I have been eating out a lot for the last few months. I couldn't really understand why I was doing this because I didn't crave this food. I just drummed it up to being super busy and never being home to cook meals. I am always on the go and never home so it just made sense to me. It finally dawned on me that even when I am home I don't want to cook. I just needed a little down time to actually think about such things.   I don't eat horrible. I get my protein, water, and calories in. I don't really eat any vegetables. Even when I do go out, I stay away from breads, pastas, etc and get something more protein based. I think I can do better though. That is my new goal to do better with this. I think I will drop faster if I eat more real food instead of the shakes, bars, and puddings. We shall see as I will be putting more effort into cooking actual food.
LifetimeLoser

LifetimeLoser

2
 

Progress so far

I haven't been on here in awhile. I don't really like the new site, but I wanted to update my progress for my friends.   Currently I weigh 171 pounds. That is a 140 pound loss so far. My goal is to be around 135 pounds. I am definitely fit and active. I want to be more fit and more active. I have new found muscle on my body. I do have a lot of extra skin. The smaller I get, the more noticeable it is. I will definitely have to have something done. The main thing that bothers me is my arm skin. At least my stomach I can hide it, but the arms it is like I can't hide it. I can't wear short sleeves and even if I wear long sleeves you can still see it.   I'm not complaining...yet. I am ecstatic about my progress and how my body has changed. I recently went on a cleanse to get things moving again. Although I have lost inches, the scale has been at the same number for 3 months now. I gave in to all the hype and did this ever so popular 10 day cleanse and it broke my stall! I lost 12 pounds which feels AMAZING. I am going to do it again in a couple of weeks and see how much more I can lose.   Good luck to everyone on your journey. Cheering you on.
LifetimeLoser

LifetimeLoser

4
 

Pre-op liquid diet

I have one and a half days until I start my liquid diet. My surgeon only requires it for one week...Thank buddha or some other deity type that could be thanked. This is my 6th day no carbs and I'm feeling good. I did this to myself. I was afraid I would get migraines when I started my liquid diet so I put myself on a week of no carbs so at least I could take my medication if I needed to. This way when I hit the liquid diet phase I won't be absolutely miserable because i won't have those migraines that set in about three days into a low carb diet.   I've lost 5 pounds on the low carb phase. I know it is water weight, but still weight. I'm curious to see what one week of liquids only will do to me. Time is going really slowwwwwwww now that I am so close to my surgery date. I want it done already. It is just like the last few months of being pregnant when you are just so sick of being pregnant. Same deal!   Well, I'm hanging in there and that is all I can do.
LifetimeLoser

LifetimeLoser

4
 

Pre op weight loss

So I am on the 6th day of my 7 day pre-op liquid diet. I did one week of no carbs (basically the induction phase of the south beach diet) before I started this liquid diet to ease myself into things. I lost 5 lbs on the week of no carbs and so far 7 lbs on this liquid diet. I started at 311 and I wanted to be under 300lbs by the time I went in for surgery! My first goal achieved!!!   The liquid diet isn't so bad. I mean besides having dreams of forgetting I'm on a liquid diet and stuffing my face. One night I even had a dream that I smoked some weed and just started binge eating. Thank goodness these things were only in a dream. I haven't cheated once and am almost done. I just kept thinking, "If I can't do this for a week, then how do I expect to do this for the rest of my life." Somehow I found enough motivation to stick with it.   Now, I'm just swimming along. "Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming." And soon it will be my time to take the fall...Wednesday October 30th, 2013 is the day my life will change forever.
LifetimeLoser

LifetimeLoser

4
 

Only 2 weeks left until surgery

So I only have 14 more full days until my surgery (January 30th is my scheduled day). I am getting nervous about my liquid diet which is supposed to start on the 23rd. I have feelings that I might cheat or that I will be a total b***h. The latter I know will be true no matter what. I've decided that I'm going to do no carbs starting tomorrow. I think this will help me be successful on my liquid diet. For some reason my dr. only requires one week pre op liquid diet.   I think I am ready for this major life change. I haven't lost any weight from the time I started this whole process. I think I actually gained 8 pounds. I am not too worried about it because my mental state has had some significant changes. As for my binge eating disorder, I believe it is under control. For me, awareness, was all it took. I wasn't aware I had a problem before I went to the psychologist. After I became aware of the problem, and admitted that I binge I haven't had an episode since. I also practice mindful eating half of the time, which is better than none of the time. I feel more relaxed. I feel less anxious. I think if I continued to go to the psychologist and do slow changes the weight would come off slowly, eventually.   Things that aren't perfect...I definitely eat too much sodium. I eat too much sugar. I need not to eat fast food at all. In comparison to before, I was eating fast food everyday, and sugar all day. It is a vast improvement, but still needs more.   I can't wait for after my sleeve when I don't have those cravings and can actually focus on eating healthy. Even more so, I can't wait until the weight falls off and I can be more active again. I am probably one of the few that love exercise. I love feeling strong. I love feeling like I accomplished something.   I have all these things on my list I want to do and accomplish.   I also don't have the "last supper" syndrome that I used to do every time I started a new diet. My husband, on the other hand, is suffering from this syndrome knowing that his life is about to change too. He has been buying basically everything fried and bad for you...I think he is trying to fatten up before all of this or maybe he is stressed out. I'm not sure, but I'm glad I'm not the one buying all the bad food.
LifetimeLoser

LifetimeLoser

4
 

Nsv's, progress, stalls, and awareness

I haven't blogged for awhile because well...I've been more active and living my life more than I have in the past couple of years.   First off I will start with my nsv's. My clothes are way too big now. I had to buy some newer clothes because they were starting to fall off. I also haven't taken a nap in the middle of the day for weeks now. I used to take a nap daily because I was so tired and worn out from just daily life. My weight loss has given me more energy where I can actually make it the full day without taking a nap. I went to the zoo today with my daughter and hubby and I made it around the entire zoo without having to sit down or leave. Before I had surgery, I would make it most of the way through the zoo, but I would be dead tired and my feet would be aching and I would literally have to lie down and take a nap.   I have some personal triumphs to share. I have finally succeeded in mastering the no drinking/eating rule half hour before and after. I started setting a timer after my last bite. Only when the timer goes off do I start to drink again. This is huge for me because I was struggling. I also noticed (I've mentioned this before) that I eat less when I am not eating and drinking together.   For some reason, the past week I have been even less hungry than I ever was. To give you a rundown, I started eating around 300 calories a day and then when I started exercising it jumped to 800-1000 calories a day. I was more hungry and eating more during this time. Lately, I can barely finish my protein shakes in the morning and I don't feel my hunger at all. My calories have dropped back down to about 500 calories. Does anyone have any ideas about why this is happening? My portions have been unusually small lately, and the only reason my calories have jumped is because I had a few "naughty" things in the past couple of days.     I am almost 8 weeks post op...this coming wednesday I will be 8 weeks post op. I have hit quite a few stalls as some will call it...well on the scale anyways. I have taken measurements and I have lost inches. I have also went from a size 28 to 24w. I started at 298 (day of surgery) and today I am 270lbs. I have been working out at least 4 days a week, getting my water, and protein in. I have only had things I'm not supposed to twice since surgery. I am hoping that I actually gained muscle during my workouts because I have been lifting a lot. So I am not complaining just yet...I will wait until I see my fitness trainer and get my fat % measured.   On another note...about the naughty foods I had. I had maybe about a tablespoon of frosting off of my daughter's frosting today (I feel really gross and wish I didn't eat it...actually regretting it now and I had some a few weeks back and said I would never eat it again...I thought it would be okay because everything else I eat doesn't make me feel yucky) and I immediately felt sick. I had homemade frosting about 4 weeks ago and I also felt really yucky afterwards. Do you think it is the high sugar or high fat that is making me feel crappy afterwards??? I don't eat naughty things often. I think I have had sugar 3 times since surgery. When I say 3 times...it was literally a spoonful of something sweet. Besides those three days my carbs are usually below 50grams. I like them lower, but my NUT does not agree and wants me to get less than 100g a day and wants me to add more fiber etc. I haven't had any fried food yet. Does anyone have recommendations for recipes if I do get a sweet tooth? I get them every so often and usually have the motivation to stay away. I am literally surrounded by it because I have to take care of my 3 year old. Any suggestions would be great!
LifetimeLoser

LifetimeLoser

4
 

NSV'S

So my pound loss hasn't been that speedy as I've mentioned in my other posts, but I still have much to be grateful for. My pants are much looser...which feels good. I have more energy, and I am able to do more cardio in a day. I've also noticed that my belly is finally smaller than my boobs!!! I haven't seen this happen in almost 3 years!   Today I took my measurements in hopes of having a comparison for the future during my weight loss stalls.   I am still excited about my new journey and I am still happy about my decision.
LifetimeLoser

LifetimeLoser

4
 

New Goals

It is time for me to set some new goals. I am half way through the ones I have already set and I am finding the most important aspect of all of this for me is not the scale, but my fitness level. I absolutely love the fact that I can stay on the stair mill longer than the thin people next to me. I love that I am always in the gym with all the regulars. I relish in the the fact that my cardiovascular fitness is soon to pass my husbands....bwuahahahahah (evil laugh).   I was working my biceps the other day and in the mirror I noticed a new definition in my forearm. I have never in my life seen that!   Just to recap: These are the goals I have accomplished 1. Get under 300 pounds 2. Get under 250 pounds 3. Weigh less than when I was preggo (230 lbs) 4. Be able to do a straight hour of moderate/intense cardio sesh 5. engagement ring fits again! (its tight, but it goes on)   Yet to accomplish: 1. Fit wedding ring again 2. Get under 200 pounds 3. run a mile in under 14 minutes 4. reach goal weight 5. Get below 25% body fat percentage   NEW GOALS 1. Sign up for a 5k (I have signed up just not done it yet...its in November) 2. Do a marathon next year (I have a year and a half to get this extra weight off and train for that) 3. Hike the stair master in Hawaii 4. Do a 10 mile hike 5. Go parasailing I have many fitness goals...I think this is what motivates me
LifetimeLoser

LifetimeLoser

0
 

New exercise regime is making me HUNGRY!

I joined the gym on monday and have been going consistently since then. It has made me extremely tired and I have finally felt my hunger again. It has definitely been a difficult past few days. I'm tired, hungry, and I think I am dehydrated.   I still have some things to work on as far as eating goes. I go too long without eating and let myself get famished. By the time I eat, I am so hungry that I kind of want to just stuff my face. Of course I can't, so what I end up doing is taking a huge bite (and then I remember and get afraid) and slowly chew and every once in awhile I will swallow. I have to work on eating every 2-3 hours. I know it isn't an excuse, but sometimes I get so busy that I don't get a chance to.   The other thing I am failing on is giving my body enough water. I get my recommended dose, but I don't think it is enough. I still feel thirsty. I haven't really been carrying around a water bottle all day which is what I think I need to do.   Oh and I definitely still need to work on my half hour before and after no drinking rule. I am getting better, but it is sooooo hard.   Well, back to the hunger. I keep feeling hungry and not quite satisfied. Except today (because I ate some chicken at chili's) I have been averaging about 600 calories...so I haven't necessarily been eating more food. I really think it is the cardio and weight lifting that is making me feel like I need more food because my belly feels full, but just doesn't feel like it is enough.   I am going to put more effort into drinking water ALL day long instead of what is convenient. I am hoping this puts a dent in things.
LifetimeLoser

LifetimeLoser

2
 

Mishaps in the past 6 months

In 3 days I will reach my 6 month post op...well...24 weeks post op depending on how you calculate post op weeks...technically I guess my 6 month post op would be on July 30th. Well, you get the idea. I calculate by weeks and not actual months.It   I wanted to take the time to talk about the "complications" I have had. These were my personal struggles. These issues were not serious, but I never talked about them and I figure it might help someone out there going through the same thing.   My first issue was I had difficulty reaching above 600 calories in the first couple of months which slowed down my weight loss. I was never hungry and attribute a lot of that to the fact that I was barely getting any carbs. A high protein/low carb diet creates feelings of fullness because of ketosis. I eventually upped my calories by adding in a little bit more carbs and higher fat food like avocados.   My second issue developed when I went on vacation a few months ago. So I guess I was about 4 months post op. I started to have this tightness in my chest everytime I ate something. It started as only a little pain with very dense foods. Over the course of a week it became worse. Anything I drank or ate caused a sharp pain in my chest and esophagus area. It felt as if something was getting stuck there. It was very painful. Even liquids started to hurt. This pain slowly over the course of the week moved from my chest area down to my intestinal area. I was away from home at the time and had a check in appointment with my surgeon the day I got back from my vacation so I didn't go to the er or urgent care...although the pain was bad enough where I thought about it. When I got home, the surgeon found absolutely nothing wrong with me. I would say it took about 2 weeks, but the pain did eventually go away. What I concluded by looking on the internet and what I was feeling was that I possibly had a twisted intestine. That is what it felt like to me...like it started off with maybe a dense food being stuck in my esophagus area which caused me to eat barely anything. Maybe because my intestine was so empty...it was easier to twist...It literally felt like there was a kink down there and when the food would try to pass it was painful...I could feel the exact moment it was moving through that painful area. I guess it does happen and it just has to work itself out. I don't know what caused it, but I do know that it did pass.   My 3rd issue is diarrhea. It has only happened a couple of times so it took me awhile to realize what was causing it. It seems every time I eat/drink something easily digestable with a high sugar content such as a milk shake...it causes cramps, a general feeling of sickness, and almost immediate diarrhea. My conclusion is I think my digestion is working over time??? I have read some posts about other people going through the same thing. Some have had to have his or her gall bladder removed. I just think I will stay away from things such as milk shakes.   I hope this helps someone out there. All in all, I have had a few things that weren't perfect, but nothing serious. It all worked itself out eventually.
LifetimeLoser

LifetimeLoser

6
 

Liquid Diet

Liquid Diet starts today!!! Totally Nervous. I'm just happy that I do really love the premier protein shakes. I'm going to have to keep myself busy. That is all. I just needed to vent.
LifetimeLoser

LifetimeLoser

2
 

just a rant about the forums

First off, I don't believe in being coddled. I understand people post on forums because they are looking for moral support or advice, but sometimes they expect too much. What I mean to say is if someone posts on a forum, then they need to expect to be supported even if it means being challenged! I can understand if the person posting is doing everything right to a tee and still not losing weight or hitting stalls, then yes they do need complete moral support because they are not in control. It might be metabolic, hormonal, genetic etc. The people I am talking about are those that don't get enough protein in, eat too many carbs, don't exercise enough and then complain on the forums. I see it quite a bit actually and usually just refrain from answering. In general, the same people posting and whining, are the same ones that get offended when others offer constructive criticism on why his or her weight loss has stalled or is slow. Being coddled will get you know where. If you really are in this to lose weight, then you should be willing to listen to the things you "might" not be doing right. We all know everyone is different, but when it comes to weight loss there is a general trend that works BETTER than other ways. Of course, there is a respectful way of disagreeing. I don't agree with the name calling, or yelling, or the "i did it this way and I lost this much weight". In a recent forum, I witnessed someone trying to tell the original poster that they didn't think what they were doing was working for them and offered advice. He wasn't disrespectful in any way. It just sounded like he disagreed. Well, the original poster got upset and then it all went downhill. It kind of got out of hand and everyone started chiming in. It was like the original poster just wanted to hear things that supported her, and nothing else.   I think people just need to understand that sometimes being challenged and having someone disagree with you is in support. Would you want to go to the doctor and have them tell you there is nothing wrong with you just to make you feel better? Wouldn't you want the doctor to help figure out what is wrong with you and what you can do to get better? Granted, most of us are not doctors, but you get what I am saying?   Having a vertical sleeve is a very personal experience. Some people get it and lose weight effortlessly. Others have to work harder and try everything possible to lose weight at a faster rate. If you have a question or a concern and post it on a forum, then you must be willing to get responses both agreeing and disagreeing, but all supportive. If you are looking for people who will simply shake his or her head "yes" to everything you say, then make a friend and send private messages. You can live happily in your bubble of only hearing what you want.     *Note: I am not a "yes" woman. I am going to tell you what I did and what I helped and give you suggestions in a nice way. If I think you are doing something that isn't healthy or could stall your weight loss, then I am going to let you know because I would rather truly help you than watch you struggle and whine and complain. This is the type of friend I am and those are the type of friends I want.
LifetimeLoser

LifetimeLoser

5
 

I haven't seen these numbers in a year!

So I am down to 289 lbs!!! I haven't been this weight since a year ago! I can't believe in the past 3 weeks I went from 311 to 289! That is crazy! I am very happy already that I have gone through with this. I have my one week appointment tomorrow and shall see what the doctor says!   I haven't even really been exercising. I have been going walking once a day, but that is more for the gas pains. I still get very exhausted doing things even just my household chores. All in all, I am very happy with my progress. Those thoughts of "what the hell did I do to myself" the first days of surgery are loooooonnngg gone.
LifetimeLoser

LifetimeLoser

4
 

How I get in my gym time

It seems there is always an excuse not to go to the gym. I'm tired, I don't have clothes, I forgot my shoes, I have to cook dinner, I have to go to the store etc.   I have been fairly successful at being consistent with my gym goings. I didn't plan all the things I do...I sort of just fell into it, but these are my tips for making sure the gym (exercise) is part of my day.   1. I practically live in gym clothes. I know it isn't feasible for everyone, but I can wear it to work. The gym I go to is across of my job. I live about a 20 minute drive from my job and gym. Every morning I wake up I put on my gym clothes that way I am ready! I sometimes go before work and sometimes after.   2. I plan my exercises for the morning time before I have anything going on. It leaves less excuses if I can do it and get it out of the way. I still have the "I'm tired" excuse, but I push through it.   3. My car is like a tank. I could survive in there! I have my workout shoes, extra pairs of socks, bottles of water, vitamins, protein bars, workout towels. I never "forget" anything because it is already stock piled in my car.   4. Goals! I am a very goal oriented individual. Each day I am at the gym I envision myself doing something faster, better, longer the next time I hit that machine.
LifetimeLoser

LifetimeLoser

1
 

Freaking Frustrated

So, as the title suggests, I am totally freaking frustrated!!! I am almost 3 weeks post op. The first week went well...I lost 10 pounds. Then I hit a stall for about a week and then a couple of days ago the scale started moving down again. I was feeling happy that I had ended my first stall and then bam I gained 2 pounds! I mean I am doing everything that I am supposed to. I use myfitnesspal religiously. I use my fit bit. I have been exercising more now than in the past year. I eat right and drink right. Intellectually, I understand what happens when we stall or gain weight for that matter when our bodies are in the process of losing weight. I've read many articles about converting glycogen, how I might be losing size and not weight, how getting smaller doesn't translate into the scale moving downward. Intellectually and logically I understand and I get it, but emotionally it is too much.   So since my life is about moderation and restriction now...I've decided to put the scale away and only weight once a week on Thursday mornings. I found an old tape measure and will also begin taking my measurements. Oh how I wish I took my measurements before hand...it might have saved me some heart ache.   Well that was in the past and now....MOVING ON. I am still on my pureed stage which is going perfectly well. Yesterday was a good day. I actually got 600 calories in, which is amazing for me! I do think I need to get more calories and carbs in everyday. It seems kind of low.   ON A SPECIAL NOTE. I URGE ANYONE THAT IS PRE-OP OR JUST BEGINNING TO TAKE BEFORE PICTURES. I KNOW IT IS DIFFICULT TO SEE YOURSELF ON A PHOTO, BUT DO IT!!! ALSO, TAKE YOUR MEASUREMENTS SO WHEN YOU HIT THOSE STALLS YOU CAN AT LEAST GET SOME PEACE OF MIND BY MEASURING YOURSELF.   I TOOK BEFORE PHOTOS (WHICH I HAVEN'T POSTED YET BECAUSE I WANT A COMPARISON PHOTO), BUT I SOOOOOO WISH I HAD TAKEN MY MEASUREMENTS.   IT WILL BE HARD TO FACE THOSE NUMBERS, BUT WHEN YOU ARE LOSING YOU WILL BE SOOOOO HAPPY YOU DID.
LifetimeLoser

LifetimeLoser

9
 

First stall and purees

Well, I have hit my first "stall". It has been approximately 5 days since the scale has budged. Yes, yes, I know...don't look at the scale. I keep trying to remember that stalls happen and that I'm probably still losing in size, but it is still depressing to see the same number on the scale every day. I try to logic it out in my head. Like...I'm only eating less than 400 calories a day...there is NO WAY that I can't be getting smaller. I've also read a few good threads on here about what happens physically in your body when you are losing weight. So I understand that I'm probably still losing inches, but I want to see the numbers! I wish I would have taken my measurements prior to surgery. I guess never too late to start.   Today was my first day with pureed food! I have been looking forward to this for about a week now. Liquid diets make you soooo sick of liquid diets. I pureed some beef stew with some greek yogurt and that was pretty tasty. I also pureed some chicken in the can with some greek yogurt and some fresh cracked pepper. It looked absolutely disgusting, but tasted yummy. So I am excited about this new stage of food because it actually tastes like food. I was getting pretty sick of all the sweet tasting liquids that I was required to drink. I just keep trying to remind myself that pureed food is the same as eating regular food except my body doesn't have to work as hard. Thinking this way helps me get down the gross looking "meals".   I'm still not totally pain free. I still have some pain on the left side of my abdomen. I did call the nurse today just to make sure because everyone else seems to be pain free at this stage. I am confident nothing is wrong. I think it has to do with how many incisions I had and maybe the layers he went through. I really wish it would go away though because I want to up my exercise routine. I am kind of sick of just walking.
LifetimeLoser

LifetimeLoser

3
 

First restaurant experience

So I decided today that I would give in to my hubby's complaining. We went to Ihop for breakfast with my 2 year old daughter. I knew how much I could eat so I was trying real hard to think of a way of ordering that would save us money and not waste a lot of food. I am 3.5 weeks post op and on soft foods. I knew I wanted an omelette, but the price was $15.99 for an omelet AND it came with all this other stuff like pancakes and hash browns. So I asked the waitress if I could get it without all that stuff (meaning...like as a side order) and she said yes.   Well...fast forward 30 minutes and the bill comes and I still was charged the $15.99!!! She said there was no other way to ring it up. Ugh...that was sort of what I was asking! I know I wasn't very clear on that, but I figured it was common sense that of course I could order something and tell them to hold them, but pay the same price.   Anyways, lesson learned. I ate about an eighth of my omelet (which was yummy) and told the waitress (at the end of my meal) that since I had to pay for it, then I would just take it to go. I took them to my mom so she could enjoy the pancakes. So I don't really know if I will be eating out again anytime soon. It was a huge waste of money and food. I will be eating that omelet for the next few days. On a happier note, my daughter was ecstatic about her pancakes and her sausage which made this mama happy.
LifetimeLoser

LifetimeLoser

12
 

Exactly 4 weeks post op today (tonight)

So today is my exact 4 week post op sleeve day! After losing weight and then hitting an almost two week stall...I have lost 19 pounds total during these 4 weeks. I'm pretty happy about that! It took me awhile to figure some things out, but I did and I think I know what to do now and how to break those stalls.   What works for me? 1. Getting at least 60grams of protein a day 2. 500-700 calories/day on average...I don't worry if one day is lower and the next day is higher 3. Staying away from pureed/soups etc. I can eat more of those kinds of things without feeling full...which equals more calories etc. 4. First meal of the day??? A premier protein shake WITH a scoop of nectar in there. I want to get my protein up...right when I get up so it is less for me to worry about. It also fills me up. By the end of the day I am usually too tired to eat...and I also don't want to eat right before bed because of reflux 5. Working out 4 days a week for about an hour (cardio). This has been dropping my weight just fine. I will eventually join a gym and start weight training. 6. Using my fitbit to track steps.   What I still need to work on? 1. Some days I eat too much sodium...usually when I'm tired and don't want to cook anything. 2. Sometimes I wait to long between meals and I get sooo hungry that I put too big a spoonful in my mouth...now granted I don't swallow because I'm afraid of that tight feeling in my chest...I just kind of catch myself...and say...stop...and I chew it and slowly swallow. I need to stop doing that! 3. I've been getting really tired which I hear is normal, but I do want to up my cardio and start weight training 4. Adding more variety to my diet
LifetimeLoser

LifetimeLoser

1
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